quit it, y'all.

[littleflowerpot]

A couple of things. First, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a 12 year old, and it was terrible. But, the person that did it was a virtual stranger and I had no trust relationship with him. It scarred me, probably for life, but he had never vowed to love me, as my XWW did. For whatever reason, maybe because i was young and it was a lng time ago, it did not impair my ability to trust as much(it did too some extent, though).

This part is off topic, but does anyone wonder if someone joked about a band of male rapists attacking women, that person might get blasted. We see this a lot. Look at the women predators that have sex with young male students. Their sentences are significantly less severe.

Just seems like there is a double standard in this area.

 

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I certainly am NOT a rapist of any type. I never intended to come off that way.

[LaGazelle]

A couple of things. First, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a 12 year old, and it was terrible. But, the person that did it was a virtual stranger and I had no trust relationship with him. It scarred me, probably for life, but he had never vowed to love me, as my XWW did. For whatever reason, maybe because i was young and it was a lng time ago, it did not impair my ability to trust as much(it did too some extent, though).

This part is off topic, but does anyone wonder if someone joked about a band of male rapists attacking women, that person might get blasted. We see this a lot. Look at the women predators that have sex with young male students. Their sentences are significantly less severe.

Just seems like there is a double standard in this area.

 

Reggie, firstly I am sorry you had such a harmful experience in your childhood and suffered from the trauma of infidelity. I wish you the best in your efforts to rise above any scars inflicted.

 

I am not sure I agree that women tend to receive lighter sentences as a general principle - in fact there is a lot of evidence to the contrary. However I can appreciate that in certain crimes they seem to get let off the hook.

 

You make an interesting point here and I don't feel it is off topic at all - this feeling of women being let off the hook for crimes is not hugely dissimilar to how some OW here want to be "let off the hook" - i.e not hear responses that may intimate their culpability in affairs. Indeed, some even go as far as blaming their victims (BS), in order to absolve any responsiblity for their actions.

 

I recently experienced infidelity and following my recovery joined LS to share my views, which I tried to do respectfully. However, I was amazed at how many OW excuse themselves and their choices, even when they may be the ones suffering most as a result. I am not saying this is always the case, because some OW may indeed be true "victims" of pursuit by the MM in their lives. But women can be more wilfully manipulative than many are willing to acknowledge and accept responsiblity for, and that acknowledgement is a big first step in moving forward.

 

In my experience here, a lot of OW seem to posit a "victim-only" stance (i.e "it's the men, they chase after us, they lie to us,they fill us with hope, we are weak and we are suffering because of they did to us"...which of course can sometimes be true) and are incandescent when anyone raise objections (however respectfully) to their choices, which play a part in their demise.

 

Of course not all do, I can think of a few from my experience here, such as White Flower, Gamine and Dobler, who don't take that stance, but by and large one does a get a feeling of OW here wanting to have their actions "blessed" rather than challenged by others, even when it will help them in the long run to be challenged.

 

Just a thought.

[Reggie]

I read an interesting e-book, by a woman researcher, Michelle Langley , entitled "Women's infidelity Part II"( Iread part one, also but this one talks about the disaparities expierience in sentencing and responsibility , in general).

This sort of ties into a thread by dobler on the OW/OM forum where there is a discussion which is over my head re societal discrimination against women.

Essentially, Langely talks a lot about the mindset of many WW's. She points out that she has found that WW's , often , feel justified in having affairs because they allege their husbands are not communicative or emotionally unavailable.

But, she seems to think that men get a bad rap in this department and are often the better communicator in a relationship. It is just some of these women fail to explicitly communicate their dissatisfaction. She also points out that it is a common dynamic that when a man opens up and expresses fears , doubts, or concerns that do not mirror the WW's, the conversation is commandeered and redirected towars strictly the WW's concerns. Eventually, the husband shuts down , as his voice is overidden time and again. This happened to me , a lot, I feel.

I was to be the breadwinning drone, and any problems were always of my making, and not to be addressed. So, I just stuffed stuff and resentment built. I learned that the only emotional or physical needs that were to be of concern in our relationship were my wife's. Complaining about issues was belittled as unmasculine.

Intersting book. She specifically points out the disparity is sentencin of women sex offenders and also has research that suggests that females are at least as prone to domestic violence, although it is underreported. She points out that the majority of adult on child violence is perpetrated by women.

[Reggie]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I certainly am NOT a rapist of any type. I never intended to come off that way.

Flower, I never thought you were a rapist. But, my impression is that if a man had posted a similar response he would be called on it. In my old line of work, I did see a fair number of women predators, primarily ones who dealt with young boys.

[Reggie]

Oh, this is dobler's thread. My mind is on golf. Sorry.

[NoIDidn't]

A couple of things. First, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a 12 year old, and it was terrible. But, the person that did it was a virtual stranger and I had no trust relationship with him. It scarred me, probably for life, but he had never vowed to love me, as my XWW did. For whatever reason, maybe because i was young and it was a lng time ago, it did not impair my ability to trust as much(it did too some extent, though).

This part is off topic, but does anyone wonder if someone joked about a band of male rapists attacking women, that person might get blasted. We see this a lot. Look at the women predators that have sex with young male students. Their sentences are significantly less severe.

Just seems like there is a double standard in this area.

 

First, Reggie, I am sorry about your experience. It must have been horrible and frightening considering it was a virtual stranger.

 

I was the one that made the comment about the roving gang of rapists. It was a joke. Its a *common* joke on another site about MM claiming that the OW had some sort of voodoo power over them and they didn't willing have sex with the OW, but kinda got raped.

 

It really wasn't intended to turn into this.

[Lyssa]

:laugh: you forget, I'm married - I'm used to being tuned out :p (j/k - my H remembers every single thing I say, long after I do.... and uses it in evidence against me later when I contradict myself )

 

My fiance does the same thing!