Guys do you notice other girls?

[sb129]

I think blind people kinda see with their hands

:eek::eek:

 

OH NO! Now that simply wouldn't do, imagine the angst THAT would cause.

l

[subdued]

I'm a woman who prefers men over women, but I look at women, not men. Women look better. Men smell better.

 

Sex isn't about looks. Looks just get one in the mood. Sex is more about smell and feeling. My guy smells and feels good. I wouldn't go to bed with anyone else.

[grogster]

No one answered the other questions I asked. Or that the OP had asked first.

 

 

Why do you guys even pretend you care about being loyal.

 

Jersey, to paraphrase a long dead politician: Extremism in the defense of fidelity is no virtue.

 

 

Lighten up. Otherwise, frustration, bitterness and disappointment will become your lot in life.

 

You've been warned.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I'm wondering if you've been in a HAPPY, committed relationship with an attractive girl, do you notice other girls? Do you still think "oh man, she's hot." Or do you have eyes only for your girl? I'm not asking if you'd actually act on it...just, do you notice them? Honest answers please! Thanks!

 

I'd love to be able to have eyes only for my girl, but actually it works the other way for me. Whenever I'm seeing someone I get really really f*cking randy and attracted to other women a lot more than when I'm not seeing someone. I don't know why it is.

 

And the hotter the woman is, the worse it gets it seems. I've been seeing a model for the last few weeks and it's really bad at the moment. She makes me so hot that not only do I want sex with her non-stop I also feel like banging everything that moves, and it's summer too. Terrible. I'm going to explode at some point.

[subdued]

I sort of understand how you feel. When I first started going to bed with my boyfriend, the great sex made me think about sex and fantasize all the time. It didn't matter who it was with. We've been going out for about 3 1/2 years, and I've calmed down sexually. I'm no longer thinking about sex all the time. And I think only about him when I do.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I sort of understand how you feel. When I first started going to bed with my boyfriend, the great sex made me think about sex and fantasize all the time. .

 

That's how it is, my sex drive is insane right now.

 

It didn't matter who it was with. We've been going out for about 3 1/2 years, and I've calmed down sexually. I'm no longer thinking about sex all the time. And I think only about him when I do

 

Well that's fortunate!

[Trialbyfire]

I'd love to be able to have eyes only for my girl, but actually it works the other way for me. Whenever I'm seeing someone I get really really f*cking randy and attracted to other women a lot more than when I'm not seeing someone. I don't know why it is.

 

And the hotter the woman is, the worse it gets it seems. I've been seeing a model for the last few weeks and it's really bad at the moment. She makes me so hot that not only do I want sex with her non-stop I also feel like banging everything that moves, and it's summer too. Terrible. I'm going to explode at some point.

I'm going to take a run at the bolded statement, CP. While I understand the need to breed when with someone who cranks you, the bolded statement makes me wonder if she not only raises your libido but also, somehow creates a stable base to leverage off of. In essence, provides you with two types of stroking, ego and libido. I could easily be wrong though, since everyone's psyche is mapped differently.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I'm going to take a run at the bolded statement, CP. While I understand the need to breed when with someone who cranks you, the bolded statement makes me wonder if she not only raises your libido but also, somehow creates a stable base to leverage off of. In essence, provides you with two types of stroking, ego and libido. I could easily be wrong though, since everyone's psyche is mapped differently.

 

Yes a lot of it is probably is down to ego stroking, and the heightened sense of sexual confidence that comes with it.

[fral945]

How many men linger on thoughts over women they see in public and later have fantasies about her?

 

None. We think about them until the next hottie walks by. Then we have new eye candy to look at and the previous woman is forgotten.

 

Do you tink about random women while you are banging your partner?

 

No. I only think about random women when I'm not getting laid.

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersey, to paraphrase a long dead politician: Extremism in the defense of fidelity is no virtue.

 

 

Lighten up. Otherwise, frustration, bitterness and disappointment will become your lot in life.

 

You've been warned.

 

I didn't say that a man should never look at another woman again. I just think the general lack of self control that is held as the standard for men now-a-days isn't much of any kind of self control at all. Why don't you guys focus on yuor partner and what you have instead of what you don't have? I think it's the focusing on what you don't have that breeds disappointment. It is overwhelming the amount of things men expect women to ignore or accept based on what benefits *him* best, no consideration for the partner in the equation. Why have a partner to begin with? Just go off and be by youself and hook up with random women. At least you don't have to hurt someone else because yo ucan't focus on what you got.

[mental_traveller]

I'm wondering if you've been in a HAPPY, committed relationship with an attractive girl, do you notice other girls? Do you still think "oh man, she's hot." Or do you have eyes only for your girl? I'm not asking if you'd actually act on it...just, do you notice them? Honest answers please! Thanks!

 

Yes I notice them. That's the curse of testosterone.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If a man didn't notice, there would be a likely chemical imbalance in the brain. Men are biologically wired to notice attractive females. It is a remnant of what has kept our species alive and thriving and growing.

 

Sure, men can control it to the extent that their girlfriend won't notice but that by no means implies that they are blind to attractive females.

 

No amount of trying to fit biology into an artificial sociological box is ever going to work. Hence the struggle between what we are, and what we strive to be.

 

Our biological imperative is to mate and propagate the species. All of that 'love', 'commitment', etc stuff are things we created to try to distance ourselves from the fact that at our core, we are driven by animal instincts.

 

You can wish all you want that your man will love only you, want only you, notice only you, and his brain will shut out every other female but you - but it will never happen, unless you were to lobotomize him and/or subject him to medications that will alter the brain chemistry so that he will lose the mating impulse altogether.

 

Love your man for who he is and accept who he is and understand that underneath all of the romance and roses, you are dealing with a human being. I'm sure if you did, he would be far more likely to control the input out of love for you rather than obligation.

[sam light]

Absolutely notice, can't help it.

[MissHollywood]

Actually, I would like that my guy notices other girls because that's the only normal way. But I would also like that he doesn't do anything more than that.

[mental_traveller]

Women should HOPE that a guy notices other hot women, because if he doesn't, he's probably gay. As long as it stops at noticing, then I don't see the problem.

[Jersey Shortie]

Men are biologically wired to notice attractive females. It is a remnant of what has kept our species alive and thriving and growing.

 

Frankly, I think we all get that men can easily notice other women. And frankly, women are wired to want to be noticed by other men. I don't think men like the idea of their women seeking indirect attention from other men and being turned on by the attention other men are giving her anymore then most women like the idea of their men giving indirect attention to other women and men being turned on by other women. Hence the reason men so easily call women sluts for the way the dress and try to control women through the name calling. That's biology there as well.

 

I truly dislike how we try to make women, and I freely admit to being one of these women, feel bad about something that is exactly as you stated. A natural and normal biological threat from my spot as the woman for him to be noticing other women. Doesn't mean logically I think he is going to run away with another girl but to sit there and give guys a free pass based on their "biological desires" and forget the dichotomy of how a woman can relate with her own biological desires frankly, is wrong. Women have biological needs as well and response to men. Add if you are going to defend a man looking and noticing other attrative women but deny women their own biogical response to that and the threat it can easily pose, I just think that's plain wrong and unfair.

 

Our biological imperative is to mate and propagate the species. All of that 'love', 'commitment', etc stuff are things we created to try to distance ourselves from the fact that at our core, we are driven by animal instincts.

 

I have to say that I completely disagree with that statement. Obvisouly we can have an interest in more then one person. But "love" and "commitment" aren't any less false or less biological desires then sex. They actually all have a place in what makes us human. I think it's wrong to defend one set of actions based on "biological imperatives" without understanding the factors that go into another set of actions that are in essence, just as biological and natural.

 

I frankly don't think we could truly live without either and still be human beings. We wouldn't survive without the species being "propagated". But you know what? We wouldn't survive without love and commitment and family either.

 

We also should factor in over-population and the fact that in this day and age it is not always the best biological option to mate with a bunch of different partners factoring in STDs and creating more babies to over-populate the earth and take more resources that become more valuable with time. That is also a "biological imperitive".

 

Sure, men can control it to the extent that their girlfriend won't notice but that by no means implies that they are blind to attractive females.

 

Then don't expect a woman to be blind to her own biological impertives in recongnizing the very real threat another attractive woman poses. Especially when we are told all day long how visual men are. Lets stop telling women that they have to control this or that and telling men they get a free pass for this and that.

 

 

You can wish all you want that your man will love only you, want only you, notice only you, and his brain will shut out every other female but you - but it will never happen, unless you were to lobotomize him and/or subject him to medications that will alter the brain chemistry so that he will lose the mating impulse altogether.

 

What person here said anything so one deminsional or off the cusp as that? As a female that is bothered by guys and the looking, It's not about wanting to lobotomize him or making him less of a man. It's about seeing an effort on his part to control himself and perhaps choosing to focus on what he has, rather then what he doesn't. From my point of view, women have to deal with a truck load of crap from guys when it comes to a man's sexuality and other women. (and men deal with their own stuff but this is about a certain specefic topic). I just wish more men cared more about focusing on their partners, what she offered him, then focusing on what he doesn't have the second he gets the chance to. All say long you have to deal with outside sources, and in this day and age you can come home and still have to fight those outside sources when your man is sitting infront of his computer looking at porn. I just want to know when men finally say "enough is enough" and choose to stand by their girls.

 

Love your man for who he is and accept who he is and understand that underneath all of the romance and roses, you are dealing with a human being. I'm sure if you did, he would be far more likely to control the input out of love for you rather than obligation.

 

That completely works both ways you realize that right? I truly agree with this statement you made. I really do. And I don't want to control my man at all. I really don't think most women do. I want it to be his choice.But from my outlook, and experience with guys and what I see everyday in public, it seems the choice most guys make is not for thier girls but for all the girls around them and for themselves that they can get a two second cheap thrill from, at home infront of their computers or walking the street. I don't see alot of guys that draw many lines. I think that's why so many women do feel like the need to control the situation, because they don't see their guys doing it.

 

No one is asking for perfection but I think it's unfair to call women out on being bothered on their guys looking at other women and only expecting women to rise above it while defending men for being "men". If you ask me what makes a man isn't that he looks at other attractive woman. What makes a man to me is a man that respects his woman and puts her first. That's what a real man is to me.

 

And I have heard the statement before about "women should hope their guy looks at other women" before. And frankly that statement comes of completely arrogant and selfish. And like guys get a free pass to indulge in bad behaviors while as a woman I should be happy about this and smile and still be sweet and open to him. We expect women to control their own actions while men get a free pass for the sake of being a guy. So frustrating. I hope I come back as a man. Seriously, you guys have it so much easier.

[AnonyMOUSE18]

I think Jersey Shortie makes a LOT of important points in this thread. Why have a few of you taken her points as man-hating? The hostility doesn't seem to be coming from JS here, but those who are insulting her by deliberately oversimplifying and misreading her ideas.

 

We live in a patriarchy, and sexism still abounds in our societies around the world. Some of you are arguing that the status quo is fine, whie JS is pointing out ways in which it could improve. That's the key difference between what some of you are saying, I think!

 

Thanks for starting this thread, SophieA. It's a topic I've discussed with my boyfriend a lot, and I also used to talk about this with my now-ex-husband.

 

Based on my experiences, men are a lot less likely to ogle other women when they're truly committed and in love with their significant other. However, that generalization doesn't always hold because of so many possible other factors. My current boyfriend has a hard time controlling the admiring glance / extended look because he was single for 10 years before he met me. He tries very hard not to look at other women, and has been improving a lot -- and I give him credit for trying and mostly succeeding. It's hard because he's been enmeshed and surrounded by "single guy" mentality and behavior for so long, and he embraced it because society allows him to. Now he's trying to be less of a "perv," and I do think that having a healthy, passionate, and loving sex life in our relationship makes him a lot less likely to look around at women with the horny eyeball.

 

That said, he also says that he doesn't linger on them or imagine having sex with them, and that anything extended like that ended as soon as he fell in love with me. He still looks and admires, but doesn't imagine sex with them.

 

My ex-husband used to have eyes only for me, in an almost self-denying way. When our relationship was dying, I began to notice him checking out other women, for the first time in years. So, there is something to the level of emotional attachment and sexual delight you've got going with your partner.

 

I still don't think men have the right to point to "biology" as a justification for being perverted *******s, though. "Biology" is often a thinly-veiled excuse for abusing the differential social power men have within a patriarchical system.

 

This topic touches on a myriad of feminist issues, as it directly addresses the concept of The Gaze, or The Male Gaze. Look it up! It's totally interesting.

 

Peace,

Hilarie

[LucreziaBorgia]

At the core, we are animals driven by chemicals and hormones. All the rest is stuff we created as humans (the 'ists', the 'isms', etc.) in order to distance ourselves from that fact. No amount of debate will change that.

[annieo]

Of course they do - moot point.

 

I'm more curious to find out how many women will freely admit that they notice/check out other men, while in a happy and committed relationship?

There's a lot of self-righteous, I'm-so-pure talk here, "I only think about my boyfriend - men are such pigs" stuff. I find it very hard to believe that a healthy, sexually vital person of either gender doesn't look at/think about attractive people who aren't their partner.

 

I know I do - try to be subtle about it, but I can't help myself. My eye is just drawn to men who I find attractive, I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. I've been known to make a little eye contact as well, but that's it. It DOESN'T MEAN A THING - I'm not about to hop into bed with them, I'm just having a quick, appreciative look.

 

Now if I (or my husband) was leering, gawking in a really obvious way, especially in each other's presence, well that's just rude, to him/me as well as the object of the ogling.

[grogster]

At the core, we are animals driven by chemicals and hormones. All the rest is stuff we created as humans (the 'ists', the 'isms', etc.) in order to distance ourselves from that fact. No amount of debate will change that.

 

Or Women's Studies anti-patriarchy blather.

 

Where's Camille Paglia when we need her.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think Jersey Shortie makes a LOT of important points in this thread. Why have a few of you taken her points as man-hating? The hostility doesn't seem to be coming from JS here, but those who are insulting her by deliberately oversimplifying and misreading her ideas.

 

Thank you. I don't hate men at all. I quite love them and I guess that's why I have some of the hurt I do. But I feel like I make valid points that people rather ignore and attack me then discuss the idea I bring up.

 

Now he's trying to be less of a "perv," and I do think that having a healthy, passionate, and loving sex life in our relationship makes him a lot less likely to look around at women with the horny eyeball.

 

I admire your guy for trying. Thats really all I want to see. I don't think most guys try anymore.

 

 

-----------------------------------------

 

At the core, we are animals driven by chemicals and hormones. All the rest is stuff we created as humans (the 'ists', the 'isms', etc.) in order to distance ourselves from that fact. No amount of debate will change that

 

Lucrezia, i am sorry but just because you say it's *fact*, doesn't mean it is.

 

You think chemicals and hormones only have place when it comes to sexuality. When the truth is that the we have a mirrored of chemicals and hormones that drive us that are have to do with the wide spectrum of emotion and human reasoning. Love and family are not far out creations used to "seperate us " from biological urges. It is all about choice when you are a human being. We have the choice either way. We are not drones or controlled by one set of chemicals or hormones or the other. Do defend sexual biology on chemicals and hormones but deny that reasoning when it comes to other emotions, drives and feelings is ludicris and not logical.

 

What really gets me at the end of it is we sit here and defend men on biology and ignore women for their biology or seem to expect women to rise above biology when we give me escuse to be passive and weak. ANd we wonder why women are more mannish today. Perhaps men aren't getting the job done.

[carhill]

Women choose who they reproduce with. Just look at reality. The most prolific reproducers are the hormonally and chemically driven "animals", perpetuating and refining that gene pool

[Jersey Shortie]

Women choose who they reproduce. withJust look at reality. The most prolific reproducers are the hormonally and chemically driven "animals", perpetuating and refining that gene pool.

 

Reality is that as a man you want to say it comes down to being women's responsiblity and men's inablility to use self control. Glad you stated what so many guys here already have. That men don't want to take responsibility for their own actions and want to defend their actions on their hormones yet expect women to rise above their own hormones. Men want to justify why they do the things they do and hold women to a higher standards. Again, it comes down to women's responsiblity and men's inability to take responsibilty for themselves and defend their actions. Just like when men say that if their women did this or that, he wouldn't look at porn. WRONG. YOU are the reason why you look at porn, not your woman. You're a grown adult and resposibile for your own choices.

[gopher]

Reality is that as a man you want to say it comes down to being women's responsiblity and men's inablility to use self control. Glad you stated what so many guys here already have. That men don't want to take responsibility for their own actions and want to defend their actions on their hormones yet expect women to rise above their own hormones. Men want to justify why they do the things they do and hold women to a higher standards. Again, it comes down to women's responsiblity and men's inability to take responsibilty for themselves and defend their actions. Just like when men say that if their women did this or that, he wouldn't look at porn. WRONG. YOU are the reason why you look at porn, not your woman. You're a grown adult and resposibile for your own choices.

 

Good lord JS...you are so dogmatic about your beliefs that there is no room for discussion...Is not ever viewing porn a litmus test for the men you date? And if you don't think that Men don't pick up on your feelings about our gender, you are sadly mistaken. You say you love men....please show me one thread you've started that proves that out....heck, I'll even take one post...

[carhill]

Look, JS, I've had sex with four women in 50 years on this planet. Women do choose who they have sex with, as the pursued "animal". They choose who they propagate the species with. You can't deny that. Men also choose; they choose who they pursue. Some, like myself, are more discriminating. Others will ef any hole within reach that will accept them. Look where the population explosions and skyrocketing birth rates are. It ain't in the white-collar professional 1.7 kids per household demographic. It's the people who are slaves to their primitive drives and hormones and discern no other productive use for their lives. The Duggar's are exempted

 

Simply put, whenever you choose to reproduce with the knuckle dragger that ogles every woman on the street, you choose to perpetuate that gene pool. If that's a bad thing, as seems to be proferred by a number of women in this thread, make better choices. You ain't gonna change a knuckle-dragger's genes.

 

My gross irritation is when people like yourself, in your zest to codemn all men for their primitive behaviors, summarily ignore and piss on shining examples of positive male behavior. That says more about you and your ilk than it does about us, since you choose to ignore and piss.

 

BTW, this thread was about noticing other girls, not porn. Happy to accept your comments in this weeks porn thread