friends and "crossing the line"...what now?

[LoveLace]

My good friend C invited me to hang with him again for about the 4th or 5th time last week, but I didn't want to believe it was for romantic reasons, as I said here....so I invited my girl friend along. The 3 of us have hung out and had fun together before.

 

However she's known for thinking she's god's gift to men..I just didn't think she would go this far...

 

It started as a 3 way conversation with me across the table, and with K right next to him...there was a band playing we all like...I noticed that those 2 started talking more, and they don't know each other all that well so whatever...I just had a good time...at 1 point she said "hey, he's cute"...as if she's never met him before...and she's always known about my somewhat confusing friendship with him...

 

Anyway, I don't remember this but at 1 point C apparently told me he was getting a weird vibe from her...it went over my head...I just said, "Oh, yea I can see that!"...and went about my business...C told me that later.

 

When he went to say bye to her, she slipped him the tongue and pretty much tried to make out with him right in front of me. He left and I felt pretty p*ssed then, I just wasn't sure why...

 

C immediately called me after he left, shocked at what she did...he felt that she totally disrespected me as her friend...I expressed I wasn't too happy with her...upon ending that conversation, he invtied me yet again to hang out the next night, and "crash at his place"....that was new and random coming from him...one thing to plan hanging out yet AGAIN, much less suggesting I crash at his house that I've never even been to...though I assume this is due to drinking and driving that he says this...

 

I woke up livid the next day, that she had done this to me. I explained to C that I've always had a complex with her steeling all possible attention and leaving me in the dark, so to involve such a good friend of mine like that hacked me off. He said that he agreed and knew exactly where I was coming from, and he was more than anything, concerned about how it made ME feel. When I called K, she claimed not to remember anything, and she got very offensive, said that he and I both misinterpreted her actions...and of course, he and I both laughed at that response...the next day he gave me more details that she was rubbing his leg, etc, coming onto him the entire time.

 

She said he must like me, because why would he be so concerned about it that he had to call me afterwards? Then she started saying he used her as a reason to call me, blah blah blah, and he made her look bad, so now she's p*ssed at C.

 

He and I talked last about it Friday, and he's also still dealing with crap from his Ex, so then I felt bad just adding more stress to his life...I left town the same day for the whole weekend. It was good to get away and think. I knew that C had 1 last talk planned to have with his Ex, so I texted him Saturday and said I hope it goes well, and that it was nice to be away...he hasn't texted back.

 

Now I'm back home, and something feels different...between the way he reacted, and the way I reacted....are platonic friends territorial that way? Did I react because it was HER, or because it was HIM? Why so concerned about MY feelings, if we are just friends? We were hanging out there a lot, things were great just as they were, and now it feels like he and I need space and that's weird...

 

And what about K? She swears she would never hurt me like that and doesn't remember. Her and I have been friends less longer than he and I have, but we are very close. We can easily laugh this off as we have many other things...but would that be saying her behavior is ok? I don't feel I can trust to introduce her to any important guy in my life, friend or lover....

[broken umbrella]

so I invited my girl friend along. The 3 of us have hung out and had fun together before.

 

However she's known for thinking she's god's gift to men..I just didn't think she would go this far...

 

It started as a 3 way conversation with me across the table, and with K right next to him...there was a band playing we all like...I noticed that those 2 started talking more, and they don't know each other all that well so whatever...I just had a good time...at 1 point she said "hey, he's cute"...as if she's never met him before...and she's always known about my somewhat confusing friendship with him...

 

 

I have lurked on LS for a few years and have followed your threads so I know about your relationship with this guy. You are either interested in this guy or you are not. Stop being ambivalent. You invited a girl along that you knew to be a flirt or "gods gift to men". Why? You have been interested in him for a long time, regardless of your attempts to act like you are just friends it is obvious that is not true on your part. Figure out what is going on. He has known that you are interested, so if he is acting like he is interested and isn't then he is a jerk. ASK him what's up. Then your confusion will end. If he plays the we're just friends card again, then stop being friends with him, he is playing you as a backup or a ego booster and you don't need that.

 

BTW- if your girlfriend knows that you are interested in him, then she is not your friend. Friends don't do that.

[LoveLace]

BTW- if your girlfriend knows that you are interested in him, then she is not your friend. Friends don't do that.

 

I agree...but I've also always tried to follow that pact, that chicks don't let the boys get between 'em...and this was a matter of a guy I'm not even dating...I invited her because the 3 of us have hung out before and she's never acted this way before, with HIM anyway, only with strange guys we meet that don't matter to me...I didn't like it that she was treating him like just another one of those dudes...he's too good a guy to play around with that way. So who's friendship should come 1st for me? Don't want to lose either.

 

I don't think he means to give me mixed signals, if any at all. But your advice is good.

[broken umbrella]

I invited her because the 3 of us have hung out before and she's never acted this way before, with HIM anyway, only with strange guys we meet that don't matter to me...I didn't like it that she was treating him like just another one of those dudes...he's too good a guy to play around with that way. So who's friendship should come 1st for me? Don't want to lose either.

 

I don't think he means to give me mixed signals, if any at all. But your advice is good.

 

You cannot have it both ways. You are either interested in this guy, or you are not. You must make that decision, and stick to it. Even if it is not to him, but at least to your friends, then situation would never come up. If you keep insisting that you are happy just being his friend, then why should she hesitate? You after all are not interested in him as more than a friend right?!? If he is as great as you say, rockstar fabulous, why should she not try and make a move?

 

He is giving you mixed signals. He is aware of the fact that you have an interest in him. Just because you have not said it recently does not mean it went away, because let's be honest, those feeling generally do not go away. He knows this.

[LoveLace]

Yea your right, he's well wanted by many women...even when I knew K was comin onto him, I figured he would form his own opinion about that...I wasn't there to compete, just to have fun. I just didn't expect his reaction to it, nor did I expect my own...and yes I don't blame any girl for liking him....me and her sorted it out and communicated the next day, I still think she shouldn't have done it, and I still think it's b.s. that she doesn't remember...but it's nothing I want to hold a grudge against her for...there are certain things that come with the territory of being her friend, that's all. She always argues until you say she's right, even if you know she's dead wrong. It's annoying as crap, but this was just another example of her being that way. So I just said okay, fine...and we've gone about our usual ways.

 

He is giving you mixed signals. He is aware of the fact that you have an interest in him. Just because you have not said it recently does not mean it went away, because let's be honest, those feeling generally do not go away. He knows this.

 

Yea, one minute I'm hearing about his ex, the next minute he's suggesting I crash at his place...that's nothin we've ever done...is he not aware that he can come off as confusing sometimes? Is this something I should point out to him? Maybe that would help me to know what it is I'm really feeling? My opinion is that jealousy doesn't occur between 2 friends that are truly platonic..but in reality I'm sure it happens all the time...and it doesn't necessarily mean 2 people should be together. Jealousy is just temporary feelings...natural among those who bond. I would like to get his opinion on that, honestly...so I guess I will next time...

[LoveLace]

Oh wow...oh boy...

 

I just took a mintue to check email at a singles sight that I use. C sent me one of those icebreaker of interest messages...from Friday...the day I left town for the weekend....I texted him saturday and he hasn't texted back...

 

I have pics on there but I'm not sure if they are visible or what...I'd better check that...this was probably a mistake...

[LoveLace]

Recently some guy asked "where are my pics?"...but they are there, I just created a bogus account to search myself and see...photos are there...don't have to be paid member to see them...

 

I was going down my list of messages there and C's picture jumped right out at me....then it's one of those messages where they send an icebreaker flirt or whatever....if they view your profile, it's automatic message of interest, but you have to send a flirt on your own...

 

I don't know what to make of this...

[shadowplay]

Recently some guy asked "where are my pics?"...but they are there, I just created a bogus account to search myself and see...photos are there...don't have to be paid member to see them...

 

I was going down my list of messages there and C's picture jumped right out at me....then it's one of those messages where they send an icebreaker flirt or whatever....if they view your profile, it's automatic message of interest, but you have to send a flirt on your own...

 

I don't know what to make of this...

 

Maybe he was just "winking" at you because he thought it was cute that you were on the same singles site?

 

LL, it seems like you're stuck in this eternal rut of your own creation. This guy isn't interested. I will say it again: HE'S NOT INTERESTED.

 

If he were, he would have made a move ages ago. He's had ample opportunity to, and he knows you're interested. In fact he explicitly told you awhile back that he didn't like you in that way. Guys don't change their minds like women occasionally do. You're not going to "grow" on him, believe me. He friend-zoned you long ago, and that's where you're staying as long as you continue to hang out with him.

 

I know you'll get all defensive on me and claim you don't care and you're not obsessing, but your threads speak for themselves. You doth protest too much. Just admit to yourself that you're interested in this guy. Your defensiveness sadly prevents you from ever learning from your own mistakes.

 

What I'm telling you is plain to everyone who has followed your threads, yet you refuse to listen.

[Mycroft]

I also think you're interested, this is why ppl say you cant have friends of the opposite sex. The problem isn't that hes a guy, its that you want him to be more than a friend which will make friendship very difficult. It will bring all kinds of unpleasant emotions like these into your life. Its just not worth it.

 

This is how you end up like that one poster who posts the same exact thread 30 times in the past couple months. lol im just teasing! But being friends with someone you want more from can drive you crazy, I've been there.

[LoveLace]

Thinks it's cute that I'm on the same dating site? If I ran across him there, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't use that way to say "wink" or say hi...especially to someone who I've possibly lead on or confused in some way...however, I'm convincing myself there must be some mistake here...

But yea...I've seen lots of guys I know on dating sites and I sure as heck don't acknowledge they are there unless I'm truly interested in them...but hey, maybe it's like a joke he's playin on me or something, I don't know.