Turning friendship into love

[Mary]

When you fall in love with a friend (a guy), is there any

 

way to change the relationship besides just blurting out

 

how you feel and hope they feel the same way? This guy

 

isn't my best friend or anything but I'd rather keep him

 

in my life than have to avoid him (which would be impossible

 

since we share the same group of friends).

 

I need guys' advice here, methinks. Is there a subtle approach I can use that, should he be totally uninterested,

 

he can ignore at will? Therefore keeping things the way

 

they are? But not so subtle that it'll be over his head in case he wants the chance to go out with me...

 

It seems to me that once a male/female have a firm friendship it's really difficult to get beyond that if feelings change, because neither person wants to risk destroying what is already there.

 

Advice, please!

[Tony T]

This really depends on the two friends. I have had friendships with ladies that really caught fire. Other friendships were quite satisfying but lacked the chemistry required for romance.

 

Why not ask him out on some romantic type situation...a dinner and a conccert or some type of intimate social function (dinner party, etc.). Say something to him like...if there becomes a time when he is not interested in anyone, you would be open to taking the friendship to the next higher level. Leave it simply at that and let him do the rest.

 

Ultimately, if you go on like you are the friendship will simmer and perhaps bust up anyway. When the first one of you finds a true romantic interest, it is doubtful the friendship in its current form can survive.

 

You may even mention that fact to him and tell him how you would be terribly hurt...tell him jokingly that perhaps the two of you should become an item to prevent that from happening.

 

As I told someone earlier in these posts, if you are with a friend and you want more, YOU ARE DECEIVING YOURSELF AND YOU ARE LYING TO YOUR FRIEND. Hanging around someone as a buddy when you want a lot more can be hell on earth and isn't fair to either party. Do something and do it quick!!! Never hold back your feelings. If the friendship is destroyed, at least you can live with the verdict. Otherwise, you can drive yourself to insanity waiting for a verdict.