Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 How about writing this... I am living a pathetic life without you..I miss you...I love you...I'll do anything you ask...just come back to me...you are my God. Actually whatever he writes it will read just what you posted NA Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 If you really want to do it and feel like you have nothing to lose, then I don't see the harm, Don't feed the Bears DP... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 You guys forget- It was MY fault it ended. I only have myself to blame through my OWN actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 You guys forget- It was MY fault it ended. I only have myself to blame through my OWN actions. We haven't forgotten.. At this stage the how and why mean squat.. what matters is that you need to move on.. You cannot get her back .... She isn't an audience that is listening to you anymore.. if you continue to contact her I would hazard a 10-1 guess that she will takes steps to extract you from her life that you will not be happy with.. Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 So I am going to write my ex a letter. Not an email, or a phone call or a txt.... This will be my next attempt at letting her know how much she means to me and how I have changed for the better through this breakup, what I have learned about myself and our beautiful relationship. If anyone has any ideas of what and what not to say, I would be most appreciative. Dont tell me not to it, Im doing this for me Hi Soulbear, When I was going through a bad stage in my breakup I started looking for ebooks on how to get your ex back and I came across a book which I'll tell you about later. Now most of the content of these books are just b*ll**** and I'm now past the stage of wanting to try and win my ex back. But there's a couple of useful pieces of advice in one of the books I've got. One of them is: DON'T tell you ex how much you've changed! If you'd really changed you wouldn't need to tell people you'd changed. Every time someone says they've changed the other person thinks "they've not changed" and they view it as a form of pressure to resume the relationship. Even if you don't intend it as pressure, that's how she'll percieve it. It will also make her think you're still pursuing her and she doesn't want that right now. Very bad idea! If you're interested in the book you can download it off pirate bay. It's called 'Stop Your Divorce' by Homer McDonald. Some of the advice is crappy and some is useful. I'm not trying to condone that you attempt reconciliation with your ex but that's your choice. My personal advice to you would be to write that letter, keep it for a few days (3 or 4 at the least!) then decide if you really wanna send it. Why don't you give it a little longer before you contact her if that's what you really wanna do. Nuala x Link to post Share on other sites
notalone Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 You know what guys...I think we should let Soulbear post that letter. If he doesn't, he will be thinking 'what if' for a long time to come. This 'need to move on' that we talk about, probably Soul will take some time to get there. As he said, his heart isnt broken yet totally. And I can see that he is aiming for the total smash. As much as it hurts, sometimes getting slapped across the face is just the jolt of reality we need to move on. Soul, Send it to her. Whatever happens, I am sure you will survive it. Better to know for sure than to hang in balance. Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I'm not trying to encourage anyone on here to try and win their ex back but if that's what you're determined to do, DON'T do any of the following! Don't try to give reassurance that you've changed. They're gonna view it as another form of pressure.Don't tell them over an over that you love them.Don't try to argue and reason with them into feeling differently. People don't like to be told how to think.Don't try to recruit others to side with you.Don't let yourself appear depressed in front of them (not easy I know). It might work temporarily but in the long run they'll just wanna get away from you.Don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring. Maybe your ex will want you back and maybe they wont but you can't put your life on hold for them.This applies to people who have been dumped and whose ex's show little interest in wanting them back. I guess it's different if you're the one who dumped someone but I haven't got experience of that. I've only been on the recieving end Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Don't feed the bears.. it isn't like he hasn't already contacted her and got his answer.. It isn't like he hasn't already written her to get things off his chest.. The big issue is that this letter isn't about moving on or closure.. It is about trying to get her to see things thru his filter.. which she can't and won't as she has found another guy and has already moved on. The letter is all about trying to get her back.. he has already begged, pleaded and whatever and none of those things has worked.. If Only's and What If's are a dangerous game to play with your own emotions.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Thankyou all for your replys. Even the the ones intended to shake me make me feel stronger It's D-day tomorow. Im NOT expecting a good outcome, but yeah, I dont think I have had my heart broken enough yet. There is still a little bit left and she gets 10 points and wins the fluffy 'made in china' teddy bear if she breaks it. I prolong my healing a bit, or not, and get to know that the next girl i meet will blow her out the water! I'll be that one guy she will think about later in life and say 'what if I had tried a bit harder?'' So....Im going to meet her tomorow. Yes, i txt her and broke my NC on day 7. Foolish? Quite possibly so. She replied immediately, and its 00.30am but I can tell by her shortness thats she is still obviously not over the breakup, or maybe is annoyed at me cos i wont quit my trying and thats the only way she can make it clear to me. Can you blame me? She has had the 'attitude' towards me ever since we met a month and a bit ago. We met in the day, it was nice and calm, loving between us. That night she turns into a mega monster towards me and has been very indifferent ever since to this day. She asked me for a few months apart, I didnt respect her wishes and broke NC on day 7, thats today. but she is willing to meet me anyway, I am going to pass the rest of her stuff and this letter to her so I dont have to stare at it anymore. ME ''hey there...can we meet tomorow for a peaceful cup of tea and pass you the rest of your things please?'' HER '' Sure. Give me call when your heading in'' So here is my game plan. Meeting for a Cup of tea, pass her the rest of her things, and this letter, maybe this letter is the loaded pistol and the catalyst. Im also, at the end of our very quick,polite and positive, non begging cup of tea, going to tell her we cant be just friends at all, ever, cos its to hard. Wish her the best. Nicely. And walk away. Just because she is being nasty, im not going to stoop to that level too. In some eyes here i may be losing my dignity, my pride. I see it in reverse. Im proud enough to do it. A love like we shared is one people often dream about, that is why I still hold on. I dont want regrets. Either way, a litteral slap in the face just isnt enough, i need this to go down in furious ball of flames if its not happening. I wont let her go totally until I know that there is zero hope. Maybe I am doing the wrong thing. She is indifferent and I am a fool in Love. There is no 'filter' in the letter. It is just the god honest truth. Its is neither negative nor positive. It is a reflection of my feelings and a summary of our love over the last 5 yeras. There is no judgment. There is no lies. There is nothing incriminating. It is the truth. If you want to give me any pointers in how I should react under certain circumstances then please feel free to share. If you want to tell me how foolish and stupid I am, you are welcome to do that to SB EDIT*** check this out!! Just found it and posted on LS. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2197209#post2197209 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 I decided to not see her today. I sent her a txt saying something had come up and | Will do it another day next week. Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 What changed your mind dude? Link to post Share on other sites
Miguelrg Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Soul, I really don't advise giving her a letter, if anything i think you will just get no reply to it or a very hurtful cold reply. As much as you think your love was different and it was your fault etc, she still decided after all that it wasn't the relationship for her anyway, i don't think you need the extra heartbreak. I got the job in london, i move on tuesday you need to move on and get out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 I FEEL GOOOOD DO DO DO DOOT...KNEW THAT I WOULD NOW>> Hey guys, So I had a good day today, heres the story. She asked me anyway to go and meet her to give her the rest of her things. So off i went into town. Met up with her at the coffee shop and was just my normal chatty, positive self. No relationship talk. She went and took her things back to her place she is staying at and roll a spliff and said she would be back. While she was away, there were these 2 gorgeous women at the coffee table beside me, so I went and sat with them for 10 minutes while my ex was away. She came back and saw me having a laugh and this girl flirting with me exchanging numbers.... She seemed a bit pis*ed but hid it well!! muahahahahaha!! We went and sat on some grass and had a smoke, I continued to be my normal self and we sat for a good half hour talking crap, she didnt say she had to go, and seemed she was enjoying my company...ish... she seemed a little reserved but I didnt really care... So I told her after a half hour I had to go now, but it was nice to catch up and I would see her around sometime. I walked off after saying bye, and she dissapeared pretty quickly!! Yes I gave her her letter. But at then end of it, I stated that I was going away for a while to have some alone time to figure things out for myself and see how I could have contributed to the demise of the relationship so I would not make those same mistakes in the future. Basicly stating that I didnt want to be in a relationship with her either. So all in all, its been a good day for me! I feel empowered. And that story in the link above has made me realise im NOT going to get her back!! So I feel free and good! I think this is possibly the best result of breaking NC I could have had. I got things off my chest, we left on good terms and for that i feel great! Im going out tonight to a par-tay with my wee bro, so it should be fun! Couldnt have asked for a better outcome. I feel like I can really move on now for the time being...I do have this weird feeling in my gut that there is a little more drama to come of some sort....!! Love you guys SB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 What changed your mind dude? I was just being silly. Thought I would stand her up. Pretty immature way to do it. Everything turned out for the best in the end Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 You will be back to breaking NC in under a week... Yes I gave her her letter. But at then end of it, I stated that I was going away for a while to have some alone time to figure things out for myself and see how I could have contributed to the demise of the relationship so I would not make those same mistakes in the future. Basicly stating that I didnt want to be in a relationship with her either. She didn't really care about all that.. only you did Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 You will be back to breaking NC in under a week... She didn't really care about all that.. only you did What makes you so sure I will be breaking it in under a week? The only way that will happen is if she calls!! And your right, she probably didnt, but I did PS. Im off to bed now....thats was one hell of a party lastnight!!! Didnt enjoy it, but it was good to socialize, missed my ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I FEEL GOOOOD DO DO DO DOOT...KNEW THAT I WOULD NOW>> Hey guys, So I had a good day today, heres the story. While she was away, there were these 2 gorgeous women at the coffee table beside me, so I went and sat with them for 10 minutes while my ex was away. She came back and saw me having a laugh and this girl flirting with me exchanging numbers.... She seemed a bit pis*ed but hid it well!! muahahahahaha!! Yes I gave her her letter. But at then end of it, I stated that I was going away for a while to have some alone time to figure things out for myself and see how I could have contributed to the demise of the relationship so I would not make those same mistakes in the future. Basicly stating that I didnt want to be in a relationship with her either. So all in all, its been a good day for me! I feel empowered. And that story in the link above has made me realise im NOT going to get her back!! So I feel free and good! I think this is possibly the best result of breaking NC I could have had. I got things off my chest, we left on good terms and for that i feel great! Couldnt have asked for a better outcome. I feel like I can really move on now for the time being...I do have this weird feeling in my gut that there is a little more drama to come of some sort....!! Love you guys SB For god's sake Soul you're fooling no one! Let me get this whole thing straight. You asked to meet her then you had the immature thought that you'd stand her up...very immature indeed. Then you blatantly flirted with other girls in front of her in a pathetic attempt to make her jealous. Then you told her that you had to head off but before you did you handed her a letter about how much you've changed and how much you've learned from your "beautiful relationship". Now you're telling us that you feel empowered and so happy at the thought of NOT getting her back...but you think there's gonna be more drama to come. Who are you trying to kid??? Your ex? Yourself? Us? I have to agree with art critic's comment "don't feed the bears". In fact, there's no point in ANYONE giving you ANY advice because: YOU DON'T LISTEN You only hear what you want to hear the you twist the rest to make it sound like what you want to hear. I do believe when people break up there's alway a chance for reconciliation. No guarantees but a chance. However, you're single handedly destroying your chances day by day by acting like a nut. Get a grip on reality! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 Ok....thats fair enough. I think you got the wrong end of the stick a bit tho. The letter does not say how much i have changed, it says at the end of the letter that i need some time on my own to realise what part i played in the relationship ending and what i ciould do in the future to prevent it happening again.It also says what I love about her and us. NO ONE can change in a month and a half. NO ONE. Change takes time. She will move on with other people and so will I, but I am NOT discounting any hope for the future. And yes, while she was away I did talk to 2 beautiful girls. I DID NOT do it in front of her. and yes I shared a laugh with them and yes she asked for my number. It just so happened that she returned to see us having a laugh together. As soon as I saw her I said goodbye, politely. It was no attempt to make her jelous, it just so happens it turned out that way. Who on earth do you think I am? And I feel empowered beacuse I know that its NOT going to happen over night, as I CANT change over night. It will take time, it may never happen at all. This has made me feel like we do hold a chance but not now, as we both have lessons to learn. Sometimes I ask for advice. Sometimes I just write here about my day and what I decided to do. Dont feed the bears, dont write here and dont comment, I wont jusdge you for it. But unless they close down my account I will continue to write here about how I am doing things and what has happened. Your right, I dont listen. I dont listen because I am doing things my way. How many of you have reconciled by doing things Other peoples way?? NONE OF YOU. I am doing what I need to do for me. How many of you have gone and put it all on the line again and again, getting your heart broken time and time again? You all say its not worth it...I think otherwise, I am stronger. None of you can tell me otherwise as that is how I feel. I am a minority on this site, i know, and I would apreciate a little more restepca from people. Tell you all what. Reply to this thread, if I get 15 names of people who want me off this forum and to stop posting here, then I will close my account myself. Im sure that other people one day, reading through all that I have written on here will find some of what I have done usefull to their situation for good or bad. Call this a sacrifice, or call it a stupid attemp at winning her back. Whatever you call it, I have done what is true to me. Deal? Ever since I come on this site, you all know that I have made it clear that my intentions are to do everything i can to win her back, my way. There is no one else on here that has written about what i have done. You all gave up. Im not that person. Like it or lump it, love me or despise me. I know that I have helped a good few people on here already, like 'robinincarolina'.....she is back with her ex and they are happier than ever, and working through things together. Seriously Nuala, i thought more of you than to write something like that. I though you saw me for me. You got the total wrong end of the stick about what happened that day, granted, i guess i could have made it a bit clearer in what i wrote. Anyway. 15 names and ill be gone, judging by most of your attitudes towards me that shouldnt take long!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 No one want you gone Soul, I just feel you could do to listen to advice now and again. You dont need to take it but it wouldn't hurt to listen and acknowlege it. Anyhow, just do whatever you think is best. I hope you're succesfull in getting whatever you want. Good luck and all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Miguelrg Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 hey soul, as much as i like you, you should really listen more, if you didn't really want advice you should buy a journal and vent out your feelings on that! you didn't take advice last time and no-one said i told you so when it backfired and no-one wants to but your going through the same pattern of hearing what you want to hear again, i understand as its still fresh and you really will think back in a couple of months and realise how toxic your thoughts and actions where, hope ya good mate Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Soul Bear my gorgeous Scottish friend. Do not break your NC. Give her time to miss you. It's almost 8 weeks of NC when my ex tried desperately to get hold of me. We broke up March and this Wednesday and Thursday we spent 2 beautiful/miserable days wrapped in each other's arms, with my ex saying sorry over and over, he messed up, he thought of me everyday for the months i was gone, he realized what's important in life now, etc, etc. I haven't posted in second chances forum because I do believe that too damage is done already. Someday, maybe, but not now. NC works on your favor. It does brother bear. If you really love her give her space and time. Don't play these mind games you're playing right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 That's great fabulous. I guess that NC works the best either way. If you want them back then they have time to miss you and realize what they lost. If they don't then atleast your moving on. win/win as they say. Good luck too you and I hope everything works out for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 That's great fabulous. I guess that NC works the best either way. If you want them back then they have time to miss you and realize what they lost. If they don't then atleast your moving on. win/win as they say. Exactly. And good luck to your healing as well. It gets better as time goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Thank you, I sure hope so I am waiting for the sun to come out. Link to post Share on other sites
vessv6l Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hey SB Do what you want to do. Your in the best position to know how you feel and what you want to do. I was quite distraught at my breakup for the first week, but eventually i picked myself up and trundled on. Im not even sure how many days i have had no contact with my ex. This would be the 9th week after we split, i went NC after the first, with a few small emails in the second but nothing since then. It gets easier not to contact them. Although i have moved on with my life i acknowledge that the future is an unknown. I dont plan to speak to my ex again. I dont hope that things will work out in future, but i do dream sometimes what might happen years later if we were to meet again. Just like i dream about meeting other people or succeeding at my career or **** like that. And there is nothing wrong with that. In time i wont even remember her face and along with the memorys so too will the dreams disappear. I liken it to quitting smoking. Your forced to stop smoking, but you crave to have a ciggarette. So to get you through the really tough moments you have some nicotine gum and that helps control the feelings. This sort of approach isnt for everyone, but it helps me. You live your life and you will always be the best person to make the most informed choices to benefit you. All advice given from this site(and rl friend and family) should be listened to and maybe taken on board, but weigh it against common sense and what YOU want. If i blindly followed advice i had heard over the last few months i could draw these conclusions: EVERY breakup is different, yet Second chances NEVER work People NEVER change Girls ALWAYS thing about breaking up for months before doing so Dumpers who are girls NEVER regrett their decision I know that this isnt true, i have witnessed a couple go through not 1 but 2 break ups(both times she broke it off) and are now very happy with each other. This doesnt mean that it will happen each time a couple breaks up, it does mean that no one can say for certain what will and wont happen. thats enough, cbf typing anymore Good luck with your pursuit of happiness mate, may we all find what we are looking for Link to post Share on other sites
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