affair

[katy]

I need some advice ive fell hard for a coworker . whos not married but has a live in girlfriend we are both attracted to each other , i'm married and have been for many years more than i care to remember, our marriaged has'nt been the best for quiet awhile now. i find myself day dreaming about this guy sexual day and night i can be close to him and i think i will go crazy, my problem is should i have affair with him or keep fighting it? we've met and talked and kissed and fooled around but we never went all the way . i cant leave this marriage because my husband needs my insurance he has alot of medical problems. i just dont know what to do everytime i think i can forget this guy i always find myself thinking of him or i get these mental pictures of him and us together. should i have the affair and be happy or ask for a transfer, you know the old saying out of sight out of mind. unhappy coworker

[ME]

Lose the husband if your marriage is un-repairable.

 

If this guy is worth your time in anyway or form he will show some morals. He does have a live-in girlfriend.

 

Are you the only one he's messing around on her with?

 

It seems that you each have only found solice with one another due to your unhappiness with your home lifes. So, be brave and move on!

 

See where it takes you. But remember if he does this to her

 

hes quite likely to do it to you and vise-versa

[D.]

First of all, if you are staying with your husband only because of his medical problems and that he needs your insurance to pay for them, that is a pretty lame excuse and tells me there is more here than you are willing to share. Staying with him for that reason is just not good enough. You have to think about yourself and your happiness. Life is way too short and you only get one chance at it. Do what is takes to make yourself happy.

 

Next, about having an affair with your co-worker .... First things first. Pretend for a moment you are single. Let's say you had an affair with him even though he has a live in girlfirend. Well, he has a live in girlfriend because their is a serious relationship there. If you have an affair with him, you may very likely be on the losing end as he will have sex with you and stay with her which will lead only to a lot of hurt for you. Also, he IS a co-worker. Not only should one never have sex with a co-worker, but especially NOT an affair! Remember, you see this man every day. If the relationship with a co-worker does not work out, it is pure hell! If it does work out, it is at best a pain in the butt on very many levels. Believe me, I speak from experience!

 

My advice would be to tactfully communitcate your desire to have and affair with this man (IFFFFFF you are willing to face the consequences of having one with a co-worker ... a HUGE NO NO), see what his feelings are regarding his live-in girlfriend and proceed from there. If he shows that there is NO chance at this time of him or her moving out and him living alone ... STOP! Do not pass go ... do no collect 200. You will ultimately end up in a world of pain and depression from engaging in such an affair. Take it from one who has been there and did not learn the first time!

[Tony T]

You have got a salad of situations here. First, has anyone every told you you only live ONCE.

 

Staying in a marriage out of guilt because your husband needs insurance is like staying in your living room to see the end of a soap opera while your house is on fire.

 

See an attorney, some state welfare people, medicare, medicade, social security representatives. Let them know you are in a terrible marriage that you must get out of. Arrange to have your husband's medical problems taken care of by those agencies.

 

I do give you an A plus plus for being so considerate and generous toward your husband. You are living up to your committment and wedding vows...but I think as humans have evolved spiritually and socially, we are realizing that staying in a bad situation is not right.

 

As for having an affair and being "happy" as you say, well you may get some loving and you may have an orgasm that could last from five to 30 seconds if you're lucky, but how will that make you happy in the long run? I had some delicious gourmet ice cream last nite and was happy with that but now I feel no happiness from it at all. I have to pay the consequences of a few more ounces on my weight today.

 

Having an affair is a matter of conscience, YOURS. Don't expect stangers on the Internet (who are responsible) to tell you whether or not you should do something that could impact your life for a very long time. Are you up to it emotionally? Can you have sex without getting involved otherwise? If you get too heavlly involved, are you up to dealing with all the issues that will surface in your life? Are you up to dealing with talk around your workplace when others find out, AND THEY WILL!!! Are you up to dodging bullets from the gun of his live-in girl when she finds out, AND SHE WILL!!! (She may not come at you with a gun but the hurt she could cause you could be worse)

 

People talk. You will tell a friend or someone will by chance see the two of you together....the girlfriend may even follow him to the site of one of your trists. I've seen this happen many times. Girlfriends are very intuitive about what's going on.

 

After considering all of the above, if you can be highly discrete, trust HIM and YOURSELF to keep your mouths shut, and even with that be able to deal with the consequences, go for it.

 

My vote is to get out of what is one of the most codependent marriages I have ever heard about. You are not being mean if you make sure you sick husband will be cared for. Get this other guy to get out of his relationship. And then both of you should start dating to find the best person for each of you.

[Nina]

I had an affair once and I've regretted it ever since. The only thing it can do is make you feel more unhappy withyour present relaitonship, but still more unable to do anything about it.

 

Infidelity has a negative impact on all relationships, even those involved int he infidelity. He has a girlfirend he lves with, you have a husband. You both have made your choices about things, haven't you?

 

If you feel unsatisified with your marriage, get a divorce. If he feels unhapp with his relationship, he should break up with her.

 

I've been on both sides. Cheated on, and cheater. Neither feels good at all. No one ends up happy in either situation. Ever. Does this indicate this this is a good idea? Your choice.

[jeff]

So, you wont leave your husband because you are so concerned about his health and medical insurance but youll have an affair. It sunds pretty lame to me as an excuse. Stop being so selfish. if you love your husband then itsd no question but you dont. so do him a favor and let your husband go

I need some advice ive fell hard for a coworker . whos not married but has a live in girlfriend we are both attracted to each other , i'm married and have been for many years more than i care to remember, our marriaged has'nt been the best for quiet awhile now. i find myself day dreaming about this guy sexual day and night i can be close to him and i think i will go crazy, my problem is should i have affair with him or keep fighting it? we've met and talked and kissed and fooled around but we never went all the way . i cant leave this marriage because my husband needs my insurance he has alot of medical problems. i just dont know what to do everytime i think i can forget this guy i always find myself thinking of him or i get these mental pictures of him and us together. should i have the affair and be happy or ask for a transfer, you know the old saying out of sight out of mind. unhappy coworker