Girlfriend's Best Friend

[axisdenied]

I am looking for a solution. Hopefully, you'll find this one interesting.

 

I have a girlfriend. I think she is wonderful. The relationship is relatively young, so we get along fantastically. As a matter of fact, it is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in thus far.

 

But, as you can imagine, I'm not posting to wax poetic about my girlfriend. There is a small problem --not one that should directly affect the relationship itself, more like a snag in the integration of our lives. I used to date her best friend. And while that relationship didn't end horribly, I'm very resistant to spending time with the girl and the best friend, which I'm sure bothers the girl and in turn, that bothers me.

 

I wasn't exactly heart-broken when it didn't work out with the friend. More like offended. After seven dates, the friend strung me along for a month under the impression that there would be further dates. I tried to make plans with her twice. Both times she enthusiastically agreed and then unapologetically canceled the day of with no follow-up. I figured I was trying to go somewhere I wasn't wanted, so I gave up.

 

A month later, when I bumped into the two of them (the friend and my now girlfriend) at the bar on Valentine's Day, the friend bought me a drink, danced with me, and made out with me. I asked her what was up with the disappearing act. She told me that we weren't really dating. As you could imagine, I was offended. In my head, spending time, making out, sleeping together and referring to these meetings as "dates" implies a dating situation. But, I digress. I'm not bothered by mismatched semantics. What is most bothersome is that this all tells me that she meant more to me than I did to her.

 

So now, the idea of spending time with this girl again makes me cringe. I don't want to feel like that. I'd rather forgive and forget, and respect the fact that not everyone I like is going to be as interested as I am. None of this would be a problem if she wasn't such a big part of my girlfriend's life. But she is, it is a problem (for me) and I would like a solution.

 

?

 

-A

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think you should respectfully not be anywhere near the best friend. And if that's the case, worry about your girlfriend, that's it.

 

I assume your current girlfriend knows about you and her friend's sexual history together. And seems cool with it.

[axisdenied]

I assume your current girlfriend knows about you and her friend's sexual history together. And seems cool with it.

 

She does and is.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Then just stay outta the way if it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Just focus on your woman, I dont see what the problem is...

 

I mean I know it's awkward but that's where your focus should be. Her friend is the past, your girl right now is the future. As long as she's not flirting with you, then dont sweat it.

[girl68]

This is all in your head. What can you do other than forget about it.

 

So you got burned by a girl... oh well. Isn't it great however that you got a new great girl and while she's still playing dirty little games?

 

Seems like you never really got over the rejection, and what's weird here is that your gf is the one who SHOULD be weirded out... but she isn't you are. Get over it. Rejection happens consider yourself lucky you caught a good girl for now.

[axisdenied]

This is all in your head. What can you do other than forget about it.

 

So you got burned by a girl... oh well. Isn't it great however that you got a new great girl and while she's still playing dirty little games?

 

Seems like you never really got over the rejection, and what's weird here is that your gf is the one who SHOULD be weirded out... but she isn't you are. Get over it. Rejection happens consider yourself lucky you caught a good girl for now.

 

You've hit the crux of the problem here. I do want to forget. The problem is that the girl really wants the three of us to hang out and get along all together again. And if she's around I can't forget. I have a history of being the type of person who would have jumped all over an opportunity to see a girl who rejected me. This time I am avoiding it for a few reasons:

 

1) I don't want my girlfriend to think that I'm dating her just to remain close to the friend, and

2) I don't like the friend very much right now. I know that's my problem and I need to just get over it, be the bigger person, etc., but it's still too soon and I'd rather not have an evening with the girl spoiled by an encounter with an ex.

 

Anyway, thank you both for the responses. Until I find a more creative solution I'll just stay away from the friend.

 

-A

[girl68]

By the sounds of your post this rejection from the friend was recent.

 

In that case if time is what you think you need give it some. If your girlfriend starts to pick up on your avoidance behaviour just have a chat with her, she seems cool with the situation so I don't think it'll do harm by just explaining that being bestfriends with the ex isn't your idea of a great time (for now). Afterall you do feel like she's your ex and most people don't keep in contact with ex's! Just say that you have no problem being friendly and polite and promise to do so but a threesome date isn't really your cup of tea.

 

Goodluck.

[stillafool]

You were attracted to your gf's friend first for a reason. I think you are afraid to spend time with her and your girl because you don't want those "I still want you" feeling to start creeping back into your mind and driving you crazy. Am I right?