My fiance bought me a moissanite and I hate it, please help!

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by Fayebelle

 

 

Thanks, I'll have to share that w/my BF- personally I don't give a rat's a$$ - all my other jewelry is silver- but he does and it's his deal - so I'll make sure he knows all the options before he blows his paycheck on some crazy bling bling

 

 

Oh, I take gold donations, BTW. I mean, if YOU can't wear it...

[Fayebelle]

My Mom has all my old BF rings now! She's prob a little disappointed that I found a guy that knows better than to scald my skin w/jewelry!

[Newly Engaged]

Originally posted by dyermaker

It is, you're correct. But throwing the 9.5 vs. 10 number out there is marginally deceptive, as people will immediately think the difference between 8.5 and 9 is the same as the difference between 9.5 and 10--which isn't the case.

 

True - but even without understanding that difference, you can see that the nearest natural gemstone to Diamond is Corundum (Sapphires and Rubies) at a 9. Since Moissanite is harder than that, it's pretty hard, which was all I was getting at.

 

Sadly, it *is* becoming all that important to the consumer. Women who are victims of DeBeers are, in increasing numbers, going to jewelry stores and having their diamonds 'tested'. There's a jewelry store near my school that has a sign on the window : "Think your diamond is fake? Get what you deserve!"

 

<shakes head> Let's hope they do.

 

This I disagree with. I don't think by buying a Moissanite you're exactly 'sticking it to them'. Economically you're not supporting them, provided you're not buying a DeBeers moissonaite, but you're still conforming to their ad campaign. You're buying, basically, something that was made to look like a diamond. People will still think you have a diamond, and people will still want a diamond themselves.

 

I think the ultimate 'sticking it to them' will be people buying stones they find beautiful, at a reasonable price, until diamonds fall in price as well.

 

I think the difference is there are those who are looking for a "fake diamond", and those who are looking for a beautiful stone. We're also considering White Sapphires or Topaz, as well as different colours. If, in the end, we do like the Moissanite, we certainly won't be telling anyone it's a diamond. In fact, both of us will be going out of our way to inform our friends to the contrary.

 

I certainly feel sorry for people who have bought fake diamonds. Why ? because they're still buying into the myth of the diamond's perceived worth. So not only have they paid the inflated diamond price - they didn't even get a diamond, which (no matter how deluded it may be) is what they wanted. They were robbed twice !

 

We're not going to pay diamond prices, and we won't be supporting the DeBeers regime. Our money makes not one iota difference to them, but its getting onto websites like this one and spreading the word about diamonds and DeBeers which might... and every person who says "Wow, that's a big diamond" will get a mini-lecture from me and my fiance - and hopefully that might help too.

[katie79]

It doesn't make a difference either way to me. You buy what you can afford and what appeals to you. Personally, in diamond, moissanite, or cubic zirconia, I like the fact that the stone is clear and reflect a variety of colors in different lighting. Yellow, violet, orange, red, etc. I just like the look. The appearance and the fire. That's all. DeBeers doesn't brainwash me a bit.

[dnm1010]

i think that since here in the US it is materialistic... the ring actually represents more to ppl... ppl are raised expecting and wanting more materiastic things... and in responce are raised from a young age connecting the engagement ring with some sort of value when it really has nothign to do with it. i can see why you feel offended because thats the way society is. because the ring to you represents something very deep and having it have something fake seems like it taints your engagement. what you need to realize is this....

your boyfriend or should i say fiance... loves you very much. he loves you sooo much that he was willing to get engaged to you even though he couldnt afford a huge rock. a lot of guys i know have really big egos... my boyfriend and i have been speaking of marriage but he wants to get me a stupid ring.... and sometimes i wish he didnt.. sometimes i wish he would propose with a doughnut or gummy saver or something cos i cant think of anything other than spending the rest of my life with him. your boyfriend got you the ring of your dreams, with one "flaw".... but its not a permanent flaw. and think abotu the stories u can tell your ch ildren about how daddy couldnt afford a huge rock so you settled for a fake one because u loved each other soo much you didnt want to wait to get engaged.

i know when poeple see your ring they will ask questions, especially if it is as bautiful as u say it is. and i know i would hate to say, yeah its great but the diamond is fake.

youre not marrying them, youre marrying him.

i think you need to talk to him and tell him what an engagement ring represneted to you... what he represendts to you. u need to tell him how u feel and not hold it inside. im sorry he felt hurt... but maybe u should really think about why he felt hurt and why u felt offended.

 

best of luck

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Newly Engaged

<shakes head> Let's hope they do.

Ha! Didn't expect that.

[disgusted]

I suppose it would have been better... If he bought you a low graded, .25 carat diamond with plenty of inclusions and carbon spots--just like you wanted. The moissanite he bought probably cost more than any diamond you would have been able to afford. You say that you aren't being materialistic, but you whine about his "b****" sister not wanting anyone to have anything better than her. You sound like a whiny little kid to me. I am so disgusted by that you would even write this. How shallow...he deserves a lot better than this.

[katie79]

When you think about it...

 

Yes, engagement is a very special and big step for both of you and a "ring" in particular is a lovely symbol of a token of his love, commitment, and promise of marriage to a woman. It's a nice gesture and gentleman-like as well.

 

Personally, I think a ring should be worn. I also believe a man should wear an engagement ring, given as a token after the question is popped by her soon-to-be husband. Perhaps a band with a diamond chip in it worn on the right hand, and transferred to the left hand when he says "I do". But I doubt that will happen and become society's expectancies towards engagement during my engagement period. I think rings an ideal symbol of love and commitment. Not to sound tacky or anything, but when I was younger, and went out to bars/clubs/cafe's with friends, there were a few times I THOUGHT I met some great men ideal for a soulmate...later to see there was a wedding band on the left hand. Had I not seen that, I never would have guessed these men were married men. Once I pointed out the "wedding band" they flew out of there like bats out of hell! Not to mention the embarassment and shame the endured at the momment.

 

This woman is not materialistic, but should keep her options open to finding a setting and a stone she adores. Cheaper options are out there. Maybe a nicer setting would make the stone look nicer and appeal more to her. Even beautiful flawless diamonds can look unattractive to the potential owner if the setting doesnt appeal to them much.

 

Personally, although I feel this way about rings and commitment, I think a man spending $5,000 on a f****ing ring is pointless. If he can well afford to buy you a $5,000, $10,000, or $25,000 ring and he wants to, there's no problem there. But for an average guy, I generally feel a ring should be under $1000 and be on average $300-$650. A bit of money saved, well spent for the special occassion of engagement to his gf. I know too many men who make a decent salary, but wind up charging a 3500 or a $6000 ring. They're paying that off for quite some time---prob after they are married when maybe if they stayed within a normal range, like buying a $400 ring, that money could have helped them out with a house or partially a wedding!

[tropical beauty]

get over it

[LadyRose]

About diamonds and moissanites, i actually asked my fiance for a moissanite in my engagement ring, because they are so much better than diamonds. A diamond can be found anywhere on Earth, and a moissanite is lab-created, yes, but the fragments were found in a meteorite. And you can only find them in iron-nickle meteorites at that.

so it feels like i have a little piece of the heavens on my finger, and essentially, i do!

[Delaine]

I personally feel that Moissanite should be the norm. I know that a lot of women dream of getting that diamond, but do you know the facts behind the diamond that you want to wear. You should think of the fact that the diamond industry is almost completely controlled by the DaBeers company, and since they have all that contril they drive the prices of diamonds up much farther than they should be. That is the mild problem, the major problem is the fact that diamonds are mined by child slaves in Africa, in deplorable conditions, not to mention the fact that the diamond mining proccess is incredibly bad for the environment. After the diamonds are mined by child slaves in Africa, they are sent to India to be cut and polished by unbonded child workers. You can say, "Oh no, my diamond is from switzerland, or Canada, or Russia, or wherever" but those diamonds are purchased by companies (or smuggled) and sent to India to by cut by the children. Do you really want to be carrying all that around on your finger? I think that you should feel happy that your Moissanite gem is cruelty free, with no adverse affects on children, or the environment.

[hooghie]

I am completely amazed of the effective marketing of the diamond industry. They have made women like you feel that they need a diamond, and it has to cost 2 months salary, and it needs to be this way and that way. They are brilliant. BTW- the only reason diamonds are rare is because the diamond industry COMPLETELY controls the supply. Any time a 'copy' has been made the diamond industry (1 particular company actually) comes in and forces/threatens them out of business.

 

Read up on conflict diamonds. Hope you won't still want a large 'real' diamond.

[Cecelius]

My fiance just recently proposed at his sisters wedding reception (our 1 year anniversary). We went shopping for rings 6 months prior to this, and he got me the exact setting that I wanted... except for some errors. 1. I told him not to propose at his sisters wedding, but he did. 2. I told him not to take out any loans for it, which he borrowed money for. 3. It's a fake diamond. The ring has side stones, which are real diamonds, and they are more prettier than the center moissanite. I thought it was a fake because I knew we didn't have the money for him to buy it, and the color is not great. The day after he proposed he told me it was a fake, and I was truly hurt. He told me later on after we get married that we could upgrade the stone to a real diamond. I'm really hurt by his selection and told him I was a little offended. He was really upset because he thinks the ring is spectacular. No further discussions have been brought up by either of us... he broke down crying when I told him I was disappointed. I feel that your engagement ring should be something that the girl likes, and the guy shouldn't go the cheap way because it should be worn for the rest of your life. Any advice on how I can change my ring? I know I'm not marrying the ring, and I do love him very much, I however think I deserve something I like.

 

I dunno if I have anything to add. THis post pretty much says it all. God save young men from shallow women.

[SMHappyface]

My finace gave me a moissanite ring too WITHOUT any diamonds. We both don't have a lot of money and going into debt for a stupid ring is just plain stupid. Any guy with money can buy a ring, but the import part is what's behind it. When I look into my beautiful ring, I see the love of a guy who did all he could for me and promises a lifetime of that. You should be lucky to wear that ring, making him break down and cry - and hardly even wearing it. He should take it back and give it to somebody that deserves it. If you want a huge diamond, you would better be suited for some underground guru guy with gobs of cash and no heart cuz that's obviously what is important to you.

[tobehonest]

Honestly, I think the stone things really depends on context. Obviously a girl who expects her struggling student-boyfriend to spend two months salary (and loose 20 pounds through lack of food) to buy her a diamond ring needs to have a long, hard look at herself (and the boy needs to reconsider). On the other hand, however, if she's dating a dude who is earning a couple of thousand a week, and all he gets her is a cubic zirconia, then I think she would have cause to be more than a tad offended.

 

Women don't always want pretty things because they are self-absorbed, materialistic and shallow. A woman who is planning on having kids and not working while raising them may have to rely upon her husband's generosity for a good long while. Such a woman would be wise to find a partner willing to spend money on her occasionally. Just not so much that they end up in debtor's court!

[Equality]

Hi,

 

I do think the man and the relationship is more important than the ring, and it's important not to lose sight of that.

 

My fiance bought me a really beautiful half-carat solitaire, with no input at all from me.

 

The problem? I'm quite a feminist and very independent, and I really, really, really, desperately wanted to choose my own ring. I think to present someone with something that they have to wear every single day of their lives, and they don't get a choice - to me, that felt very domineering. Obviously, he didn't mean it that way so I cannot tell him that's how it made me feel. But I don't find having a ring chosen FOR me to be romantic, it felt like an ownership thing. For it to have been equal, we should have chosen it together. I would never, ever choose somethng for someone that they had to wear always. Every person in the world is totally unique, and every person's taste is unique, so I believe that even if you knew someone for years and years, when it came to an item they will wear every day for 50 years, you cannot predict what they would have chosen. So they should get to choose it themselves.

 

Wearing the ring my fiance chose for me with NO input from me whatsoever feels like I am a bit of an object - although I know he does not mean it that way. Anyway, the diamond is set very high up and it always catches on things - I have whacked it before by mistake and one of the spokes bent (it's a classic solitaire engagement ring).

 

The solution: I decided that the ring I will wear every day is my wedding ring - then that's an equal thing, because we bought them for each other and chose them together, even stevens. Like going Dutch! (And his actually cost twice as much as mine because it's much bigger!!) I think just a plain, simple classic wedding band looks really, really chic. I save my engagement ring for special oocasions, going out for dinner, evenings etc. That way it doesn't get knocked abut and scratched in everyday life, I don't feel domineered and I apprecaite its beauty more when I do wear it. And I have plenty of other unusual rings to wear on my right hand that I bought for myself, while my left had says quietly, with its calssic wedding ring 'I'm taken'. Sorted! Compromise is the key. He chose my engagemnet ring with the best of intentions - no way I can tell him how dominated it made me feel.