I must have a sign on my forehead...the regulars may be amused

[OpenBook]

Ah, yet another OW bludgeoned with judgments and condemnations and chased away from this OM/OW support forum. ESPECIALLY one who's trying to do the right thing this time around. Hope y'all feel better... and may you receive the same kind of "support" when YOU next find yourself in a pickle.

 

Kismet, I hope you will stay true to yourself, always, and continue to listen to your own instincts on this. When I read your story I immediately thought there might be a connection between this new MM and the old one (they're both from the same town??), as I do not believe in coincidences. I hope you will continue to be very careful. Have you Googled him?

[jj33]

Open Book. You are exceedingly generous - or facetious. Am not sure which. Shes not trying to do the right thing. 2 months after the bloodshed of the last MM she has found herself another one... who lied to her and she doesnt mind. No she hasnt kissed him since, but she is continuing contact. Most people dont like being lied to and then kissed by a married man, especially after having just ended an affair.

 

Another MM from the same town is not like winning the freaking lottery based on your last experience. Its another trip through hell, if you remember the depression you went through. And yes the fact that you are so into his story means that its already not light. You are already seeing if there may possibly be some future in it.

 

KG you arent getting it. Despite the weird coincidence, after everything youve gone through, the fact that your didnt ditch him as soon as you found out he was married means your sense of self preservation hasnt kicked in. That speaks volumes. And the reading isnt good.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe some time alone to heal and discover some things about yourself is in order:(

 

 

 

I repeat. How about some time along to heal and discover who the REAL KG is?

[whichwayisup]

Ah, yet another OW bludgeoned with judgments and condemnations and chased away from this OM/OW support forum. ESPECIALLY one who's trying to do the right thing this time around. Hope y'all feel better... and may you receive the same kind of "support" when YOU next find yourself in a pickle.

 

Noone is bashing her, everyone (including OW/OM who have replied, not just BS's) is just telling her she's making a big mistake by going out on another date with this MM - AND keeping the door open a crack.

[NoIDidn't]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

 

I felt the same way when I read that post. LOL

[NoIDidn't]

Ah, yet another OW bludgeoned with judgments and condemnations and chased away from this OM/OW support forum. ESPECIALLY one who's trying to do the right thing this time around. Hope y'all feel better... and may you receive the same kind of "support" when YOU next find yourself in a pickle.

 

Kismet, I hope you will stay true to yourself, always, and continue to listen to your own instincts on this. When I read your story I immediately thought there might be a connection between this new MM and the old one (they're both from the same town??), as I do not believe in coincidences. I hope you will continue to be very careful. Have you Googled him?

 

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

 

Who judged KG? LOL. The bar is set pretty low if anyone considers my post a judgment.

 

If I judged her on anything (I didn't)), it must be the fact that she practically allowed a stranger to kiss her. I'm sorry, but who gets intimately physical on the first date? Not me. But that's me and I am certainly entitled to say that.

 

Funny. It always the posters that come in judging other posters that start in with the "don't judge" people junk.

[sugarmomma]

ahhhh, especially the ones that have some kernals of corn in them. A nice glass of Reisling and a side salad.. yummo

 

 

I was not going to log on today but I knew I could get a good laugh. You guys are tooooo funny.

 

KG They are ripping you a new one but it really is for your own good. Don't beat yourself up but do look at what you really believe you deserve in a R.

 

Good Luck. Keep your head up!!

[whichwayisup]

Ofcourse she deserves to be in a relationship..But not right now. She has so much on her plate between getting over the MM, the loss and all, her studying, final exams.. To knowingly date (if there is a third date) or keep intouch with this guy is just a waste of time! I hope when she's ready and the timing is better she meets some great (single) guy with less baggage and drama.

 

Noone has been outright rude to Kis, she knew by the title of this thread she was going to get reactions, and she got some. Most have been supportive, yet harsh, but still wanting the best for her.

 

If someone finds various replies offensive, or mean/rude, then they should be contacting the mods/admin and letting them decide if those posts should be removed. To outright say that noone is supporting her and we're bashing her isn't fair.

[norajane]

I admitted I was attracted to him which has NOTHING to do with whether or not he is married. It's just a surface attraction, I only just met the guy, god!

Oh, KG, it's just such a futile attraction! There is no need to figure out whether he's lying about his residency status or if his marriage is a sham or whatnot. Just drop it. He's not available NOW, so let it go.

 

On the bright side, at least you now know for sure that yes, you absolutely can feel attraction for men who are not MM1. I recall you were doubting that would ever happen since you didn't feel anything for the guys you've gone on dates with recently. So you KNOW you can, it's possible, and MM1 is not the only man in the world. That IS a positive step, certainly, and should make you feel better about ending things with him.

 

However, if the only men you are attracted to are the unavailable married ones, consider why. Is it that they aren't available, so they try harder to be charming and get your attention? Or because they are unavailable, they care less so they don't try as hard and you're attracted to that (mistaking their attitude for confidence and poise)?

 

Or is it really the British accent and manners? Go hang 'round the British embassy. Surely there's a coffee shop or pub nearby where you can meet some SINGLE Brits. Single, single, single - assume they are married unless they tell you they aren't. Or ask the question: Does your wife enjoy living in NYC/eating at this restaurant/shopping here, too?

[whichwayisup]

Asking someone if they are married on a first or second date IS OKAY to do. It's not cool to be passive and feel that question isnt' appropriate to ask.

[NoIDidn't]

KismetGirl is absolutely brilliant. Reading some of her other posts on LS to others outside of her situation, she has her head on straight. When she speaks clinically, her specialty as she is in medical school, absolutely brilliant! If you didn't read her long posts here, you would swear she keeps her nose in a book all day, everyday.

 

KG has a great heart for others, but she is so careless with her own heart. This guy didn't deserve a second date. He doesn't deserve further consideration. Period. Stop. The previous MM didn't deserve four years of her life. A relationship ended because of an email and a cookout. KG has always deserved more than that.

[whichwayisup]

I agree. Kis gives great advice to others all over the place here on LS. She's got a huge heart, has confidence (even though at times she feels she hasn't), she is smart and beautiful too. Has alot going on in her life that is going to push her far in life career wise.

 

I guess that saying is true? It's easier to give advice than take it. It's easier to help others through their rough times, see things objectively rather than take a look at yourself and try to take a step back to see the whole picture.

 

We all do care, if we didn't noone would have posted on her thread to begin with!

[sugarmomma]

I went on a first date because i assumed he was single.

 

How was I supposed to know he was married when i went on the first date?

 

 

Okay.

 

 

The next time a MAN approaches you and expresses interest, you say "Are you married?"

 

If he says "Yes" ABORT THE MISSION.

 

If he says "Yes, but let me explain" ABORT THE MISSION AND HAUL ASS OUT OF THERE!

 

If he says "no" PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

 

 

 

 

I am a genius. No need for applause!!!:bunny::bunny:

[NoIDidn't]

I am a genius. No need for applause!!!:bunny::bunny:

 

::applause::applause::applause::

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

[boldjack]

KG, just remember, the next time a man comes up to you and says,"Hi, I think you're cute, I 'd like to take you home with me to Liverpool and meet the little woman", you probably should join a monastery.:D

[sadintexas]

I think the appropriate thing is to let him sort this mess out and seek you out when he is truly free. Anything less than that is opening the door to a possible re-run situation from your last MM. If that's what you want, then so be it, but from what I've read of your posts, you tortured yourself over that relationship. Why go down that road again?

[jj33]

Asking someone if they are married on a first or second date IS OKAY to do. It's not cool to be passive and feel that question isnt' appropriate to ask.

 

OK to do? I would say its absolutely necessary.

 

Not asking the question means you are accepting a date with a total stranger. Not a good way to run your life. Youre been through to much to assume that married men wouldnt ask you for a date.

 

If you dont know that vital piece of information how do you even know enough to decide to spend more time with them? other than the fact that they may be handsome and superficially charming.

[OldEurope]

 

Yes, he's emailing me, and yes I admit Im quite attracted to him, and YES, I liked the way he kissed me, and YES I would like to see him again, but does it mean that I will? NO! I told him, and everyone here in like my last five posts already, that I have made it clear to him at this point that he needs to get 1- job 2- own aparment 3- divorced for me to take dating him seriously. He emailed me today to tell me he went to social security and they fixed up his stuff finally and he'll be able to legally work within ten days max. I said ok. i didnt say, great, come on over! I said, ok, that's good, youre on your way I guess. Thats it! If he calls me in four months to say he has accomplished 1, 2, 3 above, then yeah, maybe I will go out with him!

 

Jees.

 

 

Pre-med school or not...A "brilliant" woman is not necessarily a smart one.

 

Some people do not get what they just do not get, and it is sad...

 

She'll be seeing him again, be sure of that...

 

...Her self-esteem has bottomed out. There is little way to talk reason into a low self esteem, it can only repair itself, the hard way.

 

She is not looking for advice. She is looking to validate pure, wounded narcisissm.

 

OE

[Montclair0011]

This does sound like a little too much horse running back in the burning barn for comfort. Did you get a shrink yet or if you have one, what was their reaction?

 

From your posts I get the impression that you are young and attractive, yet seem to have a marker for misery. Get some help NOW while you have the best chance to find someone who is truly available and worthwhile. You need to find out what it is about these guys that makes you want to stay with them when everyone else can plainly see you should be running like hell.

[Lucky_One]

I am just stunned by the speed of our social security administration. I mean, this guy has been struggling for weeks to get a simple SS#, and Kismet gives him an ultimatum and lo and behold he is able to get his paperwork completed the very next day!

 

Kudos to our government agencies, who can typically screw up a 3 car funeral with a month's notice, but are able to resolve an ongoing immigration issue in less than 24 hours!

[GreenX]

I am just stunned by the speed of our social security administration. I mean, this guy has been struggling for weeks to get a simple SS#, and Kismet gives him an ultimatum and lo and behold he is able to get his paperwork completed the very next day!

 

Kudos to our government agencies, who can typically screw up a 3 car funeral with a month's notice, but are able to resolve an ongoing immigration issue in less than 24 hours!

 

I thought I was the only one thinking that when she stated that. It is a 'bit' odd!

[2sure]

I don't know. Something is fishy here. Sure, I have posted about how some people continue to find themselves is less than desirable relationships with the same kind of men, until they learn what they need to about themselves.

 

But the guys KG seems to attract/be attracted to sound like complete and obvious liars and losers. Being married is just one of their drawbacks. Yet they entice her and fascinate her, whereas most woman wouldn't bother with a full conversation.

 

This is becoming either too far fetched or too desperate. Something is not right.

[White Flower]

I don't know. Something is fishy here. Sure, I have posted about how some people continue to find themselves is less than desirable relationships with the same kind of men, until they learn what they need to about themselves.

 

But the guys KG seems to attract/be attracted to sound like complete and obvious liars and losers. Being married is just one of their drawbacks. Yet they entice her and fascinate her, whereas most woman wouldn't bother with a full conversation.

 

This is becoming either too far fetched or too desperate. Something is not right.

Maybe she is looking for something specific from them, besides the obvious Englishman. God, wasn't it too painful the first time around? Every time a MM approaches me I go running screaming.

 

I should go and update my MM thread. He tried again.

[Reggie]

Brilliance? Well, we can always use more tree surgeons.:bunny:

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

Hey Kismet how are you?

 

I have caught up with all your threads, I just cannot believe what a coincidence this is!!! And hes even from Newcastle as well haha!

 

This time round you have obviously learnt your lesson though - all the emotional pain you went through due to the xMM, Im sure you wouldnt dream of seriously getting involved with another MM.

 

Thankfully it does sound as if you have nipped it in the bud this time round though. I really do hope that you will not persue this guy for your sake, you just do not need this right now even though you are probably trying desperately to distract yourself from agony of the xMM situation.

 

I know its easier said than done but try to focus on your studies and going out with friends. Avoid guys for now as you're not ready just yet, I personally think its way too soon after xMM.