Miss Para Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hi there. This is my first post, I found browsing on this site very helpful so far & I wondered if I could seek words of wisdom from you in relation to my current situation, which is to be frank, driving me insane! I met my bf 6 months ago. We are both in our late twenties & ready to settle down. We are perfect for each other & love each other to bits. He is the perfect man for me & says the same about me for him. My problem is my paranoia. I have always been an extremely jealous & paranoid person when it comes to relationships. To make things worse, before I met BF, his friend talked about him to me, saying he is a lovely guy but a dog with women, & that he is a serial cheat!! I met BF 3 weeks later, not realising until about 1 month later that it’s the same guy. (I hope that makes sense) Anyway, the thing is, I find myself being suspicious of his every move. Texts, calls, internet usage, nights out without me. Let me give you an example of how it is effecting my behaviour: The other day, we were out together & he briefly said hello to a pretty girl. The girl smirked, & walked away, quite unfriendly to him. On our way home, he was texting constant for about 10 minutes (which is unlike him), and he said that it was his friend who was in a different club. (I didn’t question him about the texts, he just volunteered the info). My over-working mind then came up with a scenario that it was the girl we had just seen that he was texting. I was convinced!!! I lost sleep that night, and the next morning, I looked in his phone without him knowing. (this is the first time I have done this with him). I was devastated to find that he had deleted his sent items, and the messages from the night before (the most recent message in his inbox was the one I had sent him earlier in the day). This confirmed to me that he had something to hide. I got all upset & we had a talk. I told him that I was feeling paranoid about us, (we have a few complications, involving a tie I have with my ex, problematic ex) & he confirmed that he loves me & would never hurt me. Help me please, you have to know that this guy is perfect for me in every way, and I know that it is my paranoid mind that is making me jump to nasty conclusions. Can anyone suggest any tips on getting over paranoia in relationships like this? I want to remain perfect for him, but I know that if I continue like this, I will push him away. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Juniper22 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Well, I'm sure if he is infact got something to hide or doing things he shouldn't, he will more than likely bring up the fact you're paranoid already and it will give him some kind of justification in what he might be doing. I say, if you feel things are not right, then they are probably not. Go with your gut instinct. I would also seek some kind of help for your paranoia, because NOT all people do the things you think they do. Its bad enough to be in a situation where something is NOT right for real, but quite another to always feel suspicious about someone when you don't need to be. I think it adds unwanted and un needed stress to things. But right now, it does sound like something might be up. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Even if he is doing something, YOU need to work on yourself and your paranoia issues regardless. You will have to, at some point make up your mind as well, if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who you feel can not be trusted. That is based on if you find out for sure, if he is doing something he shouldn't. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBelle Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Firstly, whenever someone writes, "he's perfect for me and I'm perfect for him" that just smacks of someone trying to convince him/herself of that fact. Seriously, you don't trust him, you're awake at night due to relationship stress, it looks like he's hiding something, you're snooping: so how is that "perfect for you?" Those things don't occur when a relationship is perfect, so please stop trying to convince yourself how great things are and recognize that you're unhappy. Trying to force yourself to be "perfect for him" is really not healthy for either of you. Secondly, if you have a history of jealousy and paranoia, then please go find some counseling for that. You may have something in your history that predisposes you to those feelings and it would do some good to identify them so those issues don't keep cropping up in your relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Deleted texts? Red flag hunny, all the way. Ive known many-a-men that would swear that a yellow wallet was red, and they would swear this until they are blue in the face! Just watch out! Link to post Share on other sites
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