2 years on - it's still hard

[Likewise]

Hi guys. It's nearly two years since we split, and I still think about her every single day. She still fuels my fantasies. Simple things still remind me of her, stupid random things that you wouldn't normally associate with anything in particular.

 

A couple of months ago I decided to start a Facebook account. I'd always stayed away from it because I was worried of bumping into her on there.

 

Sure enough the day after I sign up I get a message from her saying she would like to talk to me, etc. I ignored it.

 

Most days I can cope with it just fine, she's just a flittering thought a few times throughout the day. Other days it's a bit harder though, such as tonight. I wrote (typed?) a letter and was close to sending it, but remembered this site and came here to vent instead.

 

Will it never end?

[JLee26]

Why the split? is it something that could be over come with so much time in between? Could this line of communication thats been open be the rekindle to a romance that clearly meant something very deep to you? A person who is still having daily thoughts over a partner years after their split is a person who still cares very deeply. Perhaps it is time to take the plunge if what ended the relationship can now be overcome.....

[Likewise]

We split because of numerous complications that were too hard to overcome.

 

I recently moved to a different country. It's why I started a Facebook account, so I could keep in contact with friends, and it's why she sent me a message. She wanted to talk before I disappeared.

 

Sometimes I do wonder if it would be best to send her a letter. Just get it all off my chest. This seems to be a neverending cycle. I'll be fine for a while then one day it just becomes too much and I break.

[shayna]

Hi Likewise

 

I know exactly how you feel. In a month it will be the 2 year anniversary of my split from the man I'm still in love with. Yup- still in love with him regardless of the horrible times he has put me through since (and during the relationship). We were together for 9 years and it was hell at times, at other times amazing- just enough to keep me in it sadly. I think of him everyday (memories of seemingly little things are killer I know!) and I'm lucky if its more than an hour that I get through before thinking of him (at least in passing if not more intensely). I haven't physically seen or spoken to him for 6 months- only a few emails up until February and I think that's for the best, after all for 1.5 years after the break we were still hanging out with the occasional sex. Not good for healing. He has a new girlfriend as of January who I'm assuming is probably great. And here am I still pining and hoping. Sigh. I wish I never met him. At least I can breathe these days but the pain is still very much there.

 

One thing I thought of earlier this week was this: I never really understood why people say "at least you have the capacity to love deeply". I was always wondering WTF does that mean- of course I can. Who cares? Now I think I know what that means- I guess what I felt for him really was love and when I'm in love I don't give up on it easily because I'm a compassionate caring loving woman who does not look at others as just people who don't matter or as people who I can use to suit my own needs- and then simply leave them when they are no longer people I want to be around. I am for real. And that is why I'm still not over him. Because my love for him was deep and true. It's his loss that he gave up on something that was so real- because many people, unlike you and I, after a break, suck it up and move on quickly and seemingly easily and I think that's because they are more superficial and self-centred. Just a thought...

[iBelieve In Symmetry]

Gosh, I really don't want to be the 'party pooper' here, but please don't tell me this is so

 

It's only been about a month since my break-up, and I really don't want to hear that this is going to keep haunting me years from now...

 

Though, (in response to shayna) mine was only 3 years, which in my opinion doesn't even come close to 9...

[notalone]

Symmetry,

 

Yes, sometimes, it does take a long time to heal. And it's not applicable to some people only. In your lifetime, you can have breakups that scar you forever....and you can also have breakups that you get over after a tequila shooter. It depends on how close you were to that person, what stage of life you are in, the reason for the split...and a lot other circumstances.

 

 

 

Likewise,

 

God...your screenname reminded me of my ex...he used to say 'likewise' a lot. Not that I need any reminding...he is the only though I have. See...I am not yet over him at all.

Anyway, maybe you should reply to your ex...just a general hi. Dont tell her that you still dream of her or any such mushy things. She will only get her ego boosted. Just a 'how are you doing' mail and then see where it goes?

[triplem]

Haven't logged on to the site for probably a year. It's been two and a half since my gf of five years left. I logged on today because it's been a tough day. I needed to know if I was alone in feeling pain after years.

 

My experiences...

The good? I can breath without pain now. I no longer look at sleep as my only chance for peace. I no longer need anti-anxiety medications. I no longer use anti-depressants. I have even cut back on the sleeping pills in recent months. I can carry on conversations without bringing her up. I rarely, if ever, cry about it. I can listen to some music again.

 

The bad? I still hurt. I still think about her several times a day, every day of my life. I still have days where the memory of her crooked smile drives a knife into my chest. There are still episodes (usually when I'm tired) in which a deep depression wraps around me. I still, on occasion, have conversations with her in my head. When I snuggle with my incredible new GF I feel a sorrow. I hurt because I know the ex yearned for that affection and I metered it out instead of giving it freely. I still wish more than anything that I could go back in time and tell her how much she meant to me, something she needed to hear so bad. I still waste time wondering if she found the happiness she left me in search of. I am scared for her that she didn't. I am scared for me that she did.

 

Will the sorrow ever go away completely? I don't think so. Will it run my life? No, and that's up to me.

 

Honestly, it's gotten better and better. I have an incredible new GF. She makes me feel happy. It's not the same kind of happiness I could once feel. I'm still missing something. BUT, I'm not missing how wonderful the girl in front of me is. I'm not missing how much she appreciates affection. I'm not missing chances to send her random love texts. I'm not missing the chance to do it better this time.