ang Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 It's been four days since he moved everything of his out only an hour before I had to go to work. I've been depressed, he knows it, I know it. But, I've always believed that if you really love someone, you don't walk away just like that. You hold their hand and help them through it. Is that too much to ask for? Why would someone spend two years of their life telling them "I love you, trust me, I will never leave, etc.," only to pull the rug out from under you when you need them the most? Killer is, he's seven years younger than me. He spent six months trying to convince me that his age wouldn't matter. God, I'm so stupid I can't even stand myself. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 You're not stupid. It's just that people promise things they can't deliver. Most of them mean it - or want to mean it - when they say it. Then they find they're not able to follow through. It really stinks, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 There's an old saying that goes like this..........."We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears." He was unable/unwilling to keep his promises to you. He has bailed. I know you need help getting through this, but he is definitely not the one to help you. If someone broke into your home and shot you, would he be the one to call 911 and get you to the hospital? Of course not. This is something you're going to have to go through without him. Distance will be the best route you can take. If you contact him in any way, you will only prolong your pain. All you can do is let it all out, cry, and grieve this loss. Lean on your family, friends, and the people here on the board. I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there, but I survived. You will too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ang Posted October 25, 2003 Author Share Posted October 25, 2003 Thank you for the replies. I really appreciate it -- it's strange how people you never even met are there for you more than someone you gave your heart to. My mom and friends are calling, worried sick about me. I just want to be alone. I haven't eaten in about 13 hours. The only thing that motivated me to get out of the house was that I ran out of cigarettes. I've never done this before, talking to people I don't know. As I sit here, though, I'm getting pissed -- he put this computer armoire together for about four hours less than a month ago. It seems no matter where I turn, there are reminders ... I was listening to Bob Dylan (Time Out Of Mind) and it just felt like I was torturing myself. I can't even listen to my favorite songs now because they just remind me of how much I love him and am able to love a person. One line hit me really hard as if I wrote it: "Some of these memories you can learn to live and some of them you can't." My heart physically hurts right now. I can't sleep in my own bed, I can't go into the bathroom without noticing his tootbrush is gone and the toilet seat is down. Funny how you would wish for the things that bothered you the most (toilet seat up) to be back again. God, I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and I'm writing emotions of a child. Link to post Share on other sites
jezebelle Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 soemtimes it's okay to be a child, and it's okay to reach out to people you don't know. That's what we're here for. I was there too, except for one thing...I left him. It hurts like hell, but it foes get better. Give yourself the time to grieve knowing that one day soon you'll be ready to try again. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 OH, I see I didn't finished reading this thread earlier.Thats what you meant by getting better. You are not stupid. Just forget about him,he doesn't sound like he's NOT ready for commitment,don't punish your self for his lack of maturity. This is the best place for asking any questions,no one know who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 God, I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and I'm writing emotions of a child. Emotions don't change. The way we deal with them might, but love is still love and hurt still hurt no matter how old we get. A woman in a group I belong to is 63 and just got herself a new beau and she was as giggly and excited as a teenager when it all began. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ang Posted October 25, 2003 Author Share Posted October 25, 2003 I screwed up earlier and posted a new thread when I wanted to reply to my own insanity. I called him when I was crying really bad, to the point where I couldn't even breathe. He hung up on me after telling me that I didn't care enough to get help for my depression when I was with him. So, I get the help I need by asking for it and he just turns away when I really need him to be by my side. I need to get help on his timetable? I don't get it. I hate feeling so sad and hopeless when so many others would do anything to be back on this earth with the ones they love. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Ang, you must stop calling him! He is not the one who's going to help you heal. You should never turn to the source of your pain for help in healing. Call your parents, sibling, or friends, but don't call him!! I can totally understand how you're feeling, but believe me when I say to you, calling him isn't helping your situation here one bit. When you called, did you feel better or worse? Of course you felt worse! The more contact you make with him, the more power you lose and the more he gains. Can you spend the weekend with a friend or family member and get away from your home for a few days? I think you need to be with people right now instead of wandering around there remembering the past. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Originally posted by ang I screwed up earlier and posted a new thread when I wanted to reply to my own insanity.It happens all the time. I called him when I was crying really bad, to the point where I couldn't even breathe. He hung up on me after telling me that I didn't care enough to get help for my depression when I was with him. That right there says he doesn't love with you,so you should really move on. So, I get the help I need by asking for it and he just turns away when I really need him to be by my side. I need to get help on his timetable? I don't get it. Hes no man,hes a coward he see you're hurting and you ask him for help and he runs the other way. I hate feeling so sad and hopeless when so many others would do anything to be back on this earth with the ones they love. Dont feel hopeless in time you'll find someone who will be there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tragedi67 Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I have been where you are at right now. I'm going through a divorce because my husband wouldn't stick by me to help me conquer my addiction (drugs). He told me he didn't love me the way he used to when we first got together. I had to move out cause he forced me to move out. So put all those pictures and momentos away and start thinking about yourself. I was severly depressed and wanted to kill myself. All he did was run away from me so I realized now (cause he cheated on me) that he was a liar and a coward. Now I'm with someone who cares about me and I think about my ex too from time to time but realize what he's done......Just a little insight for you... Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Ang - my heart goes out to you, it really does. i am about the same age my ex is much younger than me one post i wrote 'i feel like a 6 year old whos mum has forgotten about them & left them in the car' my ex has buggered off from London to PA i love bob dylan. i blamed myself - because it was my fault. i couldnt leave the house, in fact, i am still sitting here with duvet wrapped round me at 1pm i am 5 weeks further through this than you, and what i see now is the opportunity for this to be the most important learning stage of my life (albeit most painful) are you getting treatment for your depression? you are going through something that most people cant cope with - on top of the depression. i think its maybe time to cut back to the basis of this situation and deal with it from start to finish, you sound like you believe the depression was a huge factor in causing the split - i have done a lot of soul searching and have been determined to change my thinking and attitudes. writing has helped me organise my thoughts, i have written and written, i dont know if it could help you, but you have been forced to face this situation by your partner leaving, and thats one of the ways i have coped. i'd say that friends and family are the best company right now, but in the first couple of weeks, i couldnt just couldnt spend any time with anyone, i walked round the house wailing like a police siren, i know its hard to get yourself together, but you do have people that understand here if you cant face seeing real life people. people expected my ex & i to split because of the age difference, and i felt i couldnt get support from them as they hadnt supported me through the relationship, let alone the split. just do what feels right for you, you are your priority now, treat yourself right and do what feels right Link to post Share on other sites
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