SoulBears moved residence. Day by Day Disaster Memoirs

[Soul Bear]

From the breakup forum to the second chance, and now this.

I have been defeated.

Im moving over here to 'cope' with what has happened.

 

Yeah I got burned, yeah i didnt listen to anyones advice, yeah it backfired in my face like a double barrel arse kicking. ( im still convinced if it had been longer and I had the time, I would have had time to get my head and heart in tow with each other and I may have suceeded. Maybe not tho..)

but...YES! ...Im going to love again one day, and YES! i can only be stronger from it all. No matter what happens, at least I know I tried.

Now its time for NC.

 

 

So, to set of day 1 of coping, this was actually day 3 of NC.

I broke it with a phonecall...ugh....then an 8 PAGE sms...UGH!!!

foolishness.

 

Phonecall

Called tro ask if she wanted to hang out, and that I was sorry for making it awkward when we met the other day ( I thought I was strong, but I crumbled). She was so cold and off on the phone, angry, and I asked her why she left me. It was because of me and my attitude, coincidently, my attitude was from her actions. Says she met someone else and wants me to move on. She initiated NC on ME!! ''we should sever all ties for a few months until you get over me and move on. We cant be friends until that happens''

 

FUC* YOU! I dont wanna be your friend! you treated me like sh*t during this breakup. You have feelings for someone else now!!

 

I dont really apreciate that coldness, as she came over here the other day, borrowed a sleeping bag and a pair of wellies to go out to a festival alone that we used to go to together and go with our friends, smoke most of my smoke stuff and then left.

 

And she is annoyed at me?!

 

 

So after the phonecall, I sent an sms...8pages long...

sms

I made some big mistakes, i know this, and I am truly sorry. I am so so very sorry.I got to the bottom of my emotions that made me feel so angry and off with you. Im telling you that they wont be an issue anymore as i have confronted and dealt with them for the first time properly.We have both made mistakes that have effected attitudes resentment and trust between us and i hold nothing against you anymore.I hope one day you can really forgive me too and try to get on with me and work things out instead of the the cold shoulder. Cos no matter what you say or do, we had a beautiful, loving and speacial realationship and worked well together 99% of the time. I am trying so hard to show that i know where I went wrong and want to work things out with you. I care deeply about you and it really really hurts to be met with such coldness and hostility when i try to be caring and nice and do all that I can to show you just how much you mean to me.Your attitude towards me is really hurting me and i find it a bit rude but its your decision. Ill miss you baby. Love SoulBear xx

 

-I dont think it was a bad sms???...it'll probably make her feel annoyed, and angry, but those feelings will subside into a deep guilt I hope as she BROKE my effing heart.

 

 

 

So now im starting day 1 of NC.

I will post here every day, just as amazing Nuala has been doing.

If you havent read Nualas posts, I suggest you have a look as they will help ALL OF YOU!

 

SoulBear

[Soul Bear]

Another interesting memoir-

When we were on the train the other day, I said to her '' I know you still have some love for me in there''

She went MENTAL! ''How dare you try and tell me what I feel and dont feel, I have NO love for you''

 

After 4.5 years engaged you would think a month after breakup that there are still some feelings! Maybe thats why she went so mad at that comment?!

 

Im pretty sure now that she is really into this other guy. Oh well, one day she will see how much she hurt me, one day she will regret it, and one day I hope I get an apology for the worst way anyone has ever broken up with me. Joanna- im really starting to hate you, resent you, not like you.

You are cold, selfish and heartless, what ever happened to that beautiful warm you who said you loved me and wanted to grow old with me. One day after you left me last time a year ago, you called me up and said ''if the world ends I want to spend it with you''...peh...what a pile of horsesh*t

[fabulous_chk]

Good luck with NC! I'm on Day 13 and proud of it!

 

Have the starring role in your life instead of being the best friend (got this from a movie). Everything is about YOU now. You are priority and you deserve the best in life.

 

 

Don't waver if she attempts to contact you (she will). Block her number, email, etc from your accounts. Don't falter when she gives you "crumbs" of affection.

 

 

And date! You are single and there are tons of ladies wanting to have fun. At first it will be hard but you'll appreciate your freedom sooner or later.

[fabulous_chk]

Another interesting memoir-

When we were on the train the other day, I said to her '' I know you still have some love for me in there''

She went MENTAL! ''How dare you try and tell me what I feel and dont feel, I have NO love for you''

 

 

That's because you're pushing her and that makes her defensive. The push and pull theory is on the work here. I'm sure you had an annoying salesman knock on your door selling stuff - the more he becomes aggressive the more you want to kick him out.

[JeezLouise]

Dude, you are starting to sound bi-polar or something.

 

LEAVE HER ALONE. She does NOT want to hang out with you. If you don't want her to use the sleeping bag, then tell her No. If you don't want her smoke your weed, then don't offer it.

 

QUIT telling her how she feels. You have NO idea what is in her heart and head right now.

 

And QUIT calling her a b*tch. She has tried to be nice, she has listened to you over and over while trying to be kind, she has been blunt - and you STILL are not listening to her.

 

Cope by finding new things to do that are different than what you did with her. Go hiking or bowling or learn to play the violin and write concertos. But do NOT try to cope by contacting her or by dwelling on her. Stay active and do healthy activities. Stay away from the booze and the drugs. Eat healthy foods and hang out with emotionally strong, healthy people.

[CaliGuy]

Soul Bear, if you SMS'd her to get some things off your chest, mission accomplished. If you sent it to her thinking it's going to change her mind, that was a bad idea.

 

You also can not place all the blame on her. For whatever reason she decided she didn't to be with you, your reaction to that is something you can control. You can't control her.

 

See, it's the mistake we all make when we feel someone is pulling away. We hang on to them for dear life and all that does is push them over the edge. If they were doubting their decision before, all doubts have been erased.

 

This is why NC is essential. It not only gives you the space YOU need to heal and regain your confidence, it allows give them the space THEY need to miss you, if a reconciliation is to occur.

 

NC is a win/win situation. If they never come back, you are healed in the shortest amount of time possible. If they do decide to come back, you will have healed and rebuilt your confidence, allowing you the ability to decide if YOU will accept them back.

[CaliGuy]

Another interesting memoir-

When we were on the train the other day, I said to her '' I know you still have some love for me in there''

She went MENTAL! ''How dare you try and tell me what I feel and dont feel, I have NO love for you''

 

After 4.5 years engaged you would think a month after breakup that there are still some feelings! Maybe thats why she went so mad at that comment?!

 

Im pretty sure now that she is really into this other guy. Oh well, one day she will see how much she hurt me, one day she will regret it, and one day I hope I get an apology for the worst way anyone has ever broken up with me. Joanna- im really starting to hate you, resent you, not like you.

You are cold, selfish and heartless, what ever happened to that beautiful warm you who said you loved me and wanted to grow old with me. One day after you left me last time a year ago, you called me up and said ''if the world ends I want to spend it with you''...peh...what a pile of horsesh*t

 

Hey Soul Bear, one other thing:

 

People can ONLY treat you like dirt of you ALLOW them. You have complete control over how you are treated. If people treat you like dirt, you can remove them from access to your life. You do not have to take it.

 

If you feel she treated you like dirt, it's because you allowed it to happen. Confident, secure and happy people will make no qualms about leaving a relationship in which they feel they are not being treated they way they want to be treated.

 

Don't blame her. You allowed it happen.

[Soul Bear]

JeezLouise,

 

Leaving me for someone else, ganging up OUR friends on her side and being cold without a spattering of compassion- I think makes me quite entitled to call her a Bitc* for the time being.

Im hurting right now, so why come on hear and have a go at me? I came in here to cope and vent, not be told off or analysed by the inter doc. that i am now Bi-polar!! LOL, im heartbroken and hurting. There is nothing Bi polar about that.

Dont apreciate that statement of yours, it only further hurts my already hurting feelings. So please, if you post in here, try to be a bit nicer to me k? Im trying to cope the best I can. We all do it differently in the begining.

 

 

I didnt offer her my weed, she came in sat down and while i was makinf tea she rolled up, then sweetly says 'your turn' as we used to do to each other...

 

Look, I dont know about you, but I am pretty confused and hurt right now, so I would appreciatre if you didnt have a go at me.

Why on earth are you telling me to leave her alone? I just made it pretty clear that I DO NOT WANT TO CONTACT HER ANYMORE. I have tried all I can and I failed.

[Soul Bear]

Soul Bear, if you SMS'd her to get some things off your chest, mission accomplished.

 

That was my only intention of that message. For me, that was my closure. I said all i needed to, i said how much she hurt me nad made it clear i care. I even said bye at the end. Thats the end of it for me. Im going to do as you all sugested and close ths chapter of her in my life. NC NC NC NC

 

 

You also can not place all the blame on her. For whatever reason she decided she didn't to be with you, your reaction to that is something you can control. You can't control her.

I know this, im just hurting. I used to get angry and insecure as she used to go and flirt about alot a few years ago, and inside of me i just built up so much anger and resentment issues

 

Thanks CG for putting up with my shi*

 

 

Fab Chick-

I know, I was pushy and needy, insecure and not ready to speak with her. I know I have done wrong. Im the first to admit that I probably couldnt have done more wrong at the wrong time if i tried. But I did what I did and its done. Well done of 13 days NC. Cant wait to be there too.

 

Thanks folks

SoulBear x

 

 

 

Jeez Louise-

Your comment about being Bi Polar has really hurt my feelings

[JeezLouise]

It's not a "go" at you. It's an attempt for you to see that your actions are causing her reactions.

 

Calling her a b*tch and sending her SMSs that you love her and miss her and calling her baby and ending with kisses makes NO sense. If you want to be angry and call her a b*tch, that is just fine with me - but don't act like you want her back and then call her a b*tch.

 

Practice boundaries. When someone comes into YOUR home and gets out YOUR weed while you are doing something else, smile and say "Please don't do that." You let her smoke it, and then you got angry with her because she did. You let her borrow a sleeping bag, and now you are angry that she is using it.

 

I KNOW you are hurting. So I am glad that you are resolved again to NC. Please work on making this one stick, because every time you break it, you push her farther away and you are putting yourself into situations that cause you more pain.

 

Adding - I didn't say you were bi-polar. I said you were starting to sound BP. And my examples above explain why I said that. I am sorry that it hurt your feelings, but you are up and down, hating her and loving her, being mean to her and groveling for her. Stay focused on what is best for YOU/

[bluewolf17]

Hi Soulbear,

 

I have read your post's on your ex fiance for awhile now, and I don't think I have commented. Mainly because from reading your posts, it seems like you had your mind made up on what you were going to do..and that you didn't really need advice. I could be wrong, but that's the way I read.

 

All I can say is that you tried. Really hard. I respect that. Yes, you might have pushed her away, but if you had gone NC from the beginning, you probably would have wondered what if. Now you know. You tried. You really really tried with her. You did everything. You tried friends, you went out, you emailed her, text her, talked to her. And it still didn't work.

 

In the end, she is willing to walk away. I am soo sorry. I really am. Hang in there, and go NC. And do it the right way. Don't ask about her, don't stalk her online, don't do anything. Just drop off the face of the earth. It will be hard. And she will think about you, and you will think about her, a lot. But in the end, if she thinks about you, knows you want to try, and knows you are hurting, and still chooses to do nothing..then you know it's over, and you can start dealing with that.

 

No regrets. Just go forward from here. Let it go. I am on day 7 of NC from a 3.5 year relationship. I broke up with him in Feb, and REGRETTED IT BIG TIME! I came back to him less than a week later, and he didn't want me back. Now I have to deal with that. I called him up numerous times to tell him how I felt. I emailed him once, and sent him a letter. We tried being friends, but I was too hurt to keep it up. I am not deflecting to tell you my story, just that we both are now going through somthing similiar.

 

We tried, really really hard. And it didn't work. And in the end, I hope it will all work out, and we will have learned somthing..if anything from this. Hang in their soul bear. Big hug to you from America.

[Soul Bear]

Jeez Louise-

 

I asure you I am not BP, but I do have some friends who are and I am always there for them when they need me.

 

 

I understand what you are syaing. Im mad with her because its like I have been used as a doormat. I only started feeling like this as I write out my feelings on here. Then i feel like a fool for being so nice to her and she goes back to being cold again, even on the phone before I said anything, she was cold. I just feel taken for a bit of a ride ya know.

 

Im angry at her, because she was nice, or at least talkable to and compasionate when she wanted something, then after all is said and done she goes back to coldness again. I feel used. Thats why I am feeling so up n down. I love her, but the way she is treating me is starting to make me feel mad at her. Cant you see that? I guess it works both ways round.

Shes mad at me cos I wont let go, and Im mad at her cos she wont reconcile. Its all fuc*ed

 

I know exactly what you mean, I do keep pushing her away. I have done all the wrong things. I know this

[Soul Bear]

Thank you BlueWolf, that was really sweet of you!

I have been keeping up with your story too.

 

Your right, I tried and tried, and tried some more. And then I tried everything else I could think of. I didnt care for looking pathetic or what anyomne thought of me for doing so. I had to try and fight for the love.

 

Now I know that its just not going to work.

 

I didnt want advice as I thought I had my own path set out, I was sure I could do it and I kept my eye on the prize. But I failed misserably. Wrong time wrong place wrong girl too obviously. Im pretty sure if I had gone cold turkey and NC, maybe things would be different, who knows, all I know is I have no regrets now.

 

As you have done as well, we have tried everything we could think of, And none of it worked at all. Thats why today is closure day for me and I accept defeat.

 

Bluewolf stay strong too, what you did was incredibly brave. And thanks for not jumping down my throat.

Hugs from Bonnie Scotland

SoulBear

[Nuala83]

Hi Soul Bear,

 

welcome to the coping forum. I know you've been going through a rough time and I feel for you I really do. You wanted so badly to make things work out and a lot of us here know what that's like.

 

Don't feel bad about how you acted cos I've heard of MANY examples of people going kinda crazy after a break up. I'm not saying you're crazy (although you might be, I don't know ya!) but the aftermath of a breakup is like experiencing a mental illness! It really is. I never would have believed I could have acted the way I did or felt the way I feel. If someone had told me 3 months ago that I'd be on a forum looking for help and support from strangers I'd have told them to f*ck off! I'm glad I found this site though. At this present time it helps me. I wont always need it but for now I do and I'm guessing you do too.

 

Sorry you had NC forced on you but as the others will tell you, it makes a big difference. In a good way. Sure you feel like s*it in the beginning but NC forces you to stop acting on impulse and think things over. That's really important when your emotions are all over the shop. Anyhow, I urge you to really give NC a shot and see how things go. Maybe you could set yourself a target of a week or two and try to prove to yourself you can do it. Just take it a day at a time. We're all in the same boat

 

-Nuala x

(who has broken NC twice!)

 

Hey Soul I just noticed you're in Scotland. That's my home! I wont tell you where cos I don't want my ex to find this but let me just say 'mon the scots!

[fabulous_chk]

Right now you need tons of hugs. Here they are:

 

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs**hugs* *hugs*

 

 

 

you will fall in love :love: again, with the hottest, most beautiful girl ever and laugh about this incident years from now.

 

 

Now go out there, make sure you look good, and FLIRT! Because now YOU CAN! Freedom is good, if you exercise it lol!

 

 

(I'm off to Philly to get my dose of flirting SOOOO excited!)

[Soul Bear]

Nuala

My friend from the motherland!! im nearthe monster !

I do feel a bit crazy right now, so I guess i must be crazy to some extent. Crazy is as crazy does, and i did pretty crazy things. crazy.

It is a shame about getting NC put on me, and notby me That really sucks. But on a happy note i do find myself laughing, at myself, for it getting to the point where she actually had to initiate it! Thats pretty funny i think

Sure you feel like s*it in the beginning but NC forces you to stop acting on impulse and think things over. That's really important when your emotions are all over the shop

 

This works both ways I think- heres what it would read for the dumper-

 

Sure you feel GREAT in the beginning, you're free! but NC from your needy ex forces you to stop acting on impulse and think things over. That's really important when your emotions are coming down from the mother of all highs. Pride before a fall- This is usually the time that you will start to regret your decision and think ''what if I had just tried a bit harder?'' Its to late! you done to much damage to me now.ahahaha!

 

That has to be true to some extent

even if its not, its satisfying to think so!!

 

I am looking fwd to NC now. I put myself through enough with not even an ounce of warmth in return. No choice but NC now

 

 

Fabulous Chk

That really made me smile too thankyou for that.

I think that is probably the nicest message I have had from anyone, online and off this whole breakup!

 

I feel good about myself...i look good....

At the risk of sounding like an arrogant tw@, I never have any trouble when im out, Im just not really into anyone, even when they are better looking than my ex. I just miss her qualities, She really was amazing...

I feel down after writing that I miss her qualities...makes me think of them and how unique we were.

Note to self- Dont think of her qualities.

 

 

Thankyou for your messages

[Soul Bear]

thats pretty cool....did anyone else notice the post above was sent at 1111?

 

XD

[bluewolf17]

NC just might work in reverse-but I am not banking on it. All I know is that anger tends to fade afterwhile-and the reasons for the breakup fade as well. Perhaps a lot of time and NC will put things in greater clarity for both partys. Until then, we just wait for the cards to fall as they should.

 

As for me, I am about to get off work, and get some Stumptown Coffee with a girlfriend. I certainly am not sitting around hoping NC works. I know it's working. I already feel better than I did a month ago.

[Soul Bear]

Im not banking on it either

Its just nice to think that they might regret their decision one day. I guess I just wanted her to care. ..its like pis*sing into the wind.

[Soul Bear]

I will be sure to check it out, thankyou.

 

I posted this in another thread, but I want to put it in here too.

 

Whats it like to have a broken heart?-

After your heart is smashed into a million pieces, you arteries get stabbed with sharp poison fragments of your broken hopes and dreams. The toxins flows through your body, They fill your mind body and soul and consume you.

Unfortuantely there is no operation for a broken heart that is provided on the NHS.

 

That was pretty dark...

[drummerprince81]

When my ex broke up with me, it was so out of the blue I'm surprised I didn't die of heart failure. I know that my ex has certain personality traits that if only I'd acted in the opposite ways that I did, I know now, and especially having reading posts by Caliguy, and pretty much everyone on the NC bandwagon or flipside warpath (i.e doing the opposite of everything you shouldn't do) I might be living in regret but I know I'd have dignity left, and a better chance of having her back. But don't feel bad SoulBear because there is nothing wrong in doing what you think is right. I brought to many people into my break up and was given so much conflicting advice about what to do, and combining that with my life long inability to make a strong decision for myself, has seen me waste the last 12 weeks of my life, and not follow my heart. I tried to win her back, but I don't think I tried my best. You did, so be proud. Now you can get angry.

 

I don't know if you saw my post the other day, about almost bumping into her up the mountain where I live. Well, I did a runner. I want nothing other than to SEE her, and yeah it completely caught me by surprise, but I wasted a golden chance. Now I'll always regret it because it was a chance for me to get some dignity, face my fears and just be friendly. People are telling me they would have done the same; other people are saying you should have just got out of the car and gone for a walk. Instead, I hate myself even more because I may never get the chance again, and I know we are right for each other, and know that was a chance for me to just be normal, and create a positive memory of me, instead of negative memory of me from our last meeting. People might say it was for the best, but I don't think so, because I made a pussified decision NOT to do it. You however, are not one to hide and I take my hat off to you.

[notalone]

See, it's the mistake we all make when we feel someone is pulling away. We hang on to them for dear life and all that does is push them over the edge. If they were doubting their decision before, all doubts have been erased.

 

 

Very true. But sadly, only the very confident and enlightened of us can rmemeber this rule at the moment when it matters. How many of us have actually been able to let go without a bit of begging or demanding answers or trying to put the hurt into words in the hope of being loved back?

 

When my ex broke up with me, I sat in front of him and cried for 5 hours....and I was drunk....I literally fell to my knees. When I think of it now, it sends me reeling with shame. But that day, my desperation and panic had overrided my self-esteem.

 

I kick myself now for it. The least I could do for myself was to keep my dignity intact while my heart was being shattered. But nada...no such wise thought occurred to me on that day. :/

[Soul Bear]

I read your story there the other day about seeing her up there.

That was pretty mental that her car was there as you went to take your dog out?!

 

Whats done is done tho bro, and you will never know what would have happened that day. Trust in Fate, maybe you were not ready that day to see her, so you left, or she was not ready to see you. When you finaly said 'fuc* it'- she was gone. There will be more oportunities when the time is right.

 

 

I dont even want to see her right now. SHE obviously wasnt ready to see me or she wouldnt have acted so cold and distant, said alot of really hurtfull things...

Its so starnge when the one you love who wants to be 'friends' cant even be remotely warm towards you.

I feel ok today, Still dreaming about her but I feel so shat on about her attitude towards me that Its making it a bit easier to just get on with things. Im still very sad at times, but the lack of respect that has been shown to me is really not something I feel is very attractive. I tried my very best, probably all the wrong ways, but I did it anyway. To be treated so coldly is crap.

For her to initiate NC on me is even worse, especially when it means I cant see our friends.

But I think the worst part is, that fact that she moved into my city with me and then leaves me as she is interested in someone else she bearly even knows.

 

I know she will be away at this big rave today and tomorow...part of me hopes Nostalgia sets in and she remember s all the great times we had there together. If she has some shrooms or something, I hope somekind of non literal stick wakes her up from the ego high she is on and she actually realsies she might have made a mistake, and that she actually misses my company. peh....

 

However, even if she did realsie that, and wanted to come back to me, after all the REALLY hurtfull things she has said I dont know If I could do it immediately. Maybe if she launched herself at me, kissed me madly and said 'baby I love you and Im so sorry' I would be in a better place to take her back, but I dont see that happening some how. The glimmers of false hope are becoming far and few between.

 

Im thinking of dropping of the face of the earth as far as her and our friends go, They have been about as helpfull and supportive as a someone removing a fly from your forhead with a hatchet. That really hurts to be distanced by not only her but them as well.

 

Day 1 of NC today, and I feel like its gonna be easier now

The only time I am worrying about is when she will try to appeaze her guilt for the way in which she broke up with me. Right now, I dont even want an apologie, and at the risk of sounding like a tw@ I want her to stew for as long as possible and feel terrible.

There is only so long she will have fun for before she starts to remember how lonly life can be after all the partys and going out. She has kept herself 100% occupied since she left me. When that stops, the truth and reality of what has happened im sure will hit home.

 

ugh...im just rambling. Feels good to get it out

[Soul Bear]

NOTALONE-

Dont feel ashamed?!

I would think there was something wrong if you didnt try to get him back.

 

At the end of the day, we all know (the ones who didnt go NC immediately) that we tried our best. I have no shame nor care for my 'dignity' that I may have acted foolishly trying to get her back. It only re affirms to me how much she meant to me, how much I valued our relationship and how Im worth better treatment than that. She showed her true colours and I have no regrets about anything.

 

So dont be ashamed ever. If you had been caught cheating, then thats an excuse to feel ashamed, but for trying to win back the one you love, there is no shame in that. Be proud of yourself that you tried everything you could.

[drummerprince81]

The only time I am worrying about is when she will try to appeaze her guilt for the way in which she broke up with me. Right now, I dont even want an apologie, and at the risk of sounding like a tw@ I want her to stew for as long as possible and feel terrible.

 

You have every right in telling her you feel whether she likes it or not, whether its right or wrong and lets hope she stews on it mate, because didn't she tell you exactly how she'd felt? Yes. I hope she doesn't avoid you forever. I'd like to think my ex is avoiding me because of the guilt but unfortunately I do not know. I think you are right about it just not being the right time to bump into each other. I mean, considering the chances of her being anywhere else in the world that night, and there she was up the mountain, anythng could have happened, and it probably would have been bad. I didn't see her, but I can bet my bottom dollar I'd have bumped into her just as I'm picking up my dog's **** in a bag. So it was probably worth avoiding just for that!!!