i am about to call it quits...

[thrillaveza]

Well I've been into this girl for a while now (like last July). If I can recall I have had feelings for her before then. Like around 2004, but thought nothing of it cause it went away until last July. It happened at our friends house at a 4th of July party; being the only designated drivers, we didn't drink. She approached me and striked up a conversation with me (which is rare knowing how she is). We talked and talked all night, having like those conversations that feels long but was only like 5 minutes or so? But then when one of my friends passes me the guitar, I played a song that she really liked (Bright Eyes- First Day of My Life) and so she was happy/surprised etc... and as the night ended, she told me how impressed she was with me playing.

 

As that night passed, the following morning and weeks even, she left me texts and messages through myspace. I guess we were flirting back and forth and so this is what re-sparked my interest. In late of June, it was her birthday and during the week of her bday, I had her over at my house, just the two of us (would one call that a date btw?) and i gave her a gift(which consists of inside jokes) and played her a song she really liked (Daphne Loves Derby - cue the sun). She enjoyed it a lot and that night was memorable. We spent the whole night, talking and enjoying each other's company. And I wondered if she ever knew that I am interested in her.

 

Then again on our next hang out at my house, I surprised her with sunflowers (her fav) under my pillow and told her to check it. she applauded that and then the night was like the previous time. Even then I do not know if she ever got the message. I have never asked her out like straight up, but at least my actions were obvious. Then time passed and months passed and until January. Where I asked her out in a cute way and she had no reply. I think then, I should've known to quit, but me being a dumbass love fool, i took it as a maybe later.

 

As time progressed, I have been hanging out with her best friend. She told me that she is complicated at most, and had a horrible relationship's with various douchebags of boyfriends, so then she has been more independent. I wanted to prove to her that I am not like those guys so once valentines day came about, I surprised her at her apartment, with a sunflower, a guitar and balloons with pigs drawn on them and said " the only time i'll do something nice to you is when pigs fly" and so i released it (cheesey much? i don't really think so) and so she was surprised and happy and such, and i played her a song (David Ryan Harris- For you) and then mingled for a bit and left.

 

Last month was my birthday and I had a dinner with my friends. Her gift to me was a nice written down note that i still have and of somewhat cherish. Then as time passed, we kept in touch online and such and so on. Then come Memorial Day. It was me and her and we went on a adventure across the cities near our area, doing a lot of random things.. and this time i didn't even have to whip out the guitar to have a fun time with her. But here's the reason why i even posted up again. Lately, my friend has been telling me to ask her out, yet with the fact that me and her are always out or busy, I can never come to that. I had it planned really well what and how i actually wanted to ask her out. So then today, when i met up with her friend to ask if i should ask her out. she tells me that she kind of has a bf now. They've been low key and so there wouldn't have been any way of finding out. And now I feel I have hit Rock Bottom (no wrestling reference) and so I feel to call it quits.

 

And I always hear that saying "there's plenty more fish in the sea" but I have to admit, not this time. Because, she has been there for a good amount of my life. I've known her since middle school, and in high school. I've felt feelings for her before but it went away for a while and now it's back. I don't want to sound cheesey but I feel that she could be that special someone, because I never got a re-lapse to someone before. And I have never done such crazy things for someone before like what i did for her. I have been such a fool now, even my friend regrets telling me about that she has a bf. But a message that i followed that is keeping me from crossing the line to quit is a fortune in a fortune cookie i got on valentines day "your persistance will pay off soon" though i am not really one to believe that, it's what kept me going. But right now I don't know what to do.

[thrillaveza]

ohhh lemme add, the songs i mentioned in there are pretty good. it's weird to promote, esp. here but yeah if you haven't heard them take time to listen if you want, they're pretty good. AND THANKS YOU IF YOU READ THE WHOLE SPEIL.

[Desperdo]

I guess its true what they said. "love hurts" Or as J.Geils says "Love Stinks" Love is hard to figure out. And it hurts...alot.

[thrillaveza]

i know... this feeling ultimately sucks, and now i feel it hard to get over and forget

[Quirkalicious]

Those were really nice things you did for her. Very nice. But I think you messed up on asking her out. You say you asked her out in a cute way...was it direct, or more a hint? Some women like it when you ask them directly and don't hint around. I get the feeling she was one of those types.

 

Then when you continued hanging out and not asking her out, she probably thought you weren't interested in her that way. I know you did nice things but that's not the same as saying it.

 

If she breaks up with her BF, ask her out. Straight up. No cutesy stuff or planned meetings with balloons or anything like that. Just ask her if she would like to go out with you. Sometimes simple and direct is best.

 

In the meantime, ask someone else out. Enjoy yourself. If it's meant to be, she'll be back around again.

 

Good luck.

[thrillaveza]

You say you asked her out in a cute way...was it direct, or more a hint?

 

well what i did, was i wrote it under a stuffed animal (cat) as a tag, and wrote it out basically...she read it for sure but didn't respond. so yeah, it's hard for me to find someone new, since i'm always out with the same friends, and we have the same friends etc. but yeah i am trying to hold on. thank you

[thrillaveza]

so these past couple of days have been the worst feeling in the world. i am very depressed as i am trying to help others with the same problem. well today, i called her friend and she was telling me that already have known that i liked her and i guess was going to tell me about when we hang out next time. idk what to do..

[NightBlade87]

Thrill, I know exactly how you feel man. I'm going through a very similar situation with a girl. The only difference is the reason I didn't ask her out was because I was on the rebound of a previous relationship that had "ended" and it wasn't really "over" yet. My ex said she needed time to think, (I think she just wanted things to peeter out). I can even pin point the EXACT moments in conversation when the perfect words came to me in my mind I would have said to ask the girl out. But I bit my tongue... I had my other relationship on the mind. And now I regret it... Summer came and we started hanging out with groups of friends, we got along great and I realized how absoluetely perfect she was for me. Over night I felt completely different about her. I really adored her. I really really did... I would have treated her so well!

 

Then I could get the sense that she liked this other guy now... I tired my damnest to drop hints left and right. Even invited her out for coffee but she ended up getting called into work. Finally as a few days ago, I see the dreaded relationship status on facebook that she's involved with this guy now and it depressed me to the core.

 

I'm kicking myself so hard right now... But I know it does no good. It's hard man... I know. But just know that you're not alone. It's happened to many others. And just know that right now it seems like it will effect you for the rest of your life, but you'll get through it. Be her friend for now, keep the option for the future. But don't expect it to happen. When and if the chance comes and they break up, be the FIRST to be there with open arms for her. But be prepared to accept for now that it's not going to happen. Or may never happen. Who knows you may even find another girl that makes you feel the same or even better. You just never know. You cannot change the past, so don't try to resist it. Pain is inevitable in life, you WILL get hurt. That's what life is. But suffering is optional. Don't beat yourself up over it. Use it as a learning experience to make yourself stronger.

 

I feel sorry for you man, I really do. It really hurts I know... Trust me I know...

[Touche]

Awww, you guys. Hope next time you can be a little more direct. No excuses.

 

You've friend-zoned them both and vice versa. Don't hold your breath for them to come running back into your arms.

 

Just play it differently next time.

[Invideo]

Oh common people have some hope... Just don't give up... Believe that it will happen, NightBlade said "...don't expect it to happen.", but you need to do the exact opposite of that, you need to expect it to happen with your whole heart. Trust me on this.. Just stay strong, and have faith. Good luck.

[thrillaveza]

thanks you guys, this helps a lot. it's been how many weeks? idk since the week of memorial day? yeah. around then. and it still hurts. i've been NC with her for this time being, but it doesn't seem to work. i guess it's hard cause i have her on facebook/myspace etc. but lately what is kind've helping is just keeping myself occupied. i've been hanging out with my friends and doing things to keep me busy from thinking about her. but the thing is, i don't want to forget her, and i know by doing that, it's just going to make things worst. i've been dying to break the no contact rule in a civilized manner and be her friend, but i just can't act like something isn't wrong. and imagining the akwardness of that just makes me push it back. but i do have hope, it may be hopeless hope but i wouldn't know.

 

oh my feelings go the same for you too nightblade! i do the nicest things for her and i guess it may be that i don't appeal to her but i feel i have more to offer than the other guy. like everytime we hang out i always stir a way to make her say aww and laugh. but yeah i hope you can recover as how i am trying to.

[berry_oh]

I feel you man. She's been such a big part in your life, you can't just let her go and forget about her.

It's good that you're keeping yourself busy to keep your mind off of this. I think you should try to be her friend again, but just not now. It's still too soon for you to have her back into your life and just be friends. Maybe you could try to give a message through myspace every once in a while, but only if you feel you can do it without beating yourself up afterwards. I guess instead of No Contact, this would be called Little Contact. It's clear you don't want to let her go, and I don't think you should. But you do need to do what's best for yourself. Eventually you'll come to accept what's going on and that will really help you to move on from this. Sorry if that is something you didn't want to hear, but acceptance is the best way to move on from something like this. As hard as it might seem to be, you have to try to accept the fact that maybe she'll never see you the way you see her. =/

[thrillaveza]

I feel you man. She's been such a big part in your life, you can't just let her go and forget about her.

It's good that you're keeping yourself busy to keep your mind off of this. I think you should try to be her friend again, but just not now. It's still too soon for you to have her back into your life and just be friends. Maybe you could try to give a message through myspace every once in a while, but only if you feel you can do it without beating yourself up afterwards. I guess instead of No Contact, this would be called Little Contact. It's clear you don't want to let her go, and I don't think you should. But you do need to do what's best for yourself. Eventually you'll come to accept what's going on and that will really help you to move on from this. Sorry if that is something you didn't want to hear, but acceptance is the best way to move on from something like this. As hard as it might seem to be, you have to try to accept the fact that maybe she'll never see you the way you see her. =/

 

i know mannnn, i think little contact may be a good way. i keep thinking that she is the one, cause not only does it feels like it but, there were so many things and signs and moments we had that felt like she is. but right now that is what i am feeling. it'll be hard to accept that she may never be a part of my life but at least i am warned about that. i think i need to fix my facebook feeds on the count that now he's posting up pics of him and her and it's seriously just making things worst.

[berry_oh]

i know mannnn, i think little contact may be a good way. i keep thinking that she is the one, cause not only does it feels like it but, there were so many things and signs and moments we had that felt like she is. but right now that is what i am feeling. it'll be hard to accept that she may never be a part of my life but at least i am warned about that. i think i need to fix my facebook feeds on the count that now he's posting up pics of him and her and it's seriously just making things worst.

 

Seriously that is exactly my issue too. I hate how facebook lets you pretty much stalk your friends on everything they do, and I've been seeing pics of my current crush out with other people, and also out with her current bf.

It really hurts cause we used to be so close and made so much time for each other, and now there's no way we can be what we used to. And it hurts that there isn't anything you can really do about it. I've seen many signs that my girl and I would be very good together, like we were made for each other too. Lately I've just been kicking myself every time I kept thinking like that because it could honestly be that I'm trying to put something there that isn't really there. Sometimes you just have to think more with your brain than with your heart. I think this can help you out too.

If it helps, i feel like I hit rock bottom too whenever I see a new pic of her and her new bf as well.

[thrillaveza]

Seriously that is exactly my issue too. I hate how facebook lets you pretty much stalk your friends on everything they do, and I've been seeing pics of my current crush out with other people, and also out with her current bf.

It really hurts cause we used to be so close and made so much time for each other, and now there's no way we can be what we used to. And it hurts that there isn't anything you can really do about it. I've seen many signs that my girl and I would be very good together, like we were made for each other too. Lately I've just been kicking myself every time I kept thinking like that because it could honestly be that I'm trying to put something there that isn't really there. Sometimes you just have to think more with your brain than with your heart. I think this can help you out too.

If it helps, i feel like I hit rock bottom too whenever I see a new pic of her and her new bf as well.

 

 

oh yeah i know, well it's good to know people who are in our ****ty situation. perhaps i just have to quit facebook and myspace in general for a while in order to avoid looking at it

[berry_oh]

that's what I did for a little bit with facebook, cause you can reactivate it whenever you want to. Yeah it just gives you too much of an excuse to rethink about what you and the girl used to have.

[thrillaveza]

that's what I did for a little bit with facebook, cause you can reactivate it whenever you want to. Yeah it just gives you too much of an excuse to rethink about what you and the girl used to have.

 

yeah exactly but yeah, i proposed my absence of myspace and facebook and even AIM, so if she has the slightest inch of caring, or even notice the fact that I haven't IMed her, she would have to call me. and it sucks cause almost every time i hang out with her, i always up my level. i'd play her stuff etc. write her notes, and just be the total gentlemen. i just felt that all those things came to nothing, and that's what is keeping motivated to be douchey to her (which i don't really plan on doing).

[catastrophe]

You gotta move on brother. Just take her off of your fb and myspace accounts. No reason to give up your social networks - just 'defriend' her - it's not like it sends a message saying "XX thinks you are a tool so he canceled your a**".

 

I'll tell you what you did wrong. You were a REALLY nice guy, very sweet, very meek, and didn't do anything to upset her, showed your interest in a mousey way, and she lost interest. Women are attracted to men that are a challenge, men who act like men (no offense). Work on being a bit more dangerous and stop all this buying flowers and stuffed kittens and balloons! That stuff is for when you've been dating for a year!

[thrillaveza]

I'll tell you what you did wrong. You were a REALLY nice guy, very sweet, very meek, and didn't do anything to upset her, showed your interest in a mousey way, and she lost interest. Women are attracted to men that are a challenge, men who act like men (no offense). Work on being a bit more dangerous and stop all this buying flowers and stuffed kittens and balloons! That stuff is for when you've been dating for a year!

 

you're probably right.

[thrillaveza]

oh i have another question, when i told my friend about this, he said the whole thing is kind've shady on her part. with that being said, do you think that it is rather shady of her doing that? that or selfish. is that true?

[thrillaveza]

so yesterday i went to the beach with friends (including her).

 

so i did make a big mistake. that is, to go to the beach. i know some were saying not to go, or i mean to shut her out of my life right now, but i still wanted to see her. i should always trust my first instinct (cause it was to not go). well what happened was, that when her and her best friend arrived, it was all whatever etc.... she gives hugs to everyone, and including me and such and then she kept talking about her bf. how they moved in with a group of friends,how he dj's and how he's successful and her big bro (frat college ****).. hearing all that just sucked. like seriously, i felt a tightening feeling at my chest. well also within that time i only talked to her when she spoke to me, rather whenever she needed something, i guess you can say. i then played the guitar at the bonfire and she enjoyed it. she asked me to play her "1234" but i didn't (me being jerkward). as we were packing up and leaving, i just felt like crap the whole day when i saw her, so i just felt like leaving abruptly. she then catches me by calling my name, but i didn't want to seem like there's nothing wrong (which i felt i should've spoken about it or completely ignored her calling) but as she did, she gave me a non-half-*** hug with her head resting on me (which she never really did). right after, i told her friend that i still have feelings for her and stuff and her friend was like"aww". and that summed the night.

 

it sucks cause at the bonfire, i played a song that i played for her on valentines day, she didn't even realize it. where as me and her friend were trying to refresh her memory. i still feel like crap. she has that hold on me. i was hoping she would have talked to me about it or something. i was trying to play it off as if i was all okay etc. but i cant. no matter how many times im told to just forget about her, i can't. i feel that she just needs that epiphany to hit her right on the head, of all the nice things i have done for her and realize that she could possibly be missing out. i don't want to jump to the negative conclusion that she thinks im ugly or that she has shallow preferences or anything cause that would suck. i've seen pics of her bf and he's like those good-looking older filipino(we're all filipino btw) guys that just graduated from college (btw, she met him through his frat, she and him are what they call like big bro lil sis thing idk much of that crap). that's why i have that conclusion in my head, but it's probably because i am jealous.

[Chiron]

First, I agree with the poster that said you need to be a little more straight forward and maybe a little agressive. Take a pointer from the shallow jerks that just try to get into womens pants. Use some of thier tecniques. Most of the women they pick up DO want a relationship and these shallow jerks lead them on. My point is guys actually interested in a relationship can learn a lot from the jerks.

 

Second, This girl is not that into you and she may have pulled you back in whenever she was feeling lonely only to throw you to the side when she was done with ya. You need to move on and have NO CONTACT with her. You sound like a caring and creatively talented guy. Go find a girl that appreciates that. Look the right girl for you WILL be into you and it will be obvious. You just need to date a lot of different girls until you find the right one.

[funwithpaint]

so yesterday i went to the beach with friends (including her).

 

so i did make a big mistake. that is, to go to the beach. i know some were saying not to go, or i mean to shut her out of my life right now, but i still wanted to see her. i should always trust my first instinct (cause it was to not go). well what happened was, that when her and her best friend arrived, it was all whatever etc.... she gives hugs to everyone, and including me and such and then she kept talking about her bf. how they moved in with a group of friends,how he dj's and how he's successful and her big bro (frat college ****).. hearing all that just sucked. like seriously, i felt a tightening feeling at my chest. well also within that time i only talked to her when she spoke to me, rather whenever she needed something, i guess you can say. i then played the guitar at the bonfire and she enjoyed it. she asked me to play her "1234" but i didn't (me being jerkward). as we were packing up and leaving, i just felt like crap the whole day when i saw her, so i just felt like leaving abruptly. she then catches me by calling my name, but i didn't want to seem like there's nothing wrong (which i felt i should've spoken about it or completely ignored her calling) but as she did, she gave me a non-half-*** hug with her head resting on me (which she never really did). right after, i told her friend that i still have feelings for her and stuff and her friend was like"aww". and that summed the night.

 

it sucks cause at the bonfire, i played a song that i played for her on valentines day, she didn't even realize it. where as me and her friend were trying to refresh her memory. i still feel like crap. she has that hold on me. i was hoping she would have talked to me about it or something. i was trying to play it off as if i was all okay etc. but i cant. no matter how many times im told to just forget about her, i can't. i feel that she just needs that epiphany to hit her right on the head, of all the nice things i have done for her and realize that she could possibly be missing out. i don't want to jump to the negative conclusion that she thinks im ugly or that she has shallow preferences or anything cause that would suck. i've seen pics of her bf and he's like those good-looking older filipino(we're all filipino btw) guys that just graduated from college (btw, she met him through his frat, she and him are what they call like big bro lil sis thing idk much of that crap). that's why i have that conclusion in my head, but it's probably because i am jealous.

 

 

 

This is why you need to cut her out AT LEAST till she realizes that talking about that stuff in front of you is a inconsiderate thing to do.

 

It will be hard. I know. I'm doing the same thing right now. But by cutting her off you maybe giving yourself another opportunity to be with her by standing up for yourself and breaking your usual way things of doing things.

[thrillaveza]

thank you both for commenting but today was uneventful. since you know, me and her share mutual friends (from high school at least) and so today our friend's band was playing. i honestly did not think she'd be coming because she would only go if more of our friends would go. so i went, with my friend and she ended up coming after. i didn't know she was coming, until i felt her tap my shoulder and said hi. she gave me a hug but she probably knew by the look on my face that something was wrong.

 

as the show ended we were outside hanging out. she then approaches me with a look of concern and so i talk to her. i asked her how was fishing (cause she fished after the bonfire yesterday) and she said she didn't enjoy it and such... i kind of just put small talk to her and only talk when it was at a moment where it was a direct thing to me. but what i feel is that whenever she is there, i get riled up with three emotions of lately: sad, happy, mad in certain ways. usually when im with her or when we hangout (just the two of us, i am usually happy and nervous).

 

i know it's just my anger talking but i seriously just want to tell her how i felt straight up. like everything, like all the nice things i did for her, how i act like a gentleman, and just trying to help her out with her so called "drama". i want to tell her that i don't want her to be missing out (though what do i know right?) on me and how i think she is stupid (in a lighter tone) for turning a good man down like that. all i know is if i do that, it'll change everything, but little does she know, that what's happening now is changing things as well. im sorry if i feel different to others opinion but it's just how i'll learn things. it's hard for me to move on when it comes to previous girls, and let me say this that my record in ever getting the girl is always close but never quite.

 

i don't want to sound cheesey or anything but what's been keeping me going is a fortune cookie i got on that eventful valentines day i had with her which stated: your persistence will pay off soon. i know my flaws, but keeping these flaws will help be better at this. i know i get hopefull, but perhaps all i know is time will help me to either get over it or time will somehow make an epiphany hit her to let her know how she could've made a big mistake.

 

im sorry if i am heading backwards, but just spilling out somethings i wanted to say. thank you for reading.

[thrillaveza]

hey, sorry i haven't posted in a while but let me clarify of what is going on lately.

 

i did the whole NC it didn't work for me that well. it made me think of her more, and made me feel like crap. but throughout the weeks of this summer, the healing process has been doing good. but it doesn't hurt that much anymore. i started to message her once in a while (wished her a happy birthday last Saturday) but i kept it short and straight to the point.

 

i realized that i would rather have her a part of my life than not at all. from what people told me (close friends of mine), knowing her, she'll probably come around in time. but then yet i ask myself: will that be too long? or will i have moved on by then? i'll never know of the future so i can never on that statement.

 

BUT i am actually planning to tell her how i feel though, i haven't set a date when i will meet her up or anything, but i do plan on doing so. i know i will probably wouldn't get the response i want to hear but, all i know is that i am going to hate myself if i don't. i want her to hear it from me straight up this time.