Author dobler33 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 boldjack - i too met with the BS, after d-day and before the end of the A. it was terribly painful but i'm glad i did. she had every right to heap abuse on me and i stated in the beginning that she should feel free to do so, that i could not and would not make any attempt to defend myself. i don't know about atonement, but it was definitely me attempting to deal as responsibly as i could with a totally impossible situation. so, to BS's who are wanting to find relief and catharsis by bashing OP's, i at least have not only already gotten what was coming to me by the woman i hurt, but i actually offered myself up to receive it. and even though MM ended the affair and went back to her (they really do most of the time, don't they? people told me that and i was like "no way.") i still wish her well and can put aside my own pain and anger to be glad that she's happy. i have no ill will toward her. i feel no need to attack BS's. i wish they didn't feel the need to attack me. and with all respect and compassion, pkn's language is pretty rough as well. i totally hear you, and have felt the same way at times. can you express that feeling in a way that's less confrontational? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Actually I am. It's the most fun I've had in years!! LOL!! Do you accept applications? Is their an initiation? Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 LOL!! Do you accept applications? Is their an initiation? No application needed. Just jump on board and join my merry band of raping and pillaging marauders! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 whoo hoo! is there a uniform? some kind of metal bikini top or similar? perhaps pirate boots or an eye patch? Link to post Share on other sites
JMC Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Wildsoul, The same people haven't ignored the few OM who have posted here. My opinion they are bitter, tortured souls. Most have been hurt, and place the blame on the person their spouse or S.O. fell in love with. IMO that's a misplaced emotion. My then wife had a married OM for many years. Once discovered, I couldn't blame him for being in love with her. He loved the same qualities, that I did. Truth be told after a decade of hindsight, we are probably more alike than we are different as she also chose us both. People often are irrational about what they fear. Attacking OM/OW may be a symptom of that irrational emotion. I agree with the bolded...just look at some BS's user names, avatars, and quotes. As a person, I feel for their pain - but I don't think they have the right to take it out on other OW/M here. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I agree with the bolded...just look at some BS's user names, avatars, and quotes. As a person, I feel for their pain - but I don't think they have the right to take it out on other OW/M here. :confused:You can tell a person's emotions from names, pictures and quotes(does this mean tag lines)? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I don't know what I believe in regards to which trauma caused most pain. I've been sexually assaulted (as a child) and been cheated on. Both traumas caused a lot of pain but I think, for me, the trauma and physical, mental and emotional pain of the sexual abuse has had far more lasting impact. I don't know if that makes me rare. I totally agree with you here! I too was sexually abused as a child and I honestly can't compare anything to that. I mean after being betrayed by an adult in authority for a long period of time, there's nothing worse. That's probably why I've been so resilient in life, too. I just compare it to that and know if I survived that, I will survive anything. Link to post Share on other sites
JMC Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 :confused:You can tell a person's emotions from names, pictures and quotes(does this mean tag lines)? Uh, yeah. They're all forms of expression. ***scratches head wondering how someone would need this to be explained to them*** Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Uh, yeah. They're all forms of expression. ***scratches head wondering how someone would need this to be explained to them*** Don't need it explained, just wondered how someone could do it on an forum where what you see may or may not be true. It stands to reason that not everyone here is disclosing all of themselves, much less enough to be branded one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 A couple of things. First, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a 12 year old, and it was terrible. But, the person that did it was a virtual stranger and I had no trust relationship with him. It scarred me, probably for life, but he had never vowed to love me, as my XWW did. For whatever reason, maybe because i was young and it was a lng time ago, it did not impair my ability to trust as much(it did too some extent, though). This part is off topic, but does anyone wonder if someone joked about a band of male rapists attacking women, that person might get blasted. We see this a lot. Look at the women predators that have sex with young male students. Their sentences are significantly less severe. Just seems like there is a double standard in this area. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Don't need it explained, just wondered how someone could do it on an forum where what you see may or may not be true. It stands to reason that not everyone here is disclosing all of themselves, much less enough to be branded one way or the other. ah..true enough...yet it never deters us from judging or "branding" each other..you have to admit that, bent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 This part is off topic, but does anyone wonder if someone joked about a band of male rapists attacking women, that person might get blasted. We see this a lot. Look at the women predators that have sex with young male students. Their sentences are significantly less severe. Just seems like there is a double standard in this area. reggie, i humbly thank you for making this point. you are absolutely right and i am always grateful to have my perspective gently corrected in this way. i am a feminist psychoanalyst (in fact i have a symbol of feminist psychology tattooed on my forearm) and one of the things i know for sure is that i must always be willing to admit when my emotional bias interferes with my ability to approach all things with parity and receptivity. thanks again. i apologize for my complicance in this error. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 WeLL, pkn, you really hurt my feelings. ........Dobie, every time you post , you say something that is intriguing. You are a feminist analyst ? Really? there is such a thing? Do you only treat women, or feminist women, or women that have repressed feminist tendencies, or do you treat anybody, but only with a feminist agenda, and is there a feminist handbook? Sooooooo many questions, so little time. I am a masculinist Cattle rancher, doesn't sound as impressive as yours. I have to ask. Are there non-feminist analysts? Are they called multi-gender analysts? Damn, I'm fascinated. I really look forward to your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 i am laughing my repressed analyst arse off, boldjack. those are all excellent questions. in short (although it won't sound like it): my training was based on a feminist deconstruction and re-interpretation of traditional freudian theoretical foundations, along with examination of all consequent psychoanalytic/psychodynamic movements within a feminist framework. i went to a crazy leftist liberal arts school and i am very grateful to have had the opportunity to read freud and tear him a new one, thereby reclaiming that which is powerfully anti-misogynistic about his writings even when he didn't know it. i treat men and women, SLGBTQ, kids and grown ups alike. i am definitely not forwarding a feminist agenda; i will remain in consultation with my peers for the rest of my career to make sure i'm not faltering in this. feminist psychology is mainly concerned with A) the interwoven matrices of oppression under which all people operate and the ways in which those matrices affect the concious and unconcious psyche, B) power inequalities that exist definitionally within the analyst/patient dyad and how to explore and identify them in the context of transference and countertransference and C) the racism, classism, homophobia and misogyny that infiltrate the foundations of the mental health system and methods of protest and disobediance that advocate for rather than jeopardizing the patient. got that??? i could go on for days. you don't tattoo something on your forearm if you're wishy-washy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 for a far more eloquent distillation, read http://www.feminist-therapy-institute.org/ethics.htm oh, and by the way, my daddy broke and shod horses and my first bassinette was a working saddle from the late 1800's. so we're not all that different after all, no? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 i could go on for days. you don't tattoo something on your forearm if you're wishy-washy about it. LOL...I'll say! Thank you for sharing. Very interesting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 ai dios. he ASKED!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Ah. I see. You are a feminist, revisionist, leftist, neo-freudian. With a pink panama and a purple hat band. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 and i got spurs that jingle jangle jingle, but i don't wear them in session. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Ahem, Well, we'll leave your sexual equipment for now. I would be very interested in any Lit. on how your reexamination of Ol' Doc. Sigmund has any, and what kind of, application for political women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 oh yes? hmmm.... tell me what aspect of womens' political life you're curious about? ironically enough, one of the best overall examinations of politics and media representation from a feminist viewpoint that i know of is by a man, stephen ducat, who was one of my professors. he wrote an excellent book called "the wimp factor: gender gaps, holy wars and the politics of anxious masculinity". for a foundational grounding in feminist theory i would suggest gayle rubin, patricia hill collins, angela davis, shulamith firestone - although the latter is one-sidedly feminist even for me. elizabeth young-bruehl wrote a great feminist dictionary of psychoanalytic terminology. these are just the first sloppy firings off the top of my head; if you give me a day or two to dig out my grad school readers i can hook you up good and proper. you will be SO sorry that you got me started. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 sorry, i should have made clear that all these authors are coming from a basis of freudian theory, although some of them are more overtly marxist in their rhetoric. ****, dude. i'm even putting myself off. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Well, my daughter is entering the ring and will have to deal with the anxiety of parenthood as it conflicts with her political campaign agenda. BTW, I met A. Davis in Chicago 20 years ago at a conference on class divisions. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 i am laughing my repressed analyst arse off, boldjack. those are all excellent questions. in short (although it won't sound like it): my training was based on a feminist deconstruction and re-interpretation of traditional freudian theoretical foundations, along with examination of all consequent psychoanalytic/psychodynamic movements within a feminist framework. i went to a crazy leftist liberal arts school and i am very grateful to have had the opportunity to read freud and tear him a new one, thereby reclaiming that which is powerfully anti-misogynistic about his writings even when he didn't know it. i treat men and women, SLGBTQ, kids and grown ups alike. i am definitely not forwarding a feminist agenda; i will remain in consultation with my peers for the rest of my career to make sure i'm not faltering in this. feminist psychology is mainly concerned with A) the interwoven matrices of oppression under which all people operate and the ways in which those matrices affect the concious and unconcious psyche, B) power inequalities that exist definitionally within the analyst/patient dyad and how to explore and identify them in the context of transference and countertransference and C) the racism, classism, homophobia and misogyny that infiltrate the foundations of the mental health system and methods of protest and disobediance that advocate for rather than jeopardizing the patient. got that??? i could go on for days. you don't tattoo something on your forearm if you're wishy-washy about it. OMG!! A woman after my own heart. Finally. I am so looking forward to reading your posts as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dobler33 Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 yay for radical feminist thinking, y'all! glad it's striking a chord for folks. boldjack, in light of your daughter going into politics i'd definitely push "the wimp factor" - it talks a lot about how the femiphobia of patriarchal western culture influences the way we see women in power. i'll cull some more stuff and see if i can come up with something that's a little closer to her own situation. she'll be facing a lot of internalized and institutionalized misogyny and bullsh*t about how a woman and mother should be dividing herself. best of luck to her. what state is she running in? that'll make a lot of difference in the way she's perceived. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts