busy_married_student Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 What has been your experience becoming sexually active with a new partner after being raped by the previous one? The standard counselor reply seems to be to wait until you love and trust someone for a long time before having sex again. Am I the only one that wants sex while at the same time is still afraid? I also am not looking for anything long term, I don't want to love anyone right now. I'm young and in training and moving a lot in the next few years. I still want to date casually and have sex though. I told the guy I'm seeing right now what happened, um, actually because he guessed. He is somewhat patient, but doesn't seem to get why I still have problems. Mostly with the initiation of sex. I just get tense and according to him "kill the moment". I seem to have a hard time convincing my thick skull that it is not going to hurt and that I'll actually be good enough at it to make him happy. (my ex prefered masturbating to porn over sex with his wife. he also raped me 6 times. which appears to have left me a bit messed up.) Sometimes I'm so angry. Not at my ex. Just angry. I hate being afraid and I just want to enjoy sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
SilentWolf Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 My situation was quite a bit different so I don't know how helpful it would be. I was a virgin when I was raped, and it took me two years to work up the guts to do it willfully. I had an issue with being completely naked around my partners until I met my husband. Admittedly though that had nothing to do with the rape, I had a problem being naked around my SELF ever since I was a kid (self image issues due to an emotionally abusive mother). Once I found my husband I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of me. From day one I felt completely at ease with him and all but forgot about my past trauma. When you say that the initiation of sex is when you tense up is it you initiating or him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author busy_married_student Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 either. if it is him I get afraid because it feels threatening if it is me I get tense because I think I can't "do it right" and that he won't be satisfied with my "performance" Link to post Share on other sites
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