Lying to loved ones about your beliefs

[theBrokenMuse]

I honestly never thought I'd be put in this position. I haven't outed myself as an atheist to my family because a very close family member is in the process of dying and she is extremely religious. I did not want to cause her any distress during her last days. My Mom finds out through rather unusual means (that is a posting for another day) and low and behold has been doing everything in her power 'to win me back' to my place among the collective and because I have not responded to her emotional appeals, she did the one thing I asked her not to do - she went straight that person who only has a short time here on Earth and told them everything.

 

I am livid. I feel as though I have to lie through my teeth to this person now in order for them not to worry about my 'immortal soul'. I want them to be at peace but I'm really not very good at lying to people's faces and I feel very guilty about attempting to humor them by pretending that I found Jesus again. What would be the best way to go about this?

[TaraMaiden]

Your mother is a separate issue, but this person loves you.

 

Now, let us look at your atheism.

You do not therefore believe this person is going anywhere, do you?

So the question of what happens after their passing, is of no consequence to you, because as far as you are concerned, they die and they're dead, and that is it.

Is this correct?

 

Well, you know enough about life to know what would be hurtful, and what would be harmless.

For my part, because I actually follow a different calling to Christianity, my approach would be one thing.

For you, it depends on how much you think it matters to lie to this person, or how much it matters to be honest.

if you don't care or believe about an afterlife, then being honest with them, will not change (in your mind) where they are going. It will make no difference when they're dead.

So you could be honest, but gentle with them.

If you do care or still have a feeling there might be something available after death, then again - do you think they will be watching you after you die to check up on you? then you have to temper your approach.....

 

What I am trying to say is - what difference does it make if you lie or if you are honest?

What can they do about it anyway?

 

The person it affects - and will continue to affect - is you, and your integrity.

 

Your mother is a whole different issue, and as you say, that is for another thread....

[allornothing]

It sounds like a very hard and uncomfortable situation to be in. I also don't go along with my families beliefs. How i seem to get around these issues is to simply tell them that i am living my life trying to treat others as i want to be treated (the golden rule in most religions), i'm trying to help those who need help when i can and what happens to my soul when i'm no longer in control of my actions here on earth is not my biggest worry. I tell them my focus is being the best person i can be while i'm here. By telling them this i am not lying to them because i truely do try to do each of those things in my daily life and then they can deduce that because of my actions that i will go to whichever positive afterlife they believe in. It's not fool proof but it does tend to ease the tention that may have been in the room.

[sb129]

I am an atheist and my dad died recently.

 

He was a believer and got quite alot of comfort from that at the end, so I went along with it. Another family member who is uber- religious spent some time with him just before he died and was satisfied that she had worked with him to secure his eternity.

Which I thought was a total load of codswallop, but I kept it to myself, because at the end of the day we were all grieving and sad, and I am cool with other peoples beliefs if it gets them through a tough time.

 

Nobody really tried to push it onto me, and I avoided conversations about it when I could. And if i couldn't avoid it, i would smile and nod and change the subject.

 

I spoke at his (church) funeral. I just didn't mention god in my speech, and when the vicar spoke to us before the funeral about god, I just kept my mouth shut- turns out my mum is pretty much an atheist now too, and has been struggling with it for a few years, but as we agreed, my dad wasn't and we were respecting his dying wishes.

 

 

I didn't see it as lying or denying my own beliefs- rather it was respecting the dyings and the grievings beliefs, which as people say, keeps the peace and makes you a better person. Sometimes thats a better choice than scoring points.

 

If you can't lie, just don't say anything. My H is a HARDCORE atheist, and he didn't say a word the whole time, and I was grateful to him for that.

[D-Lish]

I am very anti-established religion. I am an Atheist through and through, and have been so since I was a child. I just never bought into the church stuff my mother forced down my throat.

 

Having said that, if someone I loved was dying, I'd do everything in my power to make sure they died in peace. If my mother was dying I'd appease her in any way I had to. As far as I am concerned, it's no skin off my back to leave someone with a comforting impression.

[dunstable]

My Mom ...did the one thing I asked her not to do - she went straight that person who only has a short time here on Earth and told them everything.

 

Your Mom's conduct was despicable.

 

I am livid. I feel as though I have to lie through my teeth to this person now in order for them not to worry about my 'immortal soul'. I want them to be at peace but I'm really not very good at lying to people's faces and I feel very guilty about attempting to humor them by pretending that I found Jesus again. What would be the best way to go about this?

 

If it were me, I would treat her as she would want to be treated - say "God bless", join in prayers or whatever. If she asks you about your beliefs, say that you are not a believer but you respect her beliefs. Hopefully that will get both of you through this.

 

When my mother died, I organized a religious funeral for her as she would have wanted. Strangely, I found the service comforting even though I didn't believe in any of the tenets of the religion. I think one can participate in religious services as an act of community without needing to believe and there is nothing hypocritical about doing so.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Your Mom's conduct was despicable.

Agreed. Good to know what Christian love gets you.