"When good people have affairs"

[NoIDidn't]

Reggie, I'd suggest that the same lack of consideration was shown by the MM/MW as well. Perhaps even moreso, since they were (most often) the only ones who "knew" the BS, and/or owed them that consideration or caring.

 

I think it's likely a combination of several possibilities.

 

1. They truly compartmentalize things within their own minds, and convince themselves no one will ever find out, and won't be hurt.

 

2. They deliberately and intentionally refuse to allow themselves to even CONSIDER the possible impacts on the "other side" of the fence.

 

3. They know the possible emotional devestation that could result, but simply decide "it's inot my fault, it's the MM/MW's fault...they're the only one who owed anyone anything". They simply don't care about the damage, period.

 

4. They know, and they agonize over the possible outcomes...but simply put, the "fun" for them outweighs the "bad" that they feel for the BS.

 

5. They know, they agonize...and it eventually leads to the end of the affair.

 

I think we've seen every range of this on this forum.

 

Many/Some only care about the outcome if its a good one for them. A bad one for them and they need "support" that doesn't mention anything about their own choices in the matter.

 

I think that many OP only really care about any hurt they might feel. If they "get" the MP, like SC wants, they don't care that the BS will hurt. If they don't "get" the MP, they often seek to hurt the BS in order to the MP that didn't choose them.

 

I find it interesting that SC calls her affair in limbo because he won't stop seeing her and she won't stop seeing him. But what she really fails to say is that he won't stop being MARRIED. He won't choose her outright. He will keep seeing her but he won't stop seeing his W as well. That's really her problem.

 

She gets it. But she doesn't admit it other than having him read a book. A book that she hopes will help him see that she is a superior choice to his marriage (not necessarily his W).

 

This is compartmentalizing at its finest. She has compartmentalized his marriage to the point of non-existent. "He won't stop seeing me", not he won't divorce. She wants him to divorce but can't bring herself to mention his marriage or his W explicitly. Its interesting to watch this kind of denial in action.

[fooled once]

So it isn't just BS who get accused of flaming:rolleyes:. Seems like that word gets used when you don't like the type of support offered to you. All support isn't cotton candy and rainbows. Sometimes the truth isn't pretty, popular, or preferred. I don't always agree with GEL, nor she me, but she is right on the money about who is being lied to and who is doing the lying. __________________

 

I agree -- if someone isn't wanting to hear what another poster is saying, they seem to call it "flaming'.

 

Some people write all sweet.

 

Others, like me, are more blunt. We don't dress our words up. We just saw what we feel.

 

<shrug>

 

Take what you need and leave the rest.

 

I personally prefer to hear ALL views and opinions and I realize that some people are more flowery writers vs others.

 

I also think some people see the train wreck ahead.

 

I also think some people are astonished at the way some people (usually women) bury their heads in the sand and don't see what is directly in front of them. They prefer to believe in "maybe's" or "just in case".

 

Yet, they will be the same ones whose hearts are broken and then wonder why they didn't see it coming.

 

I don't think SC is anywhere close to dealing with the fact that the MM she is seeing isn't going to "pick her". She still wants to win and is willing to hang onto each scrap she is given, "just in case".

[NoIDidn't]

I also think some people see the train wreck ahead.

 

It doesn't take much in this situation, its something about giving a man a book that doesn't bode well.

 

Unless you are dating a college professor (or some other teacher/educator), and even if you are, most men don't take kindly to books that are supposed to "educate" them on their choices when they didn't ask for them.

 

My dad loves to read, but if one of his OW would have given him a book meant to tell him that choosing divorce doesn't make him a bad person, he'd probably laugh in her face. He already knew that. He just wasn't interested in making THAT choice. LOL.

 

But, SC's MM is leading her through the garden path of making her think he's actually reading it - according to her. I'm sure he'll do whatever he has to to keep things cool with them until he's actually ready to make any kind of choice.

[fooled once]

One thing I am confused about -- if SC is in Sweden and he is in the US; how often do they talk and how does she know he is even reading it???