nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 6 years....how do i ignore his calls and texts??? He said he wants to contact me and see children when he feels like it. After he told me he "cares" for me and the children but doesnt love us. Then he tells me to give them a kiss from daddy! WTF?????? I said why? You dont love them. I told him please explain to me what in a mans DNA allows him to Love some of his children and not others? why are others disposable??? So, i told him NO!!! He will not call me, see me or the kids. If he wants to call someone or see someone call his wife and kids he does love! That was today...and all day worth of crying...pregnant...and he got offended when I called baby "it" he said its not an it the baby is a he or she. WTF??? I'm done. I was abandoned by my father and ive made a lot of excuses for his lack of emotional and physical presence in our lives...but what he said...that was the knife in my heart. I told him i never want to be with him again, the thought of sharing a bed with him now nauseates me...a man who says he doesnt love his children. its like living my childhood all over again, he doesnt realize when i told him not to contact me ever again, i will never contact him that what he said changed the way i view him forever. how do i stay strong and not answer his calls or texts???? how do you make it through no contact??? please I have to make it???? how many days until you are past weakness??? 2 weeks??? please....i cant spend another day crying over sob that doesnt love his chgildren, but he cares about them... Link to post Share on other sites
me003 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Your child should give you all the strength in the world to ignore it all. My child gave me the strength to fight and stay alive when things look dark. Even know my child's presence in my life helps me to stay strong. If you can change your cell number then do. If he does not love his children then I doubt he will want to contact you so that you can ask the courts for child support. Hang in there and post here, this will be the best way for you to get over it. because of your condition, mood changes will not be good for the baby, so think of that before you pick on the phone or read or reply to his texts. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Wait a minute, are you telling me you have OM's illigitimate child? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Wait a minute, are you telling me you have OM's illigitimate child? easy there, big boy... this may be over our heads.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 actually we already have 2... this is pregnancy 3.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Your child should give you all the strength in the world to ignore it all. My child gave me the strength to fight and stay alive when things look dark. Even know my child's presence in my life helps me to stay strong. If you can change your cell number then do. If he does not love his children then I doubt he will want to contact you so that you can ask the courts for child support. Hang in there and post here, this will be the best way for you to get over it. because of your condition, mood changes will not be good for the baby, so think of that before you pick on the phone or read or reply to his texts. he makes regular weekly support payments we have a private arrangement. he has always financially supported his children...i told him yeah, im sure it helps ease your consciounce so you can sleep at night.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 he just called...from "UNKNOWN NUMBER" when i heard his voice I just told him we arent suppose to be talking; he said he has been doing some "soul searching" and he didnt mean to say he doesnt love the children...he just cant love them the way i want him to... WTF???? i just said "im glad your searching your soul, but its still our children that are going to suffer." He said he understands...i said no i dont think you have any idea. good bye and i hung up Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 actually we already have 2... this is pregnancy 3.... WHAT??? THIS IS INSANE! I'm sorry but the best thing you could have ever done is went NC with this man, he is no type of father, what example is he setting for his kids in his own marriage? what type of example is he setting for yours, why the hell did you want this man when he was already married??? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 he wears no ring and told me he was single... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 he wears no ring and told me he was single... Have you sued him for child support??? If you was honestly duped, how did you let it happen for so long, you had no idea he was married? His family live outta state or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 different cities.... we have private support arrangement...hes always financially supported children fairly Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 different cities.... we have private support arrangement...hes always financially supported children fairly Hmm so it's not court ordered??? what happens if he decides to cut you off? cut the kids off? Or the paper trail is revealed to his wife? then what? If it isnt court ordered then I fear it isnt written in stone you know, mant things could happen between now and later. Also You had two kids by this man, how do you expect him to be a father when he's already got kids? And you never suspected anything? Why havent you sued him for regular child support after you found out he was married? Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 honey, love, baby. this must be devastatingly painful. you are doing the right thing. it won't feel right for a while but keep reaching out and reminding yourself of what you're trying to acheive - independence, integrity, self-love, emotional health. keep those babies safe because you are the one they are supposed to be with. how pregnant are you? how many weeks? my goodness, nocontact. you are displaying stupendous strength and i want to provide whatever support i can. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowcat Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Some men you just can't believe what they are capable of saying. The father of my children cried out in anguish with the last two when he heard I was pregnant. And when I say "cried", I mean scream, no words, just a scream of anxiety. We were in a long term relationship and it was not like he did not know we were not using contraceptives. On top of that he has made sure to let the kids know he never wanted them, oh he loves them now for sure, he lets them know that, but he never wanted them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 our private agreement is in paper. his wife and other children know about us. not worried he will cut off any support. this isnt a money issue its a lack of physical and emotional involvement with his children and me. i cant do it anymore... i just cant. then to say he doesnt love them. then turn around and call me late last night and tell me, oh well, i do love them just not the way you want me too.' *** him! im not going to help him sleep better! hes selfish and not moral at all! he wants to say he loves his wife and family...he loyal...good...go be with them...quit calling me. dont text me, dont want to see us... leave us alone. and in 1 eek, 1 month, 1 year, 10 year....whatever you have a huge gaping hole in your heart and your children want nothing to do with you and dont know you buy a mirror sweetheart! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 im in first tri-mester...i dont know how far along i am...i never got a period from my last baby yet... im exhausted... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 As long as that paper trail exists between you two, he'll always have a reason to contact you. He'll always call you. I'm sorry but you let a person step all over you if you give them ample opportunity. He'll keep you the side piece as long as you allow it. If that's not what you want anymore, You shouldnt be taking his money. I dont know if it's a pride thing or self respect thing, but to me that'd be like taking money from the devil, he'd always want something in return plus he'll never let you forget it. I'm sorry that your going through this. You should have went and did a background check, talked to his family, before you slept with him, not once but twice. I assume you was sleeping with him alot without condom use, but never had questions along his content of character? Why didnt you ask the hard questions? Your gut didnt tell you something about this guy? And what are you gonna do now, Why dont you contact his wife and let her know what he's doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Stepone Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Yeah I agree, you need to contact his wife - before she brings any more innocent children into this messy situation. How do your kids feel about all the half brothers and sisters they have? It might honestly be good to get all this out in the open. I feel for you, I really do. I hope you have some kind of support network. I know what it is like to become pregnant to an charming and irresponsible coward - it happened to me and my mother before me. I do try to tell myself there isn't a curse...! Stay strong. How do the kids feel about their father? As if you can't bring this out in the open, it might be good for you to just move far far away and not tell him where you've gone for a few years, as it sounds like he is causing you some distress. He has you where he wants you, he's trapped you... wishing you love, peace and hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 only a few more hours and it will be and entire day #1 with NO CONTACT!!! Ive decided to treat it like some kind of AA step program. I have it programmed in my planner day 1 NC - he doesnt love his children; day 2 NC- he doesnt love his children; day 3 NC he doesnt love his children...etc. so every day i am reminded why I will never see or speak to him again. Had lunch with my friends today none of them give it more than 2 weeks before he contacts me, especially with one of our childs birthdays approaching...they said he will use that as an excuse.... i just said, too bad, birthdays are reserved for father who "LOVE" their children. as far as I am concerned he has lost all rights to enjoy the chiildren since he doesnt "LOVE" them, He told me while we were arguing earlier before NC that i wanted to marry him/sleep every night with him. I told him not anymore. the thought of being in bed with him nauseates me now. I could never be with a man who doesnt love his children! im so angry!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Wait, I am confused. You are pregnant with your 3rd child with this guy? And when did you find out he was married? Hello? Birth control??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 i found out after our 1st son was born and he didnt make it to the c-section and i had him alone, by myself! i told him to get a vasectomy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ali0112 Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 But he didn't have that vasectomy, and you STILL continued to have unprotected sex with this guy? Enough to result in two more pregnancies? Shaking head here. This has nothing to do with being involved with a married man. This has to do with being careless and irresponsible. Who would knowingly and willingly continue to have kids with an unavailable person? I'm a former other woman, who loved her MM very deeply, and even I can't fathom this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 well, right now i am trying to focus on our children, the pregnancy and NO CONTACT for the first time ever...I'VE ALMOST MADE IT THROUGH DAY NUMBER ONE!!! ANY SUPPORT IN HELPING KEEP UP NO CONTACT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. REHASHING OUR CHILDREN ISNT GOING TO HELP...THEY ARE HERE AND COMING. PLEASE HELP ME WITH NO CONTACT.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 i made it through 1st day of nc!!!! :bunny: now th rest of the pregnancy is my goal, then i promised him a single text day baby born, sex and health...thats it.... then back immediate nc!!!!! wish me luck..... Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 i made it through 1st day of nc!!!! :bunny: now th rest of the pregnancy is my goal, then i promised him a single text day baby born, sex and health...thats it.... then back immediate nc!!!!! wish me luck..... Umm... I assume you are in a different country to me but where I come from a mother cannot simply deny a father access to his children. It is irrelevant whether he loves them or not or whether he doesn't love them in the way that the mother would like him to (whatever that means). I'm assuming there is no child abuse acknowledged by a court with a restraining order of any sort. Unless the rules are significantly different where you are, aiming for complete NC is unrealistic. At the very minimum arrangements should probably be made for him to have contact with his children if that's what he wants. You can probably get someone to do it on your behalf if you genuinely don't want to even have the minimal contact that would be required. However my understanding is that children of parents who are apart do best when they can see their parents having a degree of cooperation in regards to parenting. I'm sorry if I've got this completely wrong and the laws are different where you are. S Link to post Share on other sites
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