Roommate and former lover's relationship

[wing81]

I am in a tough situation dealing with my roommate/friend and a friend that I have been intimate. My roommate/friend have known each other for over five years now and have always gotten along. The girl that I was intimate were friends for about six months before things progressed into a physical relationship. At the same time my roommate and the girl developed a friendship because of the three of us hanging out often. The intimatacy lasted for about six months and we have quickly grown apart. There seems to be a double standard between me and my roommate in the girl's eyes. We can make the same joke and I get berated, he gets praised for certain actions where I get don't even get noticed. I have tried to figure out what is wrong so we can go back to being atleast friends but she refuses to confront the situation. I have tried to talk to her about how she is treating me and blows it off. It always seems like she is only telling me what she wants me to hear. In some cases she has mentioned this is how she treats people in a relationship but insists that we are not nor even been in one. A week before my birthday I invited her out to lunch for my birthday, she said she wouldn't be able to go. When my birthday came she was pissed when I refused accept her invitation for lunch with her and my roommate. Ever then she has been completely ignoring me which is frustrating as hell. The worst part now is while she is ignoring me she still constantly talks to my roommate. If I ask her a question she responds to my roommate. It is only when I am gone or unavailable they hang out. I am just very confused about the whole situation. My roommate sees how she treats me and thinks it is unfair. He also knows that she doesn't believe me when I describe how she is treating me, yet he doesn't do anything to let her know that she isn't being fair or respectful toward me. I even gave him a comparable situation and to give him an idea of how he might feel if he was where I am and seemed to understand. Everything seems to be my fault these days and their thoughts and actions have no bearing on my feelings. I find myself wanting to be spiteful and try to make them feel atleast some of the hurt they have made me feel. I know this is a very long and jumpy post but I apprecaite you reading it. If anyone has suggestions on how to approach things further I could really use some advice.

[jerbear]

I think it maybe time to get a new roommate.

 

When a roommate gets a significant other, the couple will do things in private. They may also gang up on the single roommate saying they are jealous, 2 vs 1, etc..

 

IN this case this friendship isn't really one. He'll stand by her all the time. She has to do things on her terms. Let her get upset, she is not your GF and you still live there. Be a guy and do your own thing, come and go as you please, you still pay rent & utils, till something changes. Don't worry about her or your friend. If one of them wants to chat or do something, that is ok but do let them be your social calendar.

[wing81]

To clarify a little bit, my roommate has his own signficant other that isn't the girl that I had been intimate with. She seems like a very scared little girl that can't confront the real problems in life. It just sucks that while my roommate says he isn't picking sides between me and her his actions show something completely different. The relationship he is currently in started very similar to the way me and the girl started but not half as long as my relationship with the girl. If his situation turned out with his significant other completely ignoring him and hanging out with me he would extremely upset. Of course I get the impression that while other people understand how I feel and would react the same way, they are suprised that I am upset.

[rachel m]

While it is great that you still care for her enough to want to work things out as friends, her actions mean she isn't willing to work things out with you.

 

I would suggest you accept there is nothing you can do to improve things here, and let it be. Dissociate yourself from her and recognize that her comments and actions are no longer your concern.