Guys do you notice other girls?

[seibert253]

My wife is a beautiful woman. I'm not too bad to look at either. We're both fitness professionals, and each of us regularly gets propositioned by members of the opposite sex. We've been together 17years, married for 15.

I regularly encounter and interact with "hott" women, as does she with guys. Each of us recognizes the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex, but we are comfortable enough in our relationship to openly express this.

If my wife catchs me "checking out" another chick she'll tell me, if you think she looks hot, wait till you see me later when I come to bed. SCHWING!

[Jersey Shortie]

For the record, I didn't say that you were calling men pigs. I was just saying that you can say or think or write whatever you want about men -- it doesn't bother me. I'm happy with my life.

 

I never wanted any man here not to be happy with his life. It would be nice if men took the time to understand and work with women on their concerns instead of just shrugging their shoulders and saying "too bad". And that's really what I am taking from the message you are giving me, that men just don't care on a level that many women do. " It doesn't bother me..." You don't have to care what a woman wants, needs or struggles with. As logn as you get yours, why should you care what other women go through. It's all about *you* because your a *guy*. And lets be honest. The world is kinder to men then it is to women as a whole. At the end of the day, it's still a man's world.

 

But someone who reads your posts could be forgiven easily for assuming that you're rather unhappy with your situation. What are you going to do about that? Being cynical isn't likely to be a successful dating strategy.

 

I am realistic about what I find most men are like. If you want to call it cynical, you can. Cycnical doesn't mean untruthful now does it.

 

When I was younger, I was pretty idealistic about men and completely wrong about what they were really about and wanted. Now I am more realistic about how men think and feel about women.

 

At the end of the day, I firmly believe it's a man's world. I think most guys here wouldn't disagree. I think that's the way men want it. And if men don't want to help the women in it, then we will always come up short.

 

But I don't expect men to care because frankly, so many of the resposnes I end up getting come back to men just plain not giving a crap about the stuff women have to go through and just telling women basically to "shut up, suck it up and deal with it" because of the fact that they are "men" and that's what matters. Not anything women could want or need.

[sxyNYCcpl]

But I don't expect men to care because frankly, so many of the resposnes I end up getting come back to men just plain not giving a crap about the stuff women have to go through and just telling women basically to "shut up, suck it up and deal with it" because of the fact that they are "men" and that's what matters.

 

That is because much of what you complain about comes just a tick shy of being the equivalent of complaining because most men have a penis. It is what it is, and the sooner you learn to be happy with reality and not your unrealistic fantasy hopes of what men *SHOULD BE* as opposed to what they *ARE*, the sooner you just may be able to find some happiness.

[gopher]

JS,

 

Anytime anyone calls you on your personal beliefs, you refuse to answer why you feel that way. You fall back on staying on topic, that is really lame because this forum is all about our experiences as people. If you've been burned by a guy, say it....and admit that you don't know ALL men, so making a statement about ALL men is unfair. Also, do you notice that no women post in your threads anymore? I wonder why that is.....

 

Finally, do you have ANYTHING in your life that's positive? I feel sorry for you because you don't seem to, and I don't envy you at all, even if I've been cursed with having a penis...

[amerikajin]

I never wanted any man here not to be happy with his life.

 

I never thought that you did feel that way. You're missing the point.

 

It would be nice if men took the time to understand and work with women on their concerns instead of just shrugging their shoulders and saying "too bad".

 

I think that both partners ought to work with each other's concerns -- that's what happens in a healthy relationship. But working with women on their concerns shouldn't mean having to say "I love you" every five minutes or holding their hands all the time just to calm someone's level of insecurity. I don't believe in that at all. And that's what I'm getting from you, JS: a lot of insecurity. You're taking the fun out of dating.

 

And that's really what I am taking from the message you are giving me, that men just don't care on a level that many women do. " It doesn't bother me..." You don't have to care what a woman wants, needs or struggles with. As logn as you get yours, why should you care what other women go through. It's all about *you* because your a *guy*. And lets be honest. The world is kinder to men then it is to women as a whole. At the end of the day, it's still a man's world.

 

No, what I'm saying is that I don't care what you, Jersey Shortie, thinks of me, Amerikajin, and about the things I write. I am trying to help you out here, but if you insist on being insecure and if you want to pat yourself on the back or point your finger at the computer screen and tell me I'm wrong...so be it. If you want me to say I'm wrong, fine, I'm wrong. You're right, Jersey Shortie. Whatever you want to believe. Seriously, though, I don't care what you think...you the individual, that is.

 

I care very much about what my partner thinks, though. I care about that a lot. We've actually had what I would consider to be a fairly open and forthright dialog about this subject. She doesn't seem to flip out if I notice an attractive women. We actually kind of make a joke out of it. Like when we're watching the UFC and one of the ring girls walks around in her bikini, she'll say things like "Ooooh, did you see that?!" And we laugh about it. And then later when one of the fighter's ripped and wearing tight shorts she'll say "Oooh yay! Tight shorts!" And we'll laugh. And that's the kind of no bullsh*t relationship we have. We still go to bed with each other, kiss each other, make love and wake up next to each other with a smile. I don't disrespect her by gawking or flirting with another woman. There's a difference and I think most people are able to understand where the line of propriety is.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, you really need to lighten up.

[Jaytb]

JS,

 

Anytime anyone calls you on your personal beliefs, you refuse to answer why you feel that way. You fall back on staying on topic, that is really lame because this forum is all about our experiences as people. If you've been burned by a guy, say it....and admit that you don't know ALL men, so making a statement about ALL men is unfair. Also, do you notice that no women post in your threads anymore? I wonder why that is.....

 

Finally, do you have ANYTHING in your life that's positive? I feel sorry for you because you don't seem to, and I don't envy you at all, even if I've been cursed with having a penis...

 

Oh my gosh, I know. That poster has such a chip in her shoulder. And never talks about her experiences. Whatever happened in her past, she extrapolates to all of humanity. Imagine if you went to a therapist and didn't even talk about anything that happened to you. How the hell could you expect to get treatment? Also, that poster seems to ignore anyone who presents solid evidence in contradiction of her viewpoint. Ignore, deflect. Those are great tactics for trolls.

 

JS, I know you like to pigeonhole every man in the world. Go ahead and do it. But think about this if you want a relationship with a man. If I or any other man went around saying how women are shallow, or gold diggers, or you can't win with women, or any other crap like that that you hate about men, then I probably wouldn't have a chance in hell with any woman. Why? because somehow, they'll know I have such a ****ty attitude.

 

Look, if you're not a troll, and you sincerely want help, then make a new thread. Talk about your past, and the reasons for your insecurities. This forum can give you answers and if you can accept what is said, then it might give you hope. Maybe you can PM me as well, because I actually do listen to women's concerns and I do hope to understand women. But I suspect you won't bother, and you'll probably ignore this post too.

[clv0116]

Well, if there is one thing I have learned from LS that it only ever matters what the man wants, needs or is naturally programmed to do. That doesn't seem to be used for women as justifcations for certain behaviors.

 

What are you doing out of the kitchen woman?

[monkey00]

Once in awhile I'll do a quick glance but no long gazes if I'm with a girl. But if I'm in the process of dating a girl and trying to gauge how much she likes me, I might throw in a test every now and then and gaze a little bit longer - if she gets jealous and doesn't like it, I know she likes me a lot and it's kind of a turn on. If she doesn't care or behaves non-chalant then I would assume that she has mediocre interest.

[Jersey Shortie]

What are you doing out of the kitchen woman?

 

Brushing up on my photoshop skills because somehow that's become men's standards of what they really what, computer generated photoshopped images of women. Not real ones that love them.

 

Gopher:

 

JS,

 

Anytime anyone calls you on your personal beliefs, you refuse to answer why you feel that way. You fall back on staying on topic, that is really lame because this forum is all about our experiences as people. If you've been burned by a guy, say it....and admit that you don't know ALL men, so making a statement about ALL men is unfair. Also, do you notice that no women post in your threads anymore? I wonder why that is.....

 

Finally, do you have ANYTHING in your life that's positive? I feel sorry for you because you don't seem to, and I don't envy you at all, even if I've been cursed with having a penis...

 

Gopher, I have no clue what you are even talking about because I talk about the reason I feel the way I do about things all the time on here. And really, your posts are plain mean. You feel sorry for me? I feel sorry for YOU. Someone that feels like he needs to come on a message board and set everyone straight by demeaning them. You make all these false assertions about me personally that have nothing to do with the truth. You don't ask me. You just outright make the nasty comments about me. Just because I come here to talk about the things I struggle with, that's a reflection that there is nothing positive in my life? What kind of messed up logic is that?

 

And I never said I know all men. And I infact have said a million times that I go on my experiences with men from real life. My thoughts reflect the experiences I have had with men in real life. As for other women not posting in my threads, I don't doubt there are women that disagree with me. But don't you doubt for a second that there aren't many women that do agree with me. I have spoken to alot of women on this topic trying to find some resovle. And I know women are more hurt about these things then I think YOU or other guys want to be realistic or honest about.

 

Lastly, your last statement about being "cursed with a penis" shows your own hurt and insecurity about the issue that you take a discussion about issues that arrise between women and men and over exploit it to mean that having a penis means your awful. That assertion is based on nothing but your own insecurities.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I think that both partners ought to work with each other's concerns -- that's what happens in a healthy relationship. But working with women on their concerns shouldn't mean having to say "I love you" every five minutes or holding their hands all the time just to calm someone's level of insecurity. I don't believe in that at all. And that's what I'm getting from you, JS: a lot of insecurity. You're taking the fun out of dating

.

 

Wow. Shocker. I agree. I never said a man needs to tell his SO he loves her all the time or hold her hand 24/27. What does that have to do with what I was discussing? And yes, I am insecure. I never said I wasn't. But that doesn't make my opinions less truthful or valid or intelligent. And while you see it as me as taking the fun out of dating, I see it as guys taking the fun out of dating. Because I have experienced all too often, and seen all too often that many men seem to be more concerned with what they don't have, then what they do. Maybe I sometimes take the fun out of dating, but guess what, sometimes men do too when you are sitting next to him and you can see him eying another woman. It's like you might as well not even be there.

Because he is clearly more interested in what is going on with other women, even if he is on a date with you. Why even bother pretending you care?

 

 

No, what I'm saying is that I don't care what you, Jersey Shortie, thinks of me, Amerikajin, and about the things I write. I am trying to help you out here, but if you insist on being insecure and if you want to pat yourself on the back or point your finger at the computer screen and tell me I'm wrong...so be it. If you want me to say I'm wrong, fine, I'm wrong. You're right, Jersey Shortie. Whatever you want to believe. Seriously, though, I don't care what you think...you the individual, that is.

 

I am here to share my views just as you are. I never asked you for help, just as you never asked me for help. I am not looking to you to say I am right or that you are wrong. I really have no clue what this has to do with anything I previously have writen. If you don't want to talk about the issues I brought up, that's one thing. But I don't see the point in attacking me. If you don't care what I think, what makes you think I am going to want to care what you think or what "help" you think you are offering. Telling me you don't care what I think, is pretty disrepectful. Why you think I should respect what you have to say if you can't do the same is beyond me.

 

 

She doesn't seem to flip out if I notice an attractive women. We actually kind of make a joke out of it

 

Who said I flipped out when my guy noties other attractive women? I will await your back tracking after insinuating something in my posts that was never stated.

 

Do you know how often men ask for a free pass on things? Do you know how often a man will notice an attractive woman? This isn't a one time occurence. Do you know how many men look for women whether it be in real life or on the internet despite having a partner that loves them? Do you know how over-whelming it can be as a woman? Or you just don't care. When we come home at night, we would like a safe haven to come to. A place where we can put the world behind us for that time with our guy. But that's not what we get to do at all. Because no matter if he is in private or at home, guys can't help but want other women outside the relationship of you. No matter what you give of yourself, the end message is it's never enough. What is enough is the variety and excitment he can seek through other mediums with any other woman that isn't you. It's a daily reminder how lacking a man can find *you* alone. But hey its okay for YOU as a man to notice other woman. You are a man. It's biology. Its just not okay for women to respond to that biology with their own needs or own biologies. It's not okay for a woman to feel naturally threatned by that. You and your girlfriend joke about it to "ligthen-it up". Doesn't mean you are any less attracted to that other woman or you won't be thinking about her later. And as a girl, it blows knowing how easily men are swayed either way just because another girl walks into the room.

[clv0116]

Brushing up on my photoshop skills because somehow that's become men's standards of what they really what, computer generated photoshopped images of women. Not real ones that love them.

 

Ah cool - you gonna have the homemade porn done in time to have dinner ready?

[gopher]

I give up....you continue to use the phrase men, instead of "some" men, but yet say you aren't talking about all men.

 

Me mean? No, I was direct with you....I thought women appreciated directness and frankly, I've tried to carry on a discussion with you, but you don't know what that means.

 

Finally...the penis thing I mention was a joke....sarcasm....

 

Truthfully, I've come to believe you are a troll and congrats on sucking me in for so long...have fun.

[Jaytb]

I give up....you continue to use the phrase men, instead of "some" men, but yet say you aren't talking about all men.

 

Me mean? No, I was direct with you....I thought women appreciated directness and frankly, I've tried to carry on a discussion with you, but you don't know what that means.

 

Finally...the penis thing I mention was a joke....sarcasm....

 

Truthfully, I've come to believe you are a troll and congrats on sucking me in for so long...have fun.

 

Indeed, it's truly unsurprising as well that she ignored my post. It's best not to respond and not waste the energy.

[Jersey Shortie]

I give up....you continue to use the phrase men, instead of "some" men, but yet say you aren't talking about all men.

 

Me mean? No, I was direct with you....I thought women appreciated directness and frankly, I've tried to carry on a discussion with you, but you don't know what that means.

 

Finally...the penis thing I mention was a joke....sarcasm....

 

Truthfully, I've come to believe you are a troll and congrats on sucking me in for so long...have fun.

 

Women appreciate directness and kindness. Not nasty glib comments. I don't really care if you think I am a troll, I think most people recgonize that I am not.

[WineCountry]

Of course they do - moot point.

 

I'm more curious to find out how many women will freely admit that they notice/check out other men, while in a happy and committed relationship?

There's a lot of self-righteous, I'm-so-pure talk here, "I only think about my boyfriend - men are such pigs" stuff. I find it very hard to believe that a healthy, sexually vital person of either gender doesn't look at/think about attractive people who aren't their partner.

 

I dont. And im being totally honest. When I'm with someone I love, other men just dont interest me. I just dont feel 'anything' for them. Walking down the street and seeing men pass by means nothing to me. I don't get anything from seeing a good looking guy walk past. I dont FEEL anything, and i dont THINK anything. They are just 'there'. I have always been this way though..and i'm in no way trying to come off as 'pure'.

 

It's just the way I'M wired, I guess. Heck, even when things arent going right in my relationship, I dont desire other men. I just desire my OWN relationship to be better. I wont actually start to look at other men until a relationship is actually over.

[WineCountry]

I agree w/ everything she is saying.

 

 

I don't want to be regarded as a " man hating terrorist " either. But I agree with some things Jersey says too.

 

And yes, it DOES seem that men can easily write off anything they do with a " men will be men " or " it's the way men are hard wired ".

 

Again, im not saying whether men can or cant help how they react to things. Hey maybe they can, maybe they cant. I believe that women are more hardwired to want love, and commitment, and just be happy with one person. I dont think we as women can "help" that. It is a part of us.

 

So, i guess it can be fair to say that men are hardwired to be more interested in wanting to check out other women, want to bed more women, etc. And from this thread, that seems to be what men are saying...yes?

 

Of course then it's got to be a fair statement when women call you pigs and dogs then. I mean, regardless of WHY you do the behavior, you still do it. So, is JS so wrong in her distaste for that? I mean, studies show that 'most' pedophiles can't be 'cured'. It's in them to do that to kids. That's why they are so dangerous and scary to have around. They re-offend a lot.

 

Is it wrong for us to hate that behavior just because its 'in' them to do that?? No. So, is it wrong for women to hate certain behavior in men just because its 'in' them to be that way?

 

Ease up on JS. She may not be able to change things, but she has the right not to like it. Hell, deep inside, I won't believe ANY woman who says she DOES like it. Most women do NOT want their men looking at other women, glance or not. Regardless of whether they would freak out or not, they would rather their men go out in public with them without having to 'glance' at every chick that walks by just cause she is pretty. In your heart, if you had that choice, you wouldnt chose for him to look.

 

You may accept it, sweetie, but you CAN'T say you like it. You LIE if you do.

[hummingbird]

Of course they do - moot point.

 

I'm more curious to find out how many women will freely admit that they notice/check out other men, while in a happy and committed relationship?

There's a lot of self-righteous, I'm-so-pure talk here, "I only think about my boyfriend - men are such pigs" stuff. I find it very hard to believe that a healthy, sexually vital person of either gender doesn't look at/think about attractive people who aren't their partner.

 

I dont. And im being totally honest. When I'm with someone I love, other men just dont interest me. I just dont feel 'anything' for them. Walking down the street and seeing men pass by means nothing to me. I don't get anything from seeing a good looking guy walk past. I dont FEEL anything, and i dont THINK anything. They are just 'there'. I have always been this way though..and i'm in no way trying to come off as 'pure'.

 

It's just the way I'M wired, I guess. Heck, even when things arent going right in my relationship, I dont desire other men. I just desire my OWN relationship to be better. I wont actually start to look at other men until a relationship is actually over.

 

Winecountry--

YOU LITERALLY TOOK THE EXACT THOUGHTS, SENTIMENTS, FEELINGS AND WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.....I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY...

AND I AM A VITAL, SENSUAL, SEXUAL, HEALTHY FREE SPIRITED WOMAN WHO LOVES THE MAN I SHARE MY LIFE WITH..... and I know many of my friends who feel the same way.

[hummingbird]

I don't want to be regarded as a " man hating terrorist " either. But I agree with some things Jersey says too.

 

And yes, it DOES seem that men can easily write off anything they do with a " men will be men " or " it's the way men are hard wired ".

 

Again, im not saying whether men can or cant help how they react to things. Hey maybe they can, maybe they cant. I believe that women are more hardwired to want love, and commitment, and just be happy with one person. I dont think we as women can "help" that. It is a part of us.

 

So, i guess it can be fair to say that men are hardwired to be more interested in wanting to check out other women, want to bed more women, etc. And from this thread, that seems to be what men are saying...yes?

 

Of course then it's got to be a fair statement when women call you pigs and dogs then. I mean, regardless of WHY you do the behavior, you still do it. So, is JS so wrong in her distaste for that? I mean, studies show that 'most' pedophiles can't be 'cured'. It's in them to do that to kids. That's why they are so dangerous and scary to have around. They re-offend a lot.

 

Is it wrong for us to hate that behavior just because its 'in' them to do that?? No. So, is it wrong for women to hate certain behavior in men just because its 'in' them to be that way?

 

Ease up on JS. She may not be able to change things, but she has the right not to like it. Hell, deep inside, I won't believe ANY woman who says she DOES like it. Most women do NOT want their men looking at other women, glance or not. Regardless of whether they would freak out or not, they would rather their men go out in public with them without having to 'glance' at every chick that walks by just cause she is pretty. In your heart, if you had that choice, you wouldnt chose for him to look.

 

You may accept it, sweetie, but you CAN'T say you like it. You LIE if you do.

 

 

DITTO

AND FOR JS.............. she actually speaks the mind of many women, but the only difference is that she has the courage and the fortitude to stand up for her opinions and thoughts and take the hits for it....

granted, overly broad generalizations about all men is a bit harsh...

I know my sweetie is one of the good guys who keeps his eyes gently toward me and certainly doesn't make an obvious lech of himself to gaze/gawk/ogle.....he is most respectful...but he is still a man and with no doubt; notices..... hopefully it is just that and nothing more.... somehow I find it hard to believe men would notice, strip and have masturbation material in just a glance.....if they do...

how in the world can they ever be content?

Generally, my feelings are.... attractive woman/man..... who cares really,,, there are always going to be such but in the end..... they take a sh_t, blow their nose and make bodily noises just like you and i......they are no better ---just another person..... whose grass may look appealing and green.... but the weeds are there too....giving them a look....what for....?

just a different person nothing -more nothing less

[WineCountry]

Actually, it sounds like you do accept the validity of the statement, otherwise, why would you choose to remain single "until you die..."?

 

I assume (correct me if I'm wrong - I'm not intending to throw stones here, I'm trying to understand you) that you mean that you will never accept "that kind" of a partner. But the fact that you are choosing to remain single forever must mean that you don't believe it to be possible to find any other kind of partner, therefore, essentially: all men are this way, now and for the rest of my life...

 

 

With all due respect, that pretty much is what was said by a male poster..

 

So....... .... I guess he believes that too. At least from the tone of his post he feel MOST of them will be like that.

 

So, if a guy is telling her that, maybe she feels justified in believing it?

Not that she needs to believe everyhting she hears, but u get my point.

[Trialbyfire]

Of course they do - moot point.

 

I'm more curious to find out how many women will freely admit that they notice/check out other men, while in a happy and committed relationship?

There's a lot of self-righteous, I'm-so-pure talk here, "I only think about my boyfriend - men are such pigs" stuff. I find it very hard to believe that a healthy, sexually vital person of either gender doesn't look at/think about attractive people who aren't their partner.

 

I know I do - try to be subtle about it, but I can't help myself. My eye is just drawn to men who I find attractive, I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. I've been known to make a little eye contact as well, but that's it. It DOESN'T MEAN A THING - I'm not about to hop into bed with them, I'm just having a quick, appreciative look.

 

Now if I (or my husband) was leering, gawking in a really obvious way, especially in each other's presence, well that's just rude, to him/me as well as the object of the ogling.

I look and aren't in the least bit repentant about it. I don't want to do them but I do notice attractive men. And no, I don't drool or walk backwards!

[clv0116]

So, i guess it can be fair to say that men are hardwired to be more interested in wanting to check out other women, want to bed more women, etc. And from this thread, that seems to be what men are saying...yes?

 

No, it's like saying my car can hate me because I noticed the bright yellow Porsche that just drove past. It caught my eye, I appreciated it for the shiny thing it was, and life went on.

 

It doesn't mean I'm ending my relationship with my car as soon as I can get to a Porsche dealer. At the very most it means that if my car gets to be problematic I might consider a Porsche next time I'm on the market.

[mental_traveller]

I didn't deliberately misqoute you. What is the difference between "noticing" and "looking at"?

 

 

 

 

I don't know if I think it's arrogant. I do think it's kind of selfish and bad behaviour.

 

Some women get off on guys out with other girls checking them out.

 

It wasn't deliberate? Ok, fair enough. But just on the next page you berated a guy, saying "Try reading and comprehending what I wrote and less extrapoltation based out of your own insecurities." That's a tad hypocritical - why don't you hold yourself to the same standard you are comfortable holding others to?

 

As for noticing other women vs looking at - noticing means you register their appearance, it could be a subconscious momentary glance, or just noticing out of the corner of your eye. Looking means turning for a few seconds to stare at them, maybe looking her up and down etc. There's a big difference, especially since the latter is deliberate and the former is often momentary and instinctive, rather than a conscious decision.

 

Can you explain why it's selfish to notice an attractive member of the opposite sex? And why it's bad behaviour?

[hummingbird]

No, it's like saying my car can hate me because I noticed the bright yellow Porsche that just drove past. It caught my eye, I appreciated it for the shiny thing it was, and life went on.

 

It doesn't mean I'm ending my relationship with my car as soon as I can get to a Porsche dealer. At the very most it means that if my car gets to be problematic I might consider a Porsche next time I'm on the market.

 

 

 

Love the analogy......... but allow me please to play devil's advocate...I think that for some this questions is more about not just noticing but more about what it involves.

I think it a bit curious that "your" car is just a car... not a jag or a boxster but a car and the one you notice is a bright yellow porsche...the dream car for many guys maybe???

is this a soft subconscious analogy of the woman in your life as just the car but the ones you notice are the shiny yellow desirable porsche??

the truth..dare ye tell??????

truly, I think lots of women are asking...if you notice what does the notice consist of.... do you dare be truthful and share your last "noticed" experience and thoughts...honestly.

when you notice..what do you notice ....and what are the things that run through your mind for the next few minutes as life goes on??

You of course being general not you specifcally clv0116....

do you undress her, do you think nice________, do you think you wish you could run your hands across her nice shiny yellow body, put your hands on her wheel, look under her hood, take her for a ride??????? LOL:p

 

fess up if you dare be truthful and honest.....

I for one am just curious..... I really don't check out other guys .... I can notice they are attractive but that is it..... I don't really care beyond that point...... but I never come close to thinking about anyone else stick shift except my sweety's....

[clv0116]

Love the analogy......... but allow me please to play devil's advocate...I think that for some this questions is more about not just noticing but more about what it involves.

I think it a bit curious that "your" car is just a car... not a jag or a boxster but a car and the one you notice is a bright yellow porsche...the dream car for many guys maybe???

 

I only drive Ferraris, Porsches are shiny but I'm not gonna trade down.

[Jersey Shortie]

Instead of seriously addressing her question, you play it down with a joke. Jokes are great, but please follow it up with some real answers that women can try to undestand. No man since has addressed her questions. Do you want a real discussion or do you just want women to think you are great without any effort put into it?

 

I think her anology and questions are great. I have seen alot of guys make the comparrisons of their woman to the ordinary car and the *other* woman has the shiney one. Do you honestly think any woman on the face of this earth wants you to think of her as the dull, old car and whathever pretty woman that crosses your path as the "shiney" one (suggesting on some terms that you find this other woman better). Do you really not see the sinuations in those type of comparrisons? What about that kind of anology is suppose to make a woman feel any safer in her relatoinship, any more fulfilled or like she is fullfilling her man in turn? If that is truely how men see it then I can't help but feel that it is better to be the other woman, not the one that you see the true nature of day in and day out. If by default of newness, the other woman gets to be thought of as brighter, what woman wouldn't want that?

 

There seems to be a cycle and major flaw in how these "discussions" go that don't really lead us any closer to the truth. When I reiterate points, while they can be redundant, the reason I reiterate them is because more often then not, the points I make get overlooked in light of personal attacks. I can only assume that the reason so many feel the need to personally attack me and my character is because they don't have an argument to refute my comments. So it's a diversion game.

 

You guys want to ogle the bright and shiney options out there, fine. But try giving women a break and understanding how that makes us feel less bright and special in your eyes. Add in the numerous options men have in fullfilling their "visual needs", and there aren't many places a woman can go to feel safe with just her and her man. If they aren't out and about, he can easily invite any kind of woman into his visual viewing pleasure and home with the click of a mouse. As a woman, I no longer get a safe haven from the outside influences. And I don't get a man that rather instead of denying those influences as well, caters to them. And stop pandering off your needs as more important as *men*. And that any need or desire as woman has that a man doesn't feel is valuable is just insecurity. That is 100% false and rather cruel that you wouldn't pay a woman's needs the same respect you pay your own.

[Jersey Shortie]

I'm more curious to find out how many women will freely admit that they notice/check out other men, while in a happy and committed relationship?

There's a lot of self-righteous, I'm-so-pure talk here, "I only think about my boyfriend - men are such pigs" stuff. I find it very hard to believe that a healthy, sexually vital person of either gender doesn't look at/think about attractive people who aren't their partner.

 

 

I do notice other attractive men. But I honestly believe it's not in the same way men notice attractive women. I objectively can notice a man is attractive but I don't look at him for the purpose of visual pleasure or get anything sexual from it. I don't need to control my staring or ogling when I am out with my guy because other men plain don't interest me enough for the effort.

 

I don't make comparisons about these men and their own personal "shininess" in comparison to my man. Infact, when I am dating a man, he is what I am fantisizing about. I don't get a high from looking at an attractive man. I think men get a certain kind of high from entertaing ideas about other women and looking at other women. I think alot of men can later take that image of a woman home with them, fantasize about her or compare her to other women for his pleasure. I tend to think men are less innocent in this.

 

 

I don't want to be regarded as a " man hating terrorist " either. But I agree with some things Jersey says too.

 

Thanks. I don't hate men at all. I think those comments come from these guys own insecurities.

 

 

Ease up on JS. She may not be able to change things, but she has the right not to like it. Hell, deep inside, I won't believe ANY woman who says she DOES like it. Most women do NOT want their men looking at other women, glance or not. Regardless of whether they would freak out or not, they would rather their men go out in public with them without having to 'glance' at every chick that walks by just cause she is pretty. In your heart, if you had that choice, you wouldnt chose for him to look.

 

You may accept it, sweetie, but you CAN'T say you like it. You LIE if you do.

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Thank you again for your comments. I agree with so much of what you say. And GROGSTER, please take note. You seem to think women out there don't agree with me. Please play attention to this post carefully. I think she summed it up nicely. Most women wouldn't choose for their man to look. Alot of women work very hard to deal with it. I guess I just don't see in what ways men are recipocating that when men come up with saying things like "that's just the way men are".

 

 

It doesn't mean I'm ending my relationship with my car as soon as I can get to a Porsche dealer. At the very most it means that if my car gets to be problematic I might consider a Porsche next time I'm on the market.

 

It's not about a fear of being left. It doesn't take away from the natural biological threat of it beeing there. You even further go on to prove that when you say you "might consider" it next time. So please stop justifying your biology and expect women to rise above both theirs and YOURS just to keep you as a man happy. The fact that you suggest that the other woman is the porsche and your woman isn't, says alot right there about your feelings on yoru own partner and other options.

 

 

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It wasn't deliberate? Ok, fair enough. But just on the next page you berated a guy, saying "Try reading and comprehending what I wrote and less extrapoltation based out of your own insecurities." That's a tad hypocritical - why don't you hold yourself to the same standard you are comfortable holding others to?

 

 

No, it's not hypocritical at all. It's making a point. I am not telling men they have no right in being insecure. I am not even blaming men for being insecure when their SOs do things that attract other men's attention. Holy cow, I totally understand it. I make the point to illustrate the fact that women and men BOTH get insecure. They are usually over different things. When men have issues with things, it's just an issue they have. When a woman does, she is insecure. lets not pretend men don't get insecure.

 

 

Can you explain why it's selfish to notice an attractive member of the opposite sex? And why it's bad behaviour?

 

It's not selfish to notice other attractive members of the opposite sex. What is selfish is the amount of self indulgence and excuses alot of women are expected to deal with today in 2009. As a woman, you just can't ever get away from it. If your are out in public, he is going to be looking. If you are at home, and you can't spread yoru legs the minute he wants it, he is going to be looking. Its the fact that men don't even try any more to control themselves out of respect for their partners. or if they do, it's so very limilted and supplemented by things like porn and ogling other women.

 

If you want other women do bad, why do you pretend to be in a relationship with one woman? No one is forcing a man to get into a relationship. you want lots of different options, I think that's great. But why do men get into monogmous relationships and then justify to the woman that cares for him that he still needs validation from other women visually?