stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 These last few posts are SOOOOO off the path of this thread it's almost funny! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Yes, we all know it's illegal to be alive, but is it immoral? Tell the guy and get it over with.... Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 But they aren't in the armed forces...& It's a stretch to say they would be an ACCOMPLICE to a crime....It's just sooooo far fetched. Whether these "Crimes" as you call it are really punishable by LAW. Hell there's a law in Lawrence Kansas...Close to where I live.... That states: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. I have yet to sound my horn when entering Lawrence & have never been arrested for it. That's my point - It's just crazy & a stretch. I know its not likely to be charged but the point is its possible. I never said they were in the armed forces and I put a bunch of examples and that was just one. You are focusing on one thing and you are using it out of context. The point was that not telling the bs makes you a enabler and a accomplice. Not telling allows this to happen Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Sorry if this got off topic. In the situation described by Ikjh,there is active obstruction. One can just not disclose info with impunity , unless compelled by a court or statutoriy required, like physicians or teachers re child abuse. Morally, I feel a friend has an obligation to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 & I think it's their "Moral" obligation to butt out of their friends marital life. It's not their business. Maybe the husband already knows.......Has anyone thought of that? Maybe he's turned his head of the situation & he'd be mortified if his so called "friends" decided that a marriage they weren't part of suddenly became THEIR BUSINESS. OR how about this scenario........They already have an "open marriage" but they just don't broadcast it to ALL of their friends. It is a possibility Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 & I think it's their "Moral" obligation to butt out of their friends marital life. It's not their business. Maybe the husband already knows.......Has anyone thought of that? Maybe he's turned his head of the situation & he'd be mortified if his so called "friends" decided that a marriage they weren't part of suddenly became THEIR BUSINESS. OR how about this scenario........They already have an "open marriage" but they just don't broadcast it to ALL of their friends. It is a possibility talk about a stretch but hey if you are right and they have a open marriage then there is no harm in telling the H Link to post Share on other sites
helovesme Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Do you know when or where the wife meets up with the om? Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 talk about a stretch but hey if you are right and they have a open marriage then there is no harm in telling the H I'm only tossing out this scenario because I was in an open marriage for a few years & there were a group of my friends that I would have been embarrassed if they knew. People, as we know here - can be very judgemental. I could imagine some of them saying OMG, YOU - No Way! (What we do in our "private life" is just that, private) Of course there were others, where it wouldn't have mattered if they knew or not. Open marriage - Might be a stretch...but you can't always write it off as a non-possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 OK...so the bottom line is...the OP has gotten all the possible views on this that he could. Many people say tell, his friend deserves to know the truth, and a friend should tell the truth. Others say that it's none of his business, and as his friend, he should stay out of the marriage. We've all argued our viewpoints ad nauseum. What's left to discuss? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 There are others on this thread who have said they know about their friends f'ing around behind their partners' backs and have even said some of them deserve it! Talk about a front row spectator! I just don't get the concept of calling someone your friend and then knowingly allowing someone to do them dirt without cluing them in. Would you keep quiet if someone was perpetrating a financial scam on them as well because "it's none of your business?" Some people do deserve to be cheated on, though. I used to be friends with this guy who cheated on his fiance. He was actually staying at my pad one weekend and he was downstairs talking with his ex girlfriend. I didn't actually catch them in the act but I got the sense when I walked downstairs that I was interrupting something. I asked him about it later and he denied it at first. He later admitted to it -- after his wife ended up cheating on him. Sh*t, that's karma if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Okay, okay, but why cheat? If you know your spouse is cheating and you won't tolerate it, get a damn divorce. How is injury going to help injury? So juvenile, the whole game playing BS. I wouldn't cheat; I'm just saying that some deserve it. Sometimes a broken heart gives a player a little bit of needed perspective on their own behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 So if that method works so well, the tit for tat, we should then teach our children the same methods of dealing with people I guess. No, but I would teach my children that there are consequences for one's own behavior. I would teach them that if they get caught in a lie, then it makes it hard for people to take what they say or do seriously -- that alone has its own set of consequences. I would teach them that if they break someone's heart by virtue of their own selfish pursuit of pleasure, they'll be disliked, and they'll risk losing that person forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 OK...so the bottom line is...the OP has gotten all the possible views on this that he could. Many people say tell, his friend deserves to know the truth, and a friend should tell the truth. Others say that it's none of his business, and as his friend, he should stay out of the marriage. We've all argued our viewpoints ad nauseum. What's left to discuss? I agree. Whats going to happen is this, friend is going to let other friend continue to be played for a fool, continue to be cheated on, isn't going to say a word, and not going to really be much of a friend. So what is there left to discuss....aside from requesting this thread be closed? Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I would teach them that if they break someone's heart by virtue of their own selfish pursuit of pleasure, they'll be disliked, and they'll risk losing that person forever. I agree and this doesn't only apply to cheating. There are plenty of ways to break someone's heart and hurt them besides infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spackler Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 My wife thinks he'll take the kids and run or he'll hurt her. I'd never heard this before, but I guess he's told her before that he'd take their kids and she'd never see any of them again. I thought my relationship was not great. What a crappy relationship they have. Must be ground zero over there. Now I'm thinking I should let sleeping dogs lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I agree. Whats going to happen is this, friend is going to let other friend continue to be played for a fool, continue to be cheated on, isn't going to say a word, and not going to really be much of a friend. So what is there left to discuss....aside from requesting this thread be closed? I hate it when this crap happens! BTW Dexter, Love the Avatar ya got! It just screams attitude! All of that with a smile! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 My wife thinks he'll take the kids and run or he'll hurt her. I'd never heard this before, but I guess he's told her before that he'd take their kids and she'd never see any of them again. I thought my relationship was not great. What a crappy relationship they have. Must be ground zero over there. Now I'm thinking I should let sleeping dogs lie. As I said, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. You might have only seen the tip of the iceberg. How do we know he isn't a complete sh*thead to her? Not that there's any justification, but I think a lot of people look at cheating as if it's the worst sin a person can commit. It's not even the worst sin a person can commit in a marriage. People abuse their spouses. People abuse their children. People even kill their spouses. And in some extreme cases, kill their wives and their children. You can get involved if you want, but remember, if you get involved, you get everything that's coming to you...whether you're prepared to deal with it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Regardless of whether it is the worst sin(although many experts feel it is about the most severe form of emotional abuse(( I think a lot of BSs would testify to this)) ) the husband desrves to know. From the purely health risk factor standpoint, even if one SPECULATES that he is a terrible husband, he does not deserve an STD. There really is no valid reason, ever , to cheat like the wife is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 My wife thinks he'll take the kids and run or he'll hurt her. I'd never heard this before, but I guess he's told her before that he'd take their kids and she'd never see any of them again. I thought my relationship was not great. What a crappy relationship they have. Must be ground zero over there. Now I'm thinking I should let sleeping dogs lie. Then maybe you and your W need to be helping her figure out how to get out of her abusive marriage. The affair needs to end because it will only further complicate things if it ever comes to light. And if YOU know about it, she's not the best at keeping things discreet. There is also the fact that she (the WW) could have lied about what he said. Or he could have said it in a moment of anger. So, it seems like you need to arrange to speak to her and not to her H for now, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
tml-13 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Regardless of whether it is the worst sin(although many experts feel it is about the most severe form of emotional abuse(( I think a lot of BSs would testify to this)) ) the husband desrves to know. From the purely health risk factor standpoint, even if one SPECULATES that he is a terrible husband, he does not deserve an STD. There really is no valid reason, ever , to cheat like the wife is doing. I totally agree with you Reggie... Several of my WWs "friends" knew but didn't bother to tell me, and could have saved me a year of stress and hair loss... not to mention all the CIPRO.... Link to post Share on other sites
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