Attracted to Childhood Friend

[writergal]

I just recently reconnected with a childhood friend after 20 years and find myself attracted to him once again. He is married with children of course, and I am still single. He is very happy in his marriage and loves his wife. And I don't forsee anything romantic happening between us because he is such a loyal person.

 

However. I find myself wondering what would have been, had we not lost touch. Would we be married? I always thought so, growing up. I respect him so much. His wife is a lovely woman and this children are adorable too. So why is this so difficult for me to cope with?

 

The strong chemistry we had still remains, as though it was just yesterday.

 

And I think of the syncronicity too. He suddenly comes into my life with what I feel is very healing energy, since I had a horrible break-up a few months ago and a failed attempt to reconcile with my ex-boyfriend. It is so nice to have my childhood friend back in my life right now, because it gives me comfort and hope again that maybe I will meet someone suitable for me. That I'm not a hopeless case after all.

 

He makes me laugh and is a very genuine and open man. He is exactly the type I want to be with. Only, he is not available. And I feel sad when I look around me and notice that all of my friends and family are married with children. I feel so left out, you know? Like, what is so wrong with me that I haven't met my future husband yet?

 

If I had the chance to have an affair with him, I know I couldn't do it. To lose his friendship would be more devastating than this most recent horrible break-up experience I had. But I'm strongly attracted to him and have to hide those feelings which is really difficult.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You need to stop, we can ALL see where this is going.

 

Leave him alone, if he was such a good friend then you should have made your move then, he's married, respect that and keep it moving. You females cannot control your emotions when it comes down to things.

[writergal]

Chrome, if you read my post carefully, you'll see that I have no plan to ruin my friend's marriage. I'm just frustrated about the bad timing.

 

My friend and I lost touch with each other 20 years ago. It just happened that way. I never thought I'd hear from him again but for whatever reason, our paths have crossed again now, and I don't want to go down that adulterous road. I've seen 2 girlfriends of mine do it - both were successful. But I know myself well enough, to realize that I could not handle the emotional turmoil that would be involved. It's obvious he would never leave his wife for me. All I would get is a broken heart if I let anything happen. And I don't want that to happen.

 

I'm glad he is back in my life and I don't want anything to ruin that. And I think you're being really harsh, to generalize that "females cannot control your emotions when it comes down to things."

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well you can't, from your post you sound like really in love with him. Hopefully you can just BE friends. It's just from my experiences, guys and girls cannot be just friend especially when they're is a deep connection and they are attracted to one another.

 

I'm sorry, but it's a slippery slope your on. That's the way I see it.

 

I just think that if your objective enough and see it from an outside prespective you can agree with a few of my points.

 

But hey it's your choice. I hope that you wont cross the line if something ever happens.

[hopesndreams]

If I had the chance to have an affair with him, I know I couldn't do it.

 

Who you trying to kid?

 

 

All I would get is a broken heart if I let anything happen. And I don't want that to happen.

 

Only thinking of yourself here. It won't just be you with the broken heart, you would be the cause of his wifes as well...but hey...you couldn't do that right? Even though you make this married man sound like a dream come true.

[writergal]

I am certainly not in love with him, Chrome. Yes, I'm attracted to him but I don't want to walk on that slippery slope of having an affair with a married man, especially when it's a friend.

 

Hopesanddreams, I have no plan to let anything happen between us. My post was just to vent my frustration about my situation. I have never had an affair with a married man and I don't want to.

 

I have two girlfriends who got their husbands through affairs. One gal went through hell for three years before her husband left his wife for her. My other girlfriend met her 2nd husband a few months before she married her 1st husband. Two very complicated situations that had happy endings. So, you see, sometimes life happens this way.

 

But that's not what I want. I want to find someone who is available to me in every sense of the word. It feels so unfair to have great men come across my path who are so close to what I'm seeking in a life partner, but who are not available in the way that I need them.

[mammax3]

Hi Writergal

 

It kind of sounds like this childhood friend is an easy 'safe' rebound guy who strokes your ego and makes you happy. He is also helping you see what sort of men you'd like in your life. I'm sure he is a terrific man, and given your recent break up, it's easy to attribute romantic feelings for him.

 

It can be hard to maintain the appropriate boundaries in this sort of situation. You may find yourselves getting very close and then he pulls away (due to his boundary levels). This can feel similar to a break up. Or you could recognize the signs in yourself and need to pull away to prevent any inappropriateness.

 

As long as you remain as in touch with your emotions (as it sounds like you are right now) I don't see anything wrong with feeling close with him, as long as it doesn't stop him from staying connected to his family.

 

Good luck!

[april-spark]

It feels so unfair to have great men come across my path who are so close to what I'm seeking in a life partner, but who are not available in the way that I need them.

 

So be a wonderful friend and hold these fine men up as examples of the type of man you hope to meet and love and marry.

Know the man for you is out there somewhere.

 

Good news - You know *what* you want and need just not *who* you want and need.