hopesndreams Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Do not call her. How sweet, she's tucked up in bed getting ready for a nice nites slumber and there's her trusty security blanket............you! She gets a good nites sleep and you don't. Let her lose a few winks, don't call her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 very well put hopendreams. sunday night is always a stressful evening for her worrying about work so this is where she depends on me to comfort her and tell her what she wants to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I hope you didn't fall for this. Not only is she wanting you to call her to comfort her. But YOU have to make the call to HER... so it is YOU putting in the effort (and cost depending on your phone company). Link to post Share on other sites
Biggie25x Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Don't talk to her. Don't contact her. No matter how hard it is just let it roll off of you. When it gets hard just don't contact her. I know how hard this is. I know this goes against everything you think is right. I know you think if you don't she won't know you love her still. But she does. She knows you want to make it work but she doesn't care. She knows it is hard for you but she doesn't care. She views you differently now and she is not looking out for your best interests. You have to ask yourself if she has ever really looked out for you best interests. The longer you go in NC the easier it is. Ask me how I know. Really ask yourself if you miss the person or the relationship. If the hole in your heart is because you miss the marriage or the person. I know I am finding that everyday it hurts but everyday I get a little bit better at dealing with it. There are still bad days and days when I think it will never be right but you just keep your chin up on those days. To know that tomorrow is another day. You have to start realizing that if she loved you the way you love her that she would be there working it out with you. But she's not and she doesn't. These are harsh words but don't run from them. Confront them. Own them and realize that it doesn't change who you are. That you can deal with anything that comes your way. That you will use this adversity to be a better person. Ultimately, you deserve better. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you as much as you love them. Remember, you don't want to be here, they do. It's up to them to deal with that. Don't let yourself be farther degraded and your self respect further hurt by someone who just wants to use you. No matter what they say. There actions speak louder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 D'ont worry Chinook i did'nt call her even though it killed me not to and thanks biggie25x for your advice and kind post. I turned my phone off last night and had a half decent nights sleep for the 1st time in a few days.My body was just drained and needed rest. I turned on the phone today and she had sent me a few messages. The 1st was wondering why i had'nt replyed to her earlier message which read 'is everything alright?' and the 2nd she sent during the night read' u seem to be handling the break up better than me even though i'm the one that ended it. although i d'ont wanna get back together' the urge to text back is very strong but the 'i d'ont wanna get back together part' is stopping me. this is the 2nd day of nc and although i'm still not better i feel i've got a bit of pride back. i really wish it did'nt have to come to this but you guys are totally right as its the only way. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Post to the "need a NC buddy" thread if/when you need support. It's not easy for any of us. It's like drug detox without the professional in-patient setting. Real tough. Imagine you were in a facility with no contact with the outside world. That's what it needs to be like. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 D'ont worry Chinook i did'nt call her even though it killed me not to and thanks biggie25x for your advice and kind post. I turned my phone off last night and had a half decent nights sleep for the 1st time in a few days.My body was just drained and needed rest. I turned on the phone today and she had sent me a few messages. The 1st was wondering why i had'nt replyed to her earlier message which read 'is everything alright?' and the 2nd she sent during the night read' u seem to be handling the break up better than me even though i'm the one that ended it. although i d'ont wanna get back together' the urge to text back is very strong but the 'i d'ont wanna get back together part' is stopping me. this is the 2nd day of nc and although i'm still not better i feel i've got a bit of pride back. i really wish it did'nt have to come to this but you guys are totally right as its the only way.it is hard. But, it will get easier over time. I know that is a cliche that everyone uses. But, unfortunately it is true. Try to delete her messages without reading them. She has bluntly told you that she doesn't want to go back. Yet, she gets to tell you how crappy she is doing...? Why...? Pity...? You're supposed to take pity on her for the pain which she inflicted upon you both...? I don't think so. When someone walks out of your life, they take the decision to give up knowing how things are with you. Right now, it looks to me that even if you go back, even if somehow this relationship gets pulled out of the depths it is in... it still won't be fixed. She has taken the specific decision to hurt you. That's not something which is easy to recover from. So even if that was on the cards, you would still need time alone to heal from it. So she would still have to wait. As it is, she's already said she doesn't want you back. So what if you're dealing with this better than her...? It doesn't matter. Your pain is your pain... she cannot heal it for you, only you can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 As hard as it for me i have to agree and your totally right. she's made a decision that hurt me and still expects me to support her. To be honest she prob is handling the break up a lot better than me as at times i'm cracking up but i guess people can only see what we let them see right? so with NC she dose'nt know whats going through my head which i is'nt a bad thing i guess. Her coldness and selfishness has left a bitter taste in my mouth and to be honest i'd like to think i can make my healing more important than getting her back. the state i'm in i'd prob try again with her tomorrow if she aked but again your totally right as i'm not sure the relationship could ever be the same again and i think i'd hold it against her which. A friendship with her i think is impossible because through her selfishness she'd prob start telling me about her dates and seeing other guys etc which would completely destroy me. i could'nt even see that changing in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 I'm starting to get somewhat used to life alone now after a few days being single but i'm still hurting like hell. Can't stop thinking about when times were good. I broke my NC but it was only to tell her to not contact me again last night which was very hard especially when she suddenly went from being cold and distant to sounding like her oldself. As much as i wanted to talk to her and help her with her problems i could'nt as it was'nt real and she's no longer the girl that once loved me. As bad as she has treated me i did'nt have the heart just to ignore her so i wanted to say good bye. Completely numb feeling i have to say but what can you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Doesn't feel like it right now, but it was the right thing to do. You won't want to look forwards right now and like you say, it feels numb. That's your psyche's way of protecting you. It may get better in the short term, it may get worse. You're right, what can you do...? Let me tell you... just.keep.breathing. That's all you can do on some days. In the days to come breathing will become easier, bearing the sunlight on your face won't hurt, feeling light in your heart wont be painful. Patience, things will get better, wait... and you will see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Really appreciate that post Chinook!! thank you so much. Its suffocating at times but your right NC is the only way. Trying to do things to occupy my mind but the various threads and posting is good therapy. I'm delighted i found LS as i'd never get through this without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 feel really angry towards her today!! can't believe i helped her so much and she done this to me. it still feels like a bad dream and i'm hoping i wake up!!! This whole detox?NC is prob working wonders for me but its so painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Yes, it is painful and you need to keep in mind that she put you guys here. She severed the bond which caused this pain. She is the one who walked away. It's okay to be angry, it's normal to feel angry. Just make sure you don't stuff it down. That said, before you even think it, she doesn't need to know how angry you are. She has no right to know any longer what you're thinking and feeling. Keep breathing. Keep maintaining your dignity and keep looking forward. There will be up and down days like these. They will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Biggie25x Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Your emotions will be out of control for a while. You are going to have to accept that you will not be yourself for a while. Get out or do something to keep yourself busy. I was talking with a buddy recently and we both agreed as guys we are not quite prepared to deal with these emotions. That we have cried maybe 24 times in our life and that 20 of them have been since the split. It's just a fact but in the end it will be stronger. Keep your head up. I am by no means over it but it does get better. You get more used to the idea of being alone. Keep posting, there is great advice on here. When you feel up to it it helps to give advice to other people as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nedved Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 Thanks Biggie25x yesterday was a really rough day and your totally right my emmotions are all over the place. I'm going from good to bad in seconds but i guess the reality of the break up is kicking in and i know now she's gone and ain't coming back. the threads are great theraphy and i'm starting to post regular so it is definitley helping. thanks buddy Link to post Share on other sites
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