Future Children question?

[Mikew]

So my Fiancee and I were lying in bed tonight talking about our future "hypothetical" children, i.e. names, how many...We have had this conversation hundreds of times so it's nothing out of the norm.

 

However there is one touchy subject and I don't know why it irritates me. She has/does mention that she wants to give our "future children" her last name as a middle name. I guess in my family and anyone else I know middle names are reserved for Mothers/Fathers, Grandmas/Grandpas or Great Grandparents. Kind of a way to honor them.

 

She says that my last name is already being honored and that she just wants to keep a piece of herself in our "future children". I have to respect her point of view, and I do, I understand what she is saying. For some reason it bothers me. I guess I always giving my kids middle names after our grandparents or parents.

[sb129]

I see her point.

 

Out of me and my H, my surname (which I still use for work) is much nicer, more unusual and a little famous.

My cousin has it as his middle name, as it was his mothers maiden name.

I have a friend who used this name as a first name for his daughter. I definitely want to use it as a middle name for one of our children. (and we have one on the way, so it could happen this year).

My H is cool with it.

 

Think of it this way- by using the ONE name, you are honouring nearly her entire family rather than picking one grandparents/ parents first name and playing favourites....

[Mikew]

I totally see your point! And I see hers...I think it's so stupid that this bugs me! I think I just need to seriously get it in my head that this is an option and that it's okay! Thanks for the advice

[Enema]

I think she takes precedence over you.

 

Your parents and grandparents are already being respected through the use of their last name.

 

If you're really that cut up about it, give them 2 middle names.

[Stung]

i think it's a little weird that you're so bothered by this but i do commend you for being able to see her point: her family and her family name is just as important to her as it is to you, right? and by your post i'm assuming she already gave hers up for yours when she married you...a lot of women don't, these days.

 

you mentioned that it's out of kilter with what you see around you...perhaps the answer, then, is simply to look harder and farther afield. all kinds of naming traditions abound, maybe if you learn about more of them you won't feel so affronted by her desire to follow one that's different from the one you associate as 'normal'.

 

i like enema's suggestion of two middle names, if you'd like to honor individuals (or go in a more creative direction) along with honoring her family.

[Lauriebell82]

Hmm, well I was always very traditional in the way I looked at this, I never had any problem giving up my name.

 

Does she plan on taking your last name? If so then I can see why she'd feel that she was losing her name. I think that it would probably be a good compromise to give the children her last name as a middle name. You said it made you feel uncomfortable, is it because it's not traditional?

[Trialbyfire]

I think this is a great idea. Be glad she's not like me, where I'm not going to change my last name when we get married next summer.

 

Any future childen will have his last name and now, after hearing this, my last name as their middle name. Thank your fiancee for her great idea, for me! Our names will not hyphenate, with any grace.

[Art_Critic]

I have to respect her point of view, and I do, I understand what she is saying.

 

Good for you.. each couple has a slightly different requirement in respecting the others wish when it comes to these types of things..

 

My wife laid out the "rules" when naming our child and I went along with them.. even thought her rules really benefited me anyhow

 

Her rules were that since he got my last name then she got to pick his first name and the middle name was a combined effort between both of us..

 

but in the end she wanted his middle name to be my middle name and I went with it right away....

 

So she named his first, and middle names and in the end he got my middle and last name....Win/Win

[Lauriebell82]

Good for you.. each couple has a slightly different requirement in respecting the others wish when it comes to these types of things..

 

My wife laid out the "rules" when naming our child and I went along with them.. even thought her rules really benefited me anyhow

 

Her rules were that since he got my last name then she got to pick his first name and the middle name was a combined effort between both of us..

 

but in the end she wanted his middle name to be my middle name and I went with it right away....

 

So she named his first, and middle names and in the end he got my middle and last name....Win/Win

 

Wow that's slick! My fiance and I agree on very few first names for children, it appears he likes the more traditional ones, while I like more uncommon names. We do agree on some, but I would def. LOVE to chose the first name myself!!!

[quankanne]

I'd definitely would have wanted my children to have my maiden name as part of their name as a nod to their ethnic heritage, they'd have had DH's name anyway.

[Mikew]

Thank you all for your advice. After thinking about it and reading up on this topic, she is giving up her last name when we get married next year and while I don't 100% get it, and I don't think I ever will, because I'm a guy and I don't have to give up any part of my identity when we get married.

 

I do, however, 100% respect and understand her point of view and after more talking with her have decided that when the time comes for us to have children then, we will be giving them her last name as a middle name. It just makes sense.

 

I guess at first it threw me off because I am traditional and anyone I've ever known in my whole life has always had a first name of a relative as a middle name. But after thinking about it and pondering it I really like that we will be able to honor her family name.

[quankanne]

our plan was to use family names for first/middle, and have his surname, though if the first name were to go well with my maiden name, the kid would have had my maiden name as his/her middle name. However, the kid part didn't work out, so I'm left with naming kittens after my favorite Spurs players.

[2sure]

I have been married a couple of times.

My sister's have all kept their maiden names, and at one point I did also.

 

The thing you will find is this: When you have kids in school, its just a real inconvenience if they dont have the same name as you. Its not huge, but its there and I regretted it.

 

Next, to OP - childrens names, etc. In the scheme of things, in the big picture, this is not a battle I would choose or even give much thought too. Give it to her.

 

And lastly - parents generally change their minds about names a million times during pregnancy and even when you "meet" the baby.

 

To all: Any opinions you have now, before children....can & will be tossed as soon as you give birth. You are instantly someone else. lol.

[blind_otter]

My S/O allowed me to give our son my last name, to honor my father, who I loved dearly and who had no sons to carry on his name.

 

We gave our son his last name as a first name, and the middle name we both picked.

 

Everyone is different, I guess.

 

But yes - once you give birth to your first or only child, all your careful planning will be for naught. Children are like that.

[clv0116]

.... after thinking about it and pondering it I really like that we will be able to honor her family name.

 

In some places this is just common practice. In other places the last name is the fathers name is converted to the new last name, for instance Martin Kardinov has a son, the son might be named Bubba Martinov and a daughter named Daisy Martinova. So many different traditions, I think the best way to honor the parents and grandparents is to make sure you do the best you can to raise them well.

 

Also as far as I know 3 names isn't the limit, but it's not gonna fit well on a lot of official forms if you exceed it.

[Thornton]

My kids will have MY surname, not his... after all I'm the one who has to carry them! Plus if we ever break up (which I don't expect but you never know) I wouldn't want my kids to have his surname as a constant reminder. I don't like his surname anyway, and will not be taking it upon marriage, and I want my kids to have the same name as me. He already has three kids with his ex-wife who have his surname, so I think it would be greedy of him to want to name our future kids after him too.

[alphamale]

So my Fiancee and I were lying in bed tonight talking about our future "hypothetical" children, i.e. names, how many...We have had this conversation hundreds of times so it's nothing out of the norm.

 

However there is one touchy subject and I don't know why it irritates me. She has/does mention that she wants to give our "future children" her last name as a middle name. I guess in my family and anyone else I know middle names are reserved for Mothers/Fathers, Grandmas/Grandpas or Great Grandparents. Kind of a way to honor them.

 

She says that my last name is already being honored and that she just wants to keep a piece of herself in our "future children". I have to respect her point of view, and I do, I understand what she is saying. For some reason it bothers me. I guess I always giving my kids middle names after our grandparents or parents.

you could compromise by giveing them middle names of looney tunes characters, you know...daffy, porkie, buggs, elmer, foghorn, tweety, elmer, wile e., taz, speedy

[Touche]

Our son's middle name is my maiden name. My father died when I was 4 and there are no boys in our family so it was a way of carrying on the name. Also our son's first name is the first four letters of my father's name.

 

My husband had no problem with it. We all share my husband's last name.