I'm not gay, really!

[J81]

The whole time I was in school from pre-school till I graduated I was very unpopular. I was overweight and I was teased, nobody wanted anything to do with me, had very few people who would talk to me at school and never really had friends outside of school because nobody wanted anything to do with me. I wasn't good looking at all, I was overweight, and becuase of this I've had only a few girlfriends and even when I did have one it wasn't serious. After graduating high school I changed. First and foremost I lost a lot of weight, I've physically changed but yet I still remain overweight (230 @ 5' 10") but I look good. I know I do, people tell me I'm attractive.

 

Anyways, I'm more outgoing, I talk more and socalize more. One thing about me is that I am a very nice guy, because I know what it's like to be taunted and teased and treated like crap I keep from being mean, hateful, and rude to people. I'm in my early 20's now and even now I still have never had a serious girlfriend. I haven't had a girlfriend in 8 years, I've tried the whole "meeting someone" and it never worked out they always went the other way.

 

I don't have any close friends, the few people I do hang with and talk to are girls. I'm the kinda guy that doesn't treat women like crap, I respect em'. About everyone I know though thinks I'm gay, one of my co-workers who I hang with her and her boyfriend and some other people on the weekend and drink with has a sister who's boyfriend commented saying he thought I was gay. It gets old, all my immediate coworkers in my dept always says that I'm gay, says crap about me and it's getting to the f'n point that it's starting to get old and pissing me off.

 

I have no problem with gay's, but I'm not gay. I don't have a girlfriend cause I'm shy, I'm still not comfortable with my weight and that has an affect on me cause women want good looking, in-shape guys and I'm not. It just gets to me that this is how people think of me, they think I'm gay. My parent's have even said crap about that in the past saying they think I'm gay, my brother says crap all the time. I'm not gay, I dress nice, I'm respectful to all, it's just my personality but I'm not gay.

 

I guess I just needed to vent, it just got to me tonight when my friend tonight she told me her sister's boyfriend commented the other night that he thought I was gay and that just put me in a ****ty mood..

[UCFKevin]

The fact that you keep saying, "I'm not gay" is a sign that you.....well.......might be gay.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

For someone to call you gay at work could be job threatining to the individual saying it .

Just cause you repeat to people that your not gay,does nNOT mean your gay.

 

LETS SEE THIS AT WORK, UCFKEVIN ARE YOU GAY????

Im going to ask you three times so does that make you gay to have to repeat it?

[HokeyReligions]

People used to think my husband was gay. I had some doubts for a long time too. He has a weight problem - has since he was a kid and broke his leg and spent a summer in a cast, sitting in front of the TV eating. One of his best friends is gay and at one time when we were dating he and his friend shared an apartment. The old saying "you are known by the company you keep" haunted him.

 

His defense - self confidence. He knew he wasn't gay and didn't care what people thought! He offered to redecorate someones house for them as a joke - joke was on them because he doesn't have a great sense of style!

 

He was always very shy with women -- had a couple of girlfriends before me but he also had long periods of no girlfriend or even any dates. Because of his weight, and his brain damage that causes him to not pronounce words correctly (he can't hear certain sounds so his pronunciation is the worse for it) he has been very shy with women. He was shy with me too, but we clicked. Because of my own background (no friends in school, the outcast, etc.) I was more sensitive to him and he to me.

 

Just be yourself and don't worry about what others think! YOU know you are not gay so what does it matter if other people do. Let them deal with--its their problem, not yours. If some guy asks you out - just say "thanks man, I appreciate it, but I'm straight - I don't think we'd have any fun." If your family thinks you are gay, just ask them what difference it makes to them? Your sexual orientation is no ones business but your own.

[UCFKevin]

Hey Vash, maybe I AM gay.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

Hey,to each their own.

I have no discrimination toward gay people .

[Frodo]

J81,

 

Don't listen to Kevin. If you're not attracted to men and you're male, you're not gay. Probably what's happening is they want to see you do more traditional "man stuff", and since you haven't been doing it, they're rationalizing it. But you said you're shy, which is probably why you don't have a girlfriend.

 

You may want to try dealing with people with a little more detachment, and trying to get out of your shell with women. Don't waste time arguing with people about what you are or are not, just get some confidence in who you are and they'll shut up.

[greeniebeenie]

Hey, I work at a place with this guy who acts very feminine. VERY feminine, But he's always claiming to the ladies and to us guys that he's not gay. HE'll just say it out of the blue some days. He once said, I think everybody here thinks I'm gay, but i'm not. Out of no where he'll say things like, "Hey last night, When My girlfriend was going down on me..." Just crap like that or tell stories about how he played football last night or just really apparent, off the subject type things. And we work in a Cafe/Diner environment, so when he does make comments about sex and his Girlfriend That No One's Has Ever Seen....It's kind of inappropriate.....Do you think he might be GAY, but in denial??? Part of me wants to tell him to just chill out and stop trying to convince us he's not, because he's making a fool out of himself.

[Frodo]

greenie,

He might be. I think it's irritating when people try to talk about their sex lives all the time(out of context). Why don't you tell the guy to chill out, and while he's at it to look up the Myers-Briggs test. It says that 34% of men and 34% of women exhibit traits that aren't traditionally associated with masculinity or feminity respectively. But their sexual preference is a separate trait.

 

There are a lot of people insecure about that sort of thing, and it's politically charged, too, which confuses people. I think a general rule of thumb is if you have no desire to engage in that sort of thing, then it's not for you.

 

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

[angelgurl]

Help am I seeing things that are not there? Is he or is he not gay?

 

I have been with a man for the past 2 1/2 years, he is sweet, kind and loving. When I first met him I had thoughts he may be gay or bi. The way he walked, and that wrist thing. That soon stopped when I made him conscious of it, truly was more my problem then his.

 

He did hang out with gay men and in fact lived in an apartment building that was in a gay neighborhood, and I do believe through broken pieces of conversation there may have been an incident with a man. He has never confirmed or denied any of my questions about his sexuality. All I hear is I said I wasn't so I am not.

 

I am very sexual, and I have to advance the mood and the moves, he is not shy so I don't get it. I feel I am attractive with a decent shape, but he appears distracted. When I call him on it, he says, oh I do find you sexy, my head is just not in it. When we do have sex, I swear I am going solo, and I ask you all, do men like the taste of themselves??? I thought he must be cheating with another women, but my gut says no girl it is no woman!

 

Recently he out of the blue shaved his head bald, and pays extra detail to grooming. He works out like crazy. He likes to be online alot, but I have never found sites with regards to women or chats. He is on car sites, tool sites. He does state however he gets spam for sites regarding male enhancements etc, just laughs it off.

 

He has never been able to commit to any female relationships, and one of his ex girlfriends thought he was gay as well.

 

Help is my boyfriend gay or am I just paranoid now?????

[RowanRavyn]

To be gay or not to be gay...

 

Thats not really the question is it? I truly believe that this is a genetic issue.

 

I have always had a lot of guy friends. These days I have a mixture of the most macho, to the most efeminate, to the down right gay. Come to think of it, even my girlfriends run that route. Hmm..

 

If you aren't gay. You aren't gay. If you are annoyed that people think you are, figure out why it annoys you. Is something haunting you? Did you catch a glance at something that turned you on and you feel guilty for it? Have you been curious? I would say that this is their problem and not yours, but the fact that it bothers you so much bares looking at.

 

If you are gay. YAY!!! There is nothing wrong with that. Its who you are! Don't get caught up in that whole thing of what the neighbors will think. MOVE!!! Find a place that is gay friendly, and have a happy, sexually safe, wonderful life.

 

If you aren't gay, put it back on them. Guy friend says you are gay, run your hand along your chest and say breathlessly, "you trying to tell me something big boy?" Girl friend asks if you are gay, "say why darlin' got some fashion tips for me, wanna go shopping?" Let it BE their problem if it is.

 

 

As to the boyfriend, honey....he is what he is. You have a choice, believe him that he isn't and get on with things. Or believe that he is and move on. Its not fair to either of you at the moment.