10 years of friendship -- trying to move forward

[lyfelite]

Alright, I have a guy friend we've been best buds for a little over 10 years. through thick and thin. Well last summer we spent some time together and i realized or let me say gave into the feelings i'd been having for him.

At any rate, he tells me he's met or likes some girl who doesn't feel the same about him. But this is not unusual for him... story of his life actually he meets some girl who he thinks he's all in love with from a far etc. Anyways so after his divorce I've been a little protective- I guess-- because that hurt him so much. Well so... this new chick she basically tells him that she would like him but she doesn't date guys who have already been married and divorced. So that was around december, I got super pissed off and told him i wouldn't discuss this with him anymore. He was like why.. and I said because I can't be impartial to anything I had to say in regards to this girl. I couldn't be impartial because in about 3 minutes into that phone call i really trully totally realized that i was in love with him... and then secondly because i wanted to kick this girls ass for saying what she'd said to him. Mind you I am para-phrasing this conversation-- her gist was basically like any guy who has been married and divorced is damaged goods. Which is crap.

So a few weeks go by and I finally get up the courage to tell him how im feeling. Well courage came in the form of a letter. He got it-- sent me a e-mail saying that he wanted to discuss it but he was super busy with work-- etc. which he was. So no problem. Months have gone by we talk everyday, via phone, email or text... nothing new there since we didn't at the time live in the same location.

So i decided to move closer to where he lives.. not because of him thankfully- but because of work. So here I am now in a nearby town, he lives in the city and I live about an hour away. so we see each other often. the first weekend I'm here he gives me a set of his keys and says they are for if i need to stay in the city -- and that i should leave some things at his place etc.

so I said okay. Mind you we still HAVE NOT had any serious conversation as to where we stand.. still friends obviously or willing to take the leap to something more.

So i spend the night - nothing unusual there either. He was leaving the next day to go see his family for the weekend. He told me to stay as long as I liked. But alas I think I'm about boundaries so i got up and left. Its been 2 weeks, and i still do not want to leave my stuff there. He's asked me about it once, as to why i hadn't brought anything over. And I said oh just haven't had the time.

 

Anyways -- so we hang out on the weekend and do coffee down the street from his office the last week. Since I'm technically still getting situated.

So last night i go over to some of out mutual friends house for dinner.. and we're thumbing through some photo albums and i see pictures of him and the ex-wife.. and i start to feel a horrible feeling of guilt and mind you i have absolutley no reason to feel guilty about -- but it in my mind i'm thinking just what a shame it was that they couldn't get it together in order to stay together... but I honestly don't think I really wanted them to stay together-- if that at all makes any sense.

Because I'm like how can i think i have feelings for him but still almost mourn the loss of their relationship too. I think that is super weird and I'm now super confused about it all.

 

so what do you all think... i mean i clearly love him. I think i'm in love with him too... but why this feeling like i'm doing something wrong all of a sudden, when clearly I'm not. And yes i use to be friends with the EX.. but last summer when he and i took a trip together she stopped speaking to me. so clearly we aren't friends anymore.

 

I just don't know what to do - move forward and find out where things are going... or just hang back ...

I mean he's totally hanging back for whatever reason- be it that other chick or he's just not ready to move forward yet. Or he's just weird.

But then I know I'm not the type of girl to wait around too long either before its time to move on. And its been nearly 6 months since i told him how I felt about him and he's SAID nothing! and emphasize said because... actions say otherwise... but then of course I'm a chick so i can be placed in the category of mis-interpreting actions. Cuz girl speak is different then guy speak.

 

????