monkey00 Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I'm a guy and just wondering what kind of stuff girls usually dig in a guy. The type that is soft hearted, understanding, compassionate, nice to you type of guy. OR The type that likes to act tough, act cool, makes you call him, and just about the opposite of what i mentioned above for the soft guys. and why is it that you dig them for being "soft" or "hard"? Link to post Share on other sites
subtitled Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 soft... because the show that they care about you - there is no image, it is all just there. If they're hard, you start questioning yourself, him, everything and then it gets all insecure and yucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Neo Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 People don't want nice guys anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 People don't want nice guys anymore. I almost hate to play "Fallacy Police" but, Neo daahling...you're making quite the generalization here. Personally, I would prefer to spend my time with a fellow who is comfortable in his own skin. If that means he's a "hard, tough" kind of guy, because he TRULY is a "hard, tough" kind of guy, I'd dig it. If he's a big softie, but he's dandy being a big softie, more power to 'im; he's more the relationship kind of guy in my mind. The world is full of differences. See my quote for further insight Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I'll fall like a ton of bricks for a softie every time. I'm a sucker for a sweet man. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 my guy is tough on the outside and soft on the inside ( which is true of most "hard" guys) I like them to seem bad, and are bad, but really sweet and caring... but everygirl likes something different and truely being yourself will win her in the end, and that is all you can really do...once a girl sees that you are faking something she will definately not like it....just be true to yourself because there is really no one way that a girls like their guys.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 interesting replies would you put "unpredictable", as in not telling you what theyre gonna do this and that day, in the tough guy category or soft guy category? OR both? I believe most girls are into guys who are unpredictable, that's why i ask Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 unpredictable", as in not telling you what theyre gonna do this and that day At what point in the relationship? If you are just getting to know each other, then each of you are living your own lives and aren't necessarily sharing your daily plans with each other. One of the factors in the process of becoming intimate is sharing details of your daily life with each other. That's part of being open and it certainly helps you both plan when you can spend time together. Some people thrive on the adrenaline that uncertainty creates; they talk about 'mystery' and 'unpredictability' as positive qualities. It must be something about the 'does he like me or not' guessing game that gives them a charge. People who make me worry or wonder, deliberately or not, ultimately become not worth my while. If I think a person wants to spend time with me, I feel it's more than discourteous to try to be unavailable or to not let him know when I will be available. I guess the folks who love a 'mystery' think that's boring but I've better things to do than try to second-guess whether or if a person is unavailable because he's not into me or he's just busy. It saves a lot of time to just be honest about things, IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
ASDFJKL Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Neither. You just need to find a good balance of the two. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I know it wasn't one of multiple choices, but I prefer "C"... a combination of both. While I prefer the proverbial "nice guy,” I have a hard time respecting anyone (be it male or female) who doesn't have a backbone or mind of their own. I'm not into the game playing, so I absolutely REFUSE to be the pursuer in a relationship unless that person shows interest enough to meet me half way. On the other hand, I find nothing at all attractive about a man who is a spineless push-over and allows women to manipulate and walk all over him. He can have all the feminine attributes he wants, so long as his stones are big enough to defend his own personal boundaries and let me know when/if I ever cross that line. Link to post Share on other sites
Frodo Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Monkey, It's not about being hard or soft. I made that mistake when I was younger. The real issue is being sexual. Society acts like men aren't supposed to be sexual at all, but biology works differently. Have you ever noticed how all those girls fan over the pop singers who sing romantic nonsense? They want a guy to talk about that kind of stuff. Those hard guys may also happen to be more assertive sexually, so they get women, but it's not that they act aloof and unresponsive that's attractive. I started incorporating more romantic questions and making non-vulgar flirty jokes and it really helped. There are a few masochistic type women out there who explicitly want a Bobby Knight-type bulldog to yell and be abusive, but I think they're the minority and I don't think you want to deal with them anyway. Women are kind of funny. If you talk to them in an objective non-romantic way, they don't consider you for dating unless they already have a crush. So you're talking to a woman who's said that she likes movies, you can say, "So do you like romantic movies?"--that would be okay. If you asked "What kind of movies do you like?" it will give you information, but doesn't prompt her emotionally in the right way. When I first learned this, I was kind of mad for a while, because it's not a very rational process. You can understand why there's so much divorce when you learn this. But it is how attraction works, and when you learn to act attractive, you won't have to be insecure about having what are actually good traits. By the way, this is all midgame stuff. I'm assuming that you can initiate and at least get to where you're talking with someone, otherwise, practice that first. Link to post Share on other sites
Neo Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 All I know is, people claim they want nice guys but when they get one, they decide it isn't for them and they go for the bad-boy type. I've seen it happen time and time again so I am quite convinced now that such is true. Nice guys get screwed over far too often. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 It's just my personal observation, but I also think it has a lot to do with the age and the maturity of the female. The older we get, the more experienced we become and our preferences in men become more refined. I think younger women might prefer someone who creates that element of drama and excitement for them, while women who are older prefer a partner who is more settled and mature. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I think younger women might prefer someone who creates that element of drama and excitement for them, while women who are older prefer a partner who is more settled and mature. Could be. Could be personal preference. I never wanted drama or 'excitement'. Then again, I grew up old so what do I know LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Soft but not so soft that there's no charisma - they have to have an edge to be interesting/exciting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 Quote Meanon: Soft but not so soft that there's no charisma - they have to have an edge to be interesting/exciting. Interesting thing that you pointed out, that's kind of the way I feel about girls' expectations for excitement in a relationship. Quote Enigma: It's just my personal observation, but I also think it has a lot to do with the age and the maturity of the female. The older we get, the more experienced we become and our preferences in men become more refined. I think younger women might prefer someone who creates that element of drama and excitement for them, while women who are older prefer a partner who is more settled and mature. Yes i'd agree but i feel that it's partially true, after observing some 25 year old friend's friends Would you girls prefer a guy to let you in on everything? or being secretive about certain things ( i notice the tough wannabe guys do this)? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Monkey00 Quote: "that's kind of the way I feel about girls' expectations for excitement in a relationship". Confused. What do you mean? Timing is everything. Chemistry/mystery important at the beginning but most women I know want a best friend/soul mate. I have been with other half for 18 years. No mystery left but happy as has been replaced by other more satisfying emotions. Can only speak for myself but would not want a man to be deliberately secretive but did find my husband fascinating when I first met him. I do know women (yes mature ones too I'm afraid) who have become bored of relationships because they knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. Also you want someone who respects you and is considerate but being too eager to please can be a real turn off. God I had no idea it was so complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Would you girls prefer a guy to let you in on everything? or being secretive about certain things ( i notice the tough wannabe guys do this)? Being “secretive” denotes that someone has something to hide. I wouldn’t be able to nurture any kind of trust with someone who was leading a shady second life. It’s okay in the beginning if you want to promote some aura of “mystery” and excitement around you. It certainly gives bait for the chase, but as a relationship progresses I feel it’s best to allow your partner to gradually enter and share in the other aspects of your life…. Sort of like opening up a present in anticipation of what’s inside. True, once the chase is over and the all the mysteries are revealed, the game may loose some of its “excitement,” but that’s when we get down to the ‘real deal’… the relationship and its probability for long term success. And this is the point which can make or break a couple. You don’t have to be “unpredictable” to be spontaneous. You don’t have to create drama and push the relationship to edge to get validation, nor do you have to remain elusive in order to keep your partner interested. For me, I think it would be selfish to exclude my partner from any aspect of my life once the courting is over and I’ve made him a part of it. Remaining transparent, honest and “reliable” helps my partner to instill trust in me. I expect the same in return. If he finds this boring and desires someone to shake things up for him, to keep him feeling insecure, then he is free to find someone else who’d be happy to oblige! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 because they knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. Also you want someone who respects you and is considerate but being too eager to please can be a real turn off. Just about nobody wants an obsequious mate or one with little strength of character. Different people draw the line for obsequiousness at different spots, both for themselves and for their partners. I once knew a man so besotted with a woman that he ironed her skirt for her date with someone else. I've also known people who think that it's the height of subservience to call and check in to let the partner know they are going to be late. The line, one hopes, lies somewhere in between. Occasional sacrifice is touching, self-abnegation is not. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I once knew a man so eager to please he never expressed a preference when asked what he wanted to watch on TV because he always wanted to do what she wanted. She felt suffocated. On the other hand a friend's husband (very happy marriage) both shaves her legs and dries her when she gets out of the bath because she finds these chores irritating. She dresses him when he has to go away on business trips (which he hates). So yes I suppose it all depends where you draw the line.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 What i meant meanon from you quote is that i feel the same way Quote Meanon: Soft but not so soft that there's no charisma - they have to have an edge to be interesting/exciting. Quote meanon: I once knew a man so eager to please he never expressed a preference when asked what he wanted to watch on TV because he always wanted to do what she wanted. She felt suffocated. on your 2nd quote meanon, yes i know how that feels sometimes....someone that cant make decisions on his/her own...making the obvious just repetitive and giving the person's nature a predictable nature. Relationships such as these burn out the easiest IMO. quote meanon: God I had no idea it was so complicated. yes relationships can get complicated when you dont realise the partner's desires or expectations of you until it's too late...you may think you've been doing everything great from the start, but the truth is that everything may be too perfect in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
subtitled Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Moi me me - you know how i asked ages ago about mystery and attraction? and you said, no, you never thought mystery was appealing... i agree with you now i over analysed it (as i do with all things heh), and i figured, that one of the main reasons i liked this guy (the one that's been barring me off weirdly in person..) was because he had characteristics i knew i could never have... like, being really apathetic- and even though he was barring me off (well sort of), i still liked him, because i was jealous of his ability not to care. I always think i invest too much of myself in situations, and here he was not investing at all - i was merely jealous. To an extent, i still am. When i think of being happy and in a relationship, i don't think of some shady character who keeps me guessing. I think of someone who ishonest, trustworthy, open, loving, and keeps me comfortable, not on edge. So pooh pooh to mystery Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Moi me me Actually, it's French for 'myself'. Pronounced 'mwah-MEHM'. ishonest, trustworthy, open, loving, and keeps me comfortable, not on edge. Woohoo! Another convert LOL Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 biologically, hard shelled creatures often lack real, technical, spines. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 lol jenny, how considerate of you to point out the scientific aspect of hard shell creatures Link to post Share on other sites
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