Wolverine117 Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Hi. I am beginning to see one of my friends. She is real cool. It ain't serious yet. But i like her. she is the one i feel calm and content around. I like her, but without the raging hormone-type thing i usually feel for other girls. I do NOT WANT to SCREW UP. I am trying real hard not to screw up. Let me describe the situation. Two people in college. The guy is black, a gifted writer with a lot of imagination. He is also a bit lonely (not that he can't act normal in public). He's met this nice female who is a good friend. They are starting to explore a possible relationship. This is the same guy who is a virgin at the age of 18 and just beginning to get over an overall identity crisis. He is acting nice toward her, and he can be funny and cool in his own way. He doesn't want to screw up. What can he do not to screw up ? The setting is one of those small private schools in Boston and he is new to the city, which she is beginning to show him. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 focus on her and not on himself. Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 The best cure for this kind of self-consciousness and anxiety is to be very deliberate about turning your attention outward, away from yourself. I'm not the first to tell you that you seem to have developed a bad habit of self-obsession...kinda like picking your nose and certainly no more attractive. Every thought is about YOU, your feelings, your reactions, your fears and desires. Not that you should never think about these things, but it shouldn't be 100%. I'm sure there's a history behind it, and no doubt it is something we all have to overcome, but for you, it's job #1. Examples of how to turn your attention outward: * When in public, discreetly focus attention on a random person (NOT an attractive girl) and imagine what their life is like * Help a neighbor * Check to see if you can give a hand or lend an ear to a friend or relative. Really listen, generously * Do volunteer work, particularly with children or animals, that can bring out your nurturing, other-directed side * Get involved in improving your community or the planet * Remind yourself at least 5 times daily that everyone's attention is NOT focussed on you, any more than yours is focussed on them Where's the payoff, you ask? Two things: your anxiety will melt away like a Popsicle on a hot pavement, and because you are more relaxed and content, you will naturally be more attractive to girls. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 wolverine, how come you post as you do? very interesting, talking in 3rd person.....i would love to hear it. i dont understand why its so important that we hear your race, what does it really matter? its going to be fine without us knowing whichever race you are part of. equality man! Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Originally posted by Wolverine 117 What can he do not to screw up ? Just be yourself (cool, funny and imaginative) and take things as they come. Originally posted by jalexy i dont understand why its so important that we hear your race, what does it really matter? That's what I was wondering....I think it's completely irrelevant and unimportant. When you point out someone's ethnicity only when they are Black (as you did in the other thread), it somehow seems to suggest that this group is an irregularity or aberration from the norm. Never think of yourself (and those who share your ethnicity) as The Other. You're a member of the human race, just like everyone else on this earth. You do yourself a real disservice when you forget that. JMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
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