Need to Understand This - Long

[Combo Lo Mein]

Last spring I got involved in a casual relationship with a coworker. We don't work directly with one another and don't see each other at work very often. At the time I was in a failing relationship and he was a widower of two years but dating around. After many months of chit chat on the phone getting to know one another, we decided to get together for no strings attached sex. We were together twice and it was incredible for both.

 

But then after that he started to back pedal a bit saying we should slow it down and only get together once in a while. I was cool with that as the original agreement was for casual sex only and either of us was free to back out at any time. However, I could not understand why the 180. Instead of keeping up the friendly chit chat he kind of just stop talking to me. When we did talk, he told me all about a woman he was in love with who had broken up with him because he was unfaithful (someone else, not me). He said he really wanted to marry her and that he desperately wanted to be in a committed relationship again. I was surprised because after all our months of chatting he never once mentioned this woman to me - and we talked in depth about relationships, including the one I was in. So anyway, he pretty much stopped talking to me so I left him alone. We spoke a few times work related, but other than that the communication stopped. Now I will admit my ego was bruised cause I couldn't understand why the 180 and so all of a sudden but I moved on.

 

Fast forward nine months, we run into each other at a meeting. Afterwards he called to say how ya doing how ya been. A few weeks go by and during that time he's emailing or calling every day to ask how I'm doing, what's going on in my life etc. He told me he was dating someone and that it was pretty serious. Next thing I know, we're back to the same type chit chat and conversation as though nothing happened. He told me the reason he did the 180 was he didn't want to be the reason for me to leave my relationship. He didn't say anything about that woman he was in love with that broke up with him. He said that he has always been attracted to me but he wasn't comfortable continuing what we were doing.

 

A few more weeks passed ... he's still emailing or calling every few days. Finally he brings up wanting to be with me again, how the door was never closed and that we should have gotten it out of our systems. He asks if I am interested in getting together so I ask about his current girlfriend and how serious is it. He said it could possibly turn into marriage. I didn't exactly turn him down but tell him I don't want to get in the middle of their relationship, knowing how adamant he was in the past about settling down with someone. He said that he is an adult, can make his own decisions and how I bring out the worst in him.

 

Here's what I DO understand: He just wants to sleep with me and figures it's an easy lay.

 

What I don't understand is WHY he wants to risk his current relationship for a roll in the hay with me. If it's as serious as he says, and he longs to be in a relationship -- Why?

 

I'm thinking perhaps it's just his ego to see if he's still "got it". But seeing as I didn't exactly say no and continue chatting with him, I don't think it's a matter of "if" he can get me back in the sack but more like "when". It's been a few weeks, neither of us has mentioned it (I don't plan to) but he continues to pursue the relationship, i.e., calling or emailing every few days just to chat. I have not initiated any conversations with him nor do I plan to. I'm kind of hoping that if it's ego, see if he still has it kind of thing that he will just go away. Otherwise, I might just jump in the sack with him again ... it was THAT good. Besides, I have no commitments now so why not. But I don't understand why he's willing to risk it all. Is he just a serial cheater who can't stop? Why would he even consider marrying this woman? I intend to ask him these questions next time it comes up. In the meantime, what do you think?

[Combo Lo Mein]

No opinions on this at all? Sorry it was so wordy ...

[WTRanger]

Do you really want to be in this love triangle? It sounds as if this guy doesn't want to settle down anytime soon. Which, is fine but I don't think he should be cheating on his other girl. Imagine if you were that other girl, how would you feel about this?

 

If you're cool with the idea of being the 3rd wheel in all of this, then by all means enjoy a good roll in the hay every so often. I think he sees the adventure in keeping some side booty, and that's you. It sounds like the two of you have lopsided chemistry, almost minimal emotional or intellectual chemistry but all physical sexual chemistry.

[Combo Lo Mein]

Do you really want to be in this love triangle? It sounds as if this guy doesn't want to settle down anytime soon. Which, is fine but I don't think he should be cheating on his other girl. Imagine if you were that other girl, how would you feel about this?

 

If you're cool with the idea of being the 3rd wheel in all of this, then by all means enjoy a good roll in the hay every so often. I think he sees the adventure in keeping some side booty, and that's you. It sounds like the two of you have lopsided chemistry, almost minimal emotional or intellectual chemistry but all physical sexual chemistry.

 

Yeah - I agree it's just physical chemistry. We are very different on so many levels. And to answer your question, I do not want to be in a triangle. That is why I hope he will go away. Otherwise, the physical chemistry is so strong I do not know if I can behave myself. Thanks for your opinion.

[WTRanger]

He won't go away. If the sex is that good, he'll pursue you every time he wants a good romp in the sack. You'll have to be the one to show some serious self control because I doubt that he will.