a seperation question..cruel husband

[felecia]

My husband and I have been together off and on for 28 years, with three kids, one dead. He has always left me. Three years ago I bought my house and could not put him on the lease. He was on drugs, bad credit and could not keep a job. We had to have legal seperation to devide assests. He went in rehad about that for eight months. he came back and reunited, but he got back on drugs and it went down hill there.I still loved him, but we had lots of bad fights. Now he has left as I got laid off. I always were the bread winner in the family. He left me because he was seeing someone else. Than that did not work out.Everytime he left our marriage was because he met someone else, but always came back when they dumped him and I let him. Now he has moved to a new town. He met another woman, and let her talk to my daughter on the phone.He said he was falling for her.He told me he wanted a divorce, but I tried to fight out.Now I am at the point of leaving it on Gods hand. He was so cruel that he sent his daughters and mother a mothers day card and call, but not me.He said he did not have to money.Since then : I told him he was very disrespectful.he said I was not his wife and to move on. I told him he was still committing adultry.he said...no he was not because we are seperated.I told him those papers are now invalid when we reunited.We are not divorced. I still love him because he was the only man in my life for almost three decades. I am now a Christian, but it still hurts. he tells me he does not love me as a wife one week and has not falling out of the love with me the next. thah he says he and this other woman is just friends. My question is...is this adultry? he is also suppose to be in Christ. He loves it there because he lives in a warehouse that he has free rein with many women and goes to church there.Here, he would have to keep a job, pay his way and be expected to do better.I just am done with this.I dont care him anymore, because he would only call me once a month to get his ego stroked. he came home a weekend ago and we almost made love, but I stopped it, because I care too much about myself. he claims he dont love me, so I cant lay down with someone like this.This is not the man I met anymore.I just want to know how do anyone else feel about adultry while seperated when you are a Christian?

[girl68]

MY question to you is why do you care? He's not "Christian". If he were he wouldn't have done drugs, left you multiple times yadda yadda yadda. Just because he says he's Christian doesn't mean he is.

 

Cut your losses... and don't keep telling yourself you love him. You don't love him... you only know nothing else so you THINK you love him. That's not love.

[felecia]

I care because he is still my husband in my heart.He has been cruel.He has now found God, not when he was on drugs. But I see where you are comming from.Maybe it is all I know.Anyway, I am trying to move on because he has done nothing but hurt me.I am trying to cut my looses.I just feel he is still an adultrer and this is my sign to let go.

[girl68]

He is always has been. But honestly you don't have to be Christian or Catholic or anything to know that when he married he was committing to you only you. Religion by dear, does not tell you that. His vows did.

 

For your peace of mind, yeah he cheated. That should be more than enough for you to have let go, a long time ago. But you can start now.

 

He's lost you, but perhaps his faith in God can help him be a better father. Know that better father does not equate to better husband. Don't ever forget that.

[cyabye]

Yes, it is considered adultery as you are not divorced. The bible allows divorce when one has committed adultery. I am not one to recommend divorce especially when you are christian, however God wants us to live in peace. Do you have that? Also, if a spouse is a non believer, the bible states to let this person go if they so choose. What does this man offer you in this "marriage"?

 

You have been married 30 years and kept your vows. He did not. You are allowed divorce and allowed to remarry if you so choose. A person can only change their sinful ways through Jesus Christ. Has he done that? You know what you already must do and you came to this board for affirmation. Now you have it.

 

Hope this helps,

C'ya bye!

[carhill]

OP, assuming your children are adults, IMO enough is enough. You know how toxic this M has been for you. I see it in your postings. Tell me, what is your biggest fear if you end it tomorrow? Fear is your obstacle. Define it and conquer it. Life is short.

[Montclair0011]

I'm a non-believer, but I was in a long-term abusive marriage and I urge you to get out. It's toxic and will destroy you. God does not have to enter in to the picture, but reality does. This guy treats you horrible and you have to stop letting him do that to you. Any religion that makes you feel you need to work it out with someone like that does not deserve to have members. He's not going to change.

 

You don't need this guy and you deserve soooooooo much better. Get yourself some happiness before it's too late. Your pain just emanates off the page in every word.

 

You sound so frightened at being without him, and I know how that can feel. But believe me, you will feel soooo much better if you cut him out, divorce him and move on. Work on getting yourself another job (I know how hard that is too because I got laid off too) and standing on your own two feet as you have had to do through this.

 

And then get yourself some mental health counselling. You seem to suffer from lack of self-esteem and confidence. You have a good chance of finding someone better, but better to be alone than with this guy.

 

I know it's hard to date when you have been with one person for so long and you are older. But life is an adventure, and you are a tough cookie and you need to try. Kick this guy to the curb. We will all applaud. If God exists than he will approve too.

[sillyheart]

It's more than clear that this guy does not love you. Just by reading your post I know this. Sometimes, you need someone else to see it from the outside, because one can become too blinded by what they feel (love, neediness, sadness, etc.) that they can't see it for themselves. He doesn't love you.

[felecia]

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I also would like to take the time to tell you guys to forgive me for my typos and spelling. I was in a hurry and wanted to get this done before I left. I am in school now trying to get my degree in office assistant. So far, I am doing ok. I feel so blessed I have found this place as well as another christian site.Thank you all.I will be back to post more later.