Do you think being cheated on repeatedly can make you into a difficult person?

[True2form]

I've always loved confident, charming, slightly difficult men...just like my father. This has obviously led me into the trap of being cheated on quite a lot and it was always guys I absolutely adored...right when I was at the height of my adoration for them they would always cheat.

 

Every single time I was like, "next one that cheats is history," but there was always some slightly weird situation hanging around it and I would let it pass or "wait to see if they changed". Even the ones who cheated on me and then we broke up, a couple of weeks later we'd be back in each other's arms in a Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire type situation.

 

At the end of my first ever long-term relationship that I didn't get cheated on in, I was 18, bored out of my mind, just out of school, legal to go clubbing and drinking, hell, i didn't wanna be tied down but the guy was so crazy about me I didn't know how to handle it, so I cheated...about five times (just kissing, still cheating I know, but just kissing).

 

We eventually broke up, but I never found the time or the guts to tell the guy...now it's too late to tell him and what's the point? I'd be causing a drama out of nothing.

 

I find myself now, three years later, after a lot of heartache, failed dating and irritating situations, with a guy who is possibly the closest to a soulmate that I'll ever come (well maybe, I've thought that about a lot of them...lulz). Unfortunately, he's been going through some hard times financially and has taken it out on me my lecturing me occasionally, giving me grief, dipping into my savings, ignored my birthday, won't get me a present, hasn't seen me properly for a whole month I could continue...

 

Add insult to injury in my weakened state and up pops a former ex (who didn't cheat on me! hurray!) who i felt I had unfinished business with, going "I miss you", "I love you." There's a whole back story to these statements but I'm not going to go into it, so i'll just have to leave him sounding like a random dufus.

 

I'm confused with my bf at the moment, but still in that transitional stage where I'm waiting to see if he's lost to the oblivion of grumpiness or if he's going to settle down, get a job and get back to normal...and the raging untamed beast within me just wants to have at it and cheat like a crazy motherbitch while I'm waiting for the results.

 

And no...I don't feel bad about it one bit.

 

Oh dear -_-;

Have I been hardened and calloused by my own experiences? Or have I got some sort of infidelity gene from my father? lol...oh maaaaaan.

[JackJack]

We teach other people how to treat us.

 

And, yes, it could be that you've grown "calloused" by your experiences over the years, and feel a sense of entitlement that you should do the same that was done to you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I could definmitely sense myself getting alot colder and meaner towards women now, more than before. I'm more cynical towards them because of my past. Believe it or not, they claim they dont like it but I gotta do that to protect my emotions and my heart.

 

Some of them cant be trusted, and I tell it to they face, I wont trust you, trust is earned, just like my love. I dont love a woman until I can trust her.

 

I'll lust after her but I wont trust her, emotionally I'll just keep my distance. I managed to seperate my emotions from my body when needed.

 

It sounds crappy but in this day and age relationships are fickle to people and I'm not gonna waste my time.

[True2form]

Cheers, guys. What you said was succint and insightful, I appreciate it.

 

I try and tell people how I'm feeling and I just get preached at...it makes me even more stubborn, make me wanna cheat more and not care about it!!

 

People who aren't even in relationships and fantasize about them, or who have been the lucky ones that just go steadily from partner to partner with no hiccups and weird dating scenarios are quick to jump in and inform me that, all that matters is our love, and we're together so my ex should just forget about me. I don't think anyone who's experienced being a cheat has said anything insightful and that's what I'm waiting for.

 

It's not so simple! I don't know why my ex is feeling how he's feeling and why he's hounding me all of a sudden. I feel condescended by these people in their bubble of perfect relationships where heartbreak, disappointment and having the leave someone behind that you didn't want to was never a factor...

 

I spoke to my mum...I was expecting some amazing insight...some amazing womanly advise like "Be faithful, what goes around comes around...etc."

 

All i got was, "You're 21, you're not married to the guy, have fun!!"

 

lol....jesus. Not helping!! It's weird. I do sort of feel that way. Relationships are fickle but I dont think that's how my boyfriend sees it. I'm just so restless!

[Dexter Morgan]

there is nothing "difficult" about someone who adopts a philosophy of "one strike and your out" with regards to cheating. its just a good rule to live by so one isn't treated like a toilet.

[Dexter Morgan]

And no...I don't feel bad about it one bit.

 

Then you don't love him or care about him. so set him free from you.

 

Oh dear -_-;

Have I been hardened and calloused by my own experiences? Or have I got some sort of infidelity gene from my father? lol...oh maaaaaan.

 

probably both

[Just Angel]

If I had a 'do-over' and could once again be your age, I think Id do far more casual dating and playing around.

Cheating just plain sucks,so I dont advise that. I do second your moms advice tho ;-)

[Just Angel]

oh yea, and as to your original question...lol yea I think being cheated on can very easily make a person jaded. *takes a quick look around at some posters here as a fine example*