Josie-xx Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Thank you to anybody who reads this & tries to help (L) I met my ex-boyfriend through a band i tracked down on myspace. I had seen the band before in a gig they did so i knew they were trustworthy. I like the sound of their music so i added all the members and i was fairly close to the lead singer anyway. After about a month of talking, i grew close the the guitarist, lets call him A. He lived in Wales and i lived in Dorset, which was a far distance though :/ We were so close & i felt we were perfect together. We didn't get together officially until about 2 months of "dating/seeing" each other. We had never met and didn't want to get into anything before we had met, but we spent 24/7 talking to each other, we just got together anyway. We would stay on the phone from 10o clock at night till 5am and then talk to each other on msn all day. I spoke to his whole family on the phone & all his friends, like he spoke to mine. We acted like we knew each other & had met already. He sent me roses on my birthday with a tiffany necklace & we constantly sent letters to each other. Webcam chats etc. We arranged to meet up in the Easter holidays and i was going to stay at his house for a week and then he was staying at mine. However, the night before he decided to end it with me and i was completely devastated. I never truly got over him & about a week later he sent me more roses and said he was sorry. It took me a while but i finally took him back cause i knew how much i was in love with him. We were simply perfect for each other. We wrote songs & poems for each other and we had phone sex on occasional times . I loved him. Today, he was supposed to be coming down to see me and then i was going to spend a few days with him. Last night, he decided to end it with me again. I feel distraught, heartbroken & i simply dont know what to do. I really do think he was my soul mate and as much as people tell me "you'll find someone else", i cant imagine there being someone like him. I told him everything and we were so open in our conversations. I just need to know if theres anyone in the same situation as me who can help xxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 He does this the night before you all are supposed to meet for the first time? So you all haven't met yet? Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I could see getting cold feet once, coming to his senses and giving it another go, but doing the same thing again seems rather cruel. I'm sorry, if it were me I would pull the plug on all this right now. If this guy would break up with you twice right before you're supposed to spent time together, then either he has some major issues or he's a class A jerk. Issues could be worked out, if the two parties are willing to communicate, but this just seems weird to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I If this guy would break up with you twice right before you're supposed to spent time together, then either he has some major issues or he's a class A jerk. I'm willing to bet that another very likely reason is that he's hiding something. Link to post Share on other sites
babydreamer Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Pictures exchange yet??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 yes, we exchanged pictures & had webcam chats every night. he is also on youtube with his friends and his band & i have seen his whole family too. i just dont know what to do. i never even thought about him hiding something. his best friend is my best friend too though, (Liam) and i've know Liam longer than ive known A. Liam says he's looking for a new relationship already :/ I know we havent met & it sounds so pathetic, but i havent stopped crying. I miss his voice. His smile. His laugh. His stupid little phrases. Everything reminds me of him. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I know we havent met & it sounds so pathetic, but i havent stopped crying. I miss his voice. His smile. His laugh. His stupid little phrases. Everything reminds me of him. Time heals these things. It seems overwhelming right now but you will get stronger and better. But he is someone you need to get over him not get back together with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Thankyou x I just...i dont know. If he turned around and said he was sorry, i couldnt take him back, i just couldnt because i know that he would hurt me again and im fed up of being hurt. I just miss those good times and getting over him just seems like years away Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I meant to say "he is someone you need to get over not get back together with". Sorry about that. I am exhausted! I am glad you understood the message anyway. When you meet the man that loves you so much that he cherishes you and would never do such a thing to you then you will feel magic. And -- just think -- it really isn't fair to that guy that is out there who is going to be so wonderful to pine over some jackass who doesn't know a good thing when he has it, right? He just saved you from wasting a whole lot more time just to find out he isn't the one because he isn't sweetie. He really isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hmmm, i know that your right, it's just such a hard concept to grasp. Just thinking of him being out of my life is the best and worst thing that could have happened to me. I feel dusgusted, ashamed and pretty much lost to be honest. I feel incredibly alone. I keep getting texts from him sayig how sorry he is for hurting me but to be honest, him and I both know it means nothing :/ I guess you are right, i just need time. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 His friend says he's already looking for someone new??? OMFG THIS GUY NEEDS A SWIFT KICK IN THE NADS. Holy crap. What a JERK. No balls to actually see you in person but enough balls to string you along? GAH. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 So i was stupid and went running back to him :/ I told him how much i missed him and we worked on us for three hours and we spoke about all the trust issues he had inside and how he was scared. He was scared of getting hurt so he hurt me instead and we decided to have a fresh start. No arranging to meet and just have a new go at it. Not get together for a while, just see how things go and people started to see become more bubbling again. The only thing is, he had a birthday party thursday night and kissed a girl. He admitted to it and said he felt bad. But he said the worst thing is that he thinks he likes this girl and has gone away for the weekend with his parents on holiday to see if he can decide whether he wants me or her. He's back on monday and im just left waiting. I know with all my heart, i want him to say me because i know we can work on this but im so scared he is going to pick her :/ i love him. i know he needs a kick round the head but i love him, and i dont know what to do :/ Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower89 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I don't see this ending well, I really don't. He's messing you around. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 The title of your post is a very telling one I think, Josie. I have a theory that I sometimes use to help me with decisions: if you have to make a decision about something and the answer has to be 'yes' or 'no', if you keep coming up with the answer 'I don't know' then, more often than not, you should say 'no'. Eg: Do these shoes fit me? Answer 'I don't know', then probably they don't, so 'no'. Do I like this dress/house I'm thinking about buying? Answer 'I don't know', then probably not, so 'no'. Should I carry on with this upsetting relationship? Answer 'I don't know', then probably not, so 'no'. Maybe you think that's a bit simplistic for a decision about something as important as a relationship and I know that you think you love him. It's just my opinion, but I'm not sure you can know you genuinely 'love' somebody until you've actually met them. You say 'you don't know' but, deep down, I think you do really. You deserve better than this guy. It may hurt to make the break, but it's going to hurt for a lot longer if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Oh honey, if he has to decide whether he wants you or this other girl...? Why do you love someone who would treat you like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 If any guy has to "decide" between me and another woman he has already proved himself too stupid to be with me. Decision decided. "Take the other girl please. If she is so stupid she wants you then you'll keep two other people from being unhappy. Everybody wins!" Me? "I want a real man who knows a good thing when he has it. And thank you so much for clarifying what an idiot you are or I would have wasted more time on you! BYE!" I really hope you can see what a worthless tool this loser is. You shouldn't waste your time and please realize that even if he does end up with you this isn't the last heartache you'll experience with him. He is a jackass. He is a "grass is greener" guy who will always be looking elsewhere and end up alone. You deserve better. You deserve a guy with - ahem - a brain and the maturity level to commit to a realationship and VALUE you. The love and devotion that you are willing to get is something you should get back as well. Whoever you devote yourself to should be willing and ready to hand all of that TO YOU. This guy is pathetic. He is a wannabe with no head on his shoulders. Eeeeeew. Gross. He'll be this way for decades until he is trolling for women in seedy bars. Be rid of him. Move on and don't allow him to dictate that you sink to this level. You are above it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 you all just made me smile for the first time in a while. my best friend Liam who is also is his best is saying exactly the same thing as yous. He says that my ex is being a prick even if he is his best friend. This other girl - hes only met her once and that was when they kissed. Apparently though, my ex is the type of guy who fancies different girls every week and he managed to keep a long relationship with me for a while :/ He text me on friday night saying he figured it out, that he has been hurt so much in the past that when we meet it becomes real. and he doesnt want to give me the chance to hurt him so he hurt me in return :/ i didnt really know what to say to that but to be honest, can he really keep putting his past in front of his future :/ i love him. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 He did something incredibly childish. He hurt you before you hurt him? Run. RUN NOW. He is not ready for a mature relationship, and don't even THINK about trying to be the one to teach him. If you try, you will only be enabling him. You will be coddling him, letting him make grievous mistakes but always having a soft place to land. He will never see you in a romantic light, you will be a mommy-figure. EW. No, you need to find a MAN. What about this Liam chap? He seems to have a good sense about him... Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Do yourself a favor and walk away. You sound like a nice person, you don't deserve this at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 He did something incredibly childish. He hurt you before you hurt him? Run. RUN NOW. He is not ready for a mature relationship, and don't even THINK about trying to be the one to teach him. If you try, you will only be enabling him. You will be coddling him, letting him make grievous mistakes but always having a soft place to land. He will never see you in a romantic light, you will be a mommy-figure. EW. No, you need to find a MAN. What about this Liam chap? He seems to have a good sense about him... now i think about it, i know that you're right. i just have to wait until monday and see what crap comes out of his mouth and then im putting my foot down. im fed up of crying over him & oh dear, i wish Liam is gay! LOL! but he is a lovely friend to have with me to help me through Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Damn, some of the best ones are always gay... lol. Don't wait for Monday, set your sights elsewhere before you even talk to him - not that you have to have someone, just put this one in the "discard" pile. When you talk to him, none of what he tries to weave will make a difference to you, because you already know it won't work. I sympathize, I really do. It's such a disappointment when someone you feel such a connection with turns out to be a spineless idiot who would let the best thing in creation walk out rather than grow a pair and learn to be a man. Such a bummer. Just remember, you DON'T want the job of being the teacher. It is a bad role to play and will only leave you totally unsatisfied (in many, many ways). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 yeahh well he rang me earlier so i answered really bluntly and he just said "he needed to speak to another girl to see if he likes her or not so he needs me to wait a little longer" so as much as it hurt me to say it, i told him that i was fed up of coming second best and if he only wants me because she isn't available, then he cant have me at all. it killed me, it really did, but i guess its for the best. i have to move on :/ & anyway, im moving in with liam lol, so that should get my mind off him for a while Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 O-M-G, If some guy had the balls to call me up, tell me he needs me to "wait" while he sees if he's into another girl, he'd be talking to the dial tone on the other line so fast his head would spin off. I can't even BELIEVE the gall, this guy is such a selfish pinghole. Good Riddance. Ugh. yeahh well he rang me earlier so i answered really bluntly and he just said "he needed to speak to another girl to see if he likes her or not so he needs me to wait a little longer" so as much as it hurt me to say it, i told him that i was fed up of coming second best and if he only wants me because she isn't available, then he cant have me at all. it killed me, it really did, but i guess its for the best. i have to move on :/ & anyway, im moving in with liam lol, so that should get my mind off him for a while Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 OMG2! I am very proud of you, that was such a d*ck move to call you up and try and make you WAIT while he test drives this other girl??? What a JERK. I bet Liam can help find you a guy 20x the man this idiot is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josie-xx Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 mmmmm i dont even wanna look at him at the moment, even if he is the wallpaper on my phone 8-) but im working on that thankyou everyone xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
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