girl29 Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 i have been dating my boy for about a year now. he's wonderful in many ways. he's completely supportive and dependable and generous. he listens to me, we laugh a ton together, we are completely comfortable around one another and so on. but there are a few things that really concern me. he does not really communicate well with me. he seems to eek the same amount of pleasure out of all his relationships, friendships and me alike with no differentiation between the two, and he has stopped trying to impress me or woo me...i know that sounds bad, but i still do things that say "i care and i like you!" and he seems to have petered off and assumed contentment on our parts, when i have not reached that point yet. i just wanna know, basically...in a relationship, if forced to choose between the two, is it more likely to work out if it's a passionate, emotionally open, appreciative both in actions and words. but less intellectually stimulating thing, or is it better to be with someone who's a bit more distant, but who makes you think and laugh and shows appreciation only through actions? Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Originally posted by girl29 i have been dating my boy for about a year now. Have you both decided yourselves as bf,gf or are you two open to date? but i still do things that say "i care and i like you!" and he seems to have petered off and assumed contentment on our parts, when i have not reached that point yet. I care and I like you??So you two are not in love but have feelings for each other? To me it sounds like you two are friends with extra benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
girl29 Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 we are only dating each other, but yes, after one year, the whole "i love you" thing has not really come into play. i would agree that we are kinda friends with benefits. that is why i am asking if, in essence, it's better to be in an emotionally strong kinda relationship with lots of spout offs about love, or if it's better, long term, to be with someone who stimulates you and brings you happiness in other ways? i just look at everyone i know that is married, and i don't see overwhelming lust and emotion after a few years. it becomes a sort of working relationship. sure, there is still love and whatnot, but it seems like being that close to someone and seeing them all the time, it would be better to be with someone that stimulates you in ways other than just lustful ones. that's what i really want to know Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 This does not have to be an either/or situation. It's not as though intelligent people can't also be sensual. i just look at everyone i know that is married, and i don't see overwhelming lust and emotion after a few years. it becomes a sort of working relationship. sure, there is still love and whatnot, but it seems like being that close to someone and seeing them all the time, it would be better to be with someone that stimulates you in ways other than just lustful ones. Certainly you should never marry someone that you have lust for but not much else! You need the whole package. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I would never be able to choose between the two, myself. Intellect without passion is just plain BORING. Passion without intellect is like a shooting star... it fizzles out and dyes a quick death. I think some people are just better at relationships than others, whether naturally or by experience. But that doesn't mean we all can't learn a thing or two no matter how many years we have under our belts. The best way to show someone how you wish to be treated is by example. Continue to be the kind of partner you would like that someone to be for you. And if they just don't "get it" and you find yourself giving more than you are getting in return, you might just have to sit them down for a good heart-to-heart. It may not necessarily mean they no longer care or are taking the relationship for granted, but we are all guilty of becoming down right lazy once we get into that comfort zone. Link to post Share on other sites
anonimouse Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 If you are friends with benefits, find another 'friend with benefits' who fills in the missing bits! Link to post Share on other sites
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