missing my LDR bf more & more day by day

[hisprincess4eva]

Hi everyone...

My bf and i have been together for 2 yrs and we have been in a LDR for one year. Recently 4 days ago he went NY for his last sem in 2yr in med school for clinicals. Ever since he has been gone i've been missing him more and more. As the day passes and when i do not hear from him i tend to miss him more. Every time he comes back home for a visit, its so hard for me to get back in being long distance again =(. Last sem when he was on the island for his 4th sem, he couldn't stay in touch with me as often as he wanted because he had back to back exams every other day. But he still managed to txt or IM me in between whenever he got a chance. I didn't want this upcoming sem to be like last sem, so i emailed him in the morning telling him how he shud txt, call or email me whenever he gets a chance. I know how hard med school is, it gets intense and difficult day by day. I know he is busy right now studying for his Step 1 exams. but i miss him so much, and i do not know what to do. I keep crying because i miss him so much. What are things i can do to make myself feel better? it gets harder and harder as he getting closer and closer to becoming an official doctor. I am not going to give up, because that is not what we both wanted. We plan a future and we are going to make it happen. I need some advice or suggestions that you guys have. what can i do so that i stop getting so worried about him? what can i do so i can stop missing him so much that i cry?

[Rollercoasterr]

I know how you feel, hon. While my relationship has always been LDR, and we knew how hard it was going to be, we didn't know it'd be quite this hard to be without each other. He's like the air I breathe, and I'm missing him more and more everyday. I've found that when I start to get really upset about him being gone, that if I pick up new hobbies, it helps. My fiance and I are so mushy about each other it'd probably make everyone sick if I went into detail, haha.

 

Things I do:

 

*I make countdowns to the time when we'll be together. I look forward to each day when I can pull another one off of my post-it note thingy.

 

*I write him emails, and he loves them. I plan our wedding out in detail(don't know if that'd work for you, lol ).

 

*I work on little projects that will keep me as busy as possible.

 

*I've recently started making themes for my blackberry and those are time consuming. Hours seem like seconds when I'm doing that, so it helps a lot.

 

*He and I keep in contact pretty much constantly but sometimes that makes it worse, sometimes better. He says all kinds of cute things that make me feel better, but there are the times when it makes me want to cry.

 

*I plan cute things for us to do when we do see each other. I plan out dinners, find new recipes, and I like to make him homemade gifts. For valentines day I made him this little box and filled it with tiny peices of paper(handwritten, of course) that said all the little things I love about him and how he makes me feel. That alone took 3 weeks.

 

It doesn't seem like a very big list, but it works out well for me. Just keep busy and remember to let him know how much you love him. He'll appreciate it, and in return let you know as well.

 

Good luck and welcome to our family.

[Island Girl]

Rollercoasterr has some great suggestions above.

 

In my case I don't know how to stop missing him that much.

 

I actually have passed that point now. And I think I have hit capacity. There can be no more tears unless I am digging deep and talking about it. Then they come like a flood and they don't stop. It is uncontrollable.

Sometimes it happens when I am talking to him and it just suddenly comes. Flood gates open.

 

The only thing I can do is just go on moment by moment and day by day.

[hisprincess4eva]

Thank you islandgirl & rollercoasterr for ur reply!

 

Its hard.. but at the same time i know its worth it its worth every single tear i cry, and every single day i spend without my baby here. Because i know at the end we will be together and our dream will come true of getting married. Sometimes i would make myself understand how i am suppose to be his strength and not his weakness, and then out of nowhere i would get weak again. ur right islandgirl..its uncontrollable. it comes out naturally thats why! I am jus glad that i have an bf that cares and loves me so much. and all he wants in return is to be by his side at his tough time through med school. Its tough when i do not hear from him, because he does not have any friends there that he can share his problems with and he barely calls him mom. He calls me more than he calls his mom. but at the end of the day i know he loves me, and that is what matters the most. lol rollercoasterr i love your ideas. i have 3 countdowns on my comp rt now. I am going to go visit him once a month until he comes back!! I shud try learning how to cook some of his fav meals for him, so that way when i go visit him i can surprise him by making his favorite meals =) its tough...its hard..and its okay! because no one said it would be easy.. all i know is that he is worth it and i am going keep on fighting =) thank you so much for ur advices..they really cheered me up.

[Bearandsue]

I don't think I ever stop missing him. Sometimes I cry when I am laying in bed all alone. Its hard being so far apart. But I love him so it is all worth it.

 

I try to stay as busy as I can. I do not have a lot of friends so I don't go out much. He is leaving tomorrow for a four day fishing/camping trip with his family so a I am going to the Library and getting the biggest, sappiest romance, thriller or mystery novels I can find. I am getting movies to watch and I am planning stuff for the wedding. Just stay as busy as you can and look forward to the times you spend talking on the phone or when you will see each other.

 

Venting here helps a lot too. Or just asking questions or read about other people who are in the same situation like you are. These LDR loveshackers are awesome.

[hoping2heal]

I don't think I ever stop missing him. Sometimes I cry when I am laying in bed all alone. Its hard being so far apart. But I love him so it is all worth it.

 

I try to stay as busy as I can. I do not have a lot of friends so I don't go out much. He is leaving tomorrow for a four day fishing/camping trip with his family so a I am going to the Library and getting the biggest, sappiest romance, thriller or mystery novels I can find. I am getting movies to watch and I am planning stuff for the wedding. Just stay as busy as you can and look forward to the times you spend talking on the phone or when you will see each other.

 

Venting here helps a lot too. Or just asking questions or read about other people who are in the same situation like you are. These LDR loveshackers are awesome.

 

 

Yeah I used to cry myself to sleep a lot, but then I realised it was because I was sad about the distance between us emotionally, not the miles. It's one thing to be seperated by distance physically, but when you can feel an emotional distance it's devestating. That said, I'm also the reason we had an emotional distance growing between us to begin with. Not because I didn't love him or wasn't around but because I lied a lot at the begining of things. It's just how I am with everyone but I'm turning that around now and well we're starting to get close again and it's brought me a lot of happiness.

[LonelyTiger]

Hi hisprincess4eva, welcome to LS.

 

Tough question you're asking here.

 

Personally I find this LDR thing a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I think I'm coping fine and the next I'm a sobbing wreck.

 

I find it hardest when we've spent time together and he has to go back overseas. The first week or so after he's gone I cry a lot and then, strangely, a few days before he comes home I get tearful and 'over emotional' again. Then there are the hormonal days in between.......etc, etc....

 

I haven't actually found a way to stop missing him. I keep as busy as I can, work out a lot, and spend all day, every day waiting for the time I'll be speaking to him on skype.

 

I wouldn't say it ever gets any easier but I do think I've kind of got used to living like this - far from ideal but just about bearable.

 

I guess we all have different ways of coping. You just have to believe it's worth it.

[hisprincess4eva]

Thanks lonelytiger, hoping2heal & bearandsue for ur response!!

 

Its true that there is no real way for anyone to stop missing their SO so much. recently 2 weeks ago he was here for a mini break and i had an amazing time with him. and then when he left 5 days ago i couldn't cope with it. Its hard being back in long distance again =( but the good thing is that my SO is almost done.. he will be back in aug for good! and hopefully the distance will be over if he gets to do his interning back home here. ahh its just hard, because all i look forward is the next time i get hear his voice again, and see my phone get a txt msg from him. But i know how busy he is studying 10+ hrs everyday and working hard to do his interning back home. Sometimes i get so scared thinking what if he never calls me or txts me, but i know that i am just overreacting because my SO loves me so much. Actions speak louder the words and he has showed it to me in so many ways and i feel it whenever i see him and talk to him. I tend to make myself busy with things to do, like go to class and fix my room. i also started to do some shopping for my trip, since i will be going there in the summer i wanted to get some cute summer dresses. I jus want these days to pass by fast, so i can go see him and be in my baby arm's again! the feeling i have when i am with him is jus unbearable. I jus want to hold on to it and never let it go. but i know that this distance is jus for a while, soon my so and i will be together and things will be just like before. grrr i will feel much better after i hear my SO voice again. Hopefully he will call or msg me once his exam gets done.

[Rollercoasterr]

I really don't think there's ever anyway to really stop missing them. I agree with LonelyTiger. It's a rollercoaster. Yesterday I was seemingly fine. Today I'm in agony. I just want to see him. I just want to kiss him and feel loved and make him feel loved. I hate being without him and this just sucks. Sucks sucks sucks.

 

See the differences in my first post and this one? Yeah, that's how LDR's are. Ugh.

 

At least I'm off tomorrow. I'll get to talk to him a lot and hopefully get myself out of this funk.

[Ashbash11]

Rollercoaster-

I also know how you feel! It's the worst when I am with couples-either friends or family and their SO's.. I miss my boyfriend so much that it hurts. It's definitely a rollercoaster (your name is fitting!) I totally understand.. There are days when I am feeling okay with the distance, and other days where I get teary and I miss him so much that I can hardly stand it. It's just part of the long distance relationship, unfortunately. But you know, what makes me feel better is to realize that it wouldn't be right if we didn't miss and long for our partners, right?

 

You miss him and feel sad, but that's a good thing, when you get down to it. It means that you love him a lot and he is very important to you. Just remember that.

[taurus27]

Hi his princess4eva,

I know exactly how you feel and I am just hoping it gets better, but as the above posters have said in some ways it is a good thing that we miss our SO so much otherwise what would be the point??

I am new to the real LDR stuff as up until recently my SO and I only lived a 2 hour drive away so most weekends we would see each other. He has been given a great opportunity to work in another country for 3 months and so now instead of being 200kms apart we are now 4,000kms+ apart.

I find it helps to look on the positive side,

I get to hang out with the girls, have some of my weekends planned so that I am doing something or going somewhere (its just that the weekends are the hardest times 4 me). I have taken up pilates and find a good work out helps me too. I also think that it helps to come on here and see that I am not the only one trying to cope.

On the other side it is hard and you do miss your SO but focus on when you will see them again or plan something nice to do together! More important is to keep thinking positive and log on here whenever you can I find it the best support of all! !! Take care:)

[hisprincess4eva]

hey taurus27 thanks for ur reply

 

First and foremost i would like to say being in a LDR is hard and its tough at times. But at the end of the day when u go to bed u realize how he is so worth it. The tears we cry, the pain we have when we miss them and the joy we get just by hearing their voice is soo worth the pain =)

 

I see LDR as a battle to fight lol sometimes i get weak and i fall down and sometimes i am so strong i keep on fighting.. I place my victory flag whenever he comes down to visit me or whenever i go visit him to remember as i go along my path that it was worth it all this time it will be again

 

Hopefully things will get better for me.. right now my SO has jus started his 5th sem of med school. It is tough and hard and i seriously hate it lol. But i know how he is doing this for me and our future.

 

Its been a week since he has gone and i've been missing him more and more as the day goes by. I emailed him sunday night telling him how i would call him tonite for 5 mins. But i couldn't handle it yday and i called yday after my final. He was busy so i left a voicemail...hrs later i got an email from him. Telling me how much he misses me and loves me. He said that he will talk to me later tomorrow as rt now he is busy studying.

 

That email cheered me up so much lol =) here comes today when i was waiting for him to call me but i guess he forgot or got so busy with things. So i called him (11pm) his time and left a msg to call me back. I even emailed him to call me for 5 mins, since i was dying to hear his voice. But i guess he fell asleep or something.

 

sometimes i am so happy and sometimes i get so sad when i do not hear from him. lol i told him at the airport how he shud call me and msg me more cuz i get so worried. He said he will and when he gets to school he gets so busy he barely has time to shave lol.

 

Its hard but its all worth it. I cry and then i cheer myself up. Honestly i am glad i found this place. My friends are a bit stupid, i do not talk to them at all. because they are not supportive at all. It feels much better to hear from people going through the same thing i am.

 

Hopefully i will hear from my baby very soon.. ahh i jus miss him. I want to hear him complain about his new professors and stuff lol.

[Cora]

Missing someone is hard no doubt! I guess in times like these when you really start to miss the one you love so very much think about how wonderful it is to have someone to actually miss. Maybe it sounds kind of silly...but sometimes concentrating on how wonderful that person is and how great it's going to be the next time you see them instead of how much you miss them and wish they were here helps. Like other posters suggested...plan visits because it will give you something to look forward to. Think about how wonderful it will be when the long distance is finally over and how much stronger the relationship will be once you make it there. There is no real cure for missing someone but just remember every new day is one day closer to being with that special person! Hang in there and the best of luck to you!