Getting Back With Your Ex: The NC Approach

[westrock]

The other time the dumper will contact the dumpee is to go on a fishing expedition and see whether any hope remains for a reconciliation.

 

Both reasons reek of insincerity.

 

When there has been an extended period of NC, maybe the dumper really does want to explore reconciliation but is unsure what the dumpee is thinking/feeling. In such a case, how else is the dumper supposed to act initially?

[Ingenue]

When there has been an extended period of NC, maybe the dumper really does want to explore reconciliation but is unsure what the dumpee is thinking/feeling. In such a case, how else is the dumper supposed to act initially?

 

I think how subsequent interactions are with your ex are completely dependent on break-up method and whether any "resolution" occurred during the period of breaking up.

 

If my ex approached me, there had better be a sincere and honest attempt at an apology in person, not in email, text message, telephone or via letter. Considering that it is the dumper who seeks a possible reconciliation s/he should be man/woman enough to do it in person. Don't fish around, don't beat around the bush. Admit culpability, have an honest dialogue and not some obtuse, "how are you doing" type of conversation.

 

Sometimes, it really is just better to cast your reel into another pond because the waters are just too toxic.

[selena_cat]

If you look on other threads, such as 'afraid to love me' you will see my life story. At various points I/we have maintained no contact but what happens when my ex gets back in touch with me?

 

Two notable things have happened.

 

Firstly, after threatening to delete my number and insisting on no contact back in Feb/March and bits of April, we maintained contact periodically although she is seeing someone else. Three weeks ago I get a text along the lines of 'can me and the dog come with you when you go for a run tomorrow? I'm not stalking you'. I refused polititely by text, wanting to maintain no contact. She then sends me a weird couple of texts taking umbrage saying 'I just don't understand you'. I ring and state that I want to step back and not interfere in her relationship and that she asked me at the end of March to only contact about once a week. She then says 'Do you want to come to my house and talk'. I go up, explain why I think this is right etc. she says we can text every day, when we hug goodbye we end up kissing and then end up making love. We have sex three days later as well. I again drop contact and go out and do my own thing. That weekend she again gets back in touch with a weird text about her friends birthday and bringing up a present. I go to her friends house, she gets jealous about me seeing someone else and interrogates me about this, and we again have sex that night, the following night and over the weekend. This was two weeks ago. We last spoke five days ago and back into the NC. Her new man and her often also don't contact each other for a week and perhaps don't see each other for a fortnight, yet she seems happy with him (most of the time). Any explanation?

 

Explanation? youre having lotsa sex! but she may be using you as a sidedish,its like she's cheating on her man,havng her cake,and youre it. Do you like to be used that way knowing she's not really with you?

[LovesHangover]

I agree with the individuals who state that NC is for healing. However, I think that NC works best when both parties have said all they have to say.It is amazing the negative view of the dumper. Nothing is so black and whiteSometimes it can be just as if not more difficult for the dumper. I left one of my exes because I found out that he was sneaking around with one of my closest friends. I loved him completely and wasn't even considering leaving him before this information. I most unfair fact: I l still love him (go figure!). I wanted to be with him always. But, who can withstand that kind of blow to the heart? Cheating on me with one of my best friends. I ended the relationship because I didn't know how to be with him after that. Even though I was hurt so deeply, I do not hate him and wish him the best.