mewbomb Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Um help... Here is a link to my previous thread.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=26782 It is now about 3 weeks since i have talked or email or anything from her.. . I know I should let it go, and i am trying to... believe me!! I seem to be alright at times and then two seconds later, i feel like i want to go over there and find out what REALLY is happening... Its obvious that she doesn't want to be together right now... What happened?? I do not know... Its amazing that i really think aboiut it all the time now.. don't know why!??!? Im definetly tired of thinking about it.. now my question is, should i still do nothing about this... i mean.. she shut off her phone.. . I have to say, that i know she did love me.. if she doesn't, id be more apt to leave her alone. I know that i coiuld go over there or do something stupid like that, but i know its a bad idea... i really wonder what will happen, will she call?? will i see her again? Probably will see her again... then it is.. .what do i say to her.. nothing???? THis whole thing is a lot more painfull than it has ever been,,,,, and ive been in a few long relationships.... Can someone please help with some advice...im stuck...and hate it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Dude... that is miserable of her and unfair. Is there any reason why she would treat you like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Quintius Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I WOULD EXPECT SOMETHING WIMPISH LIKE THIS FROM A FEMALE BUT NOT A DUDE. I'M TELLING YOU IF YOU FEEL SOFT LIKE YOU DO ABOUT THIS I PROMISE ANOTHER GIRL WILL EASILY FALL FOR YOU IF YOU ARE SWEET, SO DUST OFF YOUR FEET PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND JUST MOVE ON. Link to post Share on other sites
devinmusicman Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I just wanted to respond to your response, Quintius. You are right, moving on is indeed what needs to be done. But I don't think it's necessary to respond to people's posts in such a harsh manner. I am a guy, and I am sensetive. WE EXIST. Don't call us wimps for it. And I'm sure the females on this board don't appreciate being called "wimps" either. Link to post Share on other sites
iceprincess Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I agree with devinmusicman. Going through a break-up like that is really hard. There are so many unanswered questions and uncontrolable emotions that bubble up. Mewbomb, it takes time to make the pain go away. The more you think about her, the more you will hurt yourself. Make an effort, force yourself if you have to, to do other activities. I wish you good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 and Quint... I can't wait until you find a nice girl!! Im sure your young... and havn't experienced this yet... when you do... don't come crying here... I really don't appreciate your, um, ahh....not worth it.. anyways.... Hey DonTomaso, NO IDEA why i was treated so unfair... THIS IS WHY IT KILLS!!!! that is why i am posting here...not because some dumb S*** left me after two dates...IVE GOT much more pride than that. Devin: trust me, if i wasn't thinking about her i would feel much better... just wish i could...very very hard...i spent a lot of time and energy getting it to work.. all for nothing i guess Anyways... anyone have good advice to get through this easier... i agree i have to let go and not think about it... HOW THOUGH!?@# Im getting ideas of letters and going over... I know that is WRONG WRONG... can't do it.. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 mewbomb.. considering what she did to you... I think you are handling this like a total man. I don't know what I would do if this ever happens to me. I would flip. Just keep playing it cool. Go to the gym... run.. lift weights... and when you are doing this stuff, when you think about her, just get pissed and lift harder or run faster.... Eventually this will all turn to anger and then you'll be over her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 inside i think im handling it ok.. i did send one email asking WHAT HAPPENED??? At first i was in shock... now im upset and kind of angry... The reason i am posting here is because... Im finding it nearly impossible to not think about her... EVEN AFTER WHAT SHE DID. Now my question to you girls, why would you do something like this???? Ok... maybe i am not the one for her, but, is she really that cowardly to not even talk to me and just say...go...dont call, email, flowers, text, whatever... she knows i could just stop by... She would probably call the cops on me, thats my luck. Jeez... i was nothing but a great boyfriend to this girl and this is what i get. How do i go on knowing im a good guy and someone is out there after i tried so hard with this and failed...is she crazy??? deranged???? hehe Well.. thanks for the advice tom... its greatly appreciated, the only thing is... i know time heals all of this... but i don't want it to heall... i want to TALK to her and end it on some reasoning...not crap like im not sure.. At least if there is someone else, i can let go a bit easier...but...do i really want to know that... ARGH>.. Hope im not ruined for future endeavors!?!@# Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 allright dood...out of all the posts i've read...i think i can relate to you the most....it sux...however my situation is a LITTLE bit different...and you're handling it way better than me... i was with my girl for 3 years...she broke up with me 3 months ago.... for the past 3 months of breakup...lots of drama..i was hurt allll the time...it sucked...but no matter how much she hurt me..i STILL missed her...still couldn't get her out of my head...a lot of times...i didnt want to try and forget about her...because i really thought our relationship was great and i didnt wanna lose sight of it...although she obviously seemed to be doing so... so...last week....for a whole week she started calling me again...and me..being a sucker...and not strong enough to stay away..i talked to her...and she said all the things i wanted to hear....told me how much she loved me and missed me...and went on to talk about us seeing eachother again and being happy and all that stuff....so....that lasted for a whole week...everything was great...then...a day passed...she didnt call..so i just let it alone....i called her the next day...and her attitude had flipped 180 since the day before....she seemed annoyed and aggravated to hear my voice...she didnt want to talk to me AT ALL....not at all..i thought she was just busy..so i was like..can i call you later? tomorrow? NOPE....so yah...she brought me up with all these great ideas....then all of a sudden...shut me out HARD.... couple days later...i IMed her online....said hi....she said "for your own good"...and she blocked me..... that kinda upset me...so i called her...she picked up...I said "hi" she said...CLICK...hung up the phone.... omg...that drove me nuts....i lost my cool...having someone hang up the phone on you.....grrr.....it drives me nuts...i called her back about 10 more times...she didnt pick up... well...here i am...pissed off at her....everything was going great...so here i was...totally happy with the way things are going...then all of a sudden...BAM...had the door slammed in my face....no talk or anything...i wanted to at least talk and find out what the heck was going on...why the sudden change...although i DO have an idea.... the only thing that would explain her sudden change: another guy....why else would she shut me out SOO bad...she would always at least talk to me....but i think something happened with another guy...maybe she feels guilty...ashamed...bad....or maybe she has another guy and she just doesnt wanna deal with me...so this is the easiest way for her...well...i'm 90% sure of my claim about another guy...i have my reasons...but yah.... so my problem now...i think about her ALLLL the time....even through all the **** she did...i miss her so much...soooo much....i feel weak as sh*t... but i cant do anything about it...i miss her like crazy....my friends talk to me like quintius....saying im being a pansey and weak..and that im much better than this....so yah...i'm used to that....but...geez...i cant get her out of my head...i really miss her...i want to call and tell her how much i miss her and how i feel....but for the past 3 months...i think i've been bothering her too much...driving her away.....i dunno about this time...i dont know if she'll come back to me....i'm trying to hold out on talking to her until december...winter break....and see what happens then.... OH...her birthday is in 2 weeks....what do i do?!?!?!.....should i not even call her.....after her hanging up fiasco....should i not do anythign at all? I want to call her...but then i'm wondering..if i dont call her...would she be thinking of me? i dunno...ahhh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 why do you think there is another guy??? ANyways... regardless if there is or not.. DO NOT CALL HER for her birthday... she realize that you got the hint. That is the best thing you could do, try and let it go. At least she didnt DISCONNECT her phone on you!!! These type of things are THE WORST... its been 3 weeks for me and I still think about it all the time. I can't call, i don't go over there, i don't send emails.. or write her letters... I havn't done anything. AND... Either has she.. . Did she really love me??? Is she with someone else, i don't know. DO i want to know.. . Um.. . not really to be honest. Not sure where I go from here, but, looks like i had to just get through it. I wonder if i will ever see her again...IF I DO... what would i say, or do... makes me ill thinkin about it. How old are you OUchmyheart??? just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 she's turning 20 next week...i'll be turning 21 in january.... yah...its so hard...its hard to be strong not to talk to her...and all that....it sux....but yah....the no contact would be best... these 3 months of breakup and still having contact has been reallly bad...its taken a toll on what we really had before that....since things changed so drastically just after the day we broke up....things were different...and it kind of clouds whatever goodness there was in the relationship before...i dunno... yah...her birthday....if i dont contact her at all...i dunno...i'm thinkign too deeply into it...i'm hoping that she'll notice...maybe she'll be upset...but even worse...if she doesnt care that i didnt call...i dunno...oh well.... so....you guys watching the news?!?! fires allll around me right now....i think im smack in the middle....living in Mira Mesa....firestorm south cali...crazy!!!! ash all over my doorstep....smoke up in the air...my friends houses have been burning down...this is terribly sad... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 sorry to hear that about the fires!!! that has to be a kicker with all the other stuff.. be carefull!!! As for the birthday thing, if she doesn't notice that you didn't call her for her birthday...than there must be something wrong, and i do know what you mean about the "clouding" thing. With all the crap with a breakup... you kind of look past the good stuff. Maybe that is why people break up and get back to gether. TO get the feeling of togetherness back... your young... im a bit older...29 and think if i was in your shoes... it wouldn't be so bad... but im sure it is.. I would look at it this way... try and take what you learned from this relstionship...good or bad.. ABOUT YOURSELF and move on. Im going to do the same...I GUESS.. i don't really have an option... SO.. feel free to send me messages and follow up on all this.. i would want to hear what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 yah...i know i'm young...and so is she.....i dunno...i wish it wasnt this bad...but it's really bad for me...i was really serious about her...i really saw myself marrying her and being happy with her....and its not something that's been on my mind for a long time.....only a couple months before our 3 years did i decide that....so this kinda sux... hmm...hopefully the firestorm doesnt get worse over tonight....i'm actually in mira mesa...we're still avoiding the fires...but they're burning the neighborhoods all around mira mesa. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 You could also try using a journal. Pour out all your feelings onto paper. It actually helps to get it all out of your system on paper as well as by posting. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I just want to point out that this seems to be very standard behavior by exes. Hot and cold. Hot and cold. I think it's definelty a form of manipualtion. My ex pulled the same thing... hang up on me; blocked IM, etc. The funny thing is now that I'm emotionally away from the whole situation, I really know that she is not and she will be left with emotional baggage. OuchmyHeart... don't be surpised if you get a call or email from her one day. It might be in two weeks or it might be on one year. I would NOT call her on her birthday though. I promise you she will wonder why you didn't call. Don't give her that control... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 Im sure that most of you have read most of my posts, It has been over 3 weeks and i still havn't heard anything from her? Im to the point where I know its over... but still want to write an email... not really expecting any response... but the hurt is real bad and I want to send an email. I was thinking of sending an email??? Anyone have any suggestions... I was thinking of a one liner.. .or something short and sweet!! should i do it? I really do want a response...but KNOW that one will probably not come.... Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 What good could possibly come out of an email? She owes you a huge apology... for changing her number like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 guess that is kind of what im looking for, but i guess i can't be the one to contact!!! So.. guess im stuck in this crap... What can i do?? anything?? nothing? People say im handling it so well, but yet i still want to send mad emails...and go stop by her house or whatever...of course i don't do it, but i still WANT TO ....really bad... Funny thing is... i don't even know what i would say or do!!?!?@#!@$# Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 You are handling it very well. When I went through this I usually felt worse about it on Sundays and Mondays... I don't know why that is and maybe it's just me. I think it's good that you are mad too... that's the right emotion considering what she did. Just don't freak out on her in an email and especially don't drop by her house. if she changed her number like that, who knows what she is cabable of. She sounds like a real firecracker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 and the email would be something like? How are you doing? or... something to that affect.. . no good??? still shouldn't send it??? Thanks for listening!!@#@! Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 You HAVE been handling it well..i know i wouldve written an email awhile ago....but yah...you went 3 weeks...what happens if you break it now? what if you start feeling even worse? what do you want to say though? just how are you doing? if you do that...then you might find yourself sitting around checking your email all day....and if she doesnt reply ever....then you might start feeling horrible...like..wtf...after all this time...i made the first move to ask how she was doing and she doesnt even have the decency and respect to write back... and if she does write back...then what...what if you guys start up communication again...but she still doesnt want to be with you....that might be bad too.... I've been weak and handling my situation not well at all...so i wouldnt be able to take my own advice...but i think the best thing might be for you to hold out a little bit more....for you to do it for 3 weeks...thats good stuff...i'm sure she has NOT forgotten you...and you've been doing a great job at giving her space....maybe just chill for a while longer and see if she'll actually contact you... good luck man...hope everything turns out ok....let us know what you decide to do! Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Yeah... Just don't send it for all the reasons that OuchmyHeart said... Without clear communication things can get haywire pretty easily. No point in sending a vague messgae like "How ya doing?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author mewbomb Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 maybe i shouldn't send something vague and wait... maybe she will contact... who knows...any further advice is greatly appreciated..... Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 what have you been doing these past 3 weeks of no contact? It was really hard at first right? but didn't it get better? or were you just sitting there waiting for her all day? I've had my bad days when i was like that....it sux...its no good...i've wasted so many good hours sitting there...and for what? while she's out probably just chillen and having a lot more fun than me....i'm still going through ****...i DO realize what i'm doing wrong...its just hard to snap out of it and get going with myself... so what have you been up to the past 3 weeks? hopefully its better now then when it started right? My friend tells me...i cant call her...i cant TRY to contact her...and even if she does call me...i'm not allowed to pick up.....i doubt im strong enough to NOT pick up when she calls...but we'll see.... Link to post Share on other sites
OucHmyHearT Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 well...so all day yesterday i was waiting for HER to call and ask about the firestorm situation....and yah...she didnt call...so i was a little upset by that...but she finally called my cell today...but i didnt pick it up...=) she left a quick msg...just saying..."oh..i guess you didnt wanna pick up on me...just seeing if everything is ok" so yah...i guess that felt kinda good that i was able to NOT pick up on her....but then yah...now im kinda wanting to call her back..but thats just an excuse... so...been a week since she shut me out of her life..still goin... Link to post Share on other sites
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