Our sisterhood

[White Flower]

There has been a great deal of ground covered in this thread. Shared have been true heartfelt sentiments in support of the sisterhood, and sentiments that oppose this philosophy or do not believe it attainable.

 

I believe it is attainable and that is a belief that I have arrived at because of the heartfelt sentiments and stories written by the women in this forum. Over the time I've been here I have developed compassion for the OW in ways that I had not previously understood. For that I am very thankful.

 

I look deep inside of my heart knowing what I feel, yet I cannot understand why kindness towards one another is an ideal that has engendered opposition? How can one become angry for wanting the best for one another? How is anger an emotion elicited by such a passive, loving subject?

That is a very good question Gamine.

 

I know for some, like my exH, anger is what drove him to get anything done. Anger toward me scared me into doing <whatever> so I was always walking on eggshells, anger toward the children to keep them inline, never giving them guidance just orders and even in his job. I've heard him bully his employees for screwing up instead of thoughtfully guiding them in a better direction.

 

I think some people only know how to motivate by being sharp, angry, sarcastic, and even conniving. There is a better way, they just aren't aware of it. To some, understanding it means accepting it and for them it is too hard to accept. They haven't learned how to cope once in this stage.

[silktricks]

I was wrong to assume that ALL MM who seek for answers outside the M will do the right thing and leave for his true love (this is what I meant by it working out).

Do you feel still that you were his true love?

[jj33]

Perhaps simply that it's selfish?

 

Youre just proving my point Donna. Thank you.

[boldjack]

Your point is made with conviction and clarity, Gamine. I disagree with it but respect you as a person, that same respect would be given were you male or female.

[White Flower]

Do you feel still that you were his true love?

 

Wow, silktricks, I didn't see this one coming.

 

If I called him up today and asked him this question he would tell me that I was. Would that cause him to change anything? No.

 

Someone wise once told me that a cheating MM loves himself first, then his wife, then as a far distant the OW. We can doubt this until we're blue in the face but the truth is...actions speak louder than words.

 

We move mountains for true love. I quit waiting for my mountain to move.

[bentnotbroken]

Wow, silktricks, I didn't see this one coming.

 

If I called him up today and asked him this question he would tell me that I was. Would that cause him to change anything? No.

 

Someone wise once told me that a cheating MM loves himself first, then his wife, then as a far distant the OW. We can doubt this until we're blue in the face but the truth is...actions speak louder than words.

 

We move mountains for true love. I quit waiting for my mountain to move.

 

 

 

I guess that you and I got tired of different side of that same selfish mountain. That mountain got on my damn nerves:p

[White Flower]

Honey, there are other mountains;)

[bentnotbroken]

Honey, there are other mountains;)

 

 

 

AAAhhhh, but now I am Xena...Warrior Princess. iiiiiiyyyyyeeeehhhhh:lmao:

[White Flower]

AAAhhhh, but now I am Xena...Warrior Princess. iiiiiiyyyyyeeeehhhhh:lmao:

I'll be her sidekick. In our sisterhood we'll go climb new mountains.

[Island Girl]

Honey, there are other mountains;)

 

 

I allow the man in the relationship to do all the heavy lifting.

 

Incidentally, when I met my husband he was still married.

They were separated and he was living with a friend of his.

But he was married.

 

When the circumstances were explained in detail I told him that he had a mess to clean up and I wasn't hanging around to watch.

 

It was handled and taken care of before he showed up and wanted to pursue the relationship.

 

That is the way someone looks out for another. I didn't know his now exW. But I certainly respected her as a person. And I was not going to participate in anything that might be hurtful to another.

 

 

Most of the time the only reason a spouse can cheat is because there is a person willing to stomp on another faceless person in their quest to get what they think they want.

[bentnotbroken]

I'll be her sidekick. In our sisterhood we'll go climb new mountains.

 

No sidekicks here. Equal sisters;) You push high and I'll push low.

[White Flower]

IG, when I said new mountain I meant an SG;)

[Island Girl]

IG, when I said new mountain I meant an SG;)

 

I understand.

 

Make sure he values you enough to move those mountains for you!

[sugarmomma]

I allow the man in the relationship to do all the heavy lifting.

 

Incidentally, when I met my husband he was still married.

They were separated and he was living with a friend of his.

But he was married.

 

When the circumstances were explained in detail I told him that he had a mess to clean up and I wasn't hanging around to watch.

 

It was handled and taken care of before he showed up and wanted to pursue the relationship.

 

That is the way someone looks out for another. I didn't know his now exW. But I certainly respected her as a person. And I was not going to participate in anything that might be hurtful to another.

 

 

Most of the time the only reason a spouse can cheat is because there is a person willing to stomp on another faceless person in their quest to get what they think they want.

 

 

IG,

 

That is real talk. I see now that she is a person with feelings and even though he said that she could care less about what he did, I didn't know for sure. 'Either way his azz is history and I am on point into my destiny.

 

 

I PLEDGE FROM THIS DAY FORTH TO NEVER AGAIN BE THE OW!!!

 

Can I get a woohoo??

[jj33]

Woohoo.

 

And thanks for proving my point about the thread.

[OWoman]

We are all sisters in the Divine Feminine. Whether we classify ourselves as OW, BS, Wife, or OP, we are all sisters. We are all women and have between us a larger bond that cannot, and should not, be undermined.

 

I am not a BS, OW, or Wife. I am me. I am a woman first. Life may place us on different sides of the fence but this need not be the case. As women we are all really sharing in the same thing. We, as women, belong to one another more than we could ever belong to any man. We are sisters, we comprise womanhood. We are all beautiful and built with a heart made for love.

 

As a woman, I do not villainize OW or wives. After all, we are really two sides of the very same coin who feel separated by the 'roles' we play. However, one thing rings true to me... that we are sisters first. Despite the roles we play, or the romantic situations we find ourselves in... we should always put one another first.

 

I don't buy this at all. Why should I have more in common with some random woman just because we share a sex, than I'd have with a man? In fact, when I read these sociobiology books about how men and women differ, I always find myself reflected more closely in the description of men, than of women.

 

I don't share much in common with people who share my racial group, or many people who share my nationality, so why should gender be any different? I'm an individual, the result of my choices and circumstances over the years, of which gender is only one small part.

 

And, while I'm a feminist of sorts, I'm not that kind of 1970s Western Feminist who sees it all as a huge plot by men to keep women oppressed. Women can oppress as well as any man - and, in my personal experience, I've had far worse at the hands of girls and women than I've had from any man, so why should my loyalties lie with my oppressors?

 

I suppose this is supposed to make us all drop our MMs and reach for each other in one warm fuzzy group hug instead, but, frankly, hot sex does far more for me than being swathed in cellulite and body hair from some sensible-shoe clad womyn.

 

Thanks, but I'll stick to what I prefer.

[OWoman]

Then what exactly is the point here? That its antifeminist to be the OW? That is violates the principle of the Divine Feminine?

 

It's more antifeminist to be a W than an OW.

Marriage is an institution that exists for the reproduction of Patriarchy, after all. At least the OW position is revolutionary in that it strikes at the heart of M, and thus at Patriarchy - even though it still falls short of the ideal of separatism.

 

Come on JJ - that's Feminism 101 - were you sleeping in class?

[Gamine]

I don't buy this at all. Why should I have more in common with some random woman just because we share a sex, than I'd have with a man? In fact, when I read these sociobiology books about how men and women differ, I always find myself reflected more closely in the description of men, than of women.

 

I don't share much in common with people who share my racial group, or many people who share my nationality, so why should gender be any different? I'm an individual, the result of my choices and circumstances over the years, of which gender is only one small part.

 

And, while I'm a feminist of sorts, I'm not that kind of 1970s Western Feminist who sees it all as a huge plot by men to keep women oppressed. Women can oppress as well as any man - and, in my personal experience, I've had far worse at the hands of girls and women than I've had from any man, so why should my loyalties lie with my oppressors?

 

I suppose this is supposed to make us all drop our MMs and reach for each other in one warm fuzzy group hug instead, but, frankly, hot sex does far more for me than being swathed in cellulite and body hair from some sensible-shoe clad womyn.

 

Thanks, but I'll stick to what I prefer.

 

 

That is precisely the point, OW. You've accounted experiences of oppression by other women and the profoundly unpleasant legacy that ensues. So much so, it seems, that you'd rather have further to do with women. Hot sex as a part of your female sexuality is liberating and wonderful and as a married woman it is wonderful that you share this with your husband. But from what I understand from your other posts, am I correct that you are no longer the OW but a married woman?

 

I have a funny feeling that many, if not all, of the 'sisters' in this thread are pretty 'hot' women present company included! But probably so because we love being women.

[Gamine]

It's more antifeminist to be a W than an OW.

Marriage is an institution that exists for the reproduction of Patriarchy, after all. At least the OW position is revolutionary in that it strikes at the heart of M, and thus at Patriarchy - even though it still falls short of the ideal of separatism.

 

Come on JJ - that's Feminism 101 - were you sleeping in class?

 

 

One need not be the oppressor or the oppressed... the captor or the captive. That is what freedom is... and not just freedom from cause and effect... but true freedom. True freedom is comes at no one's expense. For if we believe that someone must pay our price we are not truly free at all. We are stuck in an illusion we believe we must retaliate against. Only one who believes they are a prisoner... a captive... must break away from a jailor.

[blind_otter]

Most of the time the only reason a spouse can cheat is because there is a person willing to stomp on another faceless person in their quest to get what they think they want.

 

TRUE THAT! It's not about pledging allegiance to some strange woman you've never met - it's also about respecting yourself enough to demand that actions be taken to prove that you are the one your partner really wants to be with.

 

****ing you on the side does not prove anything other than the fact that the MP wants to enjoy some strange.

 

I'm an individual, the result of my choices and circumstances over the years

 

Certainly. There's no reason to attend to the very society which supports you and allows you to have the choices and circumstances that resulted in your "individuality". Society and humanity owes you everything, and you must not give up anything in return for that, right? Seems like the attitude my 10 month old seems to have....

 

And, while I'm a feminist of sorts, I'm not that kind of 1970s Western Feminist who sees it all as a huge plot by men to keep women oppressed. Women can oppress as well as any man - and, in my personal experience, I've had far worse at the hands of girls and women than I've had from any man, so why should my loyalties lie with my oppressors?

 

Have you ever heard the phrase "lead by example"? It's something that is essential in parenting. How would it be any less in the greater society? And at the very least, at the end of the day you know you behaved much better than your "oppressors" ever did...

 

I suppose this is supposed to make us all drop our MMs and reach for each other in one warm fuzzy group hug instead, but, frankly, hot sex does far more for me than being swathed in cellulite and body hair from some sensible-shoe clad womyn.

 

Thanks, but I'll stick to what I prefer.

 

This attitude is a sign of the decline of civilization if I ever heard one.

[jj33]

It's more antifeminist to be a W than an OW.

Marriage is an institution that exists for the reproduction of Patriarchy, after all. At least the OW position is revolutionary in that it strikes at the heart of M, and thus at Patriarchy - even though it still falls short of the ideal of separatism.

 

Come on JJ - that's Feminism 101 - were you sleeping in class?

 

Obviously I was sleeping. while we come at this from different points of view, I think our point is the same - what does feminism have to do with ANY of this - unless its some veiled attempt to "convert" wayward OWs into seeing the error of their ways.

 

In which case the thread doesnt belong in this forum.

[blind_otter]

Obviously I was sleeping. while we come at this from different points of view, I think our point is the same - what does feminism have to do with ANY of this - unless its some veiled attempt to "convert" wayward OWs into seeing the error of their ways.

 

In which case the thread doesnt belong in this forum.

 

I think the feminism point is neither here nor there, it's just throw in there to obfuscate. Who the hell even knows what type of feminism anyone is referring to anymore....

 

I think the point was more - why don't women band together. And my point is, we can't, we never have been that way and we won't any time soon. Sure, it's a nice idea to think - why can't we all demand that the people we are in love with be committed to one relationship.

 

But that's just not how it works. People will do whatever they can get away with. It's human nature.

[Gamine]

Obviously I was sleeping. while we come at this from different points of view, I think our point is the same - what does feminism have to do with ANY of this - unless its some veiled attempt to "convert" wayward OWs into seeing the error of their ways.

 

In which case the thread doesnt belong in this forum.

 

 

This thread has nothing, whatsoever, to do with feminism. Feminism speaks to political and social equality which, in its truest sense, is almost the polar opposite of the meaning that resides within this thread.

 

There is no judgment concerning OW, Wives, OM, MM. Judgment, in fact, again... is the polar opposite of what is being discussed in our thread.

 

Advocating 'no anger', no division, acceptance etc... is neutral. There is no aggression to anyone for choices. In fact, anger only arises in defense. When a held concept is perceived as being attacked. There are no attackers here. Although I think I can understand why you are perceiving there is. I may be totally incorrect, but you may perceive that advocating compassion and love for one another may be construed as trying to dictate right and wrong. Being kind to one another is merely that. It doesn't come with a handbook or parameters. The only guide is your heart.

[Island Girl]

IG,

 

That is real talk. I see now that she is a person with feelings and even though he said that she could care less about what he did, I didn't know for sure. 'Either way his azz is history and I am on point into my destiny.

 

 

I PLEDGE FROM THIS DAY FORTH TO NEVER AGAIN BE THE OW!!!

 

Can I get a woohoo??

 

 

Here's a big WOOHOO!!!!!! :bunny::bunny:

 

Yes, you deserve to be someone's whole enchilada!!!

 

Completely dedicated to you as you would be to them.

 

Whoooo RAH!!

[jj33]

No my point is that this entire thread is about explaining to OW how their actions are wrong because we are all sisters and shouldnt sleep with each others husbands.

 

The concept is great but when posted on a forum meant to support OWs it comes with a very transparent agenda. Im out on this one. Im glad others are enjoying it but Ive made my point. I understand others disagree but theres really no more for me to say.