innocent Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I have issues with an old friend of mine, she was my best friend freshman year of high school. We had so much fun and I never notice the way people are unless somone points it out, because all I think about is not over anylzing the person just whether or not I enjoyed being around her, and I did until one of my friends pointed out how self-centered she was. Things just went downhill from there. She was always the center of attention, all the guys wanted to go out with her, she was the best dancer, the prettiest cheerleader, always had one tenth of a point better than me in school, the best looking, everyone always wanted to hang around with her, always wanted to talk about her. I always came second best. Always lost my boyfriends to her, or they were infatuated with her and just went out with me to get with her, or I was the "friend" they always told me how wonderful and gorgeous she was....and after five years of being told this it kind of does an number on your self-esteem. I never competed with her, she always secretly competed with me, to be better than me. If I told her who I liked, she would go after him. If she just casually asked what grade I had in the class and I told her she would try to get a better grade. It drove me nuts! and it still does, and it is worse now than ever. I started to hang out with her less b/c she just treated me like c*@p. I was there for her when she would call me crying on the phone or puking in a toilet, at a party while the rest of her friends could care less, and she hung out with them more. But she was never there for me like that, ever. She would just tell me that she couldn't talk b/c she was going out that night. She would just talk and talk about me behind my back, make up lies and just petty stuff. Senior year I told her how it made me feel when she talked behind my back, I made her cry. I had never stood up for myself, and I guess she never noticed these things either. She was supposed to have been my best friend but she really was my enemy. Everyone just expects me now to know where she is and how she is doing and I do know, I haven't talked to her at all, but I know. I just am so jealous and tired of being second best. I know that it is immature and stupid to resent her, but I do I still just get so mad when I think about her, and I don't know why in a way I'm glad she's doing good at college and a cheerleader there, and in a sorority there too. but in a way I am very angry because that is what I wish I could do and I have tried and not succeeded. And I don't know how to make it stop. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and go to a good college, and have good grades in school, and I am happy. But I just can't stop being jealous over this someone please help....I have tried to be happy that she is doing so well, and tried cutting all connections completely w/her, and that doesn't work b/c everyone just keeps on asking me how she is doing, or telling me that they saw her here or there, I guess I really just haven't made peace with the fact that I just will never be as good as her, and I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I am not an over achiever and not very competitive, but I do the best I can and that never compares to her...gosh it just upsets me to even talk about it....I guess this is why I have issues with trust. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Its not healthy for you to compare your self to another person. First off, no one is better than anyone everyone makes mistakes and everybody fails at sometime in their life. When people ask you about her just say you lost ties with her and be on your way . Move on with your life,you are doing good your self. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 Thank you for your reply. I do know that it is unhealthy, but it is hard not to, I know that everyone has done it at some point, and I know more than once, but i just wish sometimes people would look beyond her and say wow that girl is really smart or that girl is really a good person, but they don't people usually take in looks first, and that is what happened with me and her, I am not busted or anything, but I know that I am not gorgeous by any means and that is kind of hard to deal with. one of my friends said that it was a good thing because it weeded out the superfical dumb @$$es for me. I guess that is true b/c my boyfriend never even noticed that she existed. I don't know I do know that it is a dumb reason to be jealous but it's the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Originally posted by innocent Thank you for your reply. people usually take in looks first, and that is what happened with me and her, I am not busted or anything, but I know that I am not gorgeous by any means and that is kind of hard to deal with. I guess that is true b/c my boyfriend never even noticed that she existed. I don't know I do know that it is a dumb reason to be jealous but it's the truth. Your b/f seems to think you're gorgeous and very smart ,that why he with you. Each person has different taste.to me it sounds like she gets used by most the guys around her. Instant attraction don't last long. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I just will never be as good as her I never competed with her, she always secretly competed with me, to be better than me. If I told her who I liked, she would go after him. If she just casually asked what grade I had in the class and I told her she would try to get a better grade. It drove me nuts! and it still does, and it is worse now than ever. And you think this sort of person is 'better' than you? Why ever would you? In my estimation, character is all that counts; the cheerleading, looks, boyfriend, whatever, pale in comparison and mean little as years go by. Being a decent human retains its worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 I guess I am just bitter to all of the mean and heartless things that she has done to me. it just hurts and I have tried to forgive and move on but I have a hard time making friends now because I am so standoff-ish when it comes to personal stuff and now that I have moved away to college, I feel all alone, and i think this has kept me from making friends. I know that I just can't go through life like this and I need to take chances, and just trust people, but it is harder to do than to say..... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 Don't know why YOU feel bad .... sounds like she is very insecure if she has to copy you in everything. She obviously has a lot of personal issues to come to terms with, and one is be herself! You sound to me like the lucky one ......... move on and enjoy what you have and let her talk away about you. Sounds like YOU are well liked and she wants a piece of that. The longer you let her make you feel bad, the longer she'll copy you. Link to post Share on other sites
AnOrdinaryCynic Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 It's my personal experience that all the good looking ones are idiots. Being denied everything you want gives you a certain amount of humility, and not to mention character. It makes you more real. People who always get what they want are usually shallow, superficial, spoiled rotten, and their gaul irritates the crap out of "real" people. You dont want to be this girl, trust me. I dated this girl for two years. Biggest mistake of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
cece_2_fine Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I am still in highschool and I know exactly how you feel. It sucks doesn't it . That's exactly why I dont hang with people like that . It sounds to me like she wasn't really your friend and that she only hung around you because she felt that you were inferior to her. When she was around you she felt bigger and better and that's part of what helped her build her confidence by hanging around people inferior to her. Not saying that you were but that's how she felt. You probably wont get over this until your're finally better at her in something. So just say f*ck it and move on with your life because I'm pretty sure that she's some where not thinking about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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