t0ri Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 So I just spied on my ex and found out a girl is interested in him, and he's interested as well. We were together 2 years 3 months or so. He dumped me in late February, came back 3 weeks later and we started to work on things for 3 or 4 weeks, for him only to dump me AGAIN about a month ago. We've only spoken once in the past month, last week, for him to tell me he wants me out of his life forever. SO I just cried for awhile and wallowed in sorrow, and then started thinking about things I WON'T miss about him. So instead of dwelling on everything you will miss and think you'll never find again in someone, name something you WILL NOT miss or did not like about your ex. Or even something bad they did to you. I'll start: -I will not miss waking up to his drool in my hair, and his sweat all over both of us. Haha! Gross. -Nor will I miss him screaming at and disrespecting me, or grabbing me aggressively. -I'll definitely not miss his stupid friends that he put before me. -I won't miss his cigarette/pot/butt stench. Go! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Dishonesty. Dishonesty. Dishonesty. Oh, and the lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Nedved Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Won't miss her constant worrying about work her selfish attitude weird spells where she just go's quiet for ages her lies lack of fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author t0ri Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 -Oh ya. I won't miss his lies either. How could I forget that. -Or the monotony of getting drunk at his place every weekend with his friends. -Or constantly hearing how I could do better and deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 the "creative omissions" about other girls he was "spending time" withhis lies about his dietary restrictions that I tried so hard to accommodate... and then when I was surprised that he didn't question the creaminess of the sauce, for instance, I'd say, "Don't worry, I made it with soy yogurt," and he'd look confused, and I'd go, "You know, for your lactose intolerance," and he'd go, "Ooooohhhh.... yeah..... that...... um, thanks. Wow, do they make soy yogurt?"his mommy issueshis rivalry-with-his-brother issueshis utter self-absorptionhis... uh... hang-ups in the bedroom (social, emotional, psychological, sexual...)his attempts at physically dominating mehis hypocrisy. Hypocrisy about all the big issues. Okay, I could go on and on and on and on and on until LS has to buy another server to store my post on, but I won't. I already got my heart rate up typing about that soy yogurt incident. I wish he DID have an actual food sensitivity so I could trigger some sort of allergic reaction!!!! (LOL - not really) This is a helpful thread. I was getting wistful earlier today. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Its weird because I love him, there's nothing I can truly dislike because even the things you dislike help form the person, so even in the things i'll list, (some of them) there was still something I weirdly liked about it (except lies etc). - his bedroom hangups; insecure, shy, got tired easily, sometimes killed the buzz... - that he began to exclude me from his life. Its fine for a couple to have seperate interests, friendships etc but to never bring them together creates distance - that he would rather spend time with his friends than me, though supposedly I was his 'best friend' - that he stopped writing me cards or getting me presents when he did so all the time in the past - that he said he stopped feeling 'crazily in love with me' - spots lol - tactless/rude/immature/patriarchal comments sometimes. Talking down to me, needing to always be a 'boss' or the 'bigman'. Never used to be that way. I think some of these guys go through a bit of a mid-life crisis early...he drunkenly screamed out to me 'I NEED TO BE A MAN' - well what the F- does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Hmmm......let me see.......not much to be honest, I miss him very much, even after SUCH a long time apart. The things I wont miss are: * His dislike/disrespect towards my own mother-yes, she is a pain but all she ever wanted was the best for us, she wanted ME to be happy with HIM as she knew how special he was to me. * His ability to get drunk and abandon me. This happened the first night we kissed, I should have known from then....... oh well. *The fear of losing the love of my life to another woman. THIS sucked! Thats it. I miss EVERYTHING else though, deeply, madly, truly. I love you CDJ. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 selfishness, lies, narcissism, bragging, instability, disrespect towards the women in his life, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 selfishness, lies, narcissism, bragging, instability, disrespect towards the women in his life, etc. So, we've dated the same guy... Small world... Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I won't miss.... The way he made me feel like I was always doing something wrong. The way he pushed me away. The way he got angry. The way he was so negative about everything The way he would become so moody How he would tell me I was the last person he wanted to see How he always compared me to the ex How he didn't trust me How he lied How he would always come back The fact that he never liked me to talk about what was going on with me and my friends. He told me he didn't give a ****! Nice, huh? He woulnd't let me vent about my day He hated all my friends! The fact that he didn't believe in God There are MORE, but too much to list. This is a great thread, it gets us all thinking about the things that we don't miss, or how they made us feel too. I know to see it on the screen I am saying to myself.."Wow...Seriously?? You wanted to be with this man????" Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I won't miss.... The way he made me feel like I was always doing something wrong. The way he pushed me away. The way he got angry. The way he was so negative about everything The way he would become so moody How he would tell me I was the last person he wanted to see How he always compared me to the ex How he didn't trust me How he lied How he would always come back The fact that he never liked me to talk about what was going on with me and my friends. He told me he didn't give a ****! Nice, huh? He woulnd't let me vent about my day He hated all my friends! The fact that he didn't believe in God There are MORE, but too much to list. This is a great thread, it gets us all thinking about the things that we don't miss, or how they made us feel too. I know to see it on the screen I am saying to myself.."Wow...Seriously?? You wanted to be with this man????" Its weird how your emotions can blindsite you to the kind of things you probably wouldn't even tolerate in a friend let alone a partner! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Its weird how your emotions can blindsite you to the kind of things you probably wouldn't even tolerate in a friend let alone a partner! It's great you say that, because it is true. If I had a friend treat me like this? I read somewhere that we all tend to do this....for a lover we are willing to change ourselves so much to the point that we may even lower our standards, or even tolerate behavior that is not acceptable!! I'm working on me and trying to figure out why I have done this in so many relationships.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 It's great you say that, because it is true. If I had a friend treat me like this? I read somewhere that we all tend to do this....for a lover we are willing to change ourselves so much to the point that we may even lower our standards, or even tolerate behavior that is not acceptable!! I'm working on me and trying to figure out why I have done this in so many relationships.... I think thats so important. Find the reasons WHY you fall for this kind of person. I've realised I tend to fall for people who are distant/unavailable/attached, in some way 'not suitable', rather than someone thats single or available or interested. I think it may be because i'm secretly a commitmentphobe and so I am attracted to commitmentphobes because that way there is no committment - and also it comes across as being there problem not mine. I also really like going through stress/trauma with a loved one, because I think going through all that bonds you more. God I need to look into WHY I do this.....there's so much we all need to learn about ourselves! Link to post Share on other sites
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I think I seek out narcissists due to my unresolved daddy issues. That looks really pathetic on the screen, but it's true. I gravitate towards narcissists and fall under their spell in both my professional and personal lives. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 this is a fun thread! i'm in a relationship, but i can do one for my most recent ex: - the godawful music i had to put up with in his car - the terrible eating habits (negatively influenced mine) - the oversensitivity - the uncool friends - the fake crying - the lying, of course! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I think thats so important. Find the reasons WHY you fall for this kind of person. I've realised I tend to fall for people who are distant/unavailable/attached, in some way 'not suitable', rather than someone thats single or available or interested. I think it may be because i'm secretly a commitmentphobe and so I am attracted to commitmentphobes because that way there is no committment - and also it comes across as being there problem not mine. I also really like going through stress/trauma with a loved one, because I think going through all that bonds you more. God I need to look into WHY I do this.....there's so much we all need to learn about ourselves! I think you and I have a lot in common. I am in therapy, have been since January when all this stuff with XBF started going haywire. I was in therapy before, but with my XH, then through the divorce. My therapist described me just as you wrote it. I think that "drama" in the relationship will grow a bond...But what I have realized is that it shouldn't be so much that it consumes. I am working on me, with God's help, I will get through it! I attach to men who are emotionally unavailable too, and find myself clinging to these type of men. But if someone comes a long, who treats me right, then I shy away from it. Why?? I have no clue. When I first met XBF, I was NOT looking, it took a lot for him to even get me out on a date. The way he would talk freaked me out because he was already planning a future. Before I knew it, here I was falling for it, and loosing myself in the process and thinking that all of this was okay Wow...amazing how the tables just turned. As soon as I showed him and basically gave into the chase, it was over before I knew it!! I really need to work on me! Wow. I dont want this to happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamon777 Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks so much for starting this thread! I'm the one doing the breaking up, however, I've been feeling so guilty because he feels so hurt. BUT, I've felt disconnected and hurting for a long time before his hurting began - I won't miss: *Worrying that he will start drinking again *He is often down on himself *His inability to take chances - even if it will improve his life *His religious intolerance *His sighs when asked to help or do something *His yelling at the kids before he bothers to find out what is going on *His not hearing me or getting me *The frequent disappointments, big and little *The clingy & neediness WOW! That felt GREAT!! Ok... I'm ready to keep going, moving forward, and embracing MY happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks so much for starting this thread! I'm the one doing the breaking up, however, I've been feeling so guilty because he feels so hurt. BUT, I've felt disconnected and hurting for a long time before his hurting began - I won't miss: *Worrying that he will start drinking again *He is often down on himself *His inability to take chances - even if it will improve his life *His religious intolerance *His sighs when asked to help or do something *His yelling at the kids before he bothers to find out what is going on *His not hearing me or getting me *The frequent disappointments, big and little *The clingy & neediness WOW! That felt GREAT!! Ok... I'm ready to keep going, moving forward, and embracing MY happiness. That's right Cinnamon!! Keep moving forward!!! These are really good things to NOT miss!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I think you and I have a lot in common. I am in therapy, have been since January when all this stuff with XBF started going haywire. I was in therapy before, but with my XH, then through the divorce. My therapist described me just as you wrote it. I think that "drama" in the relationship will grow a bond...But what I have realized is that it shouldn't be so much that it consumes. I am working on me, with God's help, I will get through it! I attach to men who are emotionally unavailable too, and find myself clinging to these type of men. But if someone comes a long, who treats me right, then I shy away from it. Why?? I have no clue. When I first met XBF, I was NOT looking, it took a lot for him to even get me out on a date. The way he would talk freaked me out because he was already planning a future. Before I knew it, here I was falling for it, and loosing myself in the process and thinking that all of this was okay Wow...amazing how the tables just turned. As soon as I showed him and basically gave into the chase, it was over before I knew it!! I really need to work on me! Wow. I dont want this to happen again. Yeah! Its like the thrill of the chase but it goes much deeper. I remember when my ex used to chase me, chase me, chase me, I loved him but I wanted to escape. When he withdrew, I wanted to chase. I know this is normal to an extent but I think I take it a bit deeper. I might ring my therapist and tell her this. If any guy is too eager on me, I find it SUCH a turn-off, I just want him to go away! But I don't like typical bad guys either...so its not that kind of an issue....I think maybe i've read too many books, watched too many movies...and I expect this big chase that is worth it in the end. I don't think I want to settle for a 'normal' (???) relationship, I want one that goes down in history. How mental do I sound? lol It makes you realise how you get what you wish for in a way... Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 -the insomnia -the diet pills -the reality TV she forced me to watch -the constant, minor nagging illnesses I do miss the great sex, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I wont miss......damnit.....there aint one thing. I loved her dearly, faults and all. They combined to make the perfect package. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Things I won't miss: His Depression issues he wouldn't deal with. His lack of motivation. His family. His really obnoxious laugh he would get when he drinks. His IBS (yikes!). His OCD His room (messiest room I have ever seen). He was ALWAYS LATE. I won't miss the fighting, and once I am 100% over him, I won't miss his passive agressive style of ending the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
broken_promises Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 This is a hard one for me, because I think there are WAY more things he could hate/won't miss about me than I have for him. It's a painful little mirror to look into and see how much I contributed to some of the failings of this relationship. Things I won't miss: -his constant indecision about everything -his always being tired but blaming our routine of dinner/tv watching on me -his always working and expecting me to be ready when he was done with his workday, even if it was at 11pm at night -his searching for an apartment with me closer to school only to flip out and pull the rug out from under me on the day we were to sign the lease -his subversive need for control -his generosity that was always on HIS terms, but if you ask for something, he resents it or sees it as controlling him But yeah, this is hard because there are way more things he won't miss about me. And this also makes me think of all the things I love/will miss about him. I wish breakups weren't so conflicting. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelinefan Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I like this thread, and these are the thoughts I should focus more on. *Her passive aggressive anger to get exactly what she wants *How she was closed off emotionally when things got serious *Her lack of respect for my opinion on anything *Her communication with an ex that she decided not to tell me about *Her over-spontaneous nature, her lack of real direction or focus in life or love, using spontaneity to distract herself from this fact *Her unwillingness to work on our issues in therapy for more than 2 sessions *Her lack of respect for any boundaries I had the guts to put in place *Her never ending selfish attitude and self centeredness *How she began to use me only as someone to complain to, not talk with *How she used me as a safe person to stay with and take advantage of, while she didn't really want to be with me *Her occasional irrational and mean spirited attitude toward my family *Her completely baffling ability to push all real feelings deep inside, and not ever feel anything Link to post Share on other sites
fairycake Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 -Being selfish and self-centered, not bothering to see things from my point of view -Expecting me to fit into his life as and where it suited him never mind whether that fitted with my life -Expecting us to spend our time with his friends and never mine -Insensitivity -Going distant on me instead of discussing things like an adult -Messing me around at the end, telling me he wanted our relationship then two days later saying he couldn't -Not taking responsibility for his own behavior That felt good Link to post Share on other sites
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