tnkwa Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 My boyfriend and I broke up and he started to date and be intimate with another woman. He still loves me and I love him but he also loves the other woman. He said that if we got together again, he still wants to have her as a "friend". My heart says No. He said that I don't trust him. The other woman would do anything for him and wants to marry him. I think she will make him feel bad that he is not with her and he will give in and do something that will destroy us. Right now, he can't choose who he wants to be with but on occasions, he feels like he wants to be with me but feels bad for breaking it up with the other woman. Can a man be friends with an old lover? Friends meaning that they talk to each other everyday... and maybe fly over to see each other. Am I just being jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 You are not really wanting to know if he can be friends with you. You are wanting him to be YOURS. You have clearly stated above he is having trouble deciding which of the two of you he wants to be with. As far as the friendship you describe, since you are obviously still in love with him a healthy and honest friendship would not be practical. I don't think it shows respect for another person's relationship to call that person, an ex lover, everyday and fly off to visit him at intervals. Let go, move on and let him have his life. That would work really great for you too because you could heal and free yourself to find love that wouled be truly yours. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 A man can't really be "friends" with an old lover and proceed to new love. He can be friendly, but he can't be friends. I mean I suppose if you live in different states a man could send you a Christmas card or something, but being true friends, no. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Have you SEEN "When Harry Met Sally"? However, one girl, a really good friend of mine, who I lived with and other roommates for a year, I ended up sleeping with, but that stopped when we both got involved with other people and we get along fine now. No one knows about us sleeping together, though. Link to post Share on other sites
JustDunno Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 The woman I have been with for the last couple of years has male friends and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. I mean everyone has friends of the opposite sex but there is a line there that shouldn't't be crossed when in a relationship. It went to extremes as the more I got mad about it, the more she would do it. Do it meaning going over to one ex's house just to hang out but thats not the point what was going on, just the fact I believe its not right. He is around on a daily basis and it drove me crazy. The more I felt like she wans't giving me any respect and it didn't matter what I thought, the more hurt I got and at times the frustration took the best of me and would call her names. The names were how she was acting at the time, not her herself if that makes any sense. I had a couple/three rages and a quite few discussions about it when I landed up getting mad then we would argue. She just didn't get what I was saying. I never told her not to do these things but what would happen to our relationship if she did. Well now I am considered an abuser, a bully just to name a few. It has killed our relationship and regret how I handled myself. I was blaming her when in fact, I should of been blaming myself for not walking away at the start of this before I landed up making her hate me and hating myself. If his boundary lines aren't the same as yours, your going to have problems. If you see this happening, leave yourself before it turns into pain for everyone and then at least if he really loves you, he will understand and maybe come to his senses. If it goes on, he will just dislike you and never want to be with you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 We pretty much fantasize about doing everyone .... can't help it! It sucks being a male let me tell you. For once I just want to be friends with a woman I don't want to have sex with, but somehow as I get to know them I fantasize what it would be like and then gets ahold of my psyche which I can't control. Any other guy here feels that way?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnkwa Posted October 29, 2003 Author Share Posted October 29, 2003 Yes, I agree. I think it is good to discuss where friendship ends and a relationship begins. He thinks it is too controlling of me to dictate who he should and should not see but I don't want to worry about things like that. I had an ex who I talked to for a few months once every month and whenever we talked it seems like he wanted to get together again so I cut ties with him (and also my ex (now) wanted me to). Once you've given yourself to someone it seems like you can never be the same, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
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