swoope Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I dated my ex for a couple of years in college. After graduation we went separate directions, and tried a long-distance r'ship, but it just didn't work. We were at completely different transition points in life (I was starting grad school, he was starting a new job really far away). We continued to spend time together when we could, talked often, and still kept in touch. Less than a year after we took "time off", he was very randomly engaged to another girl. We remained friends and whenever we saw each other or talked, we both agreed we still had that 'old feeling'. Nonetheless he got married (totally breaking my heart, of course), and only after about 6 months of marriage, he showed up at my door (I live approx 5 hrs away) and declared how he had made a huge mistake by getting married, he was unhappy, and was upset that we never got closure and he wanted us to try things again but couldn't, yaddi yadda. This happened several other times. Nothing physical ever happened b/c I have WAY too strong convictions for that (personally). I got an email from him the other day telling me that he is in the process of a divorce. Nothing else, just that he was getting a divorce. One of those 'just so ya know' letters I guess. They had been married a little over a year. I guess my question is how long should I wait if I decide to attempt to rekindle things again? I don't even know for certain that he would want to. I also don't want to be the 'rebound girl' (I think the wife happened to be the rebound girl after us). To add to it, I have several, several of those "loyal till the bitter end" friends who are completely and totally wonderful, but after the whole marriage thing the ex was totally 'black-balled' by them, and they all decided b/c he married someone else and such that he isn't good enough, he is a screw up, he is too fickle, etc. I know they would have to accept it if anything did happen b/n he and I (and they would, they are mature), but I also wonder if he and I begin to pursue things (it would have to be long-distance for now), if I should keep it on the 'down low' from the friends until I can figure out what is going on. Whew. That was long...sorry bout that! Thanks for any feedback you may have! Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Well, I'm young and I've never been married, but I'll put in my two cents anyway:) I think that if you two still have an obvious connection, that you need to let it play out or you'll ALWAYS have the feelings you're having now. I think you should let things happen--if they're going to--in their own due time, when it feels right. Love doesn't know about clocks or calenders, it only knows the heart. Also, I think it's ALWAYS a smart idea to leave friends out of love relationship things when they're starting--at least if it's a situation like this that could be easily judged. Bringing other people that you know into things almost always sours them a little. Also, if you find out pretty quickly that it's not going to work, you won't lose any face. Good luck, I hope my thoughts helped a little even though I'm not horribly experienced in this area:) Link to post Share on other sites
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