Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I don't really know how to start this but I just nee to get it out and hopefully get some feedback. I'm 24 I have a lil' girl who's 8 and I'm kinda really feeling sorry for my self at this point in life. I just found out that my boyfriend of 3years has a kid from someone else now, the baby is only 5months old now. He lied, he cheated and that was the product of it. I just found letters he wrote to the baby's mom talking about how much the baby looks like him and how much he is into her. That really pissed me off cause he had told me that she was just a fling who he didn't care about and that he wanted no part in her or the babys life. Well needless to say I just broke up with him. Now I'm shattered, I feel broken and stupid for letting is all happen. I was so dumb, forgave so much and loved too much. I feel like I brought all this pain onto my self. I hate my life right now. I had my kid at 16 from a 3yrs relationship I had started when I was 14. Her father was my first "everything" and I was madly in love with him but he turned out to be a jealous psycho who became very obsessed and abusive with me. I tolerated that for another 2yrs after the baby was born until I left him. 5yrs of my life down the drain, spent in pain a 16,17,18,19 year old mother in a very abusive situation. After that I swore never to let a man put his hands on me, and I stuck to it. My next boyfriend was sweet and we lasted about 11/2. He was not physically abusive but turns out he was very mentally and verbally abusive.... I ended that. This time I swore never to let a man hit or disrespect me verbally or in any other way. Then I met my next partner, I fell in love with him at 20. He was 25, older and more mature. He treated me like a princess, taught my so much. He wined and dined me I had never been treated like that, in the 1yr that we were together he never even raised his voice to me. I loved him madly, I was so scared to loose him, thought he was too good to be true and of course it was. Turns out he left me cause I refused to let him get me pregnant, he wanted to be a father so bad but I was too terrified of having another child. I never wanted to be a statistic, I was still in school and working and I knew w/ 2 kids that would not be possible. So that's 3 failed relationships, probably bad choice in men on my part but still....how can God let someone suffer so much! So here I am completely disillusioned again and too tired to even think. All I can do is look up and ask God why? Why me? I have loved sincerely and truly and I have done things right, why am I being punished? Right now I feel like my world has stopped and I can barely think, I'm scared! I wonder now are some people just put on earth to be stepped on, never to know happiness. I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved by the one I love. Can anyone please give me any words of encouragement? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 My advice would be to concentrate on raising your child, and stop worrying about trying to be in a relationship. It can't be doing her any good having men coming in and out of her life like that. And guess what.....you are loved by the one you love............your little girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Well LadyX.... #1. My little girl has only met one man other than her father and that was my most recent X. I don't mix my love life and home life! #2. My daughter has everything and more that she could ever want. She is very loved and spoiled, she has my undivided attention from when she wakes up untill she goes to bed. I'm speaking about my life, my life after her, my life as a woman! When she goes to bed or is at her grandparents that leaves me with just me and my thoughts. Does a mother not have the right to a love life? #3. The love of a child and the love from a relationship are so completely different how ignorant of you to compare the two! Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 You are doing good after all of that pain. You are in school and trying to change your life around, you should be very proud of that. A lot of single young mothers wouldn't be able to do that. Some don't have the motivation or drive to do something about it. I hope that life improves for you, and I'm sure that you will find someone, but try not to worry so much about it, The right guy will come along when you least expect it. I know that God isn't punishing you. He is making you stronger, and he was showing you that these guys are NOT good enough for you, you deserve much better, and that person will come along one day, just keep on taking care of your daughter and school and just have fun don't stress! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Me ignorant? If you think you are feeling this much pain over your love life and your child isn't in the least affected by it....all this abuse you've suffered....yea, I'm sure she has no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Thank you innocent. I am no longer in school I graduate at age 21 (Legal administration), I had started college at 18. I would say I'm doing pretty good for my self considering the circumstances. My little girl is, has and always will be my #1 priority. I just wish that I could see my self happy for once, I'm just so tired of wearing this brave, strong face. I'm tired of being the "I can hadle anything that comes my way" type right now. For once I want things to be simple. Thank you for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Lady X, As a single mother your self I would think that you know that your love life, your personal life are things that you keep seperate from your child. My daughter see's me just like everyone else I know.....as a strong, independent woman! She totally looks up to me. She is very mature for her age and no one but her father plays Daddy to her. She know that my X was there but she also never got really attached or dependent on him because she get's everything she needs from me. She knows now that we broke up and she really doesn't seem to be bothered by it, she only saw him as a freind and will continue to do so cause this has nothing to do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I just think that other girls with children should look up to you, you have accomplished more than anyone I know in your position, and that in itself is very admirable. Just try to enjoy life, go on vacation somewhere with your daughter, and just have fun, you are very lucky. I tried, I am not very good at giving advice about this, I just turned 18 last weekend, and several of my friends have has children recently, I just see how hard it is and couldn't imagine being in their shoes....I am still a virgin and after seeing them struggle, my boyfriend is just going to have to wait until we are married, or as long as I can hold out, which he is fine with, actually he is better about it than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 AAwww that's very admirable innocent, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I just wish that I could see my self happy for once, I'm just so tired of wearing this brave, strong face. I'm tired of being the "I can hadle anything that comes my way" type right now. For once I want things to be simple. When we were little, we thought being grownup would be great - life would be a breeze. Boy, were we ever wrong! It does get tiresome being the sole manager of one's life. You do long for it to be easy. But life won't do what you want it to, gol darn it. I think what you really need is to heal from all these relationships and become comfortable and happy living your life. Get some new hobbies or find ways to meet new people and make some friends. Find ways to be fulfilled on your own and don't focus on longing for a relationship. Eventually, one will come your way and you might as well be enjoying life until it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Thanks moimeme I've been thinking about getting involved in new activities, church maybe, and trying to meet new people to distract my mind. I don't want to sound like some type of codependent person but I do have a hard time enjoying things alone, like a movie, a dinner or just not having anyone I can talk to on a different level. I do have good friends now and a very supportive family and I will try to just concentrate on that. Like I said I do think I've just been feeling sorry for my self lately. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I do have a hard time enjoying things alone, like a movie, a dinner or just not having anyone I can talk to on a different level I hear ya - but you don't want to let things you enjoy pass you by while you live your life in waiting! The movie'll be gone, the restaurant will close, and you'll have missed out on those things, too. After all, you can't talk to anyone in a movie so you might as well be alone and a good book can be great company for dinner Definitely get into new activities - that's where people are and where you'll find outlets for these needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Your right moimeme, thanks. It's all about keeping my self busy. Gosh, I'm 24 not 64 right! I can do anything I want......thing is I don't feel like doing anything....aawww I almost hyped my self up....lol oh well, I'm going out w/ my girls 2-nite, a few drinks and some guy bashing convo I should be ok for a day. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Originally posted by Girlinterrupted Lady X, As a single mother your self I would think that you know that your love life, your personal life are things that you keep seperate from your child. My daughter see's me just like everyone else I know.....as a strong, independent woman! She totally looks up to me. She is very mature for her age and no one but her father plays Daddy to her. She know that my X was there but she also never got really attached or dependent on him because she get's everything she needs from me. She knows now that we broke up and she really doesn't seem to be bothered by it, she only saw him as a freind and will continue to do so cause this has nothing to do with her. I put my "personal" life on hold to raise my children. Everything that affects us, affects our children as well. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 That sounds like fun I wanna go! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 "I put my "personal" life on hold to raise my children" Yeah, I'm sure your perfect too, right.....LadyX b/t/w who's whatching the children while your playing on the computer? Childcare provider? or did you mean welfare reciever at home raising her kids? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Mmm....I thought you only wrote that ignorant comment in your PM to me. As I told you, I recieve NO type of welfare, and at the time I was responding to your post, my children were still on the bus ride home. I watch 4 children in the same family, and their mother has Fridays off. So, your attempt to make me look like a welfare mother that sits on the PC 24/7 has failed. And you still can't convince me that all your failed relationships, and the abuse you've suffered has had NO effect on your child. I guess time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 I have to prove nothing to you. My little girl is off in swim class as we speak enjoying her self and then she will be off to her grandmoms for the weekend and me well, I will be off venting with more open minded people. Besides I can see that your own issues that made you bitter....judging by the quote "the #1 cause of divorce is marriege....." So I guess you had your own bad times, too bad your not more open about it maybe then you wouldn't sound so close minded and bitter. Well anyhow I do wish you the best as I do for my self. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts