SoulBears moved residence. Day by Day Disaster Memoirs

[Soul Bear]

I feel like I am going crazy right now. No matter what I try to do, I cant seem to stop thinking about her. This is really annoying.

All I can see in my head is her out having a blast with our friends, while im stuck here trying to keep myself preoccuapado....

 

I tried everything, mowing the lawn, watching tv, watching youtube...Whyd oes everything have to remind me of HER. :::

 

I wish I had some friends I could go and see or something....

This is driving me crazy......

Im happy, then im sad, Im hopefull then im doubtfull. Why do I keep holding onto this false hope? Why cant I just let go?

There are moments when I feel in control, and that Im going to move on, then I just relapse and go back to hoping again. I cant believe she is having so much fun and can treat me like this ....

[Soul Bear]

Some of the horrible things she said to me after ending the 4.5 year engagement-

 

 

I never truly loved you.

 

I never gave my whole heart to you, but I will in my next relationship

 

My next relationship is going to be amazing

 

I always felt like you loved me more than I loved you.

 

I havent even thought about you at all since we broke up, I have been having so much fun.

 

There is never any chance for us EVER again. I want you as a friend tho.

 

Im interested in someone else now. I dont see you that way anymore

 

I only took you back last time cos you looked so wretched

 

I have been preparing for this for a year

 

wow....

Thats actually really really harsh...

I wish I could just email this to her and say ''you know what? after these things you said to me, I dont even want you as a friend in my life''

 

How could that be being cruel to be kind....Thats the kind of things people say when they dont want to see you ever again.

One day, she will be bored of the single life, and she will miss what it was that we had worked so hard on for all these years.

Still, those things she said really really hurt, and now that I have complied a small list, I look at her in a very dim view...maybe thats because my ego is hurt and my feelings are sore, but thats really not a nice way to prove to someone that its over.

[Nuala83]

Don't do it Soul! I know it's tempting but don't rise to the bait!

 

F*cking hell those things are harsh but you've gotta let it go.

 

Don't text

Don't sms

Don't visit

Don't call

Don't give her the satisfaction

 

Let it go

[Nuala83]

Don't do it Soul!

 

I know it's tempting and I know you wanna tell her how cold and cruel she's being but you mustn't rise to the bait. And yes I agree those things are incredible f*cking harsh but remember:

 

Don't call her

Don't text

Don't sms

Don't email

Don't send a letter

Don't contact her in ANY way shape or form

 

Let it go!

 

Sorry for posting twice. My mistake

[Soul Bear]

Dont worry about posting twice.

 

How do you refrain from emailing and saying I cant believe you said these things to me!!

 

She is on such a high right now and so happy that I doubt she even feels bad. How long is it before the do'er feels the guilt and pain of the hurt they have caused?

Im so angry and sad right now

GRRRR!!

[CaliGuy]

Some of the horrible things she said to me after ending the 4.5 year engagement-

 

 

I never truly loved you.

 

I never gave my whole heart to you, but I will in my next relationship

 

My next relationship is going to be amazing

 

I always felt like you loved me more than I loved you.

 

I havent even thought about you at all since we broke up, I have been having so much fun.

 

There is never any chance for us EVER again. I want you as a friend tho.

 

Im interested in someone else now. I dont see you that way anymore

 

I only took you back last time cos you looked so wretched

 

I have been preparing for this for a year

 

wow....

Thats actually really really harsh...

I wish I could just email this to her and say ''you know what? after these things you said to me, I dont even want you as a friend in my life''

 

How could that be being cruel to be kind....Thats the kind of things people say when they dont want to see you ever again.

One day, she will be bored of the single life, and she will miss what it was that we had worked so hard on for all these years.

Still, those things she said really really hurt, and now that I have complied a small list, I look at her in a very dim view...maybe thats because my ego is hurt and my feelings are sore, but thats really not a nice way to prove to someone that its over.

 

Post this list up somewhere that you can read it every day and often. That will help you realize you haven't lost much at all.

[drummerprince81]

Buddy - don't do it. And this is why you must refrain, because she might say even more things that you do not want to hear, and then you will want to another comeback, and each time, you don't get anywhere. She ain't being nice to you one iota. Leave it at your text message!!! I made the mistake the other day of going that one step further...her response stabbed my heart again.

[trueblue72ny]

wow that is harsh. no offense but she sounds very immature. i wouldnt want to be friends either.

[Soul Bear]

CG-

I did that already, and I agree, it is a good idea. I just feel like I have been played for a fool the last 4.5 years

 

 

DP-

I wont do it. I know that one day I will have the opportunity to show her the list when the time is right.

One day when she gets in touch and wants to meet up, and says how sorry she is and wants to be friends.

 

I will have the satisfaction of pulling this list out of my pocket, placing it gently in front of her and saying ''sorry doesnt cut it this time''

Then I will turn and walk away....Or I will try to.......

 

 

This has really pumped up the NC now. I feel like its going to be easier...but who am I kidding. Its only day 1 ...again....and I have already been through 12 emotional states in the last 4 hours....

[Nuala83]

Hi Soul Bear,

 

I hope you're not trying to contact her right now! I know how angry you are and I want to tell you I got something similar to this from my ex.

 

"I havent even thought about you at all since we broke up, I have been having so much fun."

 

On top of that I got..

 

"I was starting to wonder if I'd ever be single again"

 

and..

 

"I don't need to feel guilty any more if I check out girls in bars and fancy chatting them up"

 

and..

 

"The break has to be permanent cos I might want to have a one night stand and if we were together I'd feel guilty about it"

You have no idea how much I wanted to kill him for saying those things to me and at the time he said them I did respond (albeit with tears) but I have to let it go now. Being in contact with him doesn't hurt him it only hurts me! Try your best to let it go and take care of yourself. Day 1 of NC is very hard indeed. In fact the next few days will be some test of character but the longer you do it the easier it gets. Diaries, blogs and forums are great for getting you through the tough times.

 

Remember. DON'T CONTACT HER!

[Soul Bear]

wow that is harsh. no offense but she sounds very immature. i wouldnt want to be friends either.

 

No offence taken

 

 

 

Nuala, your ex sounds kind of immiture too, what on earth gives them right, nay, what on earth makes them THINK they have the right to say so many horrible things? KNowing fine well that it will hurt us.

Its a given, that maybe they are to immiture to realise that it hurts, but i think my ex knows fine well it hurts me. ...

I also know fine well that one day after the high, she will feel ****y for saying all those things.

I hope so anyway.

[Soul Bear]

anyone else have anything nasty your ex said to you post breakup?

Did they come back and kiss your ass and apologise ever and beg for a second chance??

[bluewolf17]

Hi Soulbear,

 

I have..are you ready?

My Ex, Zach, well we dated for 3 years. I was 19 when we met, he was 18. I was head over heals in love. It went okay for 4-5 months. Then he started treating me badley. Just not being sensitive, being rude, blowing me off. He tried to break up with me by being a jerk, and I didn't get it. He told me once that he hated that I wouldn't "go away" because he wants other girls. That he can get any girl he wanted, and that I was preventing that. But he wouldn't leave me...

This went on (somehow) for 3 years. He would always break up with me, or try to break up with me, and I would beg him not to. Finally, I matured, grew up, and started to realize that I was a fox, and could date other guys who would treat me better. So I ended it. And he was fine with it. In fact, he started dating right away, prob while we were together. But I was okay. I started dating, and about 4 months later, I met my current ex, Tony. Once we started dating, Zach came sniffing around. He said he messed up, realized what a great girl I was, and wanted me back. But I was over him. I was done with his treatment-didn't even want to give him another chance.

 

Fast forward 3 years later. I just broke up with Tony in Feb. But every 3-4 months since I left Zach, he would contact me and tell me he wanted me back. A time or two he did beg. He sent flowers at work, etc. This went on for 3 freakin years! I told him no so many times, but he just always asked why we couldn't be friends..so I allowed it to continue.

 

And now that I am single, Zach came to my BBQ ( I did invite him) and he still feels the same way. After all this time. And he has changed, and grown and is a much diffrent person. And I beleive he truly has loved me and waited for me. He said he tried dating, and no one compared to me. It is really sweet, actually. But the truth is too much time has passed. I just don't feel the same.

 

So there you have it. Sometimes jerky ex's to come back. But don't hold your breath, and if/when they do, you might not even want them back.

[Soul Bear]

Hey Blue...

 

wow...thats pretty messed up, but it must make you feel good!

You been through alot, and I think you deserve a really good guy.

 

I can relate on not wanting them back, im the same with my ex ex.Why is it that if/when the tables turn its too late?!

 

Unfortunately I just want my current ex back

 

Tmorow will be DAY2 of NC!!

Im looking fwd to it now, as i have no intention of getting in touch with her anymore.

Sure, I may have the odd moment or two, but on the whole I really dont want to speak with her unless she literally says sorry and I love you and I made a mistake...even then she would have to work pretty hard to regain my trust again.

Peh...I honestly feel like all this has worked out for the best. And that includes all my trying to get her back etc, as now I feel like I have exhausted every possible avenue except the most important one...TIME for healing

[bluewolf17]

Yes, it is a weird thing. 4 years ago I would have killed for him to feel the way that he does now. I longed for it, but it just goes to show that sometimes what you want, is not what you need; and only time can show you that.

 

Yes-I too wish my current ex would feel that way. Maybe I will give him 4 years and see how he progresses

 

Let the healing begin-somedays are good. I would say, I go half a day happy, then get sad for a bit, then happy. It will just hit you. Memory waves. You are doing the right thing! She said some terrible things to you. She is obviously very angry with you still. Only time will make that anger fade, and maybe she will see that you really tried.

 

But I just stick with assuming that they just up and Died. (because really, aren't they dead to you?). You can' t call them, can't see them, and you grieve. But hang in there. You and I can always complain to eachother when it gets hard-and there are a lot of people here, like Nuala, Chinook, Broken Dreams, and Nikia (?) that are all in the same boat.

[Soul Bear]

213 posts in a month...I fear I may be spending to much time on LS...

Its really helping me tho, and I feel so close to few people on here too. Shame I will probably never meet 99.9% of you!

 

Blue,

Indeed she did say some awful things, and indeed she is pis sed at me. For reasons unknown too, it could be because I wouldnt let go, but why should I have? I loved this girl, and I had to prove it.

It could be because she is still resentful about the break up reasons, although her reasons were for herself and meeting someone else.....I dont know, I get a different reason every time...it's you, it's me..its bla bla bla

Its very true that time will make anger subside, and that i believe, works both ways round. What I fear is when my anger subsides I will feel love and hope again...

 

Its the same with my other friends who broke up years ago. He wanted to remain friends, she said all or nothing. He says no, she leaves, 15 months later he comes back and she tells him to take a hike! Now he is still sad to this day

 

Its so nice to know that there are other people out there who are going through this too, all at different stages, all with little stories that can help and guide each other.

 

What you said is so true.

Thanks for all your time and help

But I just stick with assuming that they just up and Died. (because really, aren't they dead to you?). You can' t call them, can't see them, and you grieve. But hang in there. You and I can always complain to eachother when it gets hard-and there are a lot of people here, like Nuala, Chinook, Broken Dreams, and Nikia (?) that are all in the same boat.

[notalone]

NOTALONE-

Dont feel ashamed?!

I would think there was something wrong if you didnt try to get him back.

 

At the end of the day, we all know (the ones who didnt go NC immediately) that we tried our best. I have no shame nor care for my 'dignity' that I may have acted foolishly trying to get her back. It only re affirms to me how much she meant to me, how much I valued our relationship and how Im worth better treatment than that. She showed her true colours and I have no regrets about anything.

 

So dont be ashamed ever. If you had been caught cheating, then thats an excuse to feel ashamed, but for trying to win back the one you love, there is no shame in that. Be proud of yourself that you tried everything you could.

 

 

Thank you soulbear...that was very supportive and kind of you.

 

P.S: You from Scotland??? I went to Uni of Glasgow..

[Soul Bear]

WOW....Reading back on all my old posts...what a pussy......

 

Something hit me lastnight, I was reading the list of things she said to me and I realised that by doing so, she has actually spoiled even a friendship. Im not pining for her anymore, infact I dont really like her that much anymore even as a person to have been able to say all those things.

I have drawn the line, my barriers are up and I am SO unimpressed with her bahaviour that I dont even want her to call or see me ever again.

 

I decided today to go NC on our 'friends' too. Everyone we knew. Im going to start a fresh and as far is she is concerned Im long gone.

 

IF one day she trys to get in touch, I will not bother answering her call. If she persists, I will tell her she can meet me face to face.

When that day comes Im going to have to say that after the way she broke up with me and the things she said, not only did I lose complete interest in her, but also every shed of respect has gone too. Whatever she was trying to do pushed me way to far.

 

This is a weird head space to be in, but its been about 14 hours now I have felt like this- didnt dream of her, didnt even think of her going to sleep or on waking up.

If she does pop into my head, its just a numb disapointed feeling....I cant explain it.

 

Am I wrong for feeling like that? It actually scares me a bit that I can even feel that.....I dont really want to, but I do...:S

 

 

 

NOTALONE-

Your welcome and what I said still holds true!

Im a bit further north than that, actually Im from the Highlands. Never was a fan of Glasgow much, I was always more of an Edinburgh boy

[notalone]

Since we are on the topic of rotten things said during/after break-ups, here are my two cents. After my ex bid a very emotional and tearful goodbye (complete with "I love you but this is not meant to be"), I panicked the next day and tried to speak to him. This is how he responded.

 

- What the f*** are you doin here? (his first line that evening)

- Get the f*** out of my life.

- Don't touch me s***.

- I don't love you. never did.

- I don't know what you are going through...I don't care. I just want to move on.

- I never want to see you or smell you or speak to you again...you disgust me. I never want to see your face again....never again.

- I hate you from the bottom of my heart...just get out of my life.

 

Wow, this is the first time I have actually made a list like that in the 3 months since that horrible evening. I have often wondered that if he was being cruel to be kind. After all, this was the same guy who used to show up at my door in the middle of the night with godawful take-out chinese and a smile and a dvd. But considering the fact that he found his new girl a week after the break up and started posting pics of them together on FB, I probably wasn't even important enough to him to be kind to. He stil hasn't deleted me from his friend list...and he keeps posting status messages dedicated to new girl. So I think, when people are mean, very rarely is there any kindness hidden beneath. If they respected your emotions so much, they would not have left you in the lurch in the first place.

 

SoulBear,

 

Crappy exes do sometimes come back to apologise, but I have found that they do this when they are dissatisfied with their current life. It's sort of an emotional time-travel they do in the hopes of putting everything right.

 

As for what you are feeling now, the dissociation, it's a form of self-defense. It protects ypu from crumbling down in pain. Happens to me too. But sadly, it's only temporary. Like Bluewolf, I'll be happy for a day or so and then the pain comes back. I start thinking like how I'll never see him or hear his voice again...how I'd never be able to hear him laugh or dance with him again. The memories come rushing back and dissolve me. But then, I get back up again. It's a loop until it's a straight line.

 

Have spent many a broke studenty weekends in the Rose Street pubs in Edinburgh. Happy memories that seem a lifetime ago...lol.

[Soul Bear]

Notalone

I cant believe he said those things. They are literally designed to CUT, and cut deep...trust me...i know all to well.

 

 

Good for you for making a lsit, it really helps doesnt it?!

 

I would suggest deleting him from your FB ASAP. No one needs anything rubbed in their faces and you need to show him you are standing strong.

And remember to keep reading that list you made.

 

As far as ex's coming back, right now I dont even want her back! It feels good! I just want to get on with my life, but alas, you may be correct that it is indeed a loop until its a straight line.

I think NC is good for both sides now, and im kind of glad that she pushed me this far as it has made things easier for me, as im sure you will agree in your situation too.

 

 

Im going out tonight, Time to make some new friends....again *sigh*

 

I used to crawl those bars!! Gimme a buz nxt time your in Scotland

[Soul Bear]

Has anyone else had to deal with the rejection and distance from mutual friends after a break up?

This bit for me, really, really sucks. It just seems so shallow.

[Soul Bear]

woohoo!

0630pm

And I still feel good!!

[Nuala83]

What day are you on now Soul Bear? Is it 2 or 3?

[Soul Bear]

day 3 now Nuala.....

Getting my act together and working out my game plan.

Finding a new job, finding a new flat etc etc.

Basicly moving on with my life to the best of my ability.

If its meant to be it will be. Its gonna take some time for the anger and bitterness on both sides to fizzle over, so all I can do now, is really try to be the best me i can be and move on with my life. Moving on does not mean going out and shagging people, but more getting on with my own life again.

Anyway, all a bit confusing today, but Im getting closer to something....somethings happening...

 

Im happy I am in NC now. I would end up doing something stupid if otherwise. Now I know there is no chance of reconciliation the only way to become stronger again is NC. Maybe one day we will work our differences out, but for now its eyes and ears open, try to put a positive spin on things and improve my life.

 

Im not tempted to call her in any way. Space is vital now.

[fabulous_chk]

Hi Soul Bear - be strong. My ex made me break my NC twice I was on Day 14 and Day 7....now I'm on Day 16 and feel stronger as time goes. I only have to remember the devastation I felt during the times I broke NC to realize that this is the way to go. You should block her number and email address so that you won't be tempted to answer any curious "how are yous" from her.