zilverenvlinder Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 OK. Well, it seems to me that of everyone I've ever known who's gotten married (a lot of people), that the average dating time between meeting each other - marriage proposal is 7-8 months. What gives?! I've been in three 18 month + relationships and I've never gotten proposed to. In fact, I've mainly just gotten dumped. Can someone here give me some encouragement please? I want to get married. I don't want to be single and alone living with my cat forever. (Which looks as though it's that way...new bf and I have been together almost 6 months without so much as an "I love you".) I am 26 and I am getting so frustrated watching everyone around me get married while all I get are the noncommittal dont-say-love-or-he-will-get-scared-and-run-away types. Then my acquaintances keep finding these magical love potions and Cupid's arrows or something and get hitched 12 months from meeting someone. What gives?! Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
JeezLouise Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Weird. I only know about two couples who had such whirlwind courtships/engagements/weddings. I have been proposed to 3 times officially. My XH didn't even propose to me; he just started talking about "when we get married" and that was that (after 2 years of dating). One time was after dating 8 months, and I turned him down immediately. The first time was after dating 6 months, and I was in high school - I turned him down AND laughed at the fool off at William and Mary who thought that I wanted to even think about marriage when I was 17. The third time was after dating 8 years. My xMM asked me to marry him, but since he was married to someone else, I don't consider that a proposal at all - that was just afterglow talking. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I met my H just after my 29th birthday, and he proposed to me just before my 30th. So I wouldn't stress just yet zilver! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I am 26 and JUST got engaged to my BF of 2 1/2 years. But the waiting was def. worth it because it really gave our relationship the time it needed to make it a lot stronger. I have no doubt now that we will be happy forever. As for your situation, man I feel your pain. I agonized over this issue (as you can atest on this forum) and it was pretty much all for nothing. My best advice..DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!! Believe me you will be so much happier if just relax and let a proposal come to you. It was frustrating that my fiance took his good old time, but our relationship is stronger and greater than ever and that's what is important! So your time will come..although you don't believe this (I didn't) you are still young and you have time to get married/have children. It sucks watching everyone around you get married, I understand. I went through the same thing. But like I said, please don't agonize. You will be a whole lot happier and you will put less strain on your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I agree with the don't get stressed out advice, but another area you can give a gander to is your choice of mates. In my pretty experienced experience, lol;) There are men who LOVE the idea of being partnered, of being married, who think it's a very wonderful thing instead of a dreaded anti-cool device. I LIKE those kinds of men, they seem to be pretty warm hearted and not overly neurotic ! At your age, they might not be catching your eye yet though...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author zilverenvlinder Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Aww! you guys are making me feel better. melody, does it have a lot to do with age in your opinion? Because I am definitely not opposed to 30 something guys. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Aww! you guys are making me feel better. melody, does it have a lot to do with age in your opinion? Because I am definitely not opposed to 30 something guys. Thats a rather ..interesting question if you know my history ! I would say YES, if you are a female like me, who needed to date rock stars, bikers, cool guys blah blah, back in the day. But that is addressing who YOU attract. As far as guys, well, some love comittment and some fear it. it's pretty easy to smell from a mile away once your looking for it. My husband is 24 and just last night we heard a screed from a comedian who was very anti marriage, and he looked at me and said ' I love being married, I love being committed, I am happier than I've ever been". So, depends on the guy, and only you know who you are meeting and more importantly who you are responding to. Good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 as said above, it really depends on the guy. but i believe it also somewhat depends on your local culture. in my area and social circle, for instance, it's most common to marry at about thirty, give or take a few years either way...i had one friend who married at 24, and everybody found it pretty surprising and thought she was too young and they were rushing into things. most of my friends dated their boyfriends for at least a year before living with them, and then lived with them for a couple of years before anybody talked about marriage. one of my best friends married her live-in boyfriend of five years when she was in her early thirties because they had decided to start having children. my partner and i are getting married in october, and we have been together for four years, living together three of those (we started talking about marriage a couple of years ago but then had a baby before we formally got engaged...we're a bit backwards). i am thirty-four and he is thirty-eight and this will be the first marriage for both of us, although i have been engaged before. i feel there are definite benefits to our having taken that time together, and i'm actually very glad i didn't even meet him until i was thirty. i know in many other areas it's more common to marry younger and more quickly, but sometimes i wonder if that isn't part of the reason why divorce rates are so high. not that all young marriages are doomed, some are quite happy...but many people seem to be in such a rush, they don't take the time to really get to know the other person, or to really live their lives to the fullest before they settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 You've received some good advice already. The less you worry about getting married, the more men want to get married. Don't ask me why, it just is! I would also avoid the commitment phobes, if only for your emotional well-being. It's one big mind-screw. Link to post Share on other sites
Elyse- Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I can hear your frustration! I was that person. What shifted things for me was to start looking at myself. I got clear on what my needs and wants were. My suggestion to you in start working on yourself. Do you love this man? Could you see him as your life partner? If the answer is yes than I would let him know. If you don't let him know what you want how are you supposed to change things? Link to post Share on other sites
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