This Book is complete

[stampdaddy]

You know, I thought all of this time that I had been waiting for "Chapter 2" to begin in this "book" that we had been writing, but after the last 2 weeks, the ups and downs and incredible drama and disappointment, I have now realize that it was actually the Final Chapter of this story.

 

In the end, unromantically, I walk on to start a new book of my life, leaving this crazed, lost woman to walk her self chosen plank all alone.

 

 

These last 2 weeks have been horrible, with it finalizing on Tuesday, with my last attempt to help her see the "bigger picture". There have been details that I havent shared here, but now, I will share a little more. If you remember, last week she promised to "make me proud" by doing the right thing in regards to the D. BUT, she didnt, and that is when I posted "The Last Exit Ramp". I guess maybe there was an "Exit 111A and then an Exit111B", which came on this past Tuesday.

 

She called and asked me to meet with her, and I did. We sat outside at this little cafe and had a glass of wine. She was SO confused, like a pent up cat. After a little while, I slowly started to talk about what the hell she was doing, and trying to figure out if she knew the scope of these decisions, or lack thereof, that she was making. I quickly determined that to be a resounding NO. Her focus was completely on the wrong things (which I am sure is normal), but that is why I was there.

 

I asked to see her wallet, she asked "why" and I said to trust me. I got out a single picture of each of her children and neatly placed them on teh back of a menu that was on the table. I said, "look at those sweet faces", and she did, and smiled. I then jerked the menu towards her, jolting the pictures a bit, and she then had this shocked look on her face.. I said, "THIS, is what happened when you filed for Sole Custody last week... The shocked look turned to a sad look. I then shoved the menu across the table to an empty chair and the pictures rattled around some more... I said, "THAT is what is going to happen when your H counters you and HE goes for Sole Custody" (which he told her that morning he would). I then said, "now, you arent sitting in this chair anymore, your attorney is. And your H isnt sitting in that chair either, his attorney is." I then started to jerk the menu back and forth a couple more times, scattering the pictures about some more and said, "THIS is what WILL happen now that the attorneys look out "for your best interest". Now she is crying... I said, "it is not up to the attorneys to decide what is best for your family, it is not up to some court appointed mediator to decide what is best for your family and it is not up to some judge, that will never even see your children to decide what is best for them. It is up to YOU and your H to do that. You two need to set aside ONE HOUR and be their co-parents and figure this out. Once you do that, the rest can follow, but until then, you will get nowhere."

 

I really, really thought I got through to her. And then, like some Jeckl and Hyde moment, she turned on me. It was the craziest thing that I have ever seen. Accusing me of "consoling" a neighbor that is going through a divorce, saying that one of her friends would probably sleep with me, and then got back on the "let the judge figure it out bus". It is like she was bi-polar (heck, maybe she is)

 

I then stood up, left money on the table and told her "Goodbye, please leave me alone, forever, leave me alone and goodluck to you, cause you are going to need it."

 

***there is more, but this is enough for now

[alphamale]

thats terrible stampdaddy

[GorillaTheater]

thats terrible stampdaddy

 

It sure is. Those poor kids are in for one hell of a rough ride.

[stampdaddy]

let me add:

 

Tuesday was like ripping a bandaid off of the wound really quick, but under that bandaid, the wound had almost been healed.. There is not much "hurt" left for me, and before long, all that may remain is a scar. But I will use some Vitaman E to help even that disappear as much as possible..

 

I won't spend much time wondering/worrying about this, I have done that for almost 5 years. I am now FREE of this and I feel good.

 

In looking back at Tuesday, and then back at our time together, it is pretty surreal how many of these "episodes" I can recall, and my friends, I will NEVER start a relationship "hoping" things about a person would "change" one day..

[stampdaddy]

a couple of other things that she said:

 

In regards to the H getting the house, "what will all of the neighbors think? I mean, why wouldnt the mother keep the house? They will assume that I had an affair". DUH!

 

In regards to her parents and family, "what about that age group, it is ALWAYS assumed that the mother would keep the house, maybe they too will think I had an affair". Double DUH!

 

Just more SELF PRESERVATION at everybodys expense.

 

She also stressed the words, "my HUSBAND" to me, like, me and "my HUSBAND" are taking "OUR Daughter" to dinner for her birthday... even though this is the case, when she was in her Jeckl and Hyde moment, it WAS TO BE MEAN.. bitch!

 

alot of you guys have refered to her as being "toxic", I FULLY AGREE now.

[OldEurope]

I am sad to read all of this and how it was handled.

 

 

First off let me say that people change when they want to change. All the time. She will change. She will want to after this.

 

Secondly, I don't understand the aggressiveness here. The menu being tossed around, the scare tactics. You backed her into a corner, and of course she lashed out--she is scared, she is on the defensive--and she said stupid things (my friend wants to sleep with you) and the rest of it. This last bit, by the way, about the friend, was because she feels insecure as all hell. She has lost you, and this was a way of trying to "test" you, to express her sadness, and trying to use good ol sex as a weapon. It was not "bi polar". It was a cri de coeur.

 

Could you not have introduced all of your points in a calmer fashion?

 

No matter how right you were, it is the manner in which things are said which produce their effect or not. I have learned the hard way about this, many times over. It took me a long time to learn how to make a point without hammering a point.

 

There is something in all of this that makes me feel for her, somehow. Which is not to say I have no sympathy for the husband who has had to put u with this masie narcissism and its effects; or for Stamp. But a woman with four children, who fell in love and I think was in love, whose marriage perhaps petered out long ago....She is suffering enough.

 

Harshness wasn't called for, and a gentleman would not have left her like that.

 

OE

[OldEurope]

PS

 

Stampo, Her saying "HUSBAND" like that and "OUR" daughter in a forced way...Come on...You can see throught that. This is total total total insecurity. She feels/knows she has lost you, and these are b*tch-bombs, if I may coin an unpleasant expression, to annoy you. She is acting out of pure insecurity, trying to "shove it in your face"

 

She feels you have turned on her, are aggressive, and thus "against" her.

 

And I repeat....Shame on you for leaving her at the table in the manner in which you did. Like some dealer leaving his "ho" who just told him she was pregnant. You are above that. You are better than that. You should have calmly taken her home or to her car or to the bus. Whatever the circumstances NEVER leave a woman--let alone a woman you once loved---in distress

 

OE

[stampdaddy]

OE,

Let me say that I was calm, and it wasn't as violent as you put it, regarding the menu, the effecy was needed though. Alfo, bee car wa 25 feet away. I left after the third"my Husband" was shoved in my face. And I AM a gentleman, and she knows this, so my "I am not going to take this" departure too might have had its effect.

[alphamale]

OE,

Let me say that I was calm, and it wasn't as violent as you put it, regarding the menu, the effecy was needed though. Alfo, bee car wa 25 feet away. I left after the third"my Husband" was shoved in my face. And I AM a gentleman, and she knows this, so my "I am not going to take this" departure too might have had its effect.

so lets disregard the past stampdaddy....what do you have planned for the future. like, um, whats your course of action going to be? relationship wise i mean

[Confused4Now]

I am sad to read all of this and how it was handled.

 

 

First off let me say that people change when they want to change. All the time. She will change. She will want to after this.

 

Secondly, I don't understand the aggressiveness here. The menu being tossed around, the scare tactics. You backed her into a corner, and of course she lashed out--she is scared, she is on the defensive--and she said stupid things (my friend wants to sleep with you) and the rest of it. This last bit, by the way, about the friend, was because she feels insecure as all hell. She has lost you, and this was a way of trying to "test" you, to express her sadness, and trying to use good ol sex as a weapon. It was not "bi polar". It was a cri de coeur.

 

Could you not have introduced all of your points in a calmer fashion?

 

No matter how right you were, it is the manner in which things are said which produce their effect or not. I have learned the hard way about this, many times over. It took me a long time to learn how to make a point without hammering a point.

 

There is something in all of this that makes me feel for her, somehow. Which is not to say I have no sympathy for the husband who has had to put u with this masie narcissism and its effects; or for Stamp. But a woman with four children, who fell in love and I think was in love, whose marriage perhaps petered out long ago....She is suffering enough.

 

Harshness wasn't called for, and a gentleman would not have left her like that.

 

OE

 

I have to agree with what OE says...you know how she is passive aggressive and that is not the way to handle things with them. You have to use a lot of "I" statements with them. I can understand your frustrations however I think you got to emotional at that moment. What amazes me is your thinking..honestly I think we were brothers in another life. just amazes me.... Good luck pal...it's time to heal and move on....only think of YOU right now.

[Gamine]

You sound like a really nice guy and I hope you find someone who will be good to you! There are loads of frogs and so few princes and princesses... but... you can find one and when you do.... you'll know it. There is nothing like it in the world. It is wonderful to love... but it is also so very wonderful to be loved.

[jwi71]

Stamp,

 

You handled it very well my friend.

You tried. You tried so VERY HARD to open her eyes for HER benefit. For the benefit of the children. I find nothing wrong with your response or your demonstration. I found it perfect. Sadly, tragically, she has decided yet another destructive path.

 

Find peace in your actions Stamp. You put yourself at risk for others - even those who have betrayed you. I'm sorry she choose this path. I'm sorry it hurts you.

 

Say a prayer...shed few tears...turn your head and walk on.

[OldEurope]

OE,

Let me say that I was calm, and it wasn't as violent as you put it, regarding the menu, the effecy was needed though. Alfo, bee car wa 25 feet away. I left after the third"my Husband" was shoved in my face. And I AM a gentleman, and she knows this, so my "I am not going to take this" departure too might have had its effect.

 

I am Pro-Stamp; always have, always will root for StampDiddly, Team Stamp-Studly. Want the best for you,

 

OE

[bentnotbroken]

I'm sorry Stampy. I did as you asked, apparently that isn't the course of action that was going to be taken. I am so proud of you for trying to rectify your actions and focus on the children. Unfortunately not all mothers(or fathers) have their children's best interest at heart.

[quankanne]

Stamp-Studly? WHOO! Starting to get a bit warm in here!

 

does this mean you'll continue the ebay auction of dates, Stampy?

[stampdaddy]

I think for now, I will just kinda take one day at a time... I had to go downtown this morning, the weather is beautiful, and alot of people were walking around. Old, young, couples, families etc.... NONE of that is me OR has been me in a very, very long time. I have been "on hold" for years now, let's just say around 2 years... Time for me to start "living", I deserve to be downtown, walking openly and freely with a "partner" who loves me, and I love back... NOT THIS!!

 

My "on hold" days ARE OVER!! My "hiding" days, my "gotta run" days etc...

 

I did ALL I could do, and when I quietly looked at those little hearts in those photos, I said my sorry's and my goodbyes.. IT IS ALL OUT OF MY CONTROL

 

Thanks all!

[Reggie]

Why did you agree to meet her? I thought you were done. This is just too much drama, Stamp. Why did you get involved with this married woman in the first place? You need to check that issue out.

[stampdaddy]

Why did you agree to meet her? I thought you were done. This is just too much drama, Stamp. Why did you get involved with this married woman in the first place? You need to check that issue out.

Reg, youre focusing on the ABC's whan I am wrapping up the XYZ's.... which means, I loved her

[lkjh]

I'm sorry but Reggie is right. Why were you still coaching her through a divorce. You posted the thing about her kids but what other stuff have you advised her on? A few weeks ago you said you were done with her but here you posted how you thought there would be a second chapter in the book. I' am curious what did you think the second chapter would consist of? The two of you ending up together? I really hope this time you stop contact with her and stay away from their family.

[quankanne]

at this point, his reasons for meeting her one last time are in the past. And we need to respect that

[NoIDidn't]

Wow, Stamp! I don't think you were harsh AT ALL! When the dust settles on this custody battle, she's going to WISH she listened to you. The fact that the H can PROVE infidelity apparently hasn't sunk in for her. PLUS, most courts nowadays would rather the children have access to their father in totally joint custody than just hand them over to Mom. What time warp is she living under?

 

The saddest part was her saying "people will think I've had an affair"! Yup, you are a gentleman because I would have cursed her out for denying that fact if it was with me!!! Hell, I would have yelled it loud enough for everyone to hear in the Cafe "yeah you had an affair dammit, it was WITH ME!!!"

 

She has a case. Sorry.

[Mr. Lucky]

at this point, his reasons for meeting her one last time are in the past. And we need to respect that

Put me down among the skeptics that don't think this is "one last time". NC means NC, anything else is simply an excuse to get sucked into the very drama that Stampdaddy described, regardless of one's motives. I'll bet the ranch that she'll show up at SD's door again, the only question is what will he do...

 

Mr. Lucky

[NoIDidn't]

Put me down among the skeptics that don't think this is "one last time". NC means NC, anything else is simply an excuse to get sucked into the very drama that Stampdaddy described, regardless of one's motives. I'll bet the ranch that she'll show up at SD's door again, the only question is what will he do...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'll say one bad thing about what I perceive Stamp to be: an enabler, a co-dependent.

 

But he seems to be seeing that she is going to devour him like she has done her poor H. Or I hope he truly sees that.

 

This woman is deluded if she thinks her A is not going to enter the court proceedings and that no one will find out. With all that is going on, people probably already know and she's attempting to gaslight THEM too!!!

 

Stamp definitely needs to never meet with her again. Don't do what OE suggested, which is basically to display more codependent behavior by caring more about her feelings than his own. She isn't ever going to look out for him. She is ONLY about her own self. Not even her kids are safe from her narcissism (sp?).

[boldjack]

Shemp, you know from my past posts, that I have been generally favorable to you, but on this one you have dropped the ball, bigtime. The decision to meet her was very unwise and reminiscent of a recovering junkie, who rationalizes one last toot, before he really quits. This drama is your drug and you can't seem to give it up cold turkey. you are a fairly smart man, what part of NC do you not understand? You had this last meeting for yourself. What you told her ,dramatically, she already knows or soon will know. This 5 year Homeric affair, has been your version of a passion play, acted out for real. Even the terms you use to describe it are literate, Chapters one and two, indeed. You and the OW and the H are the "dramatis personae", the children are the "extras". We the posters at LS , the audience.

[tami-chan]

I am sad to read all of this and how it was handled.

 

 

First off let me say that people change when they want to change. All the time. She will change. She will want to after this.

 

Secondly, I don't understand the aggressiveness here. The menu being tossed around, the scare tactics. You backed her into a corner, and of course she lashed out--she is scared, she is on the defensive--and she said stupid things (my friend wants to sleep with you) and the rest of it. This last bit, by the way, about the friend, was because she feels insecure as all hell. She has lost you, and this was a way of trying to "test" you, to express her sadness, and trying to use good ol sex as a weapon. It was not "bi polar". It was a cri de coeur.

 

Could you not have introduced all of your points in a calmer fashion?

 

No matter how right you were, it is the manner in which things are said which produce their effect or not. I have learned the hard way about this, many times over. It took me a long time to learn how to make a point without hammering a point.

 

There is something in all of this that makes me feel for her, somehow. Which is not to say I have no sympathy for the husband who has had to put u with this masie narcissism and its effects; or for Stamp. But a woman with four children, who fell in love and I think was in love, whose marriage perhaps petered out long ago....She is suffering enough.

 

Harshness wasn't called for, and a gentleman would not have left her like that.

 

OE

 

I agree with you, OE. I am surprised she sat through all these. But perhaps, Stamp needed these dramatics to justify walking away. So be it. Whatever it takes to heal or to make it right in one's mind. We wish him the best!!!!

 

Is the auction on yet?