tigermonkey Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I have a girlfriend of about a year and a half, and I love her a lot, but, as most guys do, I notice other girls. I have the feeling one has at the beginning of a relationship, when things are new and exciting - this feeling of newness is beginning to fade from our relationship. I want to know what I should do about it? Should I try to repress the feelings? Or should I find an outlet for them that will not hurt my girlfriend at all (for example, looking at porn)? Or is there another, even more harmless outlet? I want to know if resisting or ignoring the emotions makes them go away, or if attempting to satisfy them will do exactly that. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I am confused. What are you having the "new and exciting" feeling about? Seeing other women, or seeing other women? You shouldn't need an outlet if you have a partner that is right for you. Unless they have medical problems that prevent intimacy maybe, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Only you know what's right for you. It's normal to find other people attractive; the only thing you can control is how you deal with that attraction. Some things to think about: How old are you? How many relationships have you had? Is your current girlfriend "the one"? Are you ready for a serious, committed relationship? You say that the "new and exciting feeling" is fading from your current relationship. Are you bored in your relationship? One of my favorite books is The Art of Seduction. What I got from the book is a successful relationship is both people constantly reseducing each other to keep the relationship interesting vs getting up, going to, work, eating dinner, watching tv then bed. Repeat 5-6 more times a week. I hope that helps you in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Be a man and break up with her before you cheat or get hooked on porn. Really simple. But most men don't like to be in limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I have a girlfriend of about a year and a half, and I love her a lot, but, as most guys do, I notice other girls. I have the feeling one has at the beginning of a relationship, when things are new and exciting - this feeling of newness is beginning to fade from our relationship. I want to know what I should do about it? Should I try to repress the feelings? Or should I find an outlet for them that will not hurt my girlfriend at all (for example, looking at porn)? Or is there another, even more harmless outlet? I want to know if resisting or ignoring the emotions makes them go away, or if attempting to satisfy them will do exactly that. Thanks Stay single/uncommitted and just have FWBs, unless you meet someone you are so attracted to that other women fade into the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Easy to say "just deal with it" You're likely to be attracted to other women for life. Nature of the beast. Anything resisted tends to gain strength. Anything repressed tends to break out. The typical repression pattern goes through depression, general warping of the world, and eventually either numbness or a break out in weird behavior. The "trick" is to not resist the desires, thoughts, feelings, etc. Initially this proves difficult. Have to train yourself. If you've had repression, they'll be a period of alternating floods of stuff interspersed with repressive periods. Don't act on any of this. Just let it flow through. What works is, a feeling comes up and then you choose to act or not. After a while, the "backlog" of repressed stuff burns out and it becomes very manageable. In the sex domain, I repressed urges for porn & for other partners, which resulted in clear problems. Also for ice cream, which seemed to work in the same way. After years of work, I don't seem to repress much. When I do, I consciously unsuppress and may act to release whatever has built up. With porn, I may go ahead and pull some up, see whether it triggers things. If it does, I may look and look and look until that's burned out again. With other partners, I've actually sat with a friend and chatted while letting the full fantasy weirdness crap flow through until it kind of burns out. I've talked with a female friend about how this works and have gone ahead and let this stuff just flow through my mind while she giggled about it. Kind of funny. Worked well. Ice cream is easy compared to girls!!! This process works. Easier with a partner who understands and helps. Now if I choose to snuggle up to someone else, I'm really choosing that. And without that drive, I can control what happens. I don't find myself driven to sex or anything. Much more clear headed. Although my choices might baffle others. What I find reassuring is that the strength of any urges, be they for girls or guys or ice cream or fancy toys or anything are much much less now. And my ability to see, feel, experience the urges is highly enhanced. Instead of meeting a female and repressing some attraction, I let it flood in. Observe. I've learned so much about my triggers and things I like this way. For example, I don't really care about tits, big ones really don't please me. Warm eyes and a little bit of giggle really hook me quickly. I'm also highly attracted to quirky behavior. Little funny things girls do (not so much in guys). Previously, some of this would happen and I'd be hooked and not know why. Now I can watch the little triggers pass by, enjoy them, not get hooked, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleS1983 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I'm going to assume you're very young. It takes 1 to 2 years for the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship to wear off. Someone more mature would then welcome and embrace the next stage which has more to do with deeper love and a higher level of commitment. Clearly, you're looking again for that honeymoon "high." You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last. How you DEAL with it, however, will speak of your true character. If you're so immature that you just want to keep experiencing the honeymoon high every year or so, break up with your girlfriend and go find your next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
rya794 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 i agree with Michelle on this one. you sound like your at the point where you need to decide what you want in life. You sound like you have a great girl already. Are you excited about committing to her? If your questioning whether or not you are, then it shouldn't be that hard to determine what is right to do. Stringing her along is nothing but cruel. If you are at a point where you want to take your relationship to the next level then of coarse ignore the urges we have all had them and anyone who respects and loves their partner would never act on them. good luck and please do the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Stay single and avoid all the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
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