PrincessValium Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 If you have been together for a long time please think long and hard before deciding to divorce. My husband and I divorced after 23 years of marriage. He was bored of our lives together. HE wanted more. Some of our kids are still young. We have a 16, 14, 11 and 9 year old. You have no idea what his decision to divorce has done to our children. They are doing poorly at school, an emotional wreck (even with counseling) and the 16 year old refers to dad as the jackass. And what did he accomplish? He is living with a controlling woman who reads all his mail, she rules his every move. He is not allowed to go to the store without her calling him every ten minutes. She tells him how to raise his children.. the kids hate her and fight going to see their dad now. His life is a mess and so is ours. But his pride and that fact that he put her name on his house and refinanced with her, has him by the balls. He knows that if he tries to get out he will lose money. He left a very loving family to live with a shrew. She reeled him in slowly and caught him good. So if you plan to divorce make sure it is for the right reasons, not because the sex has grown a bit stale. There are ways to bring that life back. Do not divorce because you are tired of coming home to the same dull life. You can move to a different city and join a club. You can change things in your life without changing the who's in your life. The divorce is a year and a half old and he is so stressed and depressed that I worry for him. He made his bed and is lying in it. We are both to blame for the boredom, we should have worked on being fresh and new for each other. Now it is too late. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Don't worry about him anymore. How he's treated by his shrew has nothing to do with you. We are both to blame for the boredom But only one to blame for the cheating...him. He didn't want to work on being fresh and new, he didn't want to keep his family together, he wanted to do what he wanted to do and did it. She reeled him in slowly and caught him good. Yeah, she's evil but you didn't make him get reeled in by her. He decided to be reeled in and is now paying the price. Link to post Share on other sites
kac33 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Thanks for the insight. I wish my wife would understand your wisdom. She is bored with our life together, not happy with our sex life, hates getting old at 47, hates being tied down in some ways to a autistic daughter who requires more attention than a fully developed child and hates being "controlled" by me for not being able to do anything and everything she wants when and where she wants to. (Much of that is money driven, I won't let her buy whatever she wants, travel where she wants, vacation where she wants, etc.) The grass is not always greener on the other side as the old saying goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonesey Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hey Kac, Could you e-mail me? I have an autistic son and have a few questions for you. Thx Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted May 18, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hey Kac, Could you e-mail me? I have an autistic son and have a few questions for you. Thx Hi Jonesey: You may not publish your private Email address in the forums. Please ask your current questions directly on this thread as the answers may be of help to others. Once you are here a while, you will be granted access to our Private Messaging utility which will enable you to contact members directly. Even then, I hope you would not deprive our membership of important information. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Humm this is an interesting post since you see suggested over and over in the infidelity forum is divorce. How divorce does not really effect kids...etc... Link to post Share on other sites
joybean72 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 ((((((((PrincessValium)))))))) I am so sorry for the hurt his affair & subsequent divorce has caused both you and your children. I will tell you that it does get better over time. As for your ex, I agree with the other posters...he made his bed. The OW has trust & control issues, well that's her own insecurities & I assume brought on by the way their relationship began. You can only live your life for you and your children...let those two have their, *achem*....fun? (As they both signed up for it!) I would suggest your ex and your kids go to family counseling together though. He is still their father and they need to learn how to develop some kind of (At the least) civil relationship with him. Good luck to you & your kiddos. Link to post Share on other sites
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