Good friends wife having an affair

[spackler]

I just found out that the wife of a good friend of mine is cheating on him. I know the guys name and some other details. I want him to know about this, but there is no way it can come from me. Any suggestions on how to get the word to him so he can save face with the outside world and deal with it in privacy? I haven't told anyone and don't plan on it. No kids in their relationship.

 

I wish I could mail him an anonymous letter and make it look like it came from someone on her side. I need a sure fire way of letting him know the facts and it not getting back to me.

[Sibyl Vane]

Why can't it come from you?

[bentnotbroken]

I just found outthat the wife of a good friend of mine is cheating on him. I know the guys name and some other details. I want him to know about this, but there is no way it can come from me. Any suggestions on how to get the word to him so he can save face with the outside world and deal with it in privacy? I haven't told anyone and don't plan on it. No kids in their relationship.

 

I wish I could mail him an anonymous letter and make it look like it came from someone on her side. I need a sure fire way of letting him know the facts and it not getting back to me.

 

 

 

He must not be that good of a friend. REALLY good friends protect each other at all cost. They tell each other the truth even if it hurts and they won't let anyone or anything hurt that friend. Just a thought.

[jwi71]

I just found out that the wife of a good friend of mine is cheating on him. I know the guys name and some other details. I want him to know about this, but there is no way it can come from me. Any suggestions on how to get the word to him so he can save face with the outside world and deal with it in privacy? I haven't told anyone and don't plan on it. No kids in their relationship.

 

I wish I could mail him an anonymous letter and make it look like it came from someone on her side. I need a sure fire way of letting him know the facts and it not getting back to me.

 

You MUST tell him. Sit him down and break it as gently as possible.

 

Because, in time, when the truth and details emerge...your friend is going to want to know why you kept your silence...

[65tr6]

but there is no way it can come from me. .

why not ? Tell him. If you cannot then email him. But if you consider him a good friend, tell him today.

[Dexter Morgan]

I just found out that the wife of a good friend of mine is cheating on him. I know the guys name and some other details. I want him to know about this, but there is no way it can come from me. Any suggestions on how to get the word to him so he can save face with the outside world and deal with it in privacy? I haven't told anyone and don't plan on it. No kids in their relationship.

 

I wish I could mail him an anonymous letter and make it look like it came from someone on her side. I need a sure fire way of letting him know the facts and it not getting back to me.

 

If a good friend of mine's wife was cheating on him, I'd have absolutely NO PROBLEM telling him myself.

 

At the very least, type and mail him a letter detailing the affair with this other guy's information.

 

He needs to know, YOU need to let him know somehow...any way you can. But you should think about sitting him down...take him out for a beer and have a heart to heart. But if you do, have your ducks in a row and the information in hand.

[carhill]

IMO, if you have clear evidence, present it to him in person and listen. If you do not have clear evidence (like pictures, records, recordings, e-mails, IM's, etc), keep your mouth shut. In the face of hearsay, he will believe his W. You will be toast.

[Ariadne]

I'd say cut words from the phone book and use gloves. State simple facts.

 

Then you put it in his windshield or something.

 

Good luck!

 

How exciting!

[Sibyl Vane]

I'd say cut words from the phone book and use gloves. State simple facts.

 

Then you put it in his windshield or something.

 

Good luck!

 

How exciting!

 

 

OP, if you have absolute, undeniable proof tell him to his face. He deserves that, a letter is weak. If you don't have proof, keep your mouth shut.

[spackler]

My problem is this. He is a friend of mine and his wife is a friend of my wifes. The last thing I want to do is be the presenter of information in this case.

 

I wish I could tell someone else who could break it to him, but then the trail could lead back to me. She's a crappy wife to him anyways. I have undeniable proof. Just would like it to come anonymously to him. At least then he knows what's going on.

[bentnotbroken]

My problem is this. He is a friend of mine and his wife is a friend of my wifes. The last thing I want to do is be the presenter of information in this case.

 

I wish I could tell someone else who could break it to him, but then the trail could lead back to me. She's a crappy wife to him anyways. I have undeniable proof. Just would like it to come anonymously to him. At least then he knows what's going on.

 

 

 

And there you have it. Amazing:confused:

[jj33]

If you have undeniable proof then?? If they stay together your friendship may be compromised. But if you were in his shoes, and he knew, wouldnt you want him to tell you?

 

If you cant bring yourself to tell him yourself, and you for example sent him an anonymous letter with the information presented as kindly as possible, would YOU be able to "keep the secret" forever after?

 

What if they divorce? Would you ever tell him you were the one that broke the news? What if they dont. At some point he may confide in you and say OMG I got this letter... and you are going to say nothing?

 

And what if he knows and they dont divorce? I guess in that case you could rest easy knowing that you advised him (even if anonymously).

 

Does your wife know? Part of me suspects that your W told you and that his W is confiding in her and that is why you dont want the information to come from you?

 

Its a tangled web buy you have to act.

[Ariadne]

My problem is this. He is a friend of mine and his wife is a friend of my wifes. The last thing I want to do is be the presenter of information in this case.

 

If this is the case, then you are going to have to tell your wife about your intentions.

 

Even if you do it in a anonymous way, if you don't tell your wife, you are going to be the one having marital troubles.

[spackler]

Maybe I should forget I ever found out. It may get too ugly. Let sleeping dogs lie?

 

...and no, I didn't get the info from my wife.

[TaraMaiden]

Nope, I don't think you can forget. How can you not remember this?

 

If he discovers it down the line and that you said nothing... well, I'd make sure your med. insurance is up to date, that's all I can say.

 

If I were him, I would go ballistic that you were my friend and you said or did nothing.

 

Oh, maybe you could also define 'friend' in your 'book'.....?

 

_/l\_

[Ariadne]

If I were him, I would go ballistic that you were my friend and you said or did nothing.

 

(Back to the shanga)

[delirious]

I would say if you did not have the bollocks to tell him yourself, then mind your own business.

[Lizzie60]

I say mind your own business.

 

A friend of mine was told by one of her friend.. (looong time ago).. her husband foolded around with his secretary at the time.. it was a short-term affair.. anyway.. her friend told her.. and this woman (the W) got soooo sick and depressed... her family (H and 2 kids) was her life.. she hated and never spoke to that friend again.. she felt she ruined her 'perfect' life.

 

Bottom line.. you never know if this will blow up in your face..

 

Remember.. if they are happy.. you will put their whole life in serious problem.. and he might hate you for this...

 

Who knows.. it could be a very short A for her.. and she will 'see the light' and come back to her H..

 

Unless he's your 'very bestest friend' ... just mind your own business..

[amerikajin]

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation, but I am amused at some of the posters who just assume that if he tells, the friend will praise the OP and that truth and justice will prevail. That is a very naive and often inaccurate view of how human nature works.

 

I think carhill gave some pretty good advice. Even with evidence, though, there is no guarantee that your friend won't end up turning on you. Even as a friend, you have no idea about the real dynamics of their marriage. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. The only thing you know is that, evidently, one person thinks they're not getting what they want out of the marriage.

 

If you tell your buddy about the affair, he will be enraged. He might or might not suspect the affair, but he will initially be stunned by the news. Initially, yes, your friend might thank you for letting him know the truth about his wife. However, if they work things out, it is likely that you will always be an uneasy presence in their relationship. Your time with him will be limited, and you might get cut out of the picture entirely. I guess what I'm saying is, if you can leave with not having him as your friend anymore and you absolutely feel like it is your moral duty to tell him the truth that you know, then yes, you should probably tell him. But as carhill said, make damn sure you have proof, and secondly, if you can't live with losing him as your friend, then let him find out on his own.

 

One thing you could do is, rather than being explicit about it, you could just the implicit approach: "Oh yeah, I saw your wife the other day with so and so". By itself it means nothing, but chances are, he might already suspect something, and they've at all talked about the OM, this might allow him to connect the dots. How much further you take it, though, is your call.

[Trialbyfire]

I just found out that the wife of a good friend of mine is cheating on him. I know the guys name and some other details. I want him to know about this, but there is no way it can come from me. Any suggestions on how to get the word to him so he can save face with the outside world and deal with it in privacy? I haven't told anyone and don't plan on it. No kids in their relationship.

 

I wish I could mail him an anonymous letter and make it look like it came from someone on her side. I need a sure fire way of letting him know the facts and it not getting back to me.

Create a new webmail address solely for this purpose and email all the details to him, at work. Make sure that the email address won't be something that gets filtered as spam, by third party firewalls.

[amerikajin]

Create a new webmail address solely for this purpose and email all the details to him, at work. Make sure that the email address won't be something that gets filtered as spam, by third party firewalls.

 

This is just my own take, but personally, if it were me, if I spilled the beans or implied that something was going on, I would want it to be clear that it's coming from me. I wouldn't feel right if it was an anonymous note and they started blaming random people. If the wrong person got blamed as the squealer I would feel compelled to step forward, so I might as well tell him myself anyway. I think if the OP is going to do the "honorable thing" as others here are suggesting, he should have the honor to be a man, step forward and take responsibility for disclosing the relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

This is just my own take, but personally, if it were me, if I spilled the beans or implied that something was going on, I would want it to be clear that it's coming from me. I wouldn't feel right if it was an anonymous note and they started blaming random people. If the wrong person got blamed as the squealer I would feel compelled to step forward, so I might as well tell him myself anyway. I think if the OP is going to do the "honorable thing" as others here are suggesting, he should have the honor to be a man, step forward and take responsibility for disclosing the relationship.

I'd tell upfront, directly to a friend's face but that's not what the OP is willing to do, so I'm providing him with a possible alternative.

 

I don't think it's right not to say anything. If information is given to the friend, however it's given, it's up to the friend to process it. Regardless if the friend believes an anonymous source or not, unless he's an idiot, you can bet he'll be put on alert since many actions will fall into place with the information provided.

[carhill]

I'd look my friend in the eye and say "buddy, I've got something for you to read. I'm going to sit right here while you read it".

 

My BF had to do this with me after my wife accosted him in an airport and asked him questions about handling of marital assets in a divorce. I've never seen a successful business person stutter like he did that day. Nothing like infidelity, but I could tell it was hard for him to be in our marital business. The friendship remains strong and the W gets the D.

 

OP, you will risk the friendship. If your W prioritizes her friends over you, you risk the health of your M as well. It's up to you. No question in my mind about what I would do

[Reggie]

What's the big deal? If my wife was cheating and my friend told me, no way would I be pissed at him.

And, who cares if your own wife objects to you telling your friend. It's the right thing to do and one should never compromise one's principles to appease a spouse.

[spackler]

If you tell your buddy about the affair, he will be enraged. He might or might not suspect the affair, but he will initially be stunned by the news. Initially, yes, your friend might thank you for letting him know the truth about his wife. However, if they work things out, it is likely that you will always be an uneasy presence in their relationship. Your time with him will be limited, and you might get cut out of the picture entirely. I guess what I'm saying is, if you can leave with not having him as your friend anymore and you absolutely feel like it is your moral duty to tell him the truth that you know, then yes, you should probably tell him. But as carhill said, make damn sure you have proof, and secondly, if you can't live with losing him as your friend, then let him find out on his own.

 

This is exactly why I don't want it coming from me. I just want be on the sideline and let them work it out without having me be the one that told them.

 

Right now, I wish I never found out. The only way I feel I can get out of this is by anonymously informing him. Then, they can work it out on their own and choose whether they want their friends to know about it. I definitely don't want to be blamed for anything.