Bewildered

[Cybersport]

I'm not really sure where to start, I've recently kicked my girlfriend out of the house and I'm just really confused at the whole situation. I've been seeing this girl for 6 1/2 years and was ready to propose to her later this year.

 

The reason I kicked her out is because she is talking to someone I dislike (I know i cannot tell someone who to talk to but it was soooo excessive.) One month she racked up over 2,000 minutes and a TON of text messages when I confronted her she said It was strictly a friendship and there was nothing more to it. She showed me the text messages and there was nothing really ridiculous so that confirmed what she said and she would be chilling out with the conversations because I was the only one she loved etc etc.

 

Fast forward to last week, She really did stop talking to him so often maybe once a week and barely any text messages but I was curious so I checked her phone and one of the last messages was her calling him "my angel" and I just lost it.. I told her to explain and she said there was nothing to explain. She asked if she should leave and I told her that would be best. She looked at me with a shocked face but didn't say one word to me after , just packed some things and left.

 

Mind you she has only met this person once for a very short period of time, he lives about 500 miles away.

 

I'm just confused about the whole thing, maybe it's because I didn't get any closure or what?

 

I'm playing it low for now going out with my friends and working on me. There hasn't been any contact since she left about 3 days ago.

 

Sorry for the novel! If anyone has any comments or suggestions let me know!

[GorillaTheater]

I don't know, man. You have to draw your own boundaries of what's acceptable or not in a relationship. The contact certainly seems excessive, and I would agree that he stepped over the line with the "my angel" comment, but I can't say with any certainty that she was too emotionally engaged with this guy based strictly on the facts you present (in other words, it's possible that, objectively, you over-reacted). Tough to say one way or the other but like I said, you alone can determine what you'll put up with.

[Cybersport]

I don't know, man. You have to draw your own boundaries of what's acceptable or not in a relationship. The contact certainly seems excessive, and I would agree that he stepped over the line with the "my angel" comment, but I can't say with any certainty that she was too emotionally engaged with this guy based strictly on the facts you present (in other words, it's possible that, objectively, you over-reacted). Tough to say one way or the other but like I said, you alone can determine what you'll put up with.

 

 

Yeah, I agree with you, thank you for your reply! I'm just wondering what happens from here.. I don't plan on contacting her anytime soon but wondering since I was the one who told her to get out in anger will i be the one who has to confront her to find the status of the relationship?

 

She also took a picture of me and her at my brother's wedding with her that kinda ticks me off. I'm not sure why she would do that.

[GorillaTheater]

Well, what do you want to happen? Whether the words were said or not, you two are no longer in a relationship. It was effectively broken off. If you don't want to repair that relationship, then it really doesn't matter what the truth may be regarding her and the other guy. I'd even argue that breaking it off relieves her of any duty to tell you anything about it, and relieves you of the right to ask.

 

If you want to repair the relationship, I'd say it's up to you (since you broke it off in the absence of good evidence of cheating - the amount of contact vs. her willingness to show you the texts) to take the initiative. Contact her and explore what it will take to take back together. Either she'll be willing or she won't. And you STILL may never find out the truth of what was going on with this guy.

[Cybersport]

Well, what do you want to happen? Whether the words were said or not, you two are no longer in a relationship. It was effectively broken off. If you don't want to repair that relationship, then it really doesn't matter what the truth may be regarding her and the other guy. I'd even argue that breaking it off relieves her of any duty to tell you anything about it, and relieves you of the right to ask.

 

If you want to repair the relationship, I'd say it's up to you (since you broke it off in the absence of good evidence of cheating - the amount of contact vs. her willingness to show you the texts) to take the initiative. Contact her and explore what it will take to take back together. Either she'll be willing or she won't. And you STILL may never find out the truth of what was going on with this guy.

 

First off thank you again for your very detailed response!

 

Thinking about it, I would like to give it another go with her. 6 1/2 years is a pretty long time.

 

The only way I can think of to contact her would be by email since when she left, she left the cellphone i paid for.

 

When do you think it would be a good time to send it? Honestly, I will be better off if she straight forward just told me if she wanted a relationship or not, but i don't want to be a dick about it got any pointers for that?

[GorillaTheater]

If it is was me, I'd just send a short email asking if she'd be willing to meet to talk, and would hash all this out in person as opposed to electronically. If she agrees to meet, tell her that you want to talk about the possibility of getting back together but the large amount of contact with this guy really bothered you. Give her an opportunity to explain. You'll either accept what she says or you won't.

 

Of course, if she was really getting involved with this guy, she'll blow you off.

 

I think you'll see when you reach the point where NC (no contact) is the right course for you.

[GorillaTheater]

Oh, and when you talk to her, stay calm regardless of how it goes.

[Cybersport]

I'll shoot her a short email asking to meet up before I leave to go out tonight. Going to see terminator!

 

Thanks for your advice man I really appreciate it.

[GorillaTheater]

No problem and good luck, man.

 

Hey, come back and tell me how you liked the movie. I was thinking about catching it this weekend.

[Cybersport]

No problem and good luck, man.

 

Hey, come back and tell me how you liked the movie. I was thinking about catching it this weekend.

 

 

Haha of course bro, I'll let you know! I'll also post whatever her response is if I get one

[thelostsoul89]

6 1/2 years and you kick her out for texting someone??

"She also took a picture of me and her at my brother's wedding with her that kinda ticks me off."

Why would this make you mad?? Obviously she took the picture because she will miss you. Your suppossed long relationship must be an unimprotant one if you can let her go over text messages and get upset with her for taking a picture of THE BOTH OF YOU TOGETHER???!!!

 

Im not saying that it wasnt wrong of her to be texting this guy. But wow not even letting her explain and kicking her out because you were angry, wouldnt you wanna try and make it work? - Guess not.

 

Did she know that you dont like him?? You say you read the texts and none of them were "ridiculous" (w/e that means) one text she called him my angel?? Huh maybe she was just talking to him... lol Not like she said "oh baby I love you cant wait to be with you"

 

You are over reacting by a long shot buddy.

[CaliGuy]

While the text messages are a tad excessive, they were not sexual in nature. She might be emotionally cheating to a degree.

 

That said, six years is a long time. You should have proposed long ago. Are you neglecting her? Perhaps she is texting this other guy because you aren't paying the kind of attention to her that you should.

 

And kicking her out, that IMHO was overly excessive.

[heartbroken720]

What does IMHO mean?

Thanks

[CaliGuy]

What does IMHO mean?

Thanks

 

In my humble opinion.

[BCCA]

When you dont convey your feelings clearly, you run the risk of things ending up in a state of confusion. You seem to be somewhat jealous, but I would be wondering why she needs to talk to a guy she met once that lives 500 miles away at all. I think emotional cheating was spot on, but I also agree with CaliGuy's other point.

 

Is there a reason you lived with someone you were with for 6+ years and didnt purpose? Did you guys even talk about it?

 

Also, dude...booting her out without asking for an explination and clearly understanding what exactly the deal is with this guy was not only cold hearted, it was counter-productive. You still have no idea what the deal was, and now, she might never tell you. If it was really nothing, you made a real mistake. I have a really good female friend, and we talk and hang out all the time, but are absolutely not attracted to each other. On the other hand, if she was quasi-cheating, you'll never know for sure if your gut feeling was right.

 

I have to ask...do you get pissed like that a lot? Because that was harsh.

[Cybersport]

I told her to explain and she said there was nothing to explain. She asked if she should leave and I told her that would be best.

 

 

I posted up there that I asked her to explain and she said there was nothing to explain. I understand that it was overly harsh and it was my mistake, the one i am currently paying for.

 

The reason I haven't proposed was because we talked about it long ago and she constantly brought it up "I cannot wait until we are both out of college so we can finally be married" I thought it was weird but didn't want to press the issue. She has always stated she wanted to be out of college before we got married. I am 22 and she is 21... very young.

 

Also the reason I jumped the gun is this wasn't the first time she's done something like this.. we had a 6 month break about a year ago because she started a long distance relationship with a guy she met online but it was alot more serious (saying i can't wait to be with you etc etc) I didn't talk to her for about 5 months when she started calling me again saying she wanted me back etc.

 

And No, I do not constantly get this way.. I'm actually a laid back guy but I felt like I was being taken advantage of.

[CaliGuy]

And No, I do not constantly get this way.. I'm actually a laid back guy but I felt like I was being taken advantage of.

 

Then break it off for good. You both are VERY young and far too young to think about marriage.

 

Finish college, get your degree, get settled in life and then, around 30 or so, get married.

 

Cheers.

[NopeNah]

She was clearly "flerting" with the guy and the fact that she's done this before is a clear sign (to me) that you did the right thing. good luck in whatever you decide to do about it.. personly, Id let it (her) go.

[Cybersport]

She replied willing to meet up and she wants to do it tomorrow. She is moving into her new place today and working the rest of the day.

 

We'll see where this goes.. I'll be preparing myself for the worst to let her go.

 

Thanks for the words guys!

[GorillaTheater]

Congrats on getting the meeting, and let us know how it goes.

 

So how was the movie?

[Cybersport]

Congrats on getting the meeting, and let us know how it goes.

 

So how was the movie?

 

Thanks,

She's actually texting me now I've been very slow to respond just have a lot of stuff going on today. She seems to be volunteering a lot of information about where shes saying at etc not sure where to go with that.

 

 

The movie was A LOT better then I expected!!! I definitely recommend it but you cannot go into the movie with the mind set that it's going to be like the original ones.

[GorillaTheater]

Thanks,

She's actually texting me now I've been very slow to respond just have a lot of stuff going on today. She seems to be volunteering a lot of information about where shes saying at etc not sure where to go with that.

 

 

The movie was A LOT better then I expected!!! I definitely recommend it but you cannot go into the movie with the mind set that it's going to be like the original ones.

 

Don't be too slow in responding; like I said, unless you get further information that she has in fact been cheating (emotionally or otherwise), I think the onus is on you to take the initiative in all this. And if you want to reconcile, I'm taking her openess as a good sign.

 

And thanks for the movie review.

[CaliGuy]

Don't be too slow in responding; like I said, unless you get further information that she has in fact been cheating (emotionally or otherwise), I think the onus is on you to take the initiative in all this. And if you want to reconcile, I'm taking her openess as a good sign.

 

And thanks for the movie review.

 

I tend to disagree. You don't want to be texting right away especially if he has work to do. Women have a hard time associating romantic feelings for guys who act like they are waiting on every word she has to say.

 

Have some semblence of a life and make them "wonder" about you from time to time. It's not being rude, especially if he does have work to do.

[Cybersport]

Thanks again Gorilla and Caliguy!

 

Yeah, I've been pretty busy with work today but we shall see what happens tomorrow. We decided to meet at a park that we have a lot of history at. She's living with a friend right now and I'm not gonna ask her to move back in or anything I will give her space, maybe I'll get my second chance but shes not obligated to give me one even though I took her back after the first fiasco.

 

I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst but so far she has been very open to all of this.

 

Have a good day guys finally going home from work in a few time to hit the gym.